What to do if the guy ignores after a quarrel and is offended
If after a quarrel the guy is offended and ignores, then first of all you need to figure out what is the reason for the conflict, what your actions led to such a reaction. Let’s figure out what tactics you should choose to behave so as not to finally ruin the relationship.
How to understand that the guy after a quarrel offended
First of all, determine that the guy really offended, that his ignoring is not the usual manipulation, but caused by his experiences after the quarrel. The following signs will help you to understand that the young man is offended:
- In every way shortens the time of the conversation, does not show emotionality, answers in a single phrase, and prefers to call by SMS. Avoids communication, and if it happened, he tries to finish it as soon as possible.
- Trying not to spend time with you alone: either include your friends or does not come.
- Does not share his plans. Does not rush to a meeting after work. Prefers to communicate with friends.
- Avoids intimacy, tactile contact, eliminates kissing. You do not get his usual tenderness, compliments.
- In the conversation slips into barbs, irritability, reticence.
For men during the offense is characterized by withdrawal. They prefer not to devote anyone in his feelings, to experience resentment alone.
Why does the guy after a quarrel ignore you
First of all, analyze whether you are really to blame. If you have nothing to do with it, the ignoring and resentment may be for the following reasons:
- The guy hasn’t admitted his guilt and is waiting for you to cool down. Moreover, the more guilty he is, the longer you have to wait for him to be ready to apologize.
- The guy doesn’t think he’s to blame. He hasn’t properly evaluated what happened and won’t admit his guilt.
- The guy has problems at work, and he doesn’t feel bad about it. He doesn’t perceive the argument that occurred.
- He doesn’t care about the fight. Even if the guy did admit his guilt, but he’s not interested in the situation, he hasn’t given it the importance it deserves.
- The guy shows his equanimity.
If you are still wrong and were the initiator of the quarrel, the guy may show disregard for the following reasons:
- He was offended. You hurt his dignity. He can’t get over the situation that easily. He’s out for revenge.
- He’s disappointed and has made a decision to end the relationship. This reason is especially relevant if you have beaten his ego more than once.
- He’s got other problems on his mind.
Man offended! What to do?
Do not take it tragically quarrels and ignoring guy. Understand that everything happens in a relationship. A grudge is an excuse to look at how many mistakes were made on the road to happiness.
How to behave if a guy ignores you after an argument
If a guy is silent for a day or two after a fight, this is already wrong. Especially, if such situations are repeated over and over again. This is not the way psychologically mature people behave. If after every misunderstanding you encounter a similar situation, then you are faced with an infantile young man. Think about whether you need this kind of relationship.
If you are ignored by a guy after a quarrel, he is trying to prove something to you in this way, then the following tips will help you normally survive in this situation:
- Give the young man responsibility for his silence.
Don’t take it upon yourself to ignore the guy. As soon as you do, you’ll get rid of the guilt he imposes on you by his silence. Unfortunately, it’s common for women to take the blame for what happened. And it doesn’t matter to us whether we’re really to blame or not.
Do not run the situation before going to sleep, do not take it to the details: you should have kept quiet here, if you do not respond, and the scandal would not have happened. This is not going to fix the situation, but you’re exhausted with guilt.
- Accept the fact of your innocence.
It’s not your fault the guy’s silence, the way he reacts to misunderstandings. He’s a grown man. If he’s made the decision to behave that way, it’s the only option for him. If he needs to be quiet, then let him be quiet.
- Realize that ignoring him is not your problem.
Accept to yourself the simple fact that silence is not your problem. It is the guy’s psychological problem. He needs to address the issue. It’s not at all common for men to acknowledge their mental problems.
- Think about what the guy wants to show you with his silence.
If a guy is ignoring you, then most likely he wants to convey to you that he’s not there. He’s offended and morally estranged from you. Show some restraint, show that you don’t care about his behavior.
If the guy’s plan is to manipulate you, your feelings of guilt, then destroy them. Mirror his behavior. Start acting the same way. Let him get nervous, worry. Let him know with his silence that it makes no sense to manipulate you.
