If the wife loves another man – tell us the question

What to do if the wife fell in love with another woman. What to do if the wife fell in love with another? I love another, what to do?

First, you need to exhale. The moment of realization of the betrayal of his wife does not come immediately, but it kicks her husband over the head and provokes him to a powerful burst of indignation and aggression. In turn, this aggression is instantly transformed into an outburst of indignation and a desire for physical violence against the unfaithful scoundrel and her accomplice in the adultery. So the first thing you should do to find out about the unpleasantness of the man – is to breathe and run everything on the brakes.

Secondly, you need privacy for “pondering” the situation. No constructive decision has not been made in the heat of the moment. In order to understand what happened and to decide how to be further, you need to be alone with yourself and your thoughts. If the wife fell in love with another, what should the husband? The most important thing – do not beat around the bush and think hard about what happened, to identify the root of the problem, to find out for yourself the reason for what happened and objectively consider themselves in the context of the possible culprit of adultery.

Thirdly, after letting off steam and calm down a bit, build a constructive dialogue with his wife and ask her all the questions that worry the man. Only correctly constructed conversation and balanced solutions can lead to a consensus and get out of the situation in the most painless way for both spouses.

Building a constructive dialogue

If the wife fell in love with another, what should the husband do? How to build a conversation with her in such a way as not to snap, not to hurt her and not doing anything stupid, find out from her reasons for her bad behavior? It is very important for a man to understand that women’s psychology – it’s a subtle mental organization with a club of intricate thoughts, feelings, experiences, but sometimes very stubborn nature and independent opinions. Attempts to influence your wife by methods of physical influence will not solve anything, they can only aggravate the problem – this is very important to understand. And then the desire to get his wife back into the family should be guided by calm reason and confident actions, not by the hot temper and arrogant temper of the “cheating” spouse.

If his wife fell in love with another, the psychologist’s advice number one for every man: to build a constructive dialogue with her. Over the long years of life together he certainly has accumulated a certain baggage of knowledge about his woman, and thanks to him he can safely pull those strings that will lead him to success as quickly as possible. What those strings might be:

  • asking the first straightforward question about whether or not it’s serious – in most cases, a woman will blame herself for cheating on the first day after and is willing to give anything in the world to forget that fleeting impulse and return to her family;
  • if immediate repentance did not follow, it is necessary to inquire about the woman’s nearest plans – in response she will probably dryly and uncertainly describe the situation about leaving for the very instance that became the root of discord in the family; here it is necessary to expose the wife’s moment of weakness and hint her about the precarious position, since it is unknown whether her adulterous colleague will take her in, so to speak, to his place of residence;
  • If, however, the wife is confident in his new partner and his desire to take her as a new mistress, which is very unlikely, it is worth mentioning joint children – this is a powerful weapon to manipulate a woman in this situation: hardly a mother is ready to leave the family, where she was waiting for her hungry children;
  • Slowly and systematically, step by step, argument by argument her husband should outline her future life with a new gentleman in a very unfavorable light, and staying in a family from which she so tentatively wants to leave – in bright colors of the new harmonious life with new conditions favorable to her.

Why the wife has fallen out of love with her husband: reasons

To understand the question of how to keep the family, if the wife has fallen out of love, you must first soberly assess what is happening, to understand the reasons that drive her. Feelings never go away suddenly, and this means that some impetus contributed to this. More often than not, the reasons are:

  • financial difficulties, the failure of the man, the inability to support the family;
  • Frequent quarrels that turn into grandiose scandals, complete lack of understanding of the partners;
  • Heavy losses, bitterness, in which the spouses may blame each other;
  • A commonness of life, monotony in relationships, lack of passion, flirtation, or romance;
  • lack of attention, care, any expression of feelings in her direction;
  • Lack of sexual attraction, when sex becomes an obligation rather than a desire;
  • Neglect of her, selfish behavior, preference to do “her” business;
  • Lack of communication, spending time together, common interests;
  • Abuse of bad habits, such as alcoholism, drug addiction;
  • Violence on the part of a man, both moral and physical.

Opinion of the expertElena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Expert in family relationships. Family psychologist.

To maintain love in family relationships, it is important to spend time together, communicate as much as possible, have common hobbies. Women need attention, compliments, romantic pleasant deeds, help in difficult situations. A caring loving man will not have a question of how to return his wife’s love, which means you have done something wrong.

