Love for a man: in general terms

What is love: 10 signs of true love

For centuries, people have been trying to understand what love is, because everyone has at least once encountered this inexplicable feeling that fundamentally changed their lives. But even today, despite centuries of searching, there is no unambiguous and generally accepted interpretation of this concept. Nevertheless, we will try to give the most accurate definition, consider the 10 main features of love, and thus get as close as possible to a true understanding of what love is. Let’s begin.

What is love?

Love is a lasting and strong sense of affection, which implies sympathy for the person, the desire to be near and experience joint emotions, as well as make you happy.

Everyone who has experienced this feeling knows that love implies the strongest affection. A person in love simply cannot imagine life without the one for whom he or she has romantic feelings. Interestingly, even today psychologists and other scientists cannot unequivocally explain the nature of love and the mechanisms of its emergence.

In analyzing the nature of love, psychology considers three key manifestations of this feeling:

  1. The Inner Drug . Our sense of well-being and mood is determined by a complex set of chemicals that can affect our nerve cells. The states of love and falling in love produce powerful releases of substances that make a person happy. It is as if the nervous system is giving us a clue: “There he is! You feel good when he’s around. Remember this!”
  2. Nervous Illness . Despite the rush of energy, a person in love has difficulty concentrating, his memory deteriorates, and his actions often become illogical. The brain functions in an unnatural way, not allowing the person to fully control their own actions.
  3. Habit . The riot of hormones and neurotransmitters eventually subsides. But by this point, people remember who they feel good with, so they continue to love each other, but in a quieter and more balanced way. At the same time, they begin to act rationally again, and mutual feelings no longer interfere with their work and other important matters.

10 Signs of True Love

Love is a complex complex feeling that is not always noble and unselfish. Often people call love selfish possessive feelings, the desire to possess a person or the desire to get the prettiest girl that all classmates were in love with. Real love, on the other hand, is completely devoid of selfishness. The person in love feels responsibility to the loved one, the desire to help him in every way, to develop for him and protect him. To get the most accurate picture of true love, let’s look at the 10 signs of true love:

  1. Caring . The first sign of true love is being attentive to your loved one’s needs, wanting to protect them and improve their quality of life.
  2. Unselfishness . True love does not allow selfishness. A loving person gives feelings and care freely, without paying attention to who is more invested in this relationship.
  3. Responsibility . The person in love voluntarily makes certain commitments, giving up certain opportunities for the sake of the loved one.
  4. Freedom . True love will not allow one’s freedom to be taken away from him or her. Jealousy and selfishness should not be allowed, as they can destroy any feelings.
  5. Trust . Love without complete trust is impossible. Any petty suspicions accumulate, gradually destroying feelings.
  6. Respect . True love makes you respect the views of the person you love, accepting even non-obvious and incomprehensible arguments.
  7. Intimacy . People in love grow closer in every way. They become close emotionally, intellectually and physically, sharing interests and tastes, combining habits.
  8. Development . Love motivates change and improvement. A person in love does not “launch” themselves, but constantly strives to develop in order to become better and be able to give the one they love more.
  9. Awareness . A person in love should clearly understand what they are ready to do for their beloved, so they don’t commit impulsive and irresponsible actions or make unrealizable promises.
  10. Change . Love is always in flux because it involves two people with changing interests, ambitions and desires. Therefore, true love is never afraid of change and does not resist it.

How is love different from falling in love?

There are thousands of works in world literature that describe the one and only love for life. In reality, it’s a little more complicated than that. Almost everyone has experienced romantic feelings for the first time in school, but then bound his life with an entirely different person. This can be explained by the fact that people are inexperienced in their youth and often perceive their first crush as love.

What is infatuation and how does it differ from true love? It is a strong liking that usually occurs in adolescents and young people who do not yet have experience in a personal relationship. When they look at the person they like from the outside, they create in their imagination an idealized image that does not correspond to reality. When a relationship develops, the perfect image crumbles and the feelings fade away.

An important characteristic of love is the desire to take care of a person, to give him all kinds of benefits and provide emotional comfort. And while falling in love is not a selfish feeling, it implies mainly a desire to spend time with a person rather than live for their sake.

The difference between love and falling in love is best described by a Chinese proverb: “Falling in love is when you pick and carry away the flower you like. Love is when you bring water every day to water it.

Love is different from falling in love because it is conscious. A person in love doesn’t need an ideal and is willing to put up with flaws. True love “matures” much longer than falling in love, but it is almost impossible to destroy it by petty misunderstandings. We are ready to forgive the person we love more than we forgive ourselves.

