Advice for parents “Why you can’t yell at the child, and what to do if it happens” Advice on the topic
“Why you can not yell at the child, and what to do if it happens?
The teacher-psychologist: Nagaeva O.N.
Quite often, in order to achieve the desired result, adults begin to raise their voice at children. However, not all think why not, and do not pay attention to the fact, how it may turn out later. All parents know in their hearts that yelling at their children is wrong. Moreover, many moms and dads yell at the child, because they cannot curb their anger, which is often just. After all, kids are so often mischievous, and any of us can snap. But yelling is the first sign of powerlessness. And people shouting at the child makes it worse, not only for themselves but also for the baby. Why shouting at children is not allowed, and how to behave if it happens?
Why you can not – a convincing argument.
Any parent will probably agree that raising a child without raising your voice at any point is a very difficult task. But, nevertheless, the children to yell as little as possible. And there are a number of simple reasons for this:
First, this method shows itself to be absolutely useless. Yell and even yell at the child – as a rule, does not mean that he will hear and understand you. A calmly spoken phrase will be much more effective, especially if you are at the same height as the child at this time. Sit down and take the baby by the hand, offer to discuss the problem together – and you will be pleasantly surprised at how easily it will be solved. This is true for small children – the older ones need an approach – and it is the parents’ task to find it. If the baby is accustomed since childhood to his mother yelling at him, then, growing up, he will simply ignore your words and requests.
Secondly, screaming for any child is a pressure on his psyche, which is still very unstable. The child most often does not understand why you are shouting at him. After all, he does not know that his mother was tired, did not get enough sleep, or had a quarrel with her friend. Agree that this is not an excuse to take out anger on an innocent child. After all, this way you throw his cry most beloved and native man in a state of shock, the natural defense reaction to which may be more whimsical, and even pure negativity towards you. It is especially dangerous if your monologues in high tones contain words leading to an underestimation of the child’s self-esteem (bad, naughty, spoiled, etc.).
Third, we teach children not by words, but by our own example. Children take their parents’ actions as a basis for their behavior, because mom and dad are the real authority for the baby, and if they yell, then that’s the only way to do it. Realizing this, the child himself learns to communicate by raising his voice. So do not be surprised by the frequent and loud tantrums on his part. Moreover, he will bring up their future children in the same way, if you do not change your own behavior in time.
Your hysterical screaming can frighten a child so badly that he or she will stutter, or it can have more serious consequences. After all, raising your voice has a slightly different effect on a child than it does on an adult. Not only does it let him know that he is doing something wrong, but it is also very frightening.
How do you stop yelling at your child?
Analyze the situations when you most often yell at your children. At what moments does it happen? Perhaps it is not the children themselves who are to blame for it with their misdeeds or caprices. Most likely, the reason lies in you – and then the problem of yelling should be solved by other methods:
- Try to avoid conflict situations;
- smooth over any conflicts at the initial stage, and then you will not be tempted to yell at the child;
- it is easier to distract by switching his attention to another interesting object, than to try to make him obey you by shouting;
- work on your psychological state. Try to sleep, pay attention to self-care, spend some time alone or with friends – and you will notice that you become more tolerant of children.
How to behave properly if you did yell at the child?
Remember – it’s important not only not to raise your voice at the child, but also your further behavior if you do it. Most often, a mother, after yelling at the baby, is cold to him for a few minutes. And this is categorically wrong, because it is at this point the child really needs your support and affection.
Now you can answer the question of whether you can yell at the children. Try to make every effort for this, because only a calm mother baby will be obedient and happy!
Why not to yell at the child
You are also not once shouted at a child – a little or older. And, no doubt, you saw how he suddenly or gradually changed. His head retracted, he raises his shoulders, as if defending, hiding his eyes to the floor or just sits there with a frozen expression. Out of fear … But, and this is also known, it is not only appearance that changes.
After all, yelling is the wrong pedagogical technique. And almost every parent is aware of this. But his voice continues to raise, almost every opportunity to take advantage of its power and authority over the child, not realizing that he is gradually traumatizing the child.
Yelling at the child is harmful.
Yes, and very. About this at the top of his voice say not only psychologists and pediatricians. Parents themselves can not argue with this.
After all, they know that almost nothing can be achieved by yelling. But it can hurt, and significantly. noticeably.
He is always afraid.
It is understandable. He is small, two toes from the floor, or a little more, it does not matter. And here you are – big and angry, shouting loudly, changing your face. Any adult would look at you with apprehension now. Not like a kid who certainly has no one to protect him. Dad, whom the child considered a pillar, and he averts his eyes, because he is in solidarity with his wife, not choosing the expressions in order to scold for a “D” or some perfectly innocent transgression.