What to do if you have fallen out of love with your husband? The advice of a psychologist is to analyze the situation. The first 3 years of marriage are considered the most difficult. During 1 year, the partners must understand whether they need to continue to live together. At this stage, they adapt to each other’s characteristics.

By the 3rd year of married life often children are born. In this situation, an established life can undergo serious changes.

Three years is considered a sufficient period during which domestic conditions become relatively stable. In many families, monotony replaces stability. At the same time, the monotonous routine can greatly damage the relationship between people. The monotony of daily activities leads to the fact that the loving partner becomes tired and irritable.

At the same time, the spouses clearly see each other’s shortcomings. Before that, the wife could tactfully point out her husband’s sloppiness and absent-mindedness or gently hint at a craving for the computer. By the third year of life together these habits lead to outright scandals.

There are also situations where the woman suffers quietly. At the same time, she performs her duties, cooks meals, and smiles. However, inwardly she prepares to leave for her parents or another man.

The need for care may be related to external negative factors. If a young couple lives with their parents or they constantly interfere in family life, feelings may gradually fade. Also provoking factors can be financial difficulties, the loss of a loved one. All of these situations can change consciousness, leading to a loss of feelings.

The reasons for the loss of emotion in marriage can vary. Partners can identify them on their own or in the work with a psychologist. In this case, the rupture of the relationship is considered an important step. Therefore, immediately give in to emotions is not worth it. Sometimes the fading of feelings is temporary in nature. If the wife has fallen out of love with her husband, how to return love? Advice from psychologists will improve things.

Return or let go – that is the question

If the wife has fallen in love with another and is hesitating, you need to use all the leverage on her, pull all the strings by which you can influence her final decision and try to save the crumbling marriage. But is it worth it? Is it necessary to save a family that is on the verge of falling apart? And what to do when a woman does not hesitate, but is firmly convinced of her decision to leave – to return or let go unfaithful?

If the wife fell in love with another, the advice of a psychologist will come at the right time. So, the specialist will outline unhappy spouse two lines of development and two important aspects that should be taken into account when making a decision about trying to get back or let things go down the drain.

First of all, you need to find out if the woman needs it: in most cases, you can tell right away if she is ready to build a new family with the newly appeared in her life alpha male. Often women themselves are not sure of their desires and strongly hesitate to choose the way forward.

Secondly, you need to figure out if a man needs it: if he is ready to forgive his wife for her infidelity, if he wants to continue to contemplate this woman as his wife further in life, then you need to fight for her. But if a man feels a corrosive residue of jealousy and a bitter aftertaste of the beloved woman’s infidelity, realizing that he will never be able to forgive her, it is better to let everything slide and let such a spouse immediately, without anyone needless fight for her.

When the only way out – divorce.

When to stay in a relationship where you’ve fallen out of love, it makes no sense? When divorce is imminent, it’s only a matter of time. There are several signs that a relationship cannot be saved:

  1. The wife is cheating. If we are talking about a systematic relationship with another man for whom there are feelings, it is unlikely that your attempts to save the marriage are justified and worthwhile.
  2. Moral, psychological abuse. If one of you is constantly abusing himself, sacrificing for the sake of a fragile peace, facing humiliation, the relationship is doomed.
  3. Lack of compromise. Wife blames you for everything, but for themselves does not see the fault, although it is obvious? It is unlikely that such a policy will lead to harmony, sooner or later the marriage will collapse anyway.
  4. Different vision of the future. If your plans for later life radically diverge, everyone sees his future in his own way, the relationship is doomed.
  5. Lack of any contact. When in a couple there is no communication, interaction, tenderness, tactility and even sex, with great desire to keep the fragile peace will be impossible.

Well, the main indicator that the way out should be divorce is mutual indifference, lack of respect. Neither children, nor common accrued property will not be able to keep you with each other for a long time.

How to keep the family together

The wife has fallen in love with another man… If this happens, the husband who loves her and is afraid of losing her should use all methods in the struggle for her favor.

The first thing to do after a constructive conversation with her is to show her with all his appearance how he wants to see her in her former place. By presenting several bouquets of flowers with appropriate notes, inviting her to a restaurant to continue talking about family matters, giving all kinds of attention to his wife, the man will thus choose the right path to the return of the confused lady in the family nest.

