If your baby cries – what you need to know

How to teach your baby not to cry?

Almost every one of us has encountered a child’s crying, either as a parent or as a witness to this kind of behavior. We all know how annoying it is for a child to yell loudly in transportation or on the street. Whether it is an infant, whose screaming is piercing to the throat, even though we understand that the infant has no control over himself; or an older child, who with his caprices and cries irritates and makes us want to reprimand his mother.

But if for a bystander the solution to this problem is simple – a polite silence, because in five minutes you will leave the bus or turn to another street, i.e. get out of the situation, for a parent children’s cries – everyday problem, from which you can’t escape. It has to be dealt with.

The sooner you start, the better.

Not many people know that this behavior is fixed at a very young age, literally from a few months. Babies usually scream for many reasons – they are scared, cold or hot, wet or uncomfortable, or just lonely, and it is impossible to guess what caused it this time. Until children learn to talk, they will express almost all of their negative emotions through screaming, and sometimes through positive ones.

But with happy squeals and happy humming, there is usually no problem. But with yelling…

To begin with, at an infant’s age, a child usually cries when he does not like something, when he wants something or does not want it. And this is the period when parents are required to have all their endurance and patience, because it is then when the foundations are laid for a child to understand the power of his or her crying.

Babies usually communicate through loud screaming. Wet diaper – he cried – mom came, changed it, it was dry. Hungry – cried – mommy came and fed him. Too cold – screamed – daddy came, fixed the blanket. It is a natural situation for a child, and over time he begins to use yelling as a means of control. And if he or she has indulgent parents, screaming becomes a tool of manipulation.

Do you often see a child screaming in the street and having his mom or dad immediately “gagging” him with toys or candy? I bet you do. And everyone around you, except the parents, understand that this only makes the situation worse.

When did this “manipulation” begin? When did the parents miss the point? Because it’s obviously a parental slip, children can’t be blamed for acting on the actions of their parents.

It usually begins when a young child, being cranky, begins to scream. Not because he is sick or wet – but because, for example, he does not want to eat applesauce or wants “right now” a toy. And parents, wanting to avoid screaming, immediately give him a toy. Or they take away the unloved mashed potatoes, replacing the healthy ones with the ones they like.

The irony is that by avoiding screams at an early age, parents provoke them in the future, literally handing the child a scheme: “If you yell, everything will go your way.”

In fact, at this critical moment (usually a year and older), parents need to pull themselves together and think carefully about every move they make. Even if the child doesn’t like the warm hat and screams, the hat should be put on. Shouting can be tolerated. If the child cries while lying in a crib, just being naughty, it is necessary to endure and show the child that parents do not react to any cries.

But, at the same time, the child should not be allowed to suffer from lack of attention, so this point is quite subtle. It is up to the parent to decide what to do in each specific situation. Usually mom or dad understands (senses) whether the child really needs attention or is just practicing crying.

The main thing is to constantly double-check yourself and the child and make balanced decisions without letting the child manipulate you. Act gently and patiently, but confidently. To “push through” useful decisions by persuading the child, even if he doesn’t understand all the words yet. Using the hat as an example – you can take the child in your arms, talk to him soothingly, put the hat on. If he yells and rips it off, just as gently put the hat on again, and again, and again. Over time, the child will understand that a hat is a necessity, and at the same time, listening to the parents’ voice, he/she will understand that everything is fine, and the discomfort is only apparent.

What about older children? Let’s say you missed a moment in infancy, “gave up positions” – there are different situations, sometimes parents are not too experienced, sometimes loving grandmothers interfere, nullifying all the efforts, sometimes it just so happens that there is no strength to constantly “fight” with an infant.

We have more or less figured out why little kids scream. But what about the big ones?

Often, because they are used to everything by screaming. It also happens that they want to draw attention to themselves. By the way, we can not rule out features such as the temperament of children and what level of loudness adopted in your family. It is clear that in a noisy and verbose family will be considered normal conversation that people from quiet families will seem to yell. And it is clear that some children are simply more emotional, noisy, and temperamental than others.

But often the constant yelling and screaming is a sign of instability, disharmony and behavior disorders. And they must be dealt with and corrected. Especially if you yourself once allowed the child to get a means of manipulation.

So what to do? “Reclaim your position” back . Even if it’s too late, but it’s “never too late”. True, you have to put up with the screams and crankiness a little longer, and to show wonders of patience and diplomacy.

