Is it worth it to forgive infidelity: let’s analyze in general terms

Is it worth it to forgive infidelity: let’s analyze in general terms

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What is the best course of action in a situation where a loved one is caught in infidelity: pretend that nothing serious has happened, or emotionally sever the relationship? Is it possible to forgive infidelity? Let’s try to find answers to these questions.

Cheating is a breach of fidelity to your spouse. It is a serious emotional ordeal for a couple, in its power comparable to betrayal

Infidelity affects both the man and the woman. It affects the relationship within the couple. It is normal that after the change and transform feelings, as well as become different people, escalate long overdue problems. Get out of the situation is possible – either by forgiving the other half, or by breaking off the relationship.

Infidelity – it is always painful and unpleasant. Just the thought that a loved one betrayed can remove the balance. When emotions run high, it is very difficult to control yourself.

Often people in the heat of the moment decide to break up after learning about the betrayal of a loved one. When emotions subside, many regret the offense (and that’s normal), but back to work is impossible. That’s why the question of separation should be approached with a “cool head”, putting emotions aside and quietly weighing the pros and cons.

It makes sense to forgive the betrayal, if you love the man and can not imagine life without him. Separated from your loved one, you will do even worse to yourself as you will suffer without your other half. This is human psychology!

If the offender is sincerely repenting in the offense and ready to go to any lengths, only to be forgiven, it is worth reflecting. And here’s why: everyone can be wrong. The main thing – to draw conclusions and not to step on the same “rake”.

By forgiving cheating, you get a “nice bonus” in the form of an obedient partner, ready to make any concessions for the sake of happiness together. Many people, once cheating, never betray again, begin to appreciate the relationship and love the partner even more. This is a good argument.

If you were cheated on, you should not make hasty conclusions and leave, burning bridges. It is best to calm down, hiding deep inside your emotions and deal with the problem with a cool head. It will not be easy to do, because everything will be boiling inside. Anger will be replaced by resentment, and aggression will be replaced by fear of being alone. But you should not relax; show all the fortitude of your character.

Try to get rid of the negativity. Calm down and assess the situation sensibly, and that’s why. This is the only way to make the right decision. What you will do, forgive your loved one or end the relationship, the choice is yours.

Ask yourself a few simple questions. How will you feel if you break up with your cheater? Will you find peace and happiness after the breakup or, on the contrary, you will be anxious and regret the decision? It is necessary to compare all the pros and cons of separation, to evaluate the moral damage, before you choose the only true option and give a final answer to the other half. It is important to be honest with yourself and not to overestimate your strength. And here’s why. If you never forgive the betrayal, it’s not even worth trying to save the relationship.

Even if you love your soul mate very much, but sincere apologies from the offender is not forthcoming, in this case the outcome will be sad. Even if you forgive the cheater and start from scratch, in the future the relationship will stop anyway: the loved one will leave.

If you have cheated on your husband, it is worth to give him a second chance. In this case, we are talking about family, and you can not “cut from the shoulder” in such a situation. It is possible that an emotional man will reconsider his moral standards and behavior, will draw conclusions and will no longer step on a rake called “betrayal”.

It makes sense to think hard about whether to forgive the treason of your beloved husband, if he:

  • he has stumbled only once;
  • sincerely repents of what he has done and is trying to make amends in order to save the union;
  • Carefully hides the fact of treason.

In the case, if the husband does not feel guilt after the betrayal and does not appreciate the family, to keep the relationship is not worth it. All the same over time he will go to another. That is the male psychology! So why delay, torturing each other? After all, treason and divorce can be the beginning of a new life – without betrayal.

The same can be said about the situation when the wife cheated. It makes sense to keep the relationship if there is love and respect in the couple. But one golden rule must be followed: forgive only once – no more.

When there is a child, the question of whether to forgive cheating or not is seen from a slightly different angle. In this case, the cheater can put pressure on the other half, saying that for the sake of the child it is necessary to save the family. Such arguments can not be taken into account, and here’s why. Children are comfortable in a family where parents love each other and get along. The child immediately feel falsehood and will suffer in an environment where deceit and pretense reign.

Do not forget about the financial side of things. If the husband provides full support for his wife, and after the parting of a woman will be on the street without a livelihood, you need to think a thousand times, but is it worth it to stop the relationship in this case? As mercantile as it may look, but to forgive the cheating will have to, if you are completely dependent on the man financially. This is the only possible way out of the situation in this case.

Give a chance to the other half after the betrayal is also possible when you are indifferent to each other. The presence of bright, even negative emotions – a good sign, indicating that the relationship is still possible to save. And you do not have to really love the man. There is a small chance to save the family, if you do not care about your partner. But only in this case will need to try hard to save the union.

Is it worth forgiving treason: take a decision, determining the root cause.