If the guy does not get in touch, you do not understand what it is, and yet you care about him, then muster up the courage to start a conversation. Try to figure out what is the reason for his silence. If he does not come into contact, then leave him, give him time to think about the situation. Same old life.
What to do if the guy is offended and ignores messages
If the guy ignores, offended, then you do not need to behave in the following ways:
If the guy does not pick up the phone, himself does not get in touch, do not cut off his phone, do not beg for forgiveness, do not humiliate. That way you won’t solve the problem. If he is your man, he’s not going anywhere. Bide your time.
- Don’t resent the guy.
Don’t be offended by the fact that the guy wants to be alone. With your resentment you will only make the problem worse. The young man will shut himself off from communication even more. We are not talking about regular ignoring. But, if the guy decides to be alone, give him the opportunity.
Show wisdom and patience. If you initially do not accept this way of solving problems, then discuss the issue when you are both in a calm state, between you are not in conflict. This will avoid future misunderstandings.
- Do not involve your family and friends in the matter.
If the guy is offended and ignores your behavior, you should not devote friends, parents, girlfriends. This question concerns only the two of you. Work out the problem together, without involving third parties.
- Do not take the guy to other emotions.
If the guy was offended by you, you should not “fight fire with fire” and lead the situation with another emotion. No need to roll up a scandal, shouting, provoking him into an open quarrel. Man will not be able to understand the real reason for your behavior. This will only make it worse.
In order to avoid resentment, ignoring in the relationship, then discuss more often what your expectations are for solving issues, talk, ask each other’s opinion. The closer you know your boyfriend, the easier it will be for you to anticipate his reaction and prevent conflict.
If your husband keeps silent and does not talk after a quarrel – 3 tips from a psychologist
Your husband is silent and does not talk after a quarrel? And you do not know what to do, how to act, react? If a man keeps silent after a conflict or a quarrel, you need to understand why this happens? In this article, we will break down simple and effective methods that will help you improve your emotional state and relieve your guilt.
If your husband goes to work but doesn’t talk, sits down for dinner, puts his laundry in the wash, plays with the kids but doesn’t notice you point-blank, then this article is for you!
What is the purpose of a man’s silence after a quarrel?
A man punishes his woman by not communicating with her. He wants her to understand how wrong she is and how right he is. At the same time, the silent ones think that the woman must suffer and feel guilty. It is also as if they are making a contribution to the future, so that she can draw conclusions and not behave in this way with him anymore.
It feels as if such men are trying to train their wives. Fortunately, they are not very good at it. But sometimes, there are exceptions, when a woman madly loves her man and is ready to be even a doormat for wiping feet. In such cases, it is necessary to actively engage in improving their own self-esteem.
Many women perceive the silence of her husband very hard, in the head, all sorts of thoughts about the relationship, that he has got another, etc. Most often, the silence of the man caused by simple factors and reasons.
The increase of their own importance and value, through silence.
You see, if the quarrel is over, and her husband was silent, does not talk, it means that he is waiting for you to recognize his rightness. And therefore, ask for forgiveness, and thus, he will become more significant in your eyes, and especially, in his own eyes. What can I say, such behavior indicates his low self-esteem.
But again, this does not apply to all men. Some, punish their wives for months, they say nothing, ignore, and most likely, that the woman, trying to restore peace in the family, has already asked 10 times to forgive, but he was silent and still is silent.
Can not admit his wrongdoing, mistake, etc.
In such cases, pride does not allow men to be the first to communicate, it seems to them that if he stays silent a little longer, the problem itself will go away. It is difficult to accept that he was not wrong, does not know how to act, etc., so he keeps silent. But it happens so that the woman herself adds fuel to the fire, constantly reminding him of his mistakes, misdeeds, or miscalculations. Each time he has to justify himself and defend himself, and he chooses the way of silence, in these cases, he feels like a hero, because in this way he is confronting his wife’s accusations. It’s not the fact that the accusations are real, he just wants to think so.
The man is a child.
Unfortunately, such men, these are not mature boys, not able to solve problems in an adult way, through constructive conversation, able to see the whole situation, at the same time, see the consequences of their actions.
Getting offended and shutting up is childish behavior, when a child simply does not know how to get out of a conflict situation, and does not know how to assert his boundaries. After all, what is a fight?
