What to do if the lover is jealous of her husband
Jealousy is present in almost all love relationships. It is not uncommon for a lover to be jealous of a woman to her husband. Most likely, he has no feelings for her, he just does not want to share her with the spouse to whom she belongs. Men don’t like to be in the background, even if they are married themselves. Perhaps they feel that their mistresses’ husbands are better than they are, so they get jealous and angry.
Jealousy on the part of the lover
A man’s nature demands that he be a woman’s only partner. Sharing her with another man is unacceptable to him, so he gets angry when a married mistress does not belong to him completely. Jealousy usually occurs in an insecure man. Thoughts arise that he is worse than her husband because she stays with him. Jealous feelings sometimes arise from fear of losing the mistress. Most likely, the guy has developed a deep love for her.
The reasons why he is jealous of the lady for other men depend on the psychological type. Guys can be:
- those who project on themselves.
The possessive man is vain, arrogant. He is selfish, so only his opinion exists for him. A woman to him is a thing that belongs only to him. If the lady smiled at the waiter, wore a short skirt, wore stiletto shoes, put on bright makeup, then the jealousy of the lover is assured.
A pinched man is jealous because of insecurity that he is worthy of his lady. He thinks he is not smart, attractive, sociable enough to keep his mistress around, especially if he is single and his chosen one is married and stays in the family. Jealous of her husband in this case is not worth it, because the lady was looking for him for goals that are difficult to achieve with her spouse. You need to remain calm and comfort yourself with the idea that since the woman chose him, it means he is better than her other half.
When a lover is very jealous of his husband, he may show his distrust of the girl in this way. He himself is cheating on his wife, so he is jealous of his mistress to his spouse, considering it a betrayal of their living together.
How and why you can cause jealousy
Some women purposely provoke the jealousy of their partner. They resort to this solution when they lack the attention of the man and it seems to them that he has grown cold. There are the following ways of causing jealousy:
- Skipping out on dates;
- Success with other men.
Women are not the only ones who love attention. Sometimes it seems that men need it more. When they don’t get it, they begin to worry. To make your lover or husband jealous, you need to give up the habit of following him everywhere, depriving him of his freedom.
Flirting should be easy, careful. Instead of hanging on his neck should smile at men, cheerfully and casually conduct dialogues with them. Noticing the admiring glances of other people, the cavalier will begin to show jealousy. To strengthen a man’s feelings, it is worth missing a date for an irreverent reason. A girl can tell him that she has another appointment. On the next date it is still necessary to come. If the lover is not jealous, it is necessary to tell him what was the communication with other partners. Some facts will excite him.
Signs of pathological manifestation of jealousy
When a man’s jealousy destroys the lives of both partners, it can be called pathological. This feeling is pleasant in small doses, but not as an imposition. Among the signs of such pathology are the following:
- aggression without cause;
- Rejection of kisses and hugs when trying to show feelings;
- Constant reproaches with or without cause;
- dissatisfaction and a frown.
The man needs to improve his self-esteem, because the lady has already made her choice in favor of him, building a relationship with him. Behind obsessive feelings of jealousy can hide a fear of losing a partner. It is important to understand that there are many interesting and attractive girls in the world. The ability to respect yourself and appreciate will free you from the haunting feeling of jealousy.
What are the dangers of a negative emotion for a woman
Jealousy in adequate doses can strengthen relationships. When there is a lot of it, it destroys life. It is important for a woman to feel spiritual closeness. If a man is jealous or himself gives cause for jealousy, his beloved very upset. This negative emotion breaks the relationship, complicates life. Living together becomes unbearable, the separation occurs. Constant reproaches in the left-handedness can provoke real treason. Jealousy leads sometimes to mental disorders.
The causes of the emotion depending on the man’s temperament
Impulses of jealousy may be strong or weak, depending on the temperament of the man. They are known to be of four types:
The choleric lover is very jealous. He is possessive, needing admiration. Being in the background is not for him. That’s why such a lover is jealous and pissed off when a woman tells him about her relationship with her spouse. He will like it if the lady will talk about how bad her husband is, or stop mentioning him at all.
The choleric man wants to be the only one to the point that even if he is married, he will still hint to his mistress to leave her loser spouse. This man demands to be praised, admired, valued more than others. He dreams of hearing a confession from his mistress that she only sleeps with him, not her husband.
It is easy for women who understand male psychology to know that the sanguine lover is not at his ease. They notice it by his pursed lips and nervous blinking. The man bites his lips if the lady talks about the positive traits of her spouse. Such a partner prefers to hide jealousy. He will try to smoothly interrupt the conversation about the husband and start a conversation about himself, his good qualities. The lover prefers that for the duration of the date other people, worries, business were forgotten. If he is married, he will not want to talk about his family either.
Melancholic lover likes to suffer from the fact that the girl leaves him for her husband and spends most of her time with her family. Becomes depressed when he does not have the opportunity to meet his beloved. Blossoms when she comes to him, life becomes beautiful.