What is important for parents to remember:

  1. It’s not the child’s fault. He is only acting according to a scheme that you yourself handed him. Even if he has already grown up and uses the cry quite consciously, the task of correcting it – lies on the parents, and it must be done as gently and accurately as possible, not harshly, so as not to harm the psyche of the child.
  2. Not every situation where the child raises his or her voice needs to be prohibited and become a “wall”. Otherwise, you will get the opposite situation – the child will think that he/she is forbidden to want or ask something, to behave loudly and to draw attention. It is desirable in those situations when the child wants something that he/she can – allow it, but say it calmly, quietly and make it clear that it is your decision. For example, “Yes, I hear you want ice cream. You don’t have to shout like that, I understand you perfectly. Since you have already had lunch, and the weather is hot, I think you can have ice cream.

The child should understand that adults make decisions on the basis of deliberation, not on the loudness of demands. The child himself or herself will begin to learn to understand his or her desires, to compare possibilities and situations, and to base his or her communication on this, not on yelling.

  1. You can’t yell. Yes, it is difficult, but in this case patience, firmness and gentleness are the corner stones. Trying to “outshout” the child is not only a pointless endeavor, but also harmful – he will only conclude that yelling still works, just the one who yells louder wins.
  2. Don’t try to “shut up” the child with gifts, purchases, sweets. This will only worsen the situation – the child will scream even more, knowing (consciously or not) that in this way he will get what he wants and a little more “on top”. If the child can get what he wants – act as above, in point 2. If not – just as gently and confidently explain why not. Often parents do not understand that children, especially little ones, are still poorly versed in cause and effect. Everything looks obvious to us adults, but not to them. So explain your decisions, even if they seem simple and understandable. But it is important to follow the rule – explain once, that’s all. So that the child understands, but just once, and later he has to build a chain of reasoning himself, and not to torment parents with endless “why not” (this is also a form of manipulation from his side).
  3. There is no need to “shut up” the child with words like “Look, people are looking around”, “Ew, how badly you behave, what people will think”, “That’s how your aunt looked at you, she probably thinks you are a bad boy”, etc. This approach will in no way correct the child’s tendency to yell, and at the same time will add to his nervousness and probably cause many psychological problems in the future. Usually “how you behave, people are watching” is resorted to by inept parents, from lack of experience, or by lazy parents who find it easier to either yell at the child or to shame him/her.
  4. Instead of shouting, the child needs to be given another tool, an explanation. Children at such a young age do not yet understand how to get what they want. By ignoring a screaming child completely, of course, you do not submit to his manipulation, but you do not give anything in return. And you have to give – explain to your child how you can let him know what you want without yelling and pressure. Encourage your child when he tries to explain in words what he wants and why. And answer him intelligently yourself, laying out your decision. And when he is trying to get his way by shouting, calmly say: “I don’t understand yelling, explain in words, and then I’ll understand.

It should be noted that a child starts to control his/her emotions only at the age of 6-7 years, and not to the full extent, and you should take it into consideration. It is quite natural if children shout while playing on the playground. Or sing songs loudly during a walk. Sometimes it is even useful to let children “shout”, especially if after a long stay at home, illness or boring activities.

You can even shout along with the children (of course, in a suitable environment). These cries should be joyful, their task is to unload the emotional psyche of your children. By the way, cheerful songs are perfectly suitable for such unloading, as well as running around in nature.

If you feel that you lack the “tools” to cope with the tendency of the child to manipulate the cry, you should consult a specialist and with his professional help to work through this issue. You can also attend a training session on parenting.

Don’t leave the propensity for manipulation in babies unattended, help yourself and your babies!

How to soothe a baby when he cries

You have a new baby – congratulations! With each new day, you need less and less time to recognize and correctly interpret his crying. Let’s figure out how to identify exactly why your baby is crying and help him.

Types of newborn crying

Like all babies, your baby is unique. He eats, sleeps, reacts to stimuli in his own way – and he will calm down in his own way, too. For all the variety of individual manifestations, the nature of crying in newborns is the same.