By education – a school psychologist. I have more than 7 years of experience in copywriting. For me copywriting is an art.

Expert – Margarita Lopukhova

Family psychologist. For 8 years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples regain love and understanding.

Falling in love, each of us becomes a little naive. Bright feelings inspire, allow you to feel a sense of flight and happiness. We want the romantic tale to last as long as possible. Unfortunately, any relationship changes over time. Hormones are to blame, and sometimes people themselves, who do not know how to take care of their love. Often we have to deal with betrayal as a result. Here there is a pressing problem – whether to forgive adultery.

  • 1 Why a man cheats
  • 2 Why a woman cheats

Perhaps everyone at least once imagined a tragic situation that would change the relationship in any case. But it is one thing to fantasize, and quite another to experience the treason of a loved one in real life. Here it is rarely possible to maintain a noble countenance of an all-forgiving deity.

Not everyone can forgive infidelity. Even if you think that strong feelings overcome all obstacles, it is not always the case. So let’s try to talk about why men and women cheat. Why? Understanding the reasons will be a good platform for deciding whether to keep or end the relationship.

Secondly, let’s figure out what are the ways you can overcome resentment and improve the climate in the couple. And, of course, let’s pay attention to the question of whether you should forgive cheating. It is important to observe the behavior of the partner, because sometimes people want to earn forgiveness only for the sake of convenience, comfort and at least some stability in life. It is a shame to admit it, but not only for the sake of love, your chosen one may beg for mercy.

Why a man cheats

There is an opinion that a man is by nature a polygamous creature. Yes, intelligent and evolved. But the animal nature and primitive instincts to keep almost impossible. It is possible to stick to such a theory, justifying a man. But we do not advise to do so categorically.

Each of us has willpower, reason and self-control. Psychologists say that in any state, even the most inebriated, a man controls his instinct to copulate with a representative of the opposite sex. The point is that if you have cheated, it means that periodically this thought ran through your mind.

Let’s look at the most common impulses that drive men to adultery.

  • The desire to try something unknown

More often than other reasons, men cite the following as the impetus for infidelity. They argue that they just wanted a little variety to the already annoying stability of the relationship. It seems that he continues to love his wife. She is a good person, a reliable shoulder. But there is no longer the former spark of passion. No butterflies in the stomach, so to speak.

Then the man begins to think that it would be interesting to try something else. He looks around and sees this picture. Friends through one have a mistress or even several girls to have fun with. At the same time, the wives are completely unsuspecting.

And then the feeling that the man is an alpha male, to whom one beloved is not enough, enters the arena. Especially provoke all the same friends and colleagues to the exploits. Every night out at the bar is inevitably accompanied by stories about their hilarious erotic adventures. A man who does not cheat on his chosen one, in this kind of conversation looks rather pale. Some will simply make up a story about adultery, while others will gladly rush after unfaithful companions.

Also, many men are looking for new and interesting dating just for the sake of dating. They have little interest in continuing relationships with ladies. A brief encounter is enough. The main thing that a male gets from such a fling is the attention of a new woman. In such a way guys just feed their self-esteem.

Especially affected by this kind of cheating relationship, which began at a very young age. Young men, and women, feel the need for comparison. They have chosen a person who suits them completely. But it’s so interesting to know what the neighbor has. Especially when you have never once in your life crossed paths in bed with someone else.

  • The spouse has no respect.

Now voice one of the most unpleasant and hurtful to women reasons for infidelity. It’s about total disrespect and belittling of his chosen one. Yes, yes, a man is not always ready to obey the bossy person. And the lady commander and so burrows to take away the right to vote.

Just think how often in our country a woman is trying to pull the blanket over himself. She seems to live with a normal man. And at one point he turns into a helpless creature, an alcoholic or simply unemployed. At this point, women often do not realize that her fault in such changes is much more than it seems at first glance.

So, should you forgive your husband’s infidelity? In some cases, where the spouse acted as an indirect motivator, it may be appropriate. Let’s imagine that a woman systematically humiliates her spouse. She regularly makes claims to him, comparing their family life with the life of acquaintances. She is not satisfied with the level of income, clothing style, decisions made, manner of speaking. In general, men call such outbursts a laconic word “nagging”.

Tormented by humiliation man for a long time hides his emotions. His self-esteem slowly sinks to the bottom. Then comes the epiphany – sex with another woman who, at least for a moment, will notice him as a real man.

  • The puzzle doesn’t add up.

Here there may be two options. The simplest and most banal – a mismatch of sexual temperaments of the partners. Perhaps a man and a woman met at a young age. At such a time, almost everyone does not deny himself the joy of sex.

From here on, people begin to turn on their worries. More often they say that wives refuse their husbands in intimacy under a variety of pretexts. And a man wants to feel like a male. His libido level and need for sex exceeds the limit set by his wife. He just finds a more active girl for intimate pleasures. With the beloved lady of the heart, he just continues to coexist harmoniously in the same territory.