Falling in love makes a person idealize the object of his affection, which is why it often causes unhappy marriages. Young guys and girls, when they fall in love, do not see the disadvantages in their chosen ones. They hurriedly create a family, believing that they have already met the love of their lives. But living together very quickly sobered them up, and they realize that they are strangers to each other.

True love also changes. Passion and romance pass, but the couple still retains affection, respect, and other important feelings. The so-called “maturation of the relationship” takes place. In this case, the desire to be together remains, friendship and mutual affection strengthens, and the couple has no doubts that they have correctly chosen with whom to create a family.

Famous psychologists about love

Many psychologists have researched and described this feeling in detail in their works. To better understand what love is, it is worth familiarizing yourself with some interesting thoughts of prominent authors.

Robert Sternberg (American professor of psychology) identified three main components without which love cannot exist: passion, attraction and responsibility.

Arthur Petrovsky (a Soviet and Russian psychologist) said that people in love must be passionate about each other, and sincere feelings are always clearly visible from the outside. He argued that love cannot exist in the presence of even the slightest distrust. He also believed that in order for love to exist, actions were necessary and that feelings alone were not enough.

Erich Fromm (German sociologist and psychoanalyst of the mid-twentieth century) called love a mutually beneficial commercial union. He believed that lovers should be fully committed to love, giving the maximum to the partner and receiving the maximum in return. And if this approach to the relationship is reciprocal, then the marriage union will be successful, even when the initial passion fades away. Otherwise, love can immediately be considered a failure.

Harry Sullivan (an American psychologist of the early 20th century) believed that true love can only be spoken of when the lover exalts the loved one’s interests over his own.

John Gottman (American psychologist) suggested that one of the worst manifestations of love is the idealization of a partner. True love never blinds one’s eyes and does not prevent one from seeing the faults of the person one loves.

Henry Dix (British psychologist of the mid-20th century and founder of psychoanalytic marital therapy) argued that only indifference can permanently and irrevocably kill love.

Esther Perel (a psychotherapist from Belgium and a regular participant in TED conferences) says that in order to preserve love, it is always important to maintain a sense of self-worth.

Note that in these examples psychologists talk about love as an experience, but make no mention of the physiological aspects of this feeling. At the same time from the scientific point of view love is a purely physiological process. The attachment to the person is formed and fixed by the allocation of special chemicals in the brain, delivering pleasure and other sensations.

The 7 stages of love

A romantic relationship based on true love usually involves 7 stages of development:

  1. The confetti-bouquet period . At this stage, it is difficult to distinguish between love and falling in love. Two people are happy and try in every possible way to please each other. Their perception is distorted by raging hormones and neurotransmitters, so they idealize their partner. They strive to spend maximum time together and make love at every opportunity.
  2. Addiction . At a certain point, lovers become satiated with each other. Their bodies are tired of raging hormones and constant sex, and they want to rest and sleep. At the same time they start to notice each other’s shortcomings for the first time. Passion subsides, and the relationship becomes calmer and more adequate.
  3. Approaching . According to psychologists, this is the stage that determines how successful the relationship will be. Lovers begin to scrutinize and critically analyze each other’s shortcomings, deciding how acceptable they are to them. At this stage there are often conflicts, each of which can lead both to finding a compromise, and to the complete collapse of the relationship.
  4. Patience . When all the shortcomings are identified, it is time to learn to accept them. At this stage, conflicts arise much less often, because the unpleasant surprises are already over. Lovers slowly learn to respect each other and tolerate flaws.
  5. Convergence . The partners are getting closer, finally shedding their masks. The reached level of trust makes it possible not to be ashamed of shortcomings. At the same time, the loved one is perceived as the only one with whom it is possible to be completely frank.
  6. Friendship . Now the lovers have fully explored each other, they have no misunderstandings or secrets, so there is a real sense of friendship between them that reinforces love.
  7. True love . Only now that there is complete understanding between the partners and a strong friendship has been formed can we talk about true love. If a couple marries after going through all 7 stages, they have every chance of creating a strong family for life.

Conclusion

Understanding what love is has been tried by scientists, philosophers, and ordinary people throughout human history. This feeling has been the most beautiful thing that man has ever known, and yet it defies all logic. Even today, in the heyday of science, it is difficult to unequivocally explain how love arises. But this does not prevent people from building bright loving relationships and creating strong families for life. The main thing is that the feelings of a couple in love correspond to all 10 signs of true love described in this article.

10 Steps to Understanding What Love is to a Man

What is love for a man: an analysis of the concept + advantages and disadvantages of love + stages of love + psychological filters + 10 questions to yourself to help you understand what love is.

