Loves or uses?
It often happens that a man is unable to adequately assess the woman’s attitude towards him: does she love him or is she just using him? And make a mistake here can not – a mistake can be expensive. In fact, to determine this is quite simple. We just need to learn a few signs of behavior that a woman loves differs from a woman uses.
| Relationship area | Loves | Uses |
| Commitment, Agreements | A loving woman tries to honor all of your agreements because she respects you and values her relationship with you. In the case of their violation – is able to see your fault (and, sometimes, even tend to exaggerate it). By the way, she will demand the same from you. | Woman using lives by the principle of “I do not owe you anything, if something does not suit you – goodbye. Which, in principle, logical: she lives for herself, and your interests are of the utmost importance to her. Her goal is to make herself happy, not the two of you. Why would she respect the interests of someone she’ll leave as soon as she finds a bigger fish to fry? But she’s going to demand that you fulfill your obligations with a lot of rage. And the excuse she has – exactly one: “I’m a woman, so I should be! To the question: “Who is supposed to?” – she starts talking nonsense. For one simple reason: it’s no one put it, it’s her whim. |
| Quarrels | In the heat of passion, even a loving woman can use words like “jerk”, “freak” and the like. But she will never disparage your manhood. Humiliating you as a man for her is tantamount to humiliating herself, so she will not allow it, no matter how angry she is at you. | A woman who uses you loves to hurt your feelings (“What kind of a man are you if you can’t do this and this”). Your masculinity is her number one target. She takes pleasure in humiliating you, letting you know that you are nothing. |
| Attitude towards other men. | Trying to avoid talking to other men: the value of your relationship to her is so much higher that she can let fleeting acquaintances interfere with them. | Makes new acquaintances and communicates with men with great pleasure. After all, her goal is to squeeze you to the max and move on to another, fresh and un squeezed. And for her it will be better to find one before she breaks up with you. |
| Sex | A woman who loves you sees sex solely as the closest point in your relationship. She wants you just as much as you want her (and even more – emotions and sex are more connected in women than in men). | A woman who uses you views sex solely as a currency with which she pays you for certain benefits, both tangible and intangible. Therefore she behaves accordingly: if you fulfill a whim, well done, you will have sex, if you don’t fulfill it, you will be punished and go without sex. But, no matter how you slice it, she needs sex physiologically. So what she didn’t “shag” with you, she’s probably secretly “shagging” with someone else. |
These are probably the most easily discernible signs of whether a woman loves you or is using you. By the way, it would be nice to listen to your intuition (yes, men have it too): Are you comfortable with this woman? Do not you feel your male self oppressed? And if something is wrong – that’s a reason to look at your relationship with a sober eye. It’s possible that they don’t bode well for you.
Loves or uses: how to figure it out
If a man can not understand whether he loves or uses , there are only two options: either he has a serious problem with self-esteem, or loved one gives real cause for doubt. Before digging into the motivation of his chosen one, let’s talk about what the verb “use” means in the concept of men and women in principle. We think differently!
When men “use” women who love them
Most girls and women honestly think that men can use them for sex. Of course, it happens, and (in short-sighted young people gaining sexual experience), however, sex – a voluntary thing! If a man says that a woman uses it to meet their physiological needs, all at once becomes ridiculous, but why? The conclusion is as silly as the wording of the question: according to these women, only men need sex. It turns out that women themselves do not get any pleasure from it, and in general – are the sacrifice, agreeing to intimacy, but for what? The answer is simple: for a relationship and stability, but it is a relationship that he does not offer!
How to understand in this situation, you use or love? And there is nothing to understand! No one is using anyone, you just have – a free relationship, but it suits only guy. Girl does not want freedom, however, the intimacy has already happened, and to tell the guy that sex will only happen after marriage is irrelevant.
If you have another, more mature reason for doubt, read on.
When women “use” men who love them
Every second man who is slightly richer than a poor student or foreign guest worker periodically wonders if they love him, or use him financially. The question here is more tricky than in the case of women who reproach men with sex. Here it could be anything: girls really are different.
Love or profit.
It happens that in a relationship one person has something to gain and doesn’t give it up, but can it be said unequivocally in such a case that he is using the one who loves him? Probably not.
Imagine the situation: a well-to-do girl loves a guy with more modest means, and after a short meeting he moves in with her. Why does he do that? It’s not difficult to understand: because of the convenience. He already has an apartment to live in. Does it make sense to go to rented places? In the meantime, the girl wonders if the man she loves is using her. Could it be that he is living with her just for the apartment?
This is just an example. Situations are different, but you get the point. Might as well consider another case where the woman’s quality of life has improved significantly with the advent of men. The only thing that can be said unambiguously is that the one who has more opportunities for sure does not use his loved one. To understand how things really are, you can do in two ways, namely, to check feelings or observe your loved one more carefully.
Checking feelings
If you feel you are being taken advantage of, you can take away in a delicate way what you think is the probable reason for the person’s relationship with you. You don’t have to show all your cards – you’ll be offended. You can think of a plausible reason why you can’t live in your apartment temporarily (without specifying a time limit) or why the girl will remain, again, temporarily without material support from the man. If after this the attitude toward you will change for the worse, then, alas, you really were used.
Observation .
To understand whether you are loved or used, do not ask about it outright. Words are words, but what matters to you are actions. If the person uses you, most likely he has no long plans for you, so he behaves as follows:
- Does not introduce you to friends and relatives;
- Talks about a joint future vaguely, and even then, after you talk about it by yourself;
- Not interested in your problems and state of mind;
- In the relationship is not invested financially or emotionally;
- Take advantage of your opportunities to the fullest, offering nothing in return.
There is another very true sign . A man who takes advantage of someone who loves him is willing to put up with a lot, but it’s not even a sacrifice on his part. Have you ever noticed the behavior of women who put up with the antics of their well-to-do, but blatantly uncultured husband? He can throw tantrums at her – she is not touched by it. He can criticize her appearance – she does not care, because he is not the one she wants to impress, and yet he can be jealous of her, and she will defend herself, but will not stand up. Why is that? The fact is that you can only be offended by someone you love. At the “blank”, which in this case is a man, do not pay attention. In the priority is not a respectful relationship, and the benefits, so it is better not to make him angry. So you can treat a nasty boss, on which depends the salary and vacation pay, but not to the beloved husband or wife …
Of course, you should not check your loved one in such a way, but if you clearly understand that all of the above is your case, we have bad news for you.
Why did you come to this page? Are you afraid you’re being used? We suggest chatting about it in the comments.
