How to teach your husband for contempt and insults?
Looking for information on how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect and insults? Tips from a psychologist can help teach your spouse a lesson that he will remember for a long time and make appropriate conclusions.
Interestingly, recommendations on how to punish a husband who insults are of interest to women of all ages. At the same time, their social status does not matter to their life partner. Young female students, successful businesswomen, and average women working in education, trade, medicine and other services suffer from rudeness and insults of their other half.
Why does the husband insult and humiliate his wife?
Psychologists recommend that women who are insulted and humiliated by their husbands establish the reasons for such behavior. They believe that representatives of the fair sex can give a reason for such treatment.
But, however, to teach her husband a lesson for disrespect, it is necessary. If only because he is a representative of the stronger sex and initially has no right to influence the one who is weaker.
Situations in which one side plays the role of the victim and the other plays the role of the tyrant are not uncommon in family relationships. Unfortunately, many women come to terms with these circumstances and continue to live together with their spouse. These relationships indicate an unhealthy environment in the family. And the children suffer first and foremost.
In addition, the reasons are usually absent. They simply do not. This is just a way for the man to assert himself, to realize his worth.
He may be taking revenge for the past. If the wife ever cheated or forced her spouse into marriage, such behavior is at least understandable. But the whole point is that no reason can be an excuse for humiliation and suffering.
Some psychologists say that there is a certain category of women who enjoy their role as victims. They see themselves as saints, destined to live in torment. This is the wrong attitude. No one should ever be a victim.
Think about whether you need such a family. Maybe you shouldn’t take revenge on your spouse. Is it simply time to file for divorce? But it also happens that the partner is not even aware that his behavior humiliates his companion. It seems to him that he is behaving normally. Maybe he just met a woman with no sense of humor? Does she interpret the slightest statement as mocking and insulting?
If you are offended by jokes husband, his seemingly harmless ridicule at your shortcomings, it is necessary to call him for a frank conversation. Explain to your loved one that you do not accept jokes about their own appearance or habits. Tell him how unpleasant and painful to listen to his jokes. Loving people will listen and try to protect you from suffering.
If the insults humiliate you, there is open anger in them, and the man enjoys the process, then you should think about breaking up. The tyrant will not stop. His insulting remarks can take on a destructive nature. The situation in the house will heat up to the limit, terrible things can happen.
The main reasons when a man behaves in an unacceptable way are:
1. Psychological trauma from childhood. Probably in the husband’s family, his mother and father had the same relationship. As a boy he has learned, different behavior is a deviation from the norm. A man should humiliate his wife.
2. Jealousy and personality complexes. Insecure men try to raise their self-esteem in such a dubious way. They are sure: his wife is cheating, she can not live with a creature like him? He takes out his resentment, even if his suspicions are unjustified.
3. Exaggerated self-esteem. The man who considers himself a god, the only breadwinner in the family, sure: he has the right to bully his wife. He contains her, and who pays for the music, and he orders it.
4. lack of love. If the man has another woman, but his love for his wife has disappeared, he may provoke his wife into divorce by his behavior. He is waiting for her to leave and give him freedom. He thus shifts the responsibility for the preservation of the family to the woman he once loved.
5. Provocation by the woman. Sometimes wives humiliate a man by their behavior. For example, they may praise their friend’s husband or admire a co-worker. No male representative will allow himself to endure such humiliation. He retaliates.
If you believe that you are behaving decently, doing everything for the family and your spouse, try to find out the reasons for the disrespectful attitude towards you. Call your spouse for a frank conversation. As an option, see a family psychologist. Specialist will analyze the situation and help cope with the problem.
I remind you that sometimes divorce is the only opportunity to get rid of abuse and insults. In this case, do not be afraid of condemnation by relatives. More important is your psychological health.
10 psychologist tips on how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespecting and insulting
Here are the psychologist’s tips on how to put your husband in his place. The recommendations will help correct the situation if the man thinks he’s just kidding, he’s not doing anything wrong. I remind you that the advice is advisory in nature. Not all men can take a woman’s criticism. Act according to the situation.
Tip number 1 for those who are on maternity leave
Many young women on maternity leave looking for a way to get back at her husband for an offense. The newly minted dad is sure: the wife is resting with the child, sitting on the couch, while he works. Tell your husband that you urgently need to go or lie down for a check-up at the hospital. Leave your spouse with the baby for the day. He needs to understand that you are not resting or spending time doing nothing while he is at work.
I don’t recommend going to a party with your girlfriends. At best, talk about a sick mom you need to visit. That is, the reason for your absence should be valid. Calmly go about your business and don’t call him every minute to see how he’s doing. He’ll get over it.
Tip #2 for those who want to shame a man
If you don’t know how to shame a man for letting himself come home drunk or spending the evening with friends instead of rushing home, proceed as follows.
Act as if nothing has happened. He is probably waiting for a rebuke from you. Make him breakfast, tell him how bored and worried yesterday, while he was busy.
The man will be ashamed that he allowed himself such behavior. Practice shows that conflicts in such situations do not help. Tell your husband that the next time he notified you of his plans. Then you will not spend the evening alone, and go to a friend, acquaintances, etc. He will think twice before giving you that freedom.
