How to Understand Men
Contributor(s): Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist from Los Angeles, California. He received his master’s degree in psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individual clients and couples to help them improve their relationships. Together with his wife, Talia Wagner, he wrote the book Married Roommates.
Number of sources used in this article: 7. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.
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If you are serious about learning to understand men, you should first realize the main thing: men and women are from the same planet. Although scientific research has revealed some differences between men and women, women and men are much more alike than the myths that surround them. If you want to understand men better, it is important to consider both the similarities between men and women and the differences, but also to remember that each man is a unique individual with his own hopes and needs.
- Support a man in his passion for competitive hobbies. You’ll notice that many stereotypical male hobbies (video games, sports, including extreme sports) are built on a competitive spirit. Since it is important for men to win in competition, you should encourage a man’s activities that allow him to get what he needs in a relatively safe environment.
- Don’t be offended if a man looks at other women. Increased attention to visual stimuli means that a man can look (including at length) at beautiful people. Don’t second-guess what’s not there: if a man is looking at a woman in a deep-cut blouse, it doesn’t automatically mean he wants to have sex with her. These brief glances are usually harmless and are more of a reflex than a sign of wanting another relationship.
- Don’t punish a man for these differences and don’t complain that he never listens to you. If you really want a man to participate in a discussion of an important topic, phrase the question or sentence in a way that allows him to make an effort to focus. For example, “I need to talk to you about this, and I’d really appreciate it if you could listen to me carefully.” If the man cares about you, he will try to participate actively in the conversation.
- Be prepared to receive in response an option to solve the problem. Another feature of the male communication style is that men are focused on finding a solution to the problem. If you want a man to just listen to you and support you, rather than tell you how you can solve the problem, tell him that at the beginning of the conversation. Remember that he is trying to find a solution because you are important to him and because that is the purpose of the conversation. He is not trying to tell you what to do.
Allen Wagner is a licensed family and marriage therapist from Los Angeles, California. He received his master’s degree in psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individual clients and couples to help them improve their relationships. With his wife, Talia Wagner, he wrote the book Married Roommates.
Notice the moments when your partner tries to communicate with you the way you want. Family therapist Allen Wagner notes: “If a person tries something new (like saying compliments) and you interrupt them because you don’t think the compliment is good enough, you’ll never get what you’re hoping for. It’s back to square one. But if you acknowledge the man’s attempt and thank him for it (“Thank you for your words”), he will enjoy saying compliments and will try to do it again.”
How to understand a man’s psychology: the differences between a man and a woman
Copywriter with a degree in psychology. Can’t get past articles about how our brains work.
Expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. For 8 years I save “family units” from collapse. I help couples regain love and understanding.
Once again I wonder how to understand a man and how much truth in the statement “men are from Mars, women from Venus”? It’s no secret that people of different genders are different from each other. And some women still wonder how to understand a man. Some argue that it’s impossible, and it’s not even worth trying. How things really are?
Far from one man complaining: “she does not understand me. And in response from women says: “and who can understand the guy? It may seem surprising to some, but understanding between the sexes – it is possible. Even despite the obvious differences.
Are men any different?
Men and women perceive reality differently-it’s scientifically proven. Their brains have differences in activity and process information differently. They’re just organized very differently. No wonder there are misunderstandings between the two sexes. Awareness of the existence of clear differences is the number one item in the short guide called “How to understand a man”.
Many women complain to their men that they don’t communicate well. In fact, unlike them, men often have problems with the expression of emotions. They are taught since childhood to suppress them. As a result, if the female sex can immediately express joy or sadness, the male in this regard, a few stunted. But almost always the male gender is better able to navigate.
The key to understanding guys is realizing that they think differently than women. Instead of talking, they more often prefer action. Women like to trust, they are more likely to want to deal with their own problems. Men are less adept at petty intrigue, they are not able to hear people as well as the female sex.