The second thing that should follow the first – is to maintain a favorable microclimate in the family. Creating a cozy atmosphere with the whole family spending time together will give the woman a sense of need for this house, these children, this man. And it will ingrain her desire to never leave the home of her happy family.

Rule #11: He can say anything he wants about his family. You can’t!

You can choose your husband, but you can’t choose his family. Some women are lucky, and their husbands’ families welcome them with open arms. Others get a real hornets’ nest.

Technique of active listening, or how to circumvent family conflicts

Remember once and for all: you should never speak ill of his relatives, near and far. If his relatives are really terrible (mean, insignificant, insensitive and generally unpleasant), believe me, he knows it perfectly well! He may even criticize his relatives from time to time, and that’s okay – they are his family. But he doesn’t want to hear that from anyone else, especially from you.

Some women put their husbands at the center of their lives, giving up everything that made them interesting after marriage. Others forget about their careers or stop working altogether. Others cut back on communication with family and friends. Still others give up interests and hobbies – even fitness. This is a huge mistake.

Love – does not love. Jealousy as a barometer of the relationship

Drawing an analogy between male and female infidelity

Comparing male and female infidelity is wrong. If the husband admitted to his wife that he fell in love with someone else – in ninety-nine percent of cases, a woman can do nothing to keep him. The fact that a man changes often in the body, and it is considered a petty one-time affair on the side. But if a representative of the stronger half falls in love, if the course goes to feelings and hurt emotions, then surely it will not stop either tears, or persuasion, or scandals with his wife, or even manipulation of the children.

A woman behaves very differently. If his wife fell in love with another, the advice to the husband will be – you have to act immediately, quickly, but thoughtfully and accurately. If, of course, he wants to restore the family. It’s just that a woman, if she is cheating, she does it in a different way than men – with her body. She cheats with her feelings, she goes to another man, driven by passion, attraction, sincere emotions, called at least deep sympathy. But at the same time she does not behave like a man in love with another lady. She responds to her husband’s tears, to his entreaties, and is even more vulnerable when it comes to children and their well-being, which is only possible in a full family, together with mom and dad. Therefore, if a wife has fallen in love with another man, it is much easier for her spouse to bring her back into the family than if the situation were exactly the opposite.

The more a woman we love

Psychology believes that attachment is at the core of any relationship. Its presence indicates that a person is in a comfort zone. This state is characterized by the fact that there is no real dissatisfaction with one’s life. Something may seem to be a problem, hurt, offend, and wound, but the person in the comfort zone is not going to change anything.

In terms of relationships, this manifests itself in figuring out who is right and who is wrong. Then the loved one is “forgiven” for his or her fault. This is the moment when the fear of leaving your comfort zone overrides common sense.

The question of what to do if the wife loves another, how to keep the family, already contains a part of the answer. Not feeling attachment to the man, the woman chose a relationship on the side. But the abandoned spouse has not lost his love for her, trying to return the destroyed comfort zone. Hence the desire to return to his wife, to restore the relationship that suited the spouse, but could not be accepted by his partner.

A closer look at the problem reveals that the strong man merely became dependent on the benefits he had in the relationship. And chief among these is conformity to society’s accepted image of a man. The realization that he was preferred to another, hits the ego the stronger the greater the degree of attachment.

Three ways to get his wife back in the family.

To get back into the family of his wife, who succumbed to emotions and lost her head because of another man, her husband should step up and take one of the ways that help him put everything in its place:

  • Invite his spouse to dinner and in a quiet, comfortable environment remind her of all the pleasant moments they have experienced together in the marriage, all the promises made to each other, the vows made to each other at the altar – both in sorrow and in joy – surely the woman will be touched and softened;
  • Use children as a deterrent – not very humane, but very effective;
  • Organize a test mini quest for his wife: put in a prominent place a box with memories and first movie tickets, the first joint photos, persuade mutual friends to call his wife to talk about what not to abandon the family, to influence his wife through her parents.

What not to do.

