What to do if the love for your husband is gone – 3 tips from a psychologist
When we talk about the fact that the love for the husband has passed, and we wonder – what to do, how to act? In such cases, we want to hear sound advice that will put all the dots over the AND, and help to make the right decision.
What can be advice from a psychologist when the love for your husband is gone?
What should you do – stay with your husband, somehow love him or accept it, ignore your feelings and be unhappy?
Regardless of any advice, it is up to you to make a decision and a choice. For my part, I will try to help you understand your feelings, and maybe you will make the right decision.
Gone love for her husband – psychologist tips
How long have you realized that you have no feelings for your husband?
It happened abruptly, or the understanding came slowly through analysis and reflection? Think and answer yourself this question. The answer will be important, because it may well be that you only think that feelings are gone, they have faded, gone away, and in their place live irritation and frustration.
What do you think appears instead of love? Yes, in the place where there was love, what lives now, what feelings?
If you feel for your husband – irritation, resentment, hatred, anger, then love, shrouded in negative feelings, but it is there.
If there is no love, there will be indifference and emptiness inside – this is the absence of love. If you do not care what happens to your once loved one, and you are indifferent to what he does and commits.
For example, you find out about the cheating, right now, when you think you don’t love him? What will be your reaction, what will be your thoughts, your feelings, what will you do?
Will you be hurt, will you say that he is a bastard, etc.?
Or will you rejoice and say, “Thank God, you solved everything yourself,” and you will part with him with a light heart?
You see, the absence of a warm and sincere feeling, a pronounced feeling of love, does not say that love is gone.
Sometimes, you have to dig a little deeper into your surface thoughts and feelings.
Read the short article, “22 Signs It’s Time to End a Relationship,” and find out if there are signs in your relationship that it’s time to break up.
I’ll make a small digression, if you’ve been in a relationship very recently, just a few years, it’s likely that the crush has passed, and serious and mature feelings have yet to emerge.
Love, about which legends are made, poems and novels are written, most often exaggerated, stuffed with romance and vivid feelings. Real life with a loved one is very different, not at all like a romantic crush.
Therefore, the very first step to understand why your love for your husband has gone, you need to figure out what has actually gone – love, mature love or a romantic crush, because of which you got married?
Read the article “What is the difference between love and falling in love?” and draw the necessary conclusions about yourself.
If love in marriage has passed, what should you do?
I do not know your situation, so I can only speculate on the reasons for dislike of your husband. And of course based on the situation, you need to make a decision.
Here are some common situations:
- When I was dating my future husband, there was a strong love, a lot of feelings, it seemed that it would last a lifetime and there would always be such love. But everything changed, and now those feelings are gone.
- During the marriage, a lot of resentment and grievances have accumulated, and you cannot switch to a good attitude towards your husband.
- He treats you badly, does not respect you, does not appreciate you, and you understand that over time, it will get worse.
- You realize that your husband is a different person than when you married him.
- There has been infidelity or constant cheating on his part, you once made the decision to forgive him and keep the family together, but now you realize that you couldn’t forgive.
- Your husband has some kind of addiction – alcohol, drugs, gambling or computer games – and you are tired of fighting his problems.
- Your husband is jealous and controlling, you can’t take a step without permission, you constantly have to make excuses about what you did and especially about what you didn’t do.
- You want romance, attention, tenderness, but your husband thinks that these “calf” tenderness is no longer important and is not needed.
Dissolved her husband, what to do?
Dissolved her husband, what to do, how to do – to stay and live with an unloved man, to hate and tolerate, or leave?
Surely, in your head, rotates this question.
Let’s think a little bit about it.
- Do you love yourself?
- Do you believe that your happiness is the most important thing in life?
- Do you put yourself first?
If you answered yes to these three questions, you wouldn’t be on this page, because by loving and caring for yourself, you wouldn’t even bother with these kinds of questions and choices.
As soon as you realized that you were unhappy in the relationship, you would immediately, make the right decision for yourself and end the relationship.
What prevents you from breaking up when you don’t love your husband and making a firm decision to divorce?
Fear and pity, these are the main culprits of doubt in deciding to separate when the love for your husband has passed.
- Fear about how will I live after the divorce?
- What will happen to me, will I be able to cope?
- Fear of loneliness – now, there is some, but a husband, and who will need me with children or at this age?
- I felt pity for the years I had lived, for my energy and time spent on my husband and family.
- I pity myself for not being able to consider the man I once married.
Is it worth preserving a marriage for the sake of children if I don’t love my husband?
What do you think? You gave birth to your children to make them happy, right?
Would they be happy if their mother was unhappy? And if there are constant quarrels in the family, arguments, claims against each other, then it turns out that the child is constantly living in anticipation of another showdown between mom and dad.
The child is happy now, he has a happy childhood?