If you take this into account, it will be easier to communicate with a man. It is good to tell him directly what a woman is thinking and not to make disguised suggestions – they can be incomprehensible to him. Every man will certainly appreciate openness and sincerity.
The hot spot in a relationship between a man and a woman is usually a mismatch in the matter of expressing feelings. Women usually want verbal declarations in romantic gestures. A lot of men have trouble meeting those expectations. As a result, it comes to conflicts.
Instead of blaming him for not buying flowers, you should pay attention to the fact that he cleaned the apartment. Or maybe he takes his girlfriend’s dog for a walk every night. These are his ways of expressing his feelings!
You do not have to break your head over how to understand a man – you just need to remember these features, and you do not need to understand much. And on some obscure points you should turn a blind eye.
Why do men sometimes behave like children? How is it possible that they can drop a tear only in isolated cases, and express their emotions dryly and somehow veiled? These secrets are men’s biggest secrets!
Why once upon a time did the biblical David get involved with the mighty Goliath? In men lies an eternal longing for danger and a dream of great victory. Adventures help them satisfy these desires and get to know themselves better. So it’s worth remembering that from time to time he needs to go hiking with friends and jumping on a bike into cacti more than spending a luxurious vacation.
It’s no coincidence that people have more boys than girls: it’s a statistical fact. That’s the way nature intended it, and she doesn’t do anything for nothing. In the process of evolution, more males have always died because of the riskiness of their occupations, they died on the hunt, in extreme conditions, because of an innate craving for adventure in the world men continue to die in higher numbers than women every year.
The latter are more cautious and cautious: they are built and think somewhat differently. As a result, by a certain age, the number of males and females is equalized. Evolution weeds out a certain number of men, and the most adaptable remain.
Men love roundness! Already for cavemen a round female ass was a sexy lure. We don’t even have to remember how attracted men are to a woman’s breasts! Little has changed since prehistoric times. It is a manifestation of a deep instinct. Men today enjoy looking at women’s curves, and their favorite sporting disciplines are those involving balls.
A mountain of dirty dishes, an open tube of toothpaste, scattered clothes and dirty socks in the corner of the room – many men don’t even see it! But woe betide the man who changes at least one album in their alphabetical order of a consecutive set of rock music CDs!
This paradox also has its origins in the Stone Age, when the game was the prey of the man, and today it is discs of music or computer games, which the owner is proud to show guests. And the rest? The rest can drown in chaos!
While women are happy to remember sometimes their former fleeting lovers, men prefer to forget about quick hookups as soon as possible. It is possible to understand an ex-male, this behavior is caused by instinct: the male sex seeks to find more new partners, while women change partners in search of quality, evaluating them from this point of view, rather than in terms of quantity.
Porsche remains unbeatable even if the manufacturer’s income falls. Men love a fast pace, whether in bed or on the highway. This love of speed is due to the high levels of testosterone in the male body. In addition, male individuals are naively convinced that fast cars are liked by women.
Men spend an average of 2 minutes on daily hygiene and 23 minutes on household chores. They are also professionally employed women who do children, cleaning, cooking, and shopping. They spend an average of 2 hours each day on all these activities. Men are only able to work when there is an incentive to win some kind of trophy. If there is no reward, the husband will gladly indulge in an innate tendency toward laziness and quickly degenerate.
As men think, lush hair is a symbol of youth and a sign of good genes. The fight against hair loss is as old as medicine itself. As early as 4,000 years ago, the Egyptians went as far as rubbing special olive blends into the scalp with a decoction of animal paws. Today, men can spend a lot of money on the latest measures to prevent baldness or even go through a hair transplant procedure.
A slight cough is already a pneumonia for him. A headache is a sign of a brain tumor. A man never suffers from minor causes! His body can be compared to a car engine.