  • Appeal crying – the baby cries for 5 – 6 seconds, then pauses for 20 – 30 seconds, with a distraction or waiting for the result, then cries again for about 10 seconds and again falls silent for 20 – 30 seconds. This cycle is repeated several times, with the period gradually increasing until the crying becomes continuous;
  • Hungry crying begins with a call to cry. If the mother came up and took the baby in her arms, but did not offer the breast, the crying turns into an angry cry, which is combined with “searching” movements of the head, and at this point the baby becomes silent. If she does not give the breast even after that, the demanding crying turns into furious crying with choking. The baby can put his fist in his mouth, makes sucking movements with his lips and tongue, turns his head in search of his mother’s breast or pacifier;
  • Crying in pain – crying with a touch of suffering and hopelessness. It is quite even, incessant crying, during which there are bursts of desperate crying, apparently corresponding to the increase in pain sensations. If you did not approach your baby when he was “calling out” and he cried, you can guess the reason for the crying by the way he cries, so you can quickly calm your baby down.
Alla Belyakova

How to soothe a crying newborn baby

Causes of crying newborns: find and solve the problem

To understand how to calm a newborn baby when he cries a lot, you need to understand the cause of the tantrum. For example, the baby may be hungry, therefore, the child should be fed. So, what signals does your baby give with his crying?

Reason #1. I am hungry

Usually mom feeds her baby 8 to 10 times a day, but the number of feedings may reach 15 to 20, including nighttime applications to the breast (from 2 to 4 times per night). During this period, the baby should be fed on demand, not on a schedule. By one month of age, the baby establishes his or her own routine.

Hunger is the most common cause of crying in a newborn. To be sure that the baby is crying from hunger, simply bend your little finger and touch the corner of his mouth: if the newborn immediately turns his head and opens his mouth, it means he is hungry. How to feed your baby correctly, we tell you here.

Reason #2. I’m not comfortable

Often babies cry because they feel uncomfortable. Such crying is continuous (or almost continuous), more monotonous than crying from hunger and accompanied by a child’s restlessness. What can cause discomfort in a newborn

  • A dirty diaper or wet diaper. A baby in the first month of life “goes to the bathroom” up to 20 times a day. With natural feeding, the frequency of stools in the child 5 – 6 times, and with artificial feeding – 3 – 4 times a day;
  • The need to change position: the baby wants to turn over, and he needs your help, he will learn to turn himself only after a few months;
  • Too tight a diaper, tight diaper, diaper folds, small objects caught in the diaper or clothing (button, baby, pebble, string);
  • Excessively bright lights, loud noise, not enough fresh air;
  • Intestinal colic.

Tight swaddling (with legs straightened and arms stretched tightly against the body), which was very common before, violates the natural position of the newborn, normal breathing and circulation, which “does not like” the baby.

Reason #3. I’m hot (cold)

The temperature is very important for the well-being and mood of the baby. The room in which the child is, you need to maintain a constant temperature (22 – 24 ° C – for newborns, 20 – 22 ° C – for older children). How to create a comfortable temperature

  • Feel your baby’s shoulders, back or wrists: if they are hot and sweaty – your baby is overheated, if they are cool – he is freezing;
  • If the baby is hot, open him/her up, remove one layer of clothing, and change into dry underwear;
  • If the baby is cold, wrap him in a blanket, take him in your arms, put him on your chest. When the baby warms up, do not forget to put another layer of clothing on him before putting him in bed;
  • For the future: do not wrap baby – baby clothing should be loose and breathable, made of natural fabrics such as cotton. Overheating is much harder for children than overcooling, and you should always bear this in mind, dressing the baby.

Tip! It has been tested for generations: dress your baby as yourself, plus one more layer.

Reason #4. It hurts me.

What do the sharp, high-pitched, anxious cries that don’t stop, even when you take your baby in your arms, mean? They speak of the pain he is experiencing. Most often it is a tummy ache or colic. Few people manage to avoid them, but you can help your baby and reduce the discomfort.

Read about how to deal with them here.