Here, analyze and think at your leisure, what kind of childhood does your child have now?
– A child should have a father! – A popular expression, and it is not explained, what kind of father should be?
When you divorce, the father of your children will remain, he will not go anywhere, he will just live separately. If he is a good father, he will communicate with the children no matter what.
Of course, if you do not do something stupid, and do not put obstacles in the way of your ex-husband’s communication with the children.
And what is there to think about, if your husband is not taking care of the children now, he does not care about them, or he is drinking?
Although, I understand that hope is the last to die, some women unreasonably hope that her husband will somehow magically become good – a good husband, a wonderful father, become attentive, etc.
If love for her husband is gone, the psychologist’s advice would be to listen to your heart – are there any feelings left or is there a complete indifference?
If indifference, then do not hesitate, make every effort to become a happy woman. I really like the expression, “God has no other hands but ours,” so your happiness is in your own hands.
Check out the short video “Is it worth it to keep a marriage for the sake of children”, these are my reflections on this difficult topic.
I hope I was able to answer the query “passed husband love advice from a psychologist”, and you asked yourself some questions that will give you the answers you need to make a decision.
Be loved and happy!
Respectfully, family psychologist Natalia Gnezdilova.
The author of the article – Natalia Gnezdilova, family psychologist experience of 15 years. I help women 35 + return love, respect and trust in the relationship with a man. Advising online in any of the messengers – Skype, WhatsApp, Viber. Subscribe to: YouTube channel, group VK
Is it possible to return his wife’s love and make peace with her if she fell out of love
It is much easier when the loss of feelings concerns two partners, in this case it is possible to end the relationship painlessly. But what if your wife fell in love, and you still have a flickering hope for the preservation of the family? The main thing is not to panic, to understand the reasons for what happened, to decide whether to return his wife.
If you are sure that you need her, follow the simple tips from psychologists, how to restore her feelings, what to do if she left. Also, familiarize yourself with situations where divorce is imminent so that you don’t waste your energy in vain.
Why the wife has fallen out of love with her husband: reasons
To understand the question of how to keep the family, if the wife fell out of love, you first need to soberly assess what is happening, to understand the reasons that drive her. Feelings never go away suddenly, and this means that some impetus contributed to this. More often than not, the reasons are:
- financial difficulties, the failure of the man, the inability to support the family;
- Frequent quarrels that turn into grandiose scandals, complete lack of understanding of the partners;
- Heavy losses, bitterness, in which the spouses may blame each other;
- A commonness of life, monotony in relationships, lack of passion, flirtation, or romance;
- lack of attention, care, any expression of feelings in her direction;
- Lack of sexual attraction, when sex becomes an obligation rather than a desire;
- Neglect of her, selfish behavior, preference to do “her” business;
- Lack of communication, spending time together, common interests;
- Abuse of bad habits, such as alcoholism, drug addiction;
- Violence on the part of the man, both moral and physical.
To maintain love in family relationships, it is important to spend time together, communicate as much as possible, have common hobbies. Women need attention, compliments, romantic pleasantries, help in difficult situations. A caring loving man will not have a question of how to return his wife’s love, which means you have done something wrong.
Signs of cooled feelings
In order not to break up with the woman you love, it is important for you to identify the problem in time before she leaves. If she does not directly say that she has fallen out of love with you, the following signs will be alarming:
- She regularly refuses intimacy;
- Communicates with other men, shows interest in their successes;
- sharply changing her priorities, spending more and more time away from home with her friends.
Simply put, a woman becomes cold, disinterested in the affairs of her spouse, and shows less and less warmth and care. There are many indirect signs that indicate that feelings have declined:
- she no longer hides her faults;
- ignores your presence;
- unreasonably shows jealousy;
- Is irritable over small things;
- shows rudeness, selfishness;
- Less and less attentive to household chores, cooking;
- prefers to make any important decisions independently.
Not always this behavior suggests that she fell in love, fell in love with another man and going to him to leave. But in any case, all signs are an indicator that the relationship needs to be rehabilitated.
Is it worth it to return his wife if she fell out of love?
Not in all cases, the return of the wife is a reasonable solution. So before you take any action, ask yourself whether it is worth it to return her at all. If the cooled feelings are not only her, but also you, in that case it is better to divorce. Disputable situations may be as follows:
- you live together, but she wants to leave – first find the reasons for this desire, make every effort to keep her, and if it does not help, accept it;
- If there are common children – this is a good reason to try to keep the family, if at least one of you has love left;
- there is an accumulated property – often spouses are inhibited by a situation where divorce is not allowed so easily the issues of division of property, and therefore this is your chance to gain time.
