Love of a married woman to a married man

You love a married man – what to do in this situation

“A married man doesn’t need a wife, he already has one at home,” said a popular psychologist. You know, here’s a very short article about that – about feelings for a married man. However, it is worth reading further to find out how it is and what the consequences are.

It is unlikely that a happy girl will ask this question, “How do I steal a man out of my family, because I want to create my own with him?” By the time the relationship with a married man passes, let’s say, 365 days, the psyche will be in “frayed” status.

Understanding yourself, this man, and your true needs tends to zero. And… where’s the happiness in that? And often women worry about this very thing – how to get out of the painful triangle “wife – husband – mistress” and stop losing vital energy.

The point of loving a married man

“Mama, I love a married man!” – is only sung playfully in the song. In reality, it’s not such a good game. The main strategy is waiting. The goal: wait for rare encounters. Once a month, once every two weeks, once a week. What needs close these forbidden meetings?

For women – the need for love, protection, care. For the man – in general, too. He wants to feel loved. After all, love and care give him protection, a kind of respite from society. There is something that is impossible in a relationship with his wife. To feel loved. Still strong, still young, still meaningful. Unable to talk about anything.

And then she comes along. Someone with whom it’s possible. Things can even be good in the family. And then most of the man stays with his wife. And only the part that’s looking for closure gets the mistress.

The one with whom there is a perpetual candy and bouquet period and zero dirty socks, seems perfect. And the illusion that “if it weren’t for the wife, small children and other reasons, we would have been together a long time ago” blossoms lushly.

Well, no. There are times, of course, when people have outlived their previous relationship, but more often than not, that’s not the case.

And the mistress-husband relationship is a derivative of the husband-wife relationship. Without that husband-wife relationship, there would be no husband-mistress relationship. A man on the side “gets” what he didn’t get in his family, in his relationship with his spouse. And no wonder – when the family union falls apart, the relationship with the mistress, it happens, come to naught, too.

Relationships with a Married Man

And the scathing expression “The mistress is a relationship crutch” quickly brings back to reality. So, any adultery is a way to communicate something important to your partner. And while it’s impossible to get that message across, there’s a way to keep the relationship alive. In the form of adultery. And the one who loves the married man fulfills her function here.

Why is it “necessary” to fall in love with a married man, since “there are so many single guys”? It’s all logical. A married man has a lot of emotional, relational experience. He knows how to love, care, and support. And very attractive in that, unlike a selfish, cold, single man.

Who is the one who loves a married man? It is not uncommon for a young, full of energy girl to fall in love. She is a little naive, fuels by her energy and believes a lot. And if she sees the married man as a father, she dreams of warmth and tenderness and wants to be around him. She longs to have the married (“daddy”) under her wing. In this case, there is the living out of a childhood traumatic experience. And the man is flattered to take care of his “daughter” and – as if they have found each other.

Or here – next to a married man can be a light copy of his wife, only younger. This is how men flee from old age and the fear of death. So there are different motives on both sides. And the motives are to love the married man, and to fall in love with the married man.


“I love a married man,” are not just words. If already and secret meetings, secret calls and correspondence went, it is also a conscious choice. Especially if the story lasts more than a year.

When you fall in love with a married man, know that the whole gamut of feelings can wait for you and the man and his spouse. There’s resentment, anger, sadness, fear, disgust.

You’re slipping into what’s called a Karpman triangle. Where victim, rescuer, stalker are tightly bound and sometimes swap places. Well, it’s a hell of a thing to live in a triangle. But it’s up to you. Hopes, fantasies, illusions that the beloved will one day leave the family and be with you are companions for the long haul.

“Everyone has pretty pictures from their wedding, and I will too,” you think. As long as the encounters are forbidden, fleeting, and involve risk – you want them. And then even the scheduled risk ceases to cheer you up and threatens to mental irritation.

What’s not enough in such a relationship? Love is enough, but with responsibility – poor. No responsibility – and fight, there is no need to figure out the relationship. From the beginning you knew what you were getting into. In order for the relationship to get stronger, to establish itself, there must be crises. And crises, in turn, imply a clarification of relations, and this includes fighting. And it turns out that it does not work out well. The relationship is unstable.

What does a married man get out of such a relationship? With a minimum of responsibility, there is practically “sex without boundaries,” which in a family with all its conventions and rules, is sometimes difficult to obtain. Adoration on the part of the partner, especially at first. He is welcome by definition. That he pays attention, comes over, smiles. Even once every two weeks. Always welcome.

And this once again confirms its importance, not bad. In general, all these activities work on the self-esteem of a married man. And this fairy state of confidence, if it is difficult with internal supports and used to look for them outward, drags.

What are the dangers of loving a married man

If you’ve already moved into “mistress” status, it’s not out of the question that you’re with someone who is “both ours and yours.” Easy to cheat – well, his wife, at least, for sure. Manipulates – comes up with “interesting” explanations, and you believe it. Casting the hook more often with new bait – he is excellent at it. You guess at this skill, but you practice self-deception.