What hasn’t been written about love – the brilliant, the talentless, the cheerful, the sad, and even the tragic. And how much on the theme of love sung songs, shot movies, painted pictures, created sculptures. Even wars have been fought over love: the Trojan War, described in Homer’s Iliad, began because of Paris’ love for the Beautiful Helen. So what is love for man?

Love for man: advantages and disadvantages

Speaking of love, I primarily mean love between a man and a woman. Although, there are different variants and different objects of love: mother’s/father’s love, son’s/daughter’s love, affinity love (I love my cousin because he is smart and funny!) They also say that grandparents love their grandchildren more than they love their children. These are all different forms of expressions of love for a person.

Let me start by saying that love is emotional attachment. And if “affection” means that there is already some, albeit pleasant, non-freedom. Hmm… a provocative statement. But I think everyone has experienced it firsthand. As the classic said, “I’m bored without you – I’m yawning…”

If you’re emotionally “hooked” on someone, you’re energetically dependent on them. And if that source of energy is disconnected, the person psychologically attached to him or her will begin to feel discomfort.

And now I propose to weigh in the most general terms the pros and cons that this interesting and multifaceted feeling entails: love for a person.

Advantages Disadvantages
The feeling of harmony, the satisfaction of having someone you love by your side. Emotional discomfort when the person you love is not with you.
Being able to share your joys and sorrows with the person you love, knowing they will understand you correctly. Having to share your experiences, problems, and sorrows with the person you love. Well, what can you do without it? Together in joy and in sorrow.
The pleasure of seeing the world through the eyes of a loved one. The need to choose: what is more important – your interests or desires and needs of the loved one. Let’s call it the capacity for self-sacrifice.
The joy of seeing each other after separation is an incomparable thrill. Those who have experienced it know. The strain of waiting, the hard times of separation. And the terrible grief in the case of (God forbid) loss.

Yes… It is no coincidence that Buddhists call for the abandonment of human attachments in the name of a higher truth. Love for another person makes the one who loves more vulnerable. There’s nothing we can do about that. But, as one song says, “Life without love is called hell.

And now for another comparison: the state of a person “before” and “after” realizing that he feels love for another person. Again, in the most general terms:

До After
Emotional independence. Emotional dependence. The realization that this person has an important place in your life.
The ability to build a life without looking back at anyone. For egoists, it’s perfect. Well, you will definitely have to take into account the interests and desires of the one you love. All your plans will have to take into account his/her wishes and interests.
There is no special reason to worry (except for those that concern you personally). But, agree, it is much harder (and nobler) to worry about a loved one than about yourself. Although it probably happens differently. It all depends on one’s psychological health. Of course, there are egoists, but I’m not talking about them now. Let them live for now. The whole spectrum of worries about the loved one falls on the one who loves (worries, anxieties, worries, etc.) But, on the other hand, the reward is joy when everything is fine with the loved one.

I’ll repeat: all of the above applies to loving a person in general. It’s just that the “temperature” of the boil will be different, and so will the nature of the experience. Young parents will worry about their newborn baby and rejoice in his successes. The child, as he grows older, will become more and more attached to his parents. The older sister will get used to the fact that she has a little brother, and step by step will penetrate into sisterly love for him. And vice versa. It’s the same with grandparents and grandchildren.

And now I come to the most interesting form of love, which is based on sexual attraction. Of course, it contains all of the above, but physiology or “chemistry” is mixed in with it. Whoever says what, but if on the chemical level people do not suit each other, then there can not be any full-fledged love (except platonic love).

Three stages of love on a chemical level

There are three stages of love:

  1. The “preparation” stage. In this stage, the body begins to actively produce sex hormones (testosterone in particular).
  2. The “romance” or “candy and bouquet” stage. At this time, endorphins (which are similar to opiates in their properties) are produced, leading to a certain euphoria. It is important to know that they:
    • affect a person’s emotional state;
    • reduce a person’s ability to critically perceive a sexually attractive person (e.g., to overlook flaws or even to turn them into virtues.
  3. The stage of physiological attachment, the formation of a sexually harmonious relationship.

Psychological filters of love

  1. Appearance. For example, some men are able to fall in love only with blue-eyed blondes, and some girls are willing to accept hot brunettes as an “object of love.
  2. The similarity of attitudes, similarity of worldviews. A very important moment, especially if the partners are going to build a relationship in the long term.
  3. The correspondence of the chosen one to his inner image. Some girls choose men who are like their fathers.

It is important to remember: love for a man is an unpredictable feeling. There are no general rules and patterns. It is impossible to calculate the nature of love – it is irrational, because everyone loves in his own way.