If something is wrong, further normal functioning becomes impossible, and, as a rule, a minor “malfunction” ends in complete failure. However, about his body men do not want to take care of as well as the car. A visit to the doctor’s office is not in his plans! Better to play the drama at home, demanding compassion and nursing care from his partner.
For more on why a guy acts like a girl and whether there is a reasonable explanation, see our article further on the link.
The peacock displays beautiful feathers, the deer roars, the flamingo performs a courtship dance – each animal species has its own methods of impressing the female. How do men do it? Nowadays, the role of bait has largely been taken over by modern gadgets, with the help of which males try to attract the attention of others. These are, for example, cell phones, cars.
Men do not have time to waste on little things, they certainly strive straight to the goal. So don’t expect a salad or a light snack to be enough for them. For them, a real meal is one that effectively satisfies their hunger, a Happy meal set or a beautifully baked huge pizza with double portions of cheese.
Men like to make acquaintances and friendships. They often go out with friends to drink beer, watch matches together, and go play cards or billiards. They have their own, masculine rituals that they are so fond of cultivating. Don’t be offended when a partner states that they go to men’s meetings, accentuating the word “masculine.”
The apartment is not yet fully decorated, and he already wants to look for another? Apparently, men can never acclimatize a hundred percent in one place. Since childhood they dream of heroic deeds. When life becomes too gray, a man’s imagination begins to present him with scenarios of adventure.
However, there is no reason to worry when a loved one will light up from time to time with some crazy idea. As a rule, he doesn’t think at all seriously about his projects, just wants to dream a little.
The partner suddenly starts planning to buy an expensive sports car, pays more and more attention to young blondes and spends more and more time in front of the mirror? The reason for this behavior is a drop in testosterone levels after the age of forty.
The man is less likely to want to frolic in bed, and his muscles are not as strong as they were a few years ago. This situation is difficult to accept, so he tries at all costs to prove that nothing has changed. What’s the advice for women? Lure your partners into the bedroom more often. Sex increases not only testosterone levels, but also confidence.
Orientation to the terrain.
Men actually have a much more developed sense of terrain orientation than their partners. Men move more easily by the maps they draw in their heads. Strange, however, is the fact that despite excellent orienteering, many are almost always late for their arranged meeting.
Men love a fast pace, and this also applies to sex. Long foreplay is not among the things men love most. They are more oriented toward quick success. Any other questions about this?
Does the man you love install antivirus software on your girlfriend’s laptop and surprise her with a camera for her birthday? That’s exactly how the modern day knight behaves! Subconsciously, every loving man feels responsible for his partner’s well-being.
Since he can’t save her from trouble at any time of the day or night, he tries to endow her with the proper tools and knowledge, so that if necessary she can handle herself. Another gift in the form of a new phone or headphones for the computer is worth accepting with gratitude: he wants to be a knight!
Do not interpret his silence as proof of a lack of feelings. Your partner’s silence can be explained from a medical point of view. While the men for the speech is responsible for the left hemisphere of the brain, women are responsible for it in both hemispheres.
That is why girls begin to speak faster than boys, they also have a wider vocabulary. Adult women use on average 23,000 words a day, while men can say half that number.
Real men don’t cry? What if they secretly do? The truth is that even the staunchest men can drop a tear in public. A good example here would be losing a game of your favorite team or melodrama in a movie, breaking up with your beloved. A man’s tears, unlike a woman’s, express more than any words.
The appearance of a child often means a crisis for a man. Suddenly he has to grow up and give up many habits. A child, however, is an occasion of great pride for a man, is proof of his masculinity.
Men are characterized by the ease in remembering numbers, but, of course, only if they are important to them. We are not talking about the dates of friends’ birthdays, dating anniversaries or the date of their first date. They are more willing to remember numbers like the results of soccer games or car engine parameters.
In order not to cause these facts, you should just acknowledge their existence with indulgence. Such are men and their nature, and they did not choose these features.
And why men use and which girls fall into the danger group, we read in our next article further down the link.