Yelling is bad for your health.
And this is not an exaggeration. Pediatricians are frightened by the facts and statistics. After all, the consequences of adult screaming are dangerous.
- Stress, neurosis, compulsions are what adults usually suffer. But, and it’s sad, these conditions are always children who are being raised by adults. Nail biting. Nervous tics distort a child’s face. It’s flowery.
- Since unhappy kids don’t know how to deal with it all, they often eat sweets to get into trouble. Hence the excess weight, a growing number of obese children.
- And then it’s not far to the immune system problems, which means that the child will get sick and get sick.
- What happens to the character of babies and adolescents, who are constantly shouting at their parents? He becomes unbearable.
- In addition, schoolchildren often begin to move to the D’s and F’s, they find it increasingly difficult to concentrate on the lessons and during homework.
Trust: where does it come from when you are yelled at?
Yes, there is no trust. And this is unequivocal. Even if a parent scolds the child, hurts him in any way, he continues to love, because quickly forgets insults, and forgives a lot of adults. And trust is not expected from him now.
You can only imagine the consequences of such “education”. What child will open up, go to a heart-to-heart talk! When he is completely bad on the soul, he will find anyone else, but not you, to share with someone hard-hearted, intimate.
After all, he knows that you can at any moment burst into a scream, to hurt, not to listen. And others will listen to him, sympathize, give advice.
The most unpleasant thing, if the child comes into conflict with the society…
Wrong attitudes: they need to change
And what is he – the best way to influence the child at moments when he does not understand you? Certainly not shouting. He creates the wrong, distorted installation, such as “if you don’t yell, he won’t do anything.
- A child who is used to a different way of communicating stops hearing you if you start talking to him calmly.
- He does not understand what politeness is in the traditional sense. They see politeness as allowing them to disobey you and do whatever they want.
- Children, who were always yelled at, with whom everything was ascertained in high tones, grow up with the understanding that this is the norm of life. You can yell at others, and patiently endure rudeness from friends and other people.
- The worst thing is that the people who will surround him in adulthood will have a very hard time with him – both to communicate, and to live and work.
And who sets it? First of all parents. Here’s mom – she quarrels with everyone, bursting into a shout on and off. Daddy – he’s not used to picking his words.
And you throw up your hands in helplessness, when you soon begin to see it all, as if from the sidelines. After all, grown-up children begin to masterfully copy you. And not in mockery, or for correction.
The son begins to be rude, because it is the norm at home. He does not think it is necessary to obey his elders. My teenage daughter snapping and getting into a scandal. Try to say a word when she is trying to make a point. She will give you a hundred in response, and sometimes in an indecent tone and even language.
What kind of respect are we talking about? Who’s to blame? You have nothing to complain about.
What to do: Change.
As you can see, the title does not contain the traditional question – who is to blame. We, the parents, are to blame. The question is about something else. What should someone who is used to getting results from a child on high tones do? How to change, so that you can communicate with your child calmly when you are overwhelmed with emotion? Is it too late to change yourself and change your attitudes?
It’s never too late to change! You just need to think through an algorithm for your own correction, or rather, correction of your communication style with your child. First, think of other ways to do it. Find their application. Teach it to your child.
- Do not let the negative out. “Boiling over,” it is better to go out of the room where the child is and quietly shout at something (say, a chair, a nightstand, etc.), slowly and loudly count to 10, breathing in and out more deeply. You don’t yell at work in response to a remark from the boss.
- You are tired, and therefore, the shouting is a consequence of overwork? Get enough sleep, eat right, go for a walk alone to miss your child, in short, rest!
- You can learn to scream in a whisper. How do you do it? It’s easy. As soon as you realize that you’re going over the top, switch to whispering. It is both funny and instructive – the rest of you begin to take an example.
- Start shouting? Urgent rush to the mirror – admiring myself, “beautiful”, just the next time you will think whether to shout.
- Finally, learn how to calmly explain to your child what is wrong and how it should be. You need to talk slowly, clearly and distinctly.
- You can close your eyes and speak if you want to yell at your child. This helps.
- Try to tell your child that you are very tired and you are about to yell at him. He loves you, he is kind, and will quickly change his mind so that he doesn’t upset mommy.
- You can, after breaking down into a shout, apologize to your child. And the conflict will be over, and the next time you have the shame to repeat the procedure.
The main thing to remember is not to hurt the child is not difficult. But the consequences of resentment can cause severe wounds, sometimes incurable.
Do you want to scream? But now you’re going to pour out your anger on his beloved child. How is that possible? He does not deserve a loud shout from the man who he considers the only support, whom he loves, trusts. Let’s change!