How to understand that your girlfriend wants to break up with you
Contributor(s): Cher Gopman. Cher Gopman is the founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a New York-based dating coaching company. NYC Wingwoman matches couples, helps them meet, provides one-on-one coaching services, and organizes weekend intensive classes. Cher is a certified personality coach and former psychiatric nurse. Her work has been reported on by Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1 and The New York Post.
Number of sources used in this article: 13. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.
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It is not uncommon at one time or another for people to be visited by a mild sense of anxiety about their relationship. Usually the desire of one of the partners to end the relationship is expressed very clearly, but sometimes a person’s behavior is not so easy to understand. If you think that your girlfriend wants to break up with you, take some steps to evaluate her actions as objectively as possible. But even if after that you can not understand her intentions or you think that your favorite is not going to confess, you should discuss with her the nature of your relationship.
- Try not to jump to conclusions. First of all, think about what is happening in her life. Is there an important exam coming up, or is she having disagreements with family members? Did she just get a new job? There may be other reasons why she doesn’t contact you as often as she used to.
- It’s important to keep in mind that one incident like this is not proof that she wants to break up with you. If it happened once or twice a week, maybe she was just waiting for a friend to confirm their meeting and didn’t want to turn you down until everything was clear.
- If you are studying together, you can invite her to lunch. If she refuses, making the excuse that she’s already promised to go with someone else, she’s probably no longer interested in your relationship.
- Discuss this with her. Ask her why she is so stressed out and if you can help her with that.
- If your girlfriend has always been reserved in her feelings, don’t discount that. Some people don’t enjoy physical intimacy as much as others. So if your beloved doesn’t like it, you can’t say with certainty that she has lost interest in you.
- She used to like holding hands, but now she avoids it or pulls her hand away if you reach out to her? This could be a signal that something is bothering her.
- If she crosses her arms and doesn’t look you in the eye, there is probably something wrong.
- Tell her you’d like to take some time to discuss what’s going on with her. Don’t just walk up and ask her abruptly if she intends to break up with you. This could embarrass the girl or cause her to react defensively.
- If she makes the excuse that she can’t talk because she’s busy, suggest a time when she’s sure to be free from school or work. You can also invite her over for a cup of coffee or lunch. That way it will be a planned discussion for her, not a spontaneous conversation.
- If you don’t have a chance to talk in person, write her on social media, send her a text or e-mail. If you’re available on different means of communication, eventually she’ll give you a few minutes out of her busy schedule.
- For example, you suspect a girl of cheating because you saw her smiling and laughing with a colleague. However, this is just grounds, and you may end up concluding that she was just expressing civility and trying to take her mind off her boring job. In this case, the best thing you can do with the information you get is to ask the girl if she likes this colleague.
- You shouldn’t say something like: “I know you want to break up with me because of this guy you’re spending time with. Why can’t you still get it over with?!” This is where you draw conclusions, but even if they are true, throwing accusations in your face will only cause the girl to have a defensive reaction.
- A better way to try to approach the conversation is to say that you get the feeling that she’s carrying a weight on her heart, and you’d like to know if she’s happy with your relationship and if there are things to work on.
- You might say, “I’m a little worried, as I’ve noticed that we’ve started spending less time together. Maybe there’s something bothering you?” That way you’ll show her that you’re trying to express your feelings without accusing her of anything in particular. This is called the nonviolent communication method, which is a great way to approach the hard feelings of someone you care about.
- Don’t jump right to conclusions and suppress the urge to interrupt the person. Give her a chance to explain why she wants or doesn’t want to break up. She may have perfectly reasonable explanations for her strange behavior. And if you don’t even let her voice them, you will only show insecurity.
- If she wants to break up with you, it is still important to listen to her. The reasons may be the things that you have not thought about or did not notice. You may find that breaking up is the right thing to do. .