What should not a man do, who suddenly found out that his wife fell in love with another? If the advice of a psychologist helps to understand what to do in this situation, then, in addition, they also tell a man about what not to do, namely:

  • Use physical abuse;
  • To quarrel with his wife;
  • Seek out her lover for reprisals;
  • Threaten a spouse with all kinds of physical strife and revenge;
  • to set the children against their mother.

A man should understand that fists can not help the grief. And if his wife fell in love with someone else, but did not cheat – that’s the most reason to get her back and to reconsider your attitude towards her. Perhaps the problem lies not in her, but in the spouse himself.

Rule number 6: Let him win.

You fell in love with a mansion you can’t afford. He prefers to buy a smaller house so he can have money for furniture and a new car. You want to celebrate your tenth wedding anniversary in Paris on a first class basis, he agrees, but he won’t bring it up again, and it’s the eleventh anniversary.

You want to have three children; two is enough for him. Should you insist or let your husband win the argument? The answer is simple: “If it’s not vital to you, let your husband win. The relationship is more important than the satisfaction of being able to insist. Better to be happy than always right.

Related Article.

Love Limit. How much intimacy should there be in a marriage

What to do if the wife fell in love with another and left

There are cases when no methods do not work on the woman who decided to leave the family, and she leaves her years-nest for a new admirer. At this point, her husband finally begins to realize that it would be better to treat her differently, and then surely he would not have allowed the situation in which his wife would have fallen in love with another. Representatives of the stronger half should think more often about how often they kiss and hug their beloved women, reminding them of their love, spend time with them and spoil them for the fact that women bear the heavy burden of keeping the family home and raising children. For a wife to fall in love with another, you still need to try to bring her to the degree of loneliness, in which she just vitally need a man who can brighten up her everyday life and help to forget the tedious plates and pans. When men learn to appreciate their wives, wives will stop leaving them for others.

What should you do if your wife is actively communicating and texting with another man?

If a man notices that his wife is communicating with another man, you should not immediately panic and suspect the wife of something bad. You should consider whether such communication is a threat to the relationship. If not, then calm down, if yes, then think about what to do next.

What can it mean if the wife is communicating with the other man?

If your wife is texting with another guy, try to understand the nature of their communication first. Then only think about what to do next. The following options for a spouse’s communication with other men are possible.

Communicating with an old boyfriend / classmate / childhood friend

The most innocent and rosy option for the spouse is when the wife has known the man for a long time, for example, he belongs to one of the following categories:

  • childhood friend;
  • classmate;
  • colleague.

In this case, you have no reason to be jealous. Such innocent communication does not carry a threat to family life, because it is not taken seriously by the woman herself. After all, the wife often does not consider his friend or colleague as a man.

If you are still alarmed and you have doubts about the attitude of your spouse to this man, it is better to talk to her frankly than to torment yourself with suspicions. After all, misunderstandings between the couple can lead to negative consequences for the family.

When you are sure that your wife is communicating with another man simply because he is her buddy or classmate, then don’t bother her. There is nothing wrong with that. After all, a woman in a relationship should not stop communicating with other people, including members of the stronger sex.

If you try to insist that his wife stopped contact with other men, it could cause a rift in the family. You have no right to limit your lover in communication. Otherwise, she will feel like a cage, and feelings will gradually fade away.

Husbands react particularly negatively when their beloved carries on personal correspondence. They think it is quite an intimate moment. If you think you can find something taboo in the messages, just ask your wife to show her texting history. If she has nothing to hide, she’ll have no problem showing it. But be prepared for your wife to hold a grudge. It’s very unpleasant when prying into a private or untrustworthy relationship.

Flirting with another man

Another option, when there is already something to panic about, is a wife flirting with other men. Here it should be understood that flirting can be different.

The following options are possible:

  1. The woman simply loves the attention of men and in order to get it begins to flirt with them. In this case, her love and respect for her husband remains unshaken.
  2. The wife does not feel loved and significant for her partner. In this case, she seeks tenderness and care at the expense of communicating with other young men.
  3. The spouse feels sexual dissatisfaction. In this situation, one flirt may not end it, there is a risk of treason.
  4. A woman has grown cold to her husband. If the feelings are gone, the wife may look for them with other men. At the same time, girls are not always in a hurry to leave the family, for example, because of small children.

If you see that the flirting goes too far, the spouse openly shows his sympathy for another man, then talk to her frankly. In no case should not be withdrawn or arrange a scandal. Only after finding out the cause, you can understand how to proceed.