How to reduce your baby’s pain

  • Make sure your baby grips the nipple and areola while feeding – this will prevent air from getting to the baby along with the milk (loud smacking is a sign that the baby is sucking air along with the milk, and this should be avoided);
  • If the baby is on artificial feeding, feed the baby a little more slowly, the mixture should fill the nipple completely; you can use special bottles that do not allow air to pass through with the food;
  • After feeding, hold the baby for 2 to 5 minutes in an upright position, with the head leaning against your shoulder and with the tummy pressed closely against your breast;
  • Give your baby a simple massage to stimulate the expulsion of gas from the intestines: lay him on his back and stroke his tummy in a clockwise direction. Massage with gentle pressure on the belly around the navel. Mentally draw a horseshoe on the tummy, the ends of which point downwards. The movements of your hand should follow this trajectory in a clockwise direction;
  • Put a warm (not hot) diaper or heating pad on your baby’s tummy;
  • Try a feeding tube (you can buy one at the drugstore). The procedure is as follows: the baby should lie on his side, the thin end of the tube, lubricated with petroleum jelly, inserted into the anus for about a centimeter, and the other put in a glass of water. If the cause of the pain is gas accumulated in the intestines, you will soon see air bubbles. Sometimes the tube stimulates stools, which also brings relief to the baby;
  • Adjust your diet, try to determine which product of your diet causes colic in your baby, and try not to use it. Cabbage, legumes, grapes, yeast dough products, any spicy food, caffeine, and chocolate can increase the baby’s colic;
  • Try giving your baby warm fennel tea or dill water from a bottle;
  • If there is no effect from the above measures, seek advice from the pediatrician, if necessary, he will consider the use of medications – drugs that eliminate excessive gas, are not absorbed into the blood and do not cause harm to the baby;
  • Increased flatulence may be exacerbated by an overabundance of lactose or a lack of the enzyme lactase. This happens when the baby gets too much “front” milk and does not get “back” milk. At the beginning of breastfeeding, mother’s milk is more saturated with milk sugar, lactose. It is called “front” milk. After 10 to 15 minutes of feeding the same breast, she begins to produce “back” milk. It is richer in fat, which neutralizes lactose and thus reduces gas. Rear milk also has a calming effect and helps anxious babies fall asleep.

Most newborns naturally fall asleep at the end of a feeding due to the calming effect of “back” milk. When the baby is older and more effective at suckling, it will come to him or her in less time after feeding begins.

Reason #5. Malaise

Sometimes crying is related to a baby’s specific medical condition (intracranial pressure, nervous system disorders, hyperexcitability, hypertonicity, hypotony, developmental abnormalities, physiological phenomena of the adaptation period, the beginning of an infection or cold, skin diseases or diaper rash, reaction to geomagnetic, atmospheric phenomena, etc.). ). If you can not identify the cause of crying baby, do not hesitate to consult a doctor-perinatologist: doctor will definitely help rule out crying associated with a disease.

A mother’s love and care are the best remedies for crying

Of course, there is no one universal recipe that would allow all moms to instantly soothe babies, because every child is different. So it’s important to watch the baby: to look at the reaction of the baby and try to understand what he wants to tell you. Believe me, very soon you will learn by trial and error to understand your baby and calm him.

Sometimes parents are afraid that by responding to every squeak of the baby and meeting all his needs, they spoil him. Don’t be afraid of that!

By responding to your baby’s call, you not only give him/her your unconditional motherly love, but also satisfy his/her need for a sense of security and reliability, letting him/her know that you are here, ready to comfort him/her and help. And if your baby understands that there is someone around who can be trusted, he will grow up to be calm and confident.

Happy and joyful motherhood to you!

List of references

  1. Meleshkina A. V., Kudryashova MA, Chebysheva SN What it’s important to know about colic in babies during the first months of life. Appendix to the journal Consilium Medicum, 2018.
  2. Titova O. N., Taran N. N. Intestinal colic in children of the first months of life: a comprehensive solution to the problem. Appendix to the journal Consilium medicum, 2018.
  3. Belyaeva I.A., Namazova-Baranova L.S., Potekhina T.V. Infant colic – a new look at an old problem. Appendix to Consilium medicum, 2015.

Is it worth transferring a one-year-old baby to the common table?

Mother’s milk is the ideal food for a breastfed baby. Continue breastfeeding as long as possible, including after the introduction of complementary foods, in accordance with WHO recommendations.

Baby’s first complementary feeding by month

Mother’s milk is the ideal food for an infant, especially in the first year of its life. It is an important source of nutrients and energy, so the WHO recommends keeping breastfeeding as long as possible, up to the age of two.

Breastfeeding complementary foods

Mother’s milk is the best food for a baby, especially in the first six months of life. It remains an important source of energy and nutrients even after six months, so the WHO recommends breastfeeding until the age of two.

Feeding by month: what foods to introduce toddlers up to one year of age

Not only the lack of nutrients, but also their overabundance can interfere with the proper development of a baby.

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Mother’s milk is the ideal food for a breastfed baby, continue breastfeeding as long as possible. The World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months, followed by the introduction of complementary foods when breastfeeding continues. Continue breastfeeding as long as possible after the introduction of complementary foods. A specialist should be consulted to decide when and how to introduce complementary foods to your baby.

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Mother’s milk is the ideal food for a breastfed baby, continue breastfeeding as long as possible. The World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months, followed by the introduction of complementary foods when breastfeeding continues. Continue breastfeeding as long as possible after the introduction of complementary foods. A specialist should be consulted to decide when and how to introduce complementary foods to your baby.

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