- There is a possibility that she wants to break up with you, but is afraid of hurting you. Therefore it is very important to listen carefully to her words to know their true meaning. If she gives many reasons why she is not satisfied with the relationship, but does not openly declare her desire to leave you, try to put a little pressure.
- In this case, you can say, “It sounds like you’re really unhappy in the relationship, but apparently you’re afraid of hurting me. I wish you would be honest with me. Do you want to end it?” I’d like to believe that she would confess after that.
- In the conversation, be sure to use I-messages instead of You-messages. I-talks are less likely to make the girl want to defend herself.  X Source of Information For example, she may shut down if you say, “You’re acting weird. Tell me what’s going on.” It’s better to say something like, “I feel like we’ve been drifting apart lately, and I’d like to know if you feel the same way.”
- If a girl is walking away from you, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t feel like it. You can just get up and walk away or just reply, “Okay, I understand.” If you want, you can share your feelings about the breakup. For example, that you’re sad, or that it makes you angry, or that she’s right and you think it’s a good idea too.
- Try not to raise your voice and speak calmly, and breathe in a measured way.
- If you realize you can’t contain your anger, it’s best to walk away from the conversation. Even if she says she wants to break up with you, and you feel like you hate her at the moment, just walk away so you don’t say things you don’t mean or that you might regret later.
Acknowledge the results of the conversation.  X Source of Information Whether you ended up without a girlfriend at the end of the conversation or, conversely, you are still together, acknowledge everything you were told. If you’re separated, then it’s time to deal with the breakup. If the girl says that she is fine with everything and she doesn’t want to leave you, believe her. There is no need to keep coming back to this topic. This will annoy her and you will look insecure.
Love Coup: If the girl has proposed to break up
The girl offered to break up… Maybe – joking, said in the heart, in the heat of the moment? At this minute in your head rushes a lot of thoughts – from high-flown “life gave a crack” to the household “no one to iron the shirt. Turn on your cognitive analysis and figure out what the girl means and how to proceed.
Girl suggested to break up: what does it mean?
If the girl wants to break up, the idea of getting drunk or forgetting yourself in the arms of another is a good one, but not the best one. First wake up the psychologist, analyst and strategist in yourself to figure out the reasons, which can be at least three.
Not sure if the girl is only communicating with you? Maybe she has a crush on someone else? Check her social networks with Scanprofile and find out the truth!
A revealing breakup
With the words “Everything, I’m tired, we have to break up,” flying from her lips in a moment of fervor, do not leave, but show emotion. The content of this “we have to break up” can be anything – I want to hold hands, I want a fur coat, not enough sex. Or banal PMS with his unmotivated destructive desires. Or the girl is testing you for manipulability. Or develops the practice of training (she left, you rushed to follow wishes).
You need to be a sensitive partner who knows how to understand the mood of his “soul mate. If the relationship is generally good, without “mutual pains, troubles and resentments,” as Mayakovsky wrote, there is no threat. How to get out of an awkward situation when you got kicked in the heel, talk below.
Pause in the relationship
If a girl offered to break up, saying “We need to take a break, live separately, sort ourselves out,” don’t panic. It’s probably true. Women are brave and straightforward. They say what they think. A pause means a pause. Right now she doesn’t want to continue the relationship for some reason, but for some reason she can’t put a fat dot on the i.
Only you know why the girl took her toothbrush (but left some stuff behind) and went off to sort herself out. It could have been an argument over nothing. Or she got bored in the company of your hopeless attempts to diversify your leisure time. Maybe you bent the line and didn’t consider her opinion. In general, be thankful that she did not stick a note with the words “I can not more, sorry,” and disappeared into thin air, as one of the suitors Carrie from “Sex and the City”, and honestly talked to you, though it left behind a slight sense of uncertainty.
Breaking up true
Sometimes girls decide to break up seriously, having accumulated enough reasons to break up or, worse, having met a more convincing male. Here it is important to understand the following. A girl who is going nowhere is tormented by doubts until the last moment. And at this very moment, while she is weighing and analyzing the rightness of her actions, everything can be changed. There are stories when a man becomes a real alpha male and the girl gets hooked.