I will list the bonuses that love for another person brings to our lives:

  1. Love brings out the best in a person; it is a great way to improve oneself. In other words, it ennobles, makes a person more beautiful (even outwardly), interesting and pure.
  2. Love expands the boundaries of world perception, removes barriers, because it is a huge world that lives according to laws that are not understood by those unfortunate people who have not been given the chance to experience this feeling.
  3. Love for another person is a priceless life experience, allowing one to become wiser and stronger.
  4. Without love, life loses colors, becomes gray and boring. The fullness of life without love is impossible.
  5. Love is the best way to get rid of loneliness, increased anxiety and depression.
  6. Only through love can one understand what it is – the meaning of life.
  7. Love makes you feel needed.
  8. Love is an opportunity to create a spiritual and physical union with another person. I’m not afraid of pathos: to find a soul mate.
  9. Love is what makes a person a person. It helps a person manifest their true self, become the best version of themselves.
  10. Love gives you wings. It allows you to overcome your limitations. It is love that gives a person a sense of happiness.

Here are 10 steps to find out if you love someone or not.

Steps Description .
Step 1. Note: how much time per day you think about a particular person.
Step 2. Are you ready to drop things and rush to his/her aid if you find out that something is wrong with him/her? Or are you looking for reasons to say no and make excuses?
Step 3. If you’re faced with an “either/or” question, what will you choose? For example: career or lover, hobby or lover, friends or lover, freedom from obligations or lover?
Step 4. How often do you look at the world through your beloved’s eyes, thinking: what would he or she say about this or that? Do you have internal dialogues with him or her even when he or she isn’t around?
Step 5. Do you miss this person during forced, even brief partings?
Step 6. If this person showed up in front of you when you didn’t expect to see him or her (for example, coming to your work unexpectedly), would you be happy or uncomfortable?
Step 7. Do you dream about this person at night?
Step 8. Do you want to please him or her regardless of holidays or occasions?
Step 9. Do you like to just be quiet with him or her (during walks, for example). Is this silence comfortable or uncomfortable?
Step 10. Do you want your relationship to last as long as possible? Can you imagine life without him?

If you answer these questions in favor of this person, if you are constantly drawn to him as if by a magnet, then this is your favorite person. You’re a lucky man. It means that everything came together.

The concept of love + psychologist Sergei Romanov’s reasoning.

Stages and forms of love. How psychologists interpret the concept of love:

A story from life, what is true love for a person

One day my friend Anna found a curious note in her husband’s pocket. No, don’t think she had a bad habit of searching and sniffing through his things. Everything with them, as it seemed to her, was built on trust, love, mutual understanding. But that’s how it is: chance can sometimes confuse even the most trump cards. Anna just wanted to wash his jeans, checked his pockets for money… And here was this. The content of the “evidence” was as follows: “Anton, you forgot your toothbrush at my house.”

I will not recount what Anna had managed to scroll through her head before Anton returned from work. And then the bell rang. She, gathering her will into a fist, opened the door… Dinner passed in suspicious silence. “What happened?” – A puzzled Anton asked. Anna, not deeming it necessary to postpone the unpleasant conversation, silently handed him the note.

He changed his face: “Where did you get it?”

Anna got up and went silently into the other room. That night they slept apart. Though “slept” is an overstatement. Each was thinking about his own thing. No one saw fit to have a normal conversation and sort things out. Proud, in general, guys.

And in the morning, without saying anything to him, she drove to her mother’s. True, behind a wheel it was better for her not to sit down then: nerves, sleepless night, sedative pills, inhibiting reaction. In short, as you have already guessed, my Anka was in a traffic accident. Thank you, at least not fatally.

My husband got a call from the hospital ambulance. He rushed over, saw his wife unconscious… And when she finally opened her eyes after a while, the whole ward was covered with flowers. For the next two weeks Anton stayed at the hospital day and night. Well, except that he went away for a while to sort out problems with insurance. Well, Anya forgave him, of course. She didn’t forgive him right away, though. She loved him because she loved him. She couldn’t even imagine life without him.

So who put the note in his pocket? A fool from his work, whom he didn’t pay any attention to. So she got her revenge.

But that ill-fated evening Anya didn’t even let him explain himself. And Anton was so confused that he couldn’t even say anything intelligible…

But all the absurdity of this misunderstanding became clear later, when they realized how much they needed each other. And everything could have ended tragically.

Hence the conclusion: do not neglect your intuition, talk to each other, even in the most difficult situations and cherish the relationship while they can save it. Anna and Anton, fortunately, did.

Do you now understand what love is to a man? Live happily and love with all your heart!

Rating
( No ratings yet )
Like this post? Please share to your friends:
Leave a Reply