Melancholic jealousy is special. The guy is jealous of his mistress’s husband that he has her. He prefers to complain about this feeling to her himself. It is difficult for him to let the girl go when the date ends. Cavalier is ready to cry at the moment of parting. Melancholic worships his mistress, tells her many compliments. It happens that he begins to follow the woman, control her life after the dates. His love for his partner fanatic, up to suicide.
A phlegmatic is characterized by laziness. It does not matter if he is a lover, a husband or a bachelor. The owners of this temperament rarely have a mistress, because they are lazy, even in sex. Such a man has little attraction to women. He will be a convenient and devoted husband. If still phlegmatic mistress, it is difficult to know whether he was jealous of her husband. He is calm and balanced.
Listening to the story of a woman about the virtues of her husband, a phlegmatic man will not throw a tantrum. He gets along without suffering, depression, anxiety. He does not care, he is jealous of his mistress, he just manages to carefully hide his feelings. Such a man will leave in a moment without a scandal.
How to behave properly
Understanding which psycho-type refers to a lover, you can develop a strategy for behavior next to him. Relationships with choleric build on the maintenance of his pathological leadership. He needs praise for his life and sexual achievements on the part of his mistress. It is nice to hear the lady belittling the merits of other men. The official spouse of the mistress is to him the most serious rival, an evil enemy, because he drove his wife to seek another partner. The cavalier is glad that the lady has found him, grateful to tears for his patronage.
With a jealous sanguine one can relax. He will not provide problems until the girl herself creates them. Remind him that she is married every time should not be, then the jealousy will be adequate. Women love obstacles and problematic situations. They begin to give out a lover for a colleague and introduce him to her husband, friends. The sanguine lover will make friends with his legitimate partner, and forget about the mistress, so it is better to arrange dates in another territory, further from home. Topics should be chosen the same way. It is better to talk about the relationship of lovers than about spouses. An effective remedy against sanguine jealousy is good sex.
With a phlegmatic lover, there is usually no problem. But if the mistress is cold, not paying attention to him, often and for a long time is gone, then he himself will want to leave. With him it is better not to boast about his husband and the increased attention to themselves from other men. You can attract him with gentle acknowledgment of his feelings.
With melancholic need to be careful. It is better to keep silent about your husband, otherwise he will be enraged and make a scene with snot and tears. In that case you will need to calm him down. He likes that. It is best to break up with this type of lover before he threatens suicide.
When a married lover is jealous even of a free mistress, you should remind him that he is married, and she has no family, so she has the right to communicate with other applicants for a husband.
Tips of psychologists
Experts recommend choosing a lover not in the circle of common acquaintances with her husband or among colleagues. You should get rid of comparisons of men, it is desirable not to talk about them with the lover, especially with the spouse. This will offend both. At provocation, it is necessary to smile, to shower the beau with kisses, to embrace him. Personal life is not to be discussed with anyone, especially with girlfriends, even if very bad.
A female lover should begin to improve her self-esteem if her married lover is jealous. Better yet, find a free partner. The fact that a married woman is having an affair with a married man no longer surprises anyone in today’s world. For them, an affair on the side is an opportunity to relax and strengthen the family union.
When tired of the situation that the lover is jealous, it is time to talk to him about it. Let him show his emotions, the main thing is to suppress his aggression.
Jealousy is pleasant when it manifests itself lightly and does not last long. If this feeling becomes pathological, it will create problems for both partners. How to behave next to a jealous man, will prompt his psychological type.
Specialist in personal development and family relationships, practicing psychologist. Work experience of over 15 years.
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Why a married man is jealous of his mistress to others – the opinion of a psychologist
A man who in addition to the family builds relationships on the side, has to constantly balance between two women. If one area sags, the balance begins to fail, which affects all participants in the system. Having two women is always energy consuming.
A man has to pay attention to both, fulfill agreements (responsibilities), be generous, caring, careful. And all this at double the rate. Also, jealousy, it is capable of arising not only to the legitimate spouse, but also to the mistress.
What the relationship with the mistress is based on
Jealousy, for the most part, is built on fear, loss. However, a jealous man is not always afraid of losing his partner. It also happens that is involved fear of losing the emotions that a person likes or unwillingness to lose the familiar way of life.
But does the man really have a fear of losing his mistress? If you think about it, she is not yet close enough to him, because he is in no hurry to leave the family. Let’s try to figure out where does jealousy arise in relation to the woman that the man chose to spend his leisure time and enjoyment.
To do this, it’s worth understanding what the basis of the union is:
- Emotional content.
The man gets from his chosen woman what he is not able to get from his wife. The wife is more immersed in family worries, the solution of domestic problems. The mistress does not have to spend her energy on laundry, cooking, and cleaning up after the whole family. She is able to spend more time on herself.
The man likes the fact that the mistress is not tired and is always in a pleasant mood. A certain emotional attachment arises. He begins to depend in some way on how he feels around his mistress. He feels around her as a male, desirable, charming and attractive.