Two adults cannot agree on something, each of them tries to be right and forgets about the common good of the family. At the moment of a quarrel, everyone defends only their own positions, and they are completely unaware that the closest and dearest person is arguing with them.
It turns out that adults automatically turn into children, and get their own way through the silence, shouting, etc.
They do not know how to express their dissatisfaction, resentment, etc. in any other way.
Everyone is different, and each of us has our own skills for resolving conflicts and, most importantly, ways out of those conflicts. Most often, the ways of resolving conflicts are taken from the parental family, just automatically copied by our psyche, and there is simply no other way.
Many families use the language of silence in their arsenal of conflict resolution, dissatisfaction. For example, the child brought a “F” in math, it’s common, it doesn’t happen to anyone. But in such families, everything is much more serious.
So, a “D”… the mother found out and silently turned around and went to her room, she may not talk to her child for several days, emphasizing how bad the child is and how much she displeases him.
And how does the child feel at this time? Does he feel guilty, he can’t do anything because his mother isn’t talking, he can’t explain why he got a D?
Or… do parents argue with each other, and then stay silent for weeks, and the child watches and thinks that this behavior is normal. The child grows up, and also keeps silent after quarrels and even after minor conflicts over trifles. A man who grew up in such a family will remain silent and think that he is right, that this is the way to behave. He does not know any other way.
Do you want to improve your relationship? Do you want to receive from your man support, attention, love? Actually, it’s not so hard, you just need to learn how to say the right words at the right time! I suggest you download the checklist “22 phrases that will save your relationship”!
Your husband wants your apology when you are wrong.
Women, too, can be very proud and will never be the first to reconcile and do not want to admit that they were wrong. Therefore, a man wants to hear from his wife that she was wrong. If, you apologized, and the man accepted the apology, and started talking, then this is the case.
But if you have to ask for forgiveness all the time, to humiliate yourself, this is something else, this is more like manipulation, humiliation of the other person, this is abusive.
I often recommend to my clients to start with that – to apologize, to see the result. If the husband cheered up, calmed down, it means that he sincerely believed that you were wrong.
After all, to ask for forgiveness, does not mean to lose pride. It is pride that prevents you to say a few words to bring peace and quiet in the family.
Your husband is “jammed” – your case, if he is silent for a short time.
It happens that the man can not digest the situation, some facts, and he literally hangs on a particular issue. He has nothing to say, he does not know the answer, and he can not switch to something else. The woman begins to think that he got offended and shut up. And in fact, he “hung up”, some time will pass, the thought processes will recover, and he will go back to his usual routine.
Tips of a psychologist, if the husband is silent and does not talk after a quarrel for a long time.
One or two days of silence is a long time. And if it is repeated often, after every misunderstanding, it is already pathological. An adult, not an adult by age, but by state of mind, is always able to say all his claims in a constructive conversation.
And if the silence lasts for weeks, sometimes even months, then it is worth asking yourself a question, but is this the man I married? Think about it, if the silence is long, you are left alone with all the problems, worries and troubles of the family, especially if there are children.
My advice will be useful to you so that you can live normally, regardless of the fact that your husband resents you, something to prove, silent, ignored, etc.
First of all, give the responsibility for his silence to himself. Stop carrying the responsibility for every person in your life, even your husband. Once you give him the responsibility, you will immediately get rid of the guilt.
Unfortunately, regardless of who was to blame for the quarrel or misunderstanding, who was right or wrong, women often take on all the responsibility and then tormented with feelings of guilt. Like, but if I had kept silent, then nothing would have happened, and if, but what if, then … this is pouring from nothing to nothing, everything has already happened, and you can not change anything.
Secondly, you are not to blame for his silence. Just accept as a fact that you are not to blame! Not at all! Your husband is an adult, and he decides for himself how to behave, if he thinks that silence is the only way for him to feel good, let him be silent.
Imagine if after a quarrel your husband, instead of keeping silent, would have climbed up the nearest pine and howled like a wild voice, would you also consider yourself guilty?
Thirdly, understand one simple thing – you don’t have a problem, there is nothing wrong with you, but your husband, there is a problem. And you can help him a little, but only if he wants to.