The second situation is a marriage for reasons other than love. For example, men marry those who happen to get pregnant from them. After years of living together with the unloved, he accidentally meets the very one. Is it worth to forgive this kind of adultery?

It is up to you to decide. But psychologists say that the delaying of divorce is detrimental to the psyche of young children. They will grow up much happier if they feel the love of parents for themselves and mutual respect. This is much better than a full family where mom and dad hate each other.

Why would a woman cheat

A woman can cheat for the same reasons as a man. It happens often, but we will outline the peculiarities of female infidelity. By the way, according to sociological surveys, it turns out that men’s cheating – a thing more frequent than women’s. However, women themselves are not always willing to answer honestly about their personal lives, even if it is an anonymous survey.

  • A man does not pay attention

The reason for a woman’s infidelity is a lack of understanding and lost attention from her life partner. Situations can be absolutely different, but they all end the same way. Here are a few possible scenarios. If you recognize yourself, immediately begin to look for a way out. Otherwise, the relationship in your couple may come to naught in the near foreseeable future.

The first case – the man becomes a workaholic. He may not realize that he could lose his lover. Very often the head of the family decides to rush in pursuit of wealth. And the woman just wants family happiness, heart to heart conversations. After a while she is quite capable of committing adultery.

Is it worth forgiving treason, if the lady of your heart was abandoned and forgotten by you? For a man, forgiveness is not an easy process. Women are caught much less often, because their actions are more planned and thought out. If the spouse also feels his own guilt in the situation, you can try to work on the mistakes. Often the family can be saved, and the relationship returns to a period of love and passion.

The second variation of adultery due to lack of attention will be more mercenary. Unfortunately, this variation has become more and more common. This is quite strange, because now there is an upsurge in the feminist movement. Apparently, to counterbalance this, there are more lovers of living at the expense of men.

So, you may have fallen in love with a charming beauty. Your relationship has long since escalated to “serious” status. Maybe you are even married. And then it turns out that the beloved lives the most real double life. Suppose her middle name – escort.

Mademoiselle with this status earns money by meeting with wealthy gentlemen. And very often they have permanent relationships with fairly ordinary guys without much material wealth.

How to recognize such a corrupt lady of the heart? Take a closer look at her purchases. Expensive gifts from men escorts take with special pleasure. Many young men today subscribe to Telegram channels, exposing the night butterflies of the twenty-first century.

Is cheating worth forgiving if it developed in the second scenario? In response to your questions, the lady will lie that she did the dirty deeds solely for the good of your relationship. She will say that you didn’t give her any attention or expensive gifts and that she would like it very much. Don’t forgive. This category of women is difficult to change the usual way of life. And trust will be extremely difficult to return.

  • Curious Varvara

The woman is naturally curious and inquisitive. She has a special colorful imagination. This directly affects the attitude of many of the fair sex to the sexual aspect of the relationship in a couple.

It is commonly thought that women are more reserved and unpretentious in matters of intimacy. In reality, everything very much depends on her libido and sexual temperament.

Sometimes it happens that a married lady commits adultery solely out of curiosity. That is, she is not particularly interested in the very character with whom she decided to sin on the side. Much more important is the experience and the feeling.

Is it worth to forgive treason?

Is it worth it to forgive cheating if you love a man? First of all, you need to take apart and discuss the situation in detail. If you both will sneak around and hold back, the future experience will not bring positive change. On the contrary, problems will only worsen, and conflicts will occur much more often.

In this case it is very important to be frank and honest with each other. Calmly sort out the aspects of your life together that led one or both of you to cheat. Consider whether you can make new compromises and eliminate the annoying aspects.

If a decision has been made to try to move on together, remember – forgiveness means acceptance. Many couples fail to last even six months together after cheating. The fact is that the offended partner or partner regularly begins to make their claims. No one likes hearing about cheating for the rest of their life.

In what case is forgiveness dangerous for your own psychological health? If you are in a relationship with an abuser, he will not stop cheating. The fact is that such a person takes pleasure in bullying someone who loves him.

There is no need for forgiveness if your companion does not admit his guilt. This is usually expressed in mutual recriminations. He tries to shift the responsibility to you. He says that you drove him, did not love him, did not pay attention.

Do not forgive the cheater, who to the last denial of betrayal. Only after realizing that you have all the evidence in your hands, he will briefly confirm his guilt. You simply will not be able to find out the reasons and do the work on the mistakes, if there is such a clear lie in the eyes to the victory. Forgiving means not bringing it up, not trying to hurt or humiliate your partner with his or her mistake. A person is able to change if he sees support and understanding from his other half. But do not lose yourself either. Try to figure out if you can find the strength to forgive yourself.

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