Tip #3 for those who want to reprimand their husbands
Don’t know how to discipline a husband who has begun to behave inappropriately? Tell about a colleague or girlfriend who got divorced and is happy now. Describe in detail that she meets men, dresses beautifully, does not tire of taking care of dinner.
Sincerely envy the nonexistent girlfriend. Express a desire to be in her place. Loving spouse must understand that you do not intend to tolerate humiliation and are willing to leave him if he will not change.
Tip #4 for those who don’t understand what’s going on
It also happens that a relationship goes bad all of a sudden. A loving husband becomes selfish. He becomes grouchy. You need to find out the reasons for this behavior. Get him to talk openly. See a psychologist if your husband is okay with that.
Tip #5 for those who are tired of being humiliated
Gather your strength and file for divorce. When they do not help talk, and her husband’s behavior is over the line, there is no other option. Do not console yourself with false hopes. He will not get better. Especially if he tried to raise his hand against you. Many women say they do not want to leave their children without a father. But if he ever kills you, the children will be left without parents at all. Don’t let that happen. You can handle it. No woman has ever been lost without a man. You are strong.
Tip #6 for those who think it’s the mother-in-law’s fault.
If the mother-in-law does not like you, she “teaches” her husband, and he, to please his mother, you humiliate, return the son in the family.
Remember the phrase from the joke: “With the help of a fortune teller I managed to bring her husband back into the family. To the family where he grew up…”.
Or in a pinch you can go away for a few days. Let my mother-in-law herself cook for him, laundry and ironing. Do not forget to tell your spouse that you will not tolerate the presence of third parties in your relationship.
Tip #7 for those who are really guilty
If you are guilty in front of your husband, and he supposedly forgave you, but now humiliates, insults, then you can not keep such a family. You need to break up. If a man is behaving this way, it means he has not forgiven you. You have untied his hands. He believes that because he has “forgiven” you, he is allowed to do anything. Endure humiliation makes no sense, even if you really love your husband. From now on you will be more careful. Tolerate for the sake of the children is not worth it either. They do not see an example. Your situation in the future can be repeated in their families.
Tip number 8 for those who are being punished for a piece of bread
We’ve already talked about maternity leave. But sometimes the husband insists that his wife not work. He wants his spouse to take care of the house, but he’ll bawl her out with every piece of bread. He tells her that she is a freeloader and has no right to manage her money.
This is where you might suggest that your husband switch roles. Let him take care of the house, and you go to work. This tip is suitable for in-demand and well-paid professionals.
You can negotiate with your spouse about the “salary”. Believe me, a good maid, cook, laundress in one person get decent money. It works for some men.
Well, and the most obvious advice. Set a condition: either you get a divorce, or go to work. On a piece of bread you will earn yourself either way.
Tip # 9 for those who are offended by remarks about the appearance of
Yes, men like to admire other women. They are prettier, slimmer, sexier and kinder. But such remarks suggest that your spouse was only fascinated by your looks. He did not see you as a person. Take care of yourself and say goodbye to your spouse.
Tip #10 for those who have fallen out of love
If you know there is another woman, but you are willing to endure humiliation and insults in order for the man to stay with you, that’s your choice. There is nothing you can do. Try to agree that you will behave like neighbors: live in the same apartment and do not interfere in each other’s affairs. Do not notice your spouse, do not cook for him, do not do the laundry. If you are not ready to part with him forever, live that way. The best way out of this situation: let the man go.
Psychologists give a lot of advice on how to teach your husband a lesson for insults and humiliation. Give a universal recommendation, it is impossible. Each case is different. The optimal option: to visit a family psychologist, talk about all the nuances and get step-by-step instructions.
But every woman should remember that an abusive man can affect and physical force. Do not let him beat you. This is unacceptable.
I have given popular advice from psychologists on how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect and insults. You can use them. But in conclusion, it should also be said that instructions do not always give results. It is difficult to fix a man. If he does not want to change, neither psychological counseling nor advice will help.
It is important that women understand that you have to love yourself. If your husband does not appreciate you, do not look for reasons in themselves. Remember, insults and humiliation in the future will escalate into serious conflicts. Everything can end very tragically.
Do not be afraid of loneliness. It is not worse than bullying, beatings, humiliation. There are people around you. Ask for help. Don’t live with abusers under the same roof. You need to be able to distinguish between harmless jokes and teasing and real insults and threats.
About the author: Hi, I’m Karolina Korablova. I live in the Moscow region, in the town of Odintsovo. I love life and people. I try to be realistic and optimistic about life. In people I appreciate the ability to behave. I am fond of psychology, in particular, conflict resolution. Graduated from the Russian State Medical University, faculty of psychology of work and special psychology.
How to forgive an insult and humiliation of a man and whether it is worth it
Love and trust in a couple also involves respect, care, empathy. Of course, there is no relationship without quarrels and conflicts. Emotions people sometimes say unpleasant things to each other and the same about it regret. Do I have to forgive and how to do it?
Why does the man insult?