If the reason for leaving was a competitor who, in all likelihood, beat you to it, there’s virtually no chance. At least as long as they are in the candy-boquetal period. But something can be done in this hopeless situation.
Girl asked to break up: how to act
So, she arranged an exemplary breakup, including the “you’re guilty” option. If you are really to blame, and she appetizingly ate your brain about it – take note of the list of reproaches, put your eyes down and embrace her. Basically – the incident is over. The question – do you need such a bitch, which will continue for every transgression to point at the door or slam it loudly? If you need one, bend over. Admit your guilt. And if you don’t, dominate the girl, get better, stronger, and taller. If quitters happen regularly and on an even keel, let her know that the door opens one way.
Do not take her irrational lamentations to heart, but pay attention to the real complaints. In the absence of real grievances, firmly and confidently cut off the manipulation.
Now about the pause in the relationship. Remember this: a pause is not just a pause. If she says “break up for a while,” you should understand that after that time, her ideas about you are not fundamentally change. The problem will not resolve itself. The past with all its offenses will not go anywhere. So now, during the pause, it is important to push hard to resuscitate the relationship. And if you continue to be a “stooge” and “dog”, even flaring up again after a separation feeling will evaporate faster than boiling water.
Find out what caused the “pause”. Admit that you did not meet her expectations. Say that you value the relationship and want to keep it. During the “pause” continue to be attentive, sympathetic and caring.
Half the time the pause ends up ending the relationship completely. Nevertheless, 50% is a good chance not to give up.
If a girl wants to break up for good and say so not in the process of breaking sets, but over a cup of coffee in a cafe, where she invited you herself, perhaps the idea hatched long and thoroughly. Approximately three months, according to psychologists. Here it is important to understand whether the horse is dead or not. It’s time to get down or you can spur. But do not go too far, turning from a “normal young man” in the pissed wooer, who shows the highest degree of care and attention. Maintain the degree of maximum dedication (time, money and effort) for a long time will not work, and she will still leave, having certainly enjoyed your gentlemanly agony.
If the reason for the breakup was another young man, saving face, wish her happiness. Demonstrate that you respect her choice. Let her know you’re ready to get back together. Thank her for everything.
Saving face in any situation is a quality that many modern men lack. “Save face” means to look like a winner even when you actually lose.
Broke up with the girl: how to forget and start to live
Let go of the past – you get the future. This is the answer to the question “what to do if a girl breaks up with me. Start small – delete her phone number, unfriend her on social networks and stop following her there. And here are a couple more practical tips under the heading “broke up with a girl, how to forget.
- Scientists have found that breaking up provokes the body to produce adrenaline. This is a genetically conditioned response to stress with attendant symptoms – headaches, fatigue and anxiety. Getting rid of excess adrenaline is simple – lace up your sneakers and go to the gym.
- Feeling empty? Load the fridge with delicious food. Tryptophan-containing foods such as cheese, fish, meat, mushrooms, and nuts can help you cope with depression and moping. Caffeine, vitamin D and Omega-3 fatty acids have antidepressant qualities. A cup of coffee with chocolate, a good steak, or grilled salmon is just what you need right now.
- Anyway, congratulations. You are the lucky one, who got a chance to start his life with a clean slate and do what he wanted to do before, but could not because of the banal lack of time (relationships are time consuming resource). This is called freedom. Enjoy it, old man.
If this article did not help you, you can ask for expert help at psy-chat.ru. It’s absolutely free!
So, if a girl has offered to break up – don’t believe, don’t be afraid, don’t ask. “I respect your decision, but I want to keep our relationship” – such your answer will discourage her at least. And even if it’s serious and she does leave, remember, life has no dead ends. There are traps that we drive ourselves into. And only those who look up conquer the peaks.