Men in general do not like to admit that they have some problems, especially psychological or communication problems. Their manhood does not allow them to admit that they are not acting like a man, but like a little boy.
What to do when the husband is silent and does not talk after an argument?
Now I will say a banal thing – do nothing! In general nothing, do not notice that the man is silent, do not think about it, do not try to solve the situation by any means.
Think for a moment, what does your husband want to show by his silence?
Most likely, that he is not here. He is not with you, he is offended, and left, although his physical body is in the next room, and perhaps he is even sitting opposite you, devouring a delicious borscht with pleasure. But at the same time, he is not talking to you!
Conclusion! If he’s not there, then he’s not there!
- Why feed him if he’s not there?
- Why would he do his laundry if he’s not there?
- Why, talk to emptiness, and try to make a relationship?
- Why, to endlessly apologize and ask forgiveness from someone who has decided to separate from you for a while?
In order to show that you do not care about his silence, you need to have good stamina and iron nerves.
The good news is that you will succeed! If his silence, your husband is trying to manipulate your guilt or he is silent for some reason, then now it’s your turn to manipulate and force him to worry, to be nervous!
Sometimes I hear the words: “We’re in a fight and we’re not talking!”, and the person is upset, sad, sad, sometimes even depressed.
But this is a standard pattern of behavior, and a person who finds himself in such a difficult situation, subconsciously tries to follow this pattern. And an important point is that the one who is silent, silently implies that his partner will behave that way.
And I’m sure he takes a lot of pleasure in your bad mood and upset look. Your task is to break the pattern! Just break it!
Ask yourself questions:
- How would I feel if I lived alone?
- What would I do if my husband went on a business trip?
- Where would I go?
- What would I do?
After all, if he is silent and shows his whole appearance that he does not care about you and your condition, it means he needs to take care of himself!
And now imagine this situation, your husband is silent and does not talk to you after a quarrel for several days.
Do you think he is sitting there, and only thinks about himself? Not at all, he is watching you, and assessing how much you are suffering and worrying?
And you, in fact, suffer and worry. In the evening, you’re sad, you’re pining, you may even be crying. The pattern of the suffering person in reality.
Now, a different approach. In the evening, you get ready, get dressed up, put on makeup, turn around in front of the mirror… if you have children, then arrange with someone who will stay with the children or write a note to your husband and take it to him. It is important that he sees you so beautiful, smiling, and does not know where you are going. Let him worry, freak out, think…
Get dressed and leave. Maybe to a friend, maybe in a cafe to drink a cup of coffee, and maybe just for a walk in the park.
This is one option, and believe me, this option works very well.
There are of course side effects, if your husband is jealous, he will probably stop to be silent and start asking questions and suspecting all the mortal sins. But he will stop keeping quiet.
The next step is to live as if he doesn’t exist around you.
- Do not call him for dinner, and even do not cook for him. After all, he eats with you? And if he pretends not to notice you, then let him not notice the food you cook.
- Do not wash his things. Now many will think, well, how come, he’s my husband, that de it will walk dirty? Does he have hands? Let him put his dirty clothes in the washing machine, and he takes them out and hangs them up!
Be a bitch for a while, the kind of bad wife who doesn’t take care of her husband. Let him feel how bad he will feel without your attention, care and attention?
Of course, you need to find an opportunity to talk as adults and solve all the misunderstandings, to figure out what is behind his silence?
Only this conversation should be held when you have everything is normal, when his boycott is over. And you have to talk necessarily, so that you understand what is behind his silence, and do not torment yourself with guilt.
Here I end, and I hope that you were able to figure out what to do if your husband is silent and does not talk after a quarrel?
Also, I suggest you watch the video “My husband is silent after a quarrel. What to do?”, in it you will find a few more tips that I have not voiced in this article.
Sincerely, psychologist Natalia Gnezdilova.
The author of the article – Natalia Gnezdilova, family psychologist experience of work for 15 years. I help women 35 + return love, respect and trust in the relationship with a man. Advising online in any of the messengers – Skype, WhatsApp, Viber. Subscribe: YouTube channel, group VK