- There are few claims and demands.
The mistress tries not to burden the man. The man perceives this as an incredible plus of his chosen one. However, if you look deeper into it, the mistress is only trying to earn extra points. She plays on the contrast with her wife’s behavior.
The mistress looks so independent, not demanding, independent and easygoing. This attracts the man even more, because he wants to win her over and conquer her.
Of course, passion, excitement, and attraction are the foundation of a relationship with a lover. Sometimes the feelings are so strong that the man’s mind is filled only with thoughts of her. To all this is seasoned with the riskiness and poignancy of feeling that the relationship is taking place in secret. The whole cocktail awakens a desire to experience this kind of thing as often as possible.
How do you respond to jealousy?
- Lack of commitment.
It is at home, in the family, the man carries the burden of responsibility. He tries hard to help and fulfill his responsibilities. And with a mistress, he can be frivolous and spend himself only for pleasure.
So then where does the fear come from? Of course, it is this nonchalance, airiness and lightness that he does not want to lose. It is for her that he began to risk his marital happiness, for this ease he is willing to sacrifice something.
Why is there a jealousy of the mistress?
Fear of loss is not the key cause of jealousy. Fear is only a consequence. The explanation lies deep inside. Consider the main factors:
- Character peculiarity.
A man is temperamental by nature. He has a short temper and is easily excitable. Jealousy accompanies him always: in every relationship he is intolerant of his women with the opposite sex. His mistress is no exception. He considers her already rightfully his, so he is convinced that he can quite claim her freedom.
The most important thing is that his jealousy does not cross the line. Aggressive behavior, constant anxiety, the use of physical force indicates an inadequate perception of reality.
- Complexes and insecurity.
Self-doubt is capable of leading a man to build a relationship on the side, as well as wild jealousy. Such a man is constantly looking for evidence that he is irresistible and perfect. Although he does so at the expense of his women.
His insecurity makes him an unstable person who is constantly trying to find evidence of infidelity. When in fact he is only afraid of being left out.
- Projecting his own behavior.
Often people who are highly jealous are willing to commit infidelity themselves. They judge those around them by themselves. That is, knowing how easy it is to cheat, they think it is equally easy for everyone. Although in reality, not everyone is capable of showing fleeting weakness.
A mistress in a relationship with a married man may simply not take such a union seriously. She calmly meets with other men. The married chosen one is not ready to calmly accept such a state of affairs.
- Serious intentions.
In case a man is in love with his mistress so much that he is ready to leave the family, he will perceive her as his woman. Every man is a proprietor, so he does not want to share his chosen one with others. He expects her to reciprocate in this matter.
- The mistress has a husband, a family.
It also happens that not only the man but also the mistress herself is in the marriage. Then the man is able to be jealous of the husband of his mistress. He does not want to share his beloved with anyone, craves sole possession of her.
How to behave a mistress with a jealous chosen one
If your relationship with a married man is present jealousy, it probably indicates that he cares about you. Jealousy can be a nice addition to your feelings only if it is not intrusive and does not go beyond the permissible.
If he is jealous without a reason, constantly demanding to know where and with whom you were, it is worth thinking about whether he has the right to claim such personal details. It was originally set up so that he is not free. So why does he demand that you be exclusively his?
How to behave with a jealous man?
It is worth discussing with the man those moments in which you feel discomfort. If you do not like his behavior, it is worth to say so. If you want specifics in the relationship, talk about the future.
Suppose the man is jealous of your spouse. But after all, you originally agreed to no claims on both sides. He knew what he was getting into, what resentment could there be?
- Change the format.
If your relationship has become uncomfortable and uncomfortable, it may be worth changing their structure and format. If a man wants to possess you, he should specify your relationship. From the rank of lovers transfer them into a more serious plane.
Then he won’t have to share you with other men. The question for him here is: “Is he willing to take on the responsibility of offering you something more than just a couple of lovers meeting furtively?”
If you are not interested in change, and the jealous man does not subside, indicate to him that you are not ready to sacrifice your freedom, you care about your autonomy. It is worth trying to hear each other on this issue. There may be some agreement, which will be a pledge to fulfill the partnership discussions.
- Avoid communication if jealousy becomes a compulsive state of the man.
If no conversations, agreements do not help, and his chosen one and arranges scenes of jealousy, perhaps a little delay with the meetings. It is worth to understand whether you need such an unbalanced partner.
Jealousy does not equal strong feelings, especially when it starts to interfere with everything around you. In fact, though, and relationship on the side, initially, the story is hardly about true love. Therefore, a relationship with a married man involves constant self-sacrifice.
It’s worth sorting yourself out, evaluating and answering the questions: “Are you comfortable in this relationship?”, “Are you ready to live like this all the time?” and “Are you happy in your union?” Sincerely answer all the questions, you’ll understand whether it’s worth wasting your life on a man who seems to be around, but seems not, and is also terribly jealous.