The constant uncertainty and ambiguity in the relationship knocks the ground out from under you. And the underlying awareness that you destroy the family – no good. And the more sensitive ones are morally ready and quietly awaiting punishment from on high.

Interestingly, over time you yourself become jealous of your married lover’s spouse. Belonging entirely to you is not yet in his natal chart. And you don’t have much experience with married people yet, so you suffer.

All of the above are not vitamins for the psyche. The state of uncertainty for several long days, months, years leads to a nervous breakdown. And often women who are in such love relationships with married men go to an astrologer, psychologist, psychotherapist, wherever.

They attend different trainings, looking for a way out of a dead end. Demonstrate their confusion, uncertainty and have already regretted a thousand times that they were too carried away by romance. And the legend that love for a married man, like all love, pleases the butterflies in the stomach is already annoying.

What advice could you give to others to warn them against making mistakes? Maybe don’t go deep? Or don’t open that Pandora’s box at all – love a married man. So as not to get lost in the proverbial love triangle like the Bermuda Triangle.

What would help? Oddly enough, a period of singleness in your life. Take time out. Better for a year, much? It’s times like this when it’s clear who is who. You understand a lot about yourself, you begin to understand the undercurrents of true desires. Another thing is that it’s hard to stand this loneliness. And you want to latch on to someone, to fall in love, to become closer, to immerse yourself. Even a married man. Take your time.

The relationship between a married woman and a married man

Author: Jeanne Mulishina Practical psychologist and consultant on problematic family relationships, personal dissatisfaction and more.

Love quadrilateral: the causes and prospects for its development. The article will give recommendations on how to eliminate this phenomenon, if it began to destroy personal relationships among the participants of such a life cataclysm.

The main reasons for the connection between unmarried people

This kind of relationship implies the treason of not one of the partners, but two at once. Consequently, the delicacy of the situation becomes much more tangible than in a classic love triangle.

To add up a voiced intimate geometric figure can for a variety of reasons, but psychologists distinguish among them five main factors-provocateurs:

    Family routine . Especially this point applies to couples who have a solid period of cohabitation. None of the partners thinks about divorce, so they look for a lover on the side with a minimal package of requirements. In this case, people who already have their other half are ideal for each other.

Pay attention! There are many reasons for the emergence of a love quadrilateral, from which no couple is immune. However, in a family where there is trust and respect for each other, this situation is extremely rare.

Varieties of couples created from married and married

In this case, a clear distinction should be made between the formed ties on the side, when both cheaters are not free. An affair between a married man and a married woman can often be characterized according to the following scheme:

    An unencumbered consensual relationship . No one in this couple owes anyone or anything, which is stipulated by both parties initially. There is usually little romance in such a relationship, but this kind of spending time together does not strain anyone. The main thing in this case for people with the voiced model of behavior is conspiracy, which gives additional spice to secret meetings.

Prospects for the relationship between a married man and a married woman

A love affair of this kind can end both peacefully and with problems for all participants in the events taking place. In most cases, an intimate quadrilateral has an ending that is often expected for almost all affected parties:

    Destruction of all families . If one of the lovers decides to change his life and start a new relationship with a secret partner, it automatically affects his other half as well. In very rare cases, everyone is happy with such a verdict, because there will always be a person who has been mentally traumatized.

Important! Destroy the old – easy, but to build on its ruins of the new becomes in most cases a difficult process. It should carefully consider all the possible consequences of their behavior, so as not to remain at the bottom of the barrel and with no prospects for family happiness in the future.

Love quadrilateral: options for getting out of the maze

The desire to dot all the “I “s and break an unnecessary relationship can arise from one of the partners, as well as from both participants in the melodrama that arose. In the second case, everything will happen quickly and painlessly for all actors in the soap opera. Worse is the case when one of the secret partners wants to be free of unnecessary to him anymore relationships, and the second is categorically against such a decision.

Acting on their own to break the existing relationship

In some cases, the man himself is able to get out of a vicious circle, which he created for himself. If one of the main participants of the love quadrilateral firmly decided to end the extramarital affair, he should take the following measures:

    End interpersonal contact . It is always easier said than done. However, sometimes it is better to break off relations with a partner completely than to indulge in unfounded illusions for a long time. Extreme caution should be exercised, provided that the lover is a nervous and hysterical person. Such subjects out of revenge are ready, even with their own family, to significantly harm the relatives of the initiator of the separation.

Tips from psychologists on the way out of the love quadrilateral

Specialists have not ignored the voiced problem, because quite a large number of people are faced with it. As an aid to the troublemakers who seek to break up a relationship on the side, they have developed a number of recommendations of the following plan:

    Determining with choice . Fumbling in this case with the thoughts of “need – will it solve itself – can wait” is the worst of all evils in this situation. Psychologists advise to clearly set all priorities in order to cut the Gordian knot as quickly as possible.

The psychology of the relationship between a married man and a married woman is a delicate relationship that requires a serious attitude. A man always has the right to decide his own fate, but you can not take advantage of other people. In order not to become a toy in the hands of others in the future, it is necessary to avoid the possibility of becoming a manipulator himself in relation to the sexually attractive object in the marriage.

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