Also, do not insist on ending communication. If the woman wants to, she will still do it in secret and consider you a tyrant. That is, you will not solve the problem, but only aggravate it.

Options for further action

What to do if the wife communicates and corresponds with another man? There are several options for the development of events.

Be patient and tormented by speculation

Unfortunately, many men who strongly love their woman and are afraid of losing her, choose this way out of the situation. But this is not the best option in this case, as it will not lead to anything good. In the end there will be a crisis in the family.

The worst thing is not knowing. If you do not know for sure if your lover is cheating on you, you will start to live in a constant state of stress, to torment yourself. Jealousy is a negative emotion, which often leads not only to discord in the relationship, but even to murder. And in fact your suspicions may be completely untrue, but by the time you realize this, the family may already break up.

Accept the situation

The best course of action, if the wife is communicating with another man on the phone or correspondence, is to accept the situation. That is, you should try to adjust yourself to the fact that such communication does not make any bad sense and does not bring danger to your relationship.

Do not take seriously if your spouse is simply communicating with the opposite sex in a friendly manner. If there is flirting, then it is unlikely to go that way.

The difficulty in accepting the situation for men lies in the fact that he knows better than women in men’s psychology. He is well aware that 90% of the time guys do not communicate with girls just for fun, they do not mean friendship, while the woman believes in friendship between the opposite sexes.

Also, men understand that if a man is actively texting or calling a married woman, it means he has a specific goal in mind. He can talk about love, friendship, anything, but his goal will only be sexual contact. This is why husbands react negatively if their beloved communicates with others. They sense a danger to the relationship.

Change the situation

What should you do if your wife has been communicating with others? Try to change the situation. This will be the most rational solution if you want to save the family and understand that in such behavior of the beloved there is also your fault.

You need to do the following:

  1. Talk frankly with your spouse. During the conversation explain that you are concerned about her actions, find out the reason for them. If a woman loves you, she will tell you exactly what she lacks in the relationship, what she wants to change in them.
  2. Try to change yourself. If the wife will directly point out the shortcomings that she does not like in you, try to adjust their habits, character. It is difficult to do this, but for the sake of a happy future, you can make some concessions.
  3. Spend more time with your beloved. Give her gifts, take her to interesting places, go on vacation together. Do everything to prove to your beloved your sincere feelings, respect for her.
  4. Do not disregard the opinion of your wife. Consult with her on all matters relating to life together. Show that her opinion is important to you.
  5. Variety in your sex life. Take into account all of your beloved’s wishes regarding sex, try to fill in the gaps.
  6. Don’t forget the dates that are significant to your relationship. This will show that you are serious about your significant other.
  7. Always take an interest in your spouse’s life when you are not together.
  8. Be able to listen to your wife and give more nice compliments.

If you change the situation, and spouse again feel loved and desired, your relationship will improve, and active communication with the opposite sex will stop.

Remember that women love attention. And most of all they expect it from their lovers. If it will be enough for the girl, the need for communication with other men will not arise.

Walk away from your wife

What to do if the wife corresponded with another man? Of course, leave! Such an answer can often be heard from husbands who do not yet know whether their suspicions are true, but they are already starting to flare up.

In fact, this solution is suitable only if the relationship the couple really came to naught.

When you do not know for sure if your wife is cheating on you, if she had feelings for another person, do not run to pack your bags. After all, your suspicions could be false, and the family will be destroyed. Whether it will be possible to restore good relations or not is unknown.

If, however, talk to his wife, together you came to the conclusion that there is no point in continuing to meet, then it is really better to stop everything before it gets worse. You can also consider the option of temporarily living apart. This will help sort out your feelings and understand, and whether you should be together further?

Conclusion .

Never get yourself worked up and don’t make up problems out of nothing. Don’t try to figure out why the person acted one way or another. If you have suspicions of infidelity of your spouse, talk frankly, try to solve the issue together, without scandals.

If you realize that you can not cope with their own problems, consult a family psychologist. Specialist will help to understand the difficult situation and find the best way out. Many people are embarrassed to ask for help from psychologists, to talk about their lives. This is a mistake, because of which a large number of families fall apart, where it was still possible to arrange everything.

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