Sometimes insults and humiliation become part of habitual communication, and a man begins to show constant disrespect for his girlfriend. Such behavior has characteristic features:
- the man denies what happened or reduces its significance, convinced that the woman herself “invented everything”, “always winds up”, takes everything “too close to his heart”;
- the man may say unpleasant words as a joke, in a diminutive way, rather than as a direct insult, for example, “you’re such a fool for me”;
- often in his speech there are words “always”, “forever”, “all the time”;
- When he says them, you feel resentment, pain, you have low self-esteem and a bad mood;
- Even if you do everything “perfectly,” the man will find something to complain about;
- His opinion is considered categorical and the only true.
These are signs that you are not just “a lot of quarrels,” and in the relationship there is a psychological abuse. This is what you can call the insults or humiliation to which one of the partners is subjected.
In a relationship where there is love and respect, such behavior is unacceptable. Everyone has a responsibility to protect their dignity, and one person has no right to insult the other.
In such a situation it is important to realize that the reason for the abuse has nothing to do with you. Psychologically speaking, you are not involved in this situation at all, because a man will do this to any other woman.
There could be a variety of reasons for this:
- Parental example – a man copies the model of behavior of his parents, considering it quite normal or the only true, because he was brought up on their attitudes and standards of morality;
What to do if a man is offended?
- the desire to assert himself – if a man can not get the desired social status, recognition, he increases its importance at the expense of other people, those who are weaker or dependent on him. He takes pleasure in humiliating others;
- Complexes and self-doubt: by inflicting an insult or insult, a man feels more confident, as if showing that he is stronger and better than the other person. In doing so, he is trying to cope with his complexes;
- Sexism is another stereotype that was “picked up” in the social environment in which the man grew up. He a priori puts himself above a woman and considers it normal to insult, teach, humiliate, control her.
Whatever the reason, it can not justify such behavior, because he is an adult who consciously chooses what he does and does not.
Do I need to forgive?
First, you need to decide what you want. If you want to save the relationship at all costs, then you need to forgive and move on. But it’s important to realize that the insults and humiliation will likely continue.
If your goal is not just to keep the man, “just to be,” and you want a close, respectful relationship where you both care about each other, showing tenderness and warmth, simple forgiveness will not help.
On the contrary, it will only show the man that you can be treated badly. Do not take the role of the victim, who forgives out of pity or weakness. Forgiveness must be conscious. And it depends on the situation in which you were insulted.
If it was an isolated incident
Let’s say the man said something unpleasant during a family conflict, insulted you. Of course, you should not forgive him “just because”. He has to get his forgiveness. But not with gifts or promises, but by:
- shows his sincere regret about it;
- He feels guilty about what happened;
- He realizes that he did wrong and apologizes;
- He shows that it won’t happen again;
- he doesn’t accuse you of “making a big deal out of it.
But if he thinks nothing “happened” and doesn’t understand what the problem is, then in a calm atmosphere, use “I-messages” to make your feelings and experiences known to him. He needs to understand what it was like for you.
If he doesn’t understand or refuses to understand, absolving himself of any responsibility, why should you forgive him? Especially since there is a high probability that the situation will repeat itself, because he won’t admit there is a problem.
If it happens all the time
If insults and humiliation by men have become the norm in your relationship, you should abandon all forgiveness. Each time you find excuses for this behavior and putting up with him, you only reinforce it.
It’s better to focus your attention and energy on
- Why did you end up in this relationship?
- When did it start?
- Why are you allowing your personal boundaries to be violated?
- What will be the prospects for your further communication?
In such a situation, you cannot blame yourself, circumstances, or the man’s parents for “ruining his life. Finding someone to blame will get you nowhere.
Give up the habit of looking for excuses for the man, such as: “he’s having a bad day today,” “I really did it wrong,” “he just had too much to drink.”
You can’t keep threatening to divorce, but not carry out your threat – then the man will know you’re bluffing and you’re not going anywhere, no matter how he treats you.
Give up the excuse that you’re staying with him for the kids. Nothing traumatizes a child’s psyche like an abusive father who makes the mother suffer.
The main thing is not to ignore the problem, hoping that things will change on their own. If you want to build a good relationship, then forgiving the man for the abuse will not help.
How to act
During conflicts, when the man is on emotion, try to control yourself, do not clarify the relationship, do not shout back, it is better to just remove yourself from communication until he can not pull himself together.
When everyone calms down, talk to the man and explain your feelings. Tell him how you feel when he says this or that phrase. Show him how uncomfortable it makes you feel.
You need to make it clear to the man that this kind of thing is unacceptable to you. This is not how you see your relationship.
Listen to what he thinks about it. He may not have noticed how often he insults you. If you brought it to his attention and conveyed that you are hurt and hurt, a loving man will promise to make it right.
If he says he doesn’t do it on purpose, just out of habit, you can agree that you will bring it to his attention and he will listen to you.
To forgive a man for an insult or humiliation, you don’t need to “write out your grievances on a piece of paper” or try to break yourself. You need to make your relationship qualitatively changed, that they appeared emotional closeness, warmth and respect.
But if the man is not ready to change, does not consider your feelings, recognizes only his rightness, you need to think about what you get in this relationship.