How to get back the feelings of the beloved wife
Relationship psychology teaches that any problem in the relationship between a man and a woman – it’s always the fault of both. So if your wife has decided to leave you, stated her lack of feelings, find the reasons, and then push back from them to find ways to keep the family together. You can return her favor in several ways:
- Frank conversation – find a moment when you are both calm. After that, try to discuss the problem, analyze the relationship, outline the reasons, but so that it does not turn into another scandal.
- Apology – If you know what kind of misconduct offended his wife, led to the cooling of feelings, apologize. You can arrange a pleasant surprise. Even if you once decided to cheat on his wife, the chances for forgiveness are slim, but to try to beg forgiveness is worth it.
- Fall in love with her again – remember what she once fell in love with you for his actions and qualities. Try to show it all over again, help her with any problems, show interest in her and her life.
- Listen to criticism – try to take your wife out into a frank conversation so that she can directly express all her grievances against you. After listening to all of this, you can soberly assess whether it makes sense to save the relationship, whether you can change for her sake.
- Break up – if she wants to leave, give her freedom. Let her live alone, think through all the pros and cons of being alone, so there was something to compare it with. And after some time you can meet and discuss whether to get together, or separately you both feel comfortable.
- Consult a family psychologist – professionals save about 60% of married couples. Try to persuade her to see a psychologist together. If not, visit him on your own to find answers to any questions.
- Let go – if she fell in love with someone else, went to him, in every way demonstrates how happy she is in the new relationship, give her freedom. You can say you’re ready to take her back, but do not interfere with her new life.
In any case, the surest way – improving yourself, working on yourself. Whatever decision you both take, do everything to transform for the better both externally and internally. Remove all the shortcomings that led to the cooling of feelings.
How to behave if your wife left
A chilled marriage will sooner or later lead to a spouse leaving. Separation can also be the cause of infidelity on her part. What to do if you are determined to resume the marriage? Setting up a relationship requires the following steps:
- Give time to both yourself and your spouse, do not run after her, arranging scandals, and certainly do not drag her back home by force;
- Leave her alone, she may have gone temporarily to get a break from you, the routine of family life, everyday life, and a change of scenery will benefit the relationship;
- If she says that she is not satisfied with the relationship and specific behavior on your part, hear every word she says, be aware of the transgressions, work on yourself to prevent this from happening in the future;
- If she is living with another man, do not try to win her back, become a better person, behave decently, it is very likely that very soon she will realize the error and come back;
- Restore normal communication to keep in touch with her, by all means assist in any matter, take an interest in her life.
Quickly return home spouse will help kind, attentive, caring attitude towards her. Try to do everything to show awareness of his mistakes and the ability to change.
When the only way out is divorce
When to stay in a relationship when you’ve fallen out of love, it makes no sense? When divorce is imminent, it’s only a matter of time. There are several signs that a relationship cannot be saved:
- The wife is cheating . If it is a systematic relationship with another man for whom there are feelings, it is unlikely that your attempts to save the marriage are justified and worthwhile.
- Moral, psychological abuse . If one of you is constantly abusing yourself, sacrificing for the sake of a fragile peace, facing humiliation, the relationship is doomed.
- Lack of compromise . Wife blames you for everything, and does not see the fault for themselves, although it is obvious? It is unlikely that such a policy will lead to harmony, sooner or later the marriage will collapse anyway.
- Different vision of the future . If your plans for later life cardinally diverge, everyone sees his future in his own way, the relationship is doomed.
- Lack of any contact . When in a couple there is no communication, interaction, tenderness, tactility and even sex, with a great desire to maintain a fragile peace will be impossible.
Well, the main indicator that the way out should be divorce is mutual indifference, lack of respect. Neither children nor common accrued property will not be able to keep you with each other for a long time.
Tips psychologist on the return of his spouse and the establishment of a relationship
The main assistant in matters of saving the relationship is a psychologist. He has all the information about what causes the ruin of marriages, because of what pass feelings, what ways you can renew them. Tips for getting your wife back and fixing the relationship will be as follows:
- change everything – if you used to pay little attention to your wife, now show her the opposite attitude, say compliments, help, show care;
- refuse from accusations – any reproaches lead to arguments, scandals, because of which the cooled down feelings are even more gone, on the contrary, praise your wife for any even insignificant deeds, support any decisions;
- Revive romance and flirtation – arrange dates, nice surprises for her, arrange such meetings that you once won her heart at the courtship stage;
- Don’t let the bed get cold – surprise her as much as you can, show her how good she can be with you in sex, take the initiative;
- Establish a trusting communication – only then will you always be able to express their grievances and complaints without scandals, and find out in a timely manner from her what you can hurt or upset your partner.
If the couple have a good relationship, there is no cheating, betrayal, mutual humiliation and incessant scandals, to return the spouse and fight for feelings is definitely worth it. And how to do this, you already know, find the causes of coldness, eradicate them, change and conquer anew her heart.