If a man has had many women


Gambler or experienced: is it worth dating a man who has had many women

Choosing a partner, women are trying to find out whether he had many “second halves”: for some, the abundance of exes – a fat minus, for some – an advantage. How to determine whether to date too “experienced” man? The answer is in our article.

When searching for a future life partner, many ladies look at his reputation: for a short romance will do and local Lovelace, but for a serious relationship is better to look for someone more modest and quiet.

It is hard to say for sure whether the set of “exes” in a man is an advantage or a disadvantage: there are regularly those who do not accept this “harem” and those who do not see anything wrong with the former partners and even approve of this state of affairs.

But how to make the right decision? We will try to help you with this: find out if it is worth dating a man who has had many ladies.

A promiscuous or experienced? Pros of such a man

The bulk of the ladies, a man who has had many girlfriends, usually at least scares: few want to be another passion in the list of the former lady’s man, and after a week of relations to go away. A large number of former partners often in the male circle creates a good reputation, but for women, on the contrary, not quoted.

Nevertheless, such a man has positive aspects: despite the obvious, it would seem, the disadvantages, there are also advantages. We made a small selection of advantages of such a man: here are some of them.

A man who has had many women will be able to maintain a better relationship with his partner. Of course, we should not claim that every man who has hardly a million exes in his arsenal is a pro in relationships. Individual instances of this and change women at supersonic speed, because they can not get along with any. However, among the men who learned how to build a relationship in practice, rather than in theory, it’s obviously much easier to find someone who can keep a respectful, good relationship with you. His experience will help you get past those “sharp corners” that inexperienced couples run into almost daily.

A man who has been with many women knows exactly what he wants. Another reason to choose a relationship with a man who already had a lot of women – the presence of such a man a clear understanding of what his partner should be. Man, perevidavshy many women, most likely, already know exactly what he wants from his partner life. Torment in a hopeless relationship, which is unclear why there is, you just do not have to.

How to understand whether to date a man who had many girls

The reasons for choosing a man with a great “track record” can be as valid as you want, but you have to understand that in the end you have to decide based largely on their own feelings and desires. For some, an experienced man can be the ideal candidate, but for others, on the contrary, a completely unsuitable for a relationship. Here are a few examples: hopefully, they will help you make a better choice.

If you don’t want to date an inexperienced young man. There are some ladies who, because of their age or personal preferences, just aren’t interested in wasting their time with inexperienced young men: not everyone wants to date someone who isn’t confident and doesn’t know how to treat a lady. If you are one of these women and you understand that you definitely will not be satisfied with an inexperienced man, consider those who have been in a relationship more than once: this person may well suit you.

If you do not tolerate even a mental comparison with others. There is, however, and another situation: some ladies are afraid of any kind of comparison, which is often carried out by men. Of course, you can’t say that a man who hasn’t had many ladies won’t compare you to ex-girlfriends or even random girls – it’s impossible to get inside another man’s head. Nevertheless, the chance that a man will compare you to someone greatly increases if he has an impressive list of ex-girlfriends: comparisons can even get unconsciously.

As you can see, overly “experienced” men, who have dated quite a few girls in the past, have both pluses and minuses. On the one hand, such a man knows exactly how to treat the lady correctly, and most of the “sharp corners” in the relationship are likely to be avoided. On the other hand, someone may not feel like just another date: where is the guarantee that the man does not have the habit of changing girls like a glove?

If men who have had many women are usually treated indulgently (and in a certain environment, even with respect), the opposite situation usually causes shock, horror and righteous anger in others. For some reason, a lady, who had a lot of men in her life, a lot of people easily classifies as a windy person.

And meanwhile, such a strange discrimination is quite silly: there is no reason to praise the ladies’ man, while belittling women who are very popular with men. Previously, we have already found out why a girl should have a lot of men: we hope that the results of our study will be of interest to you.

Tell us what you think about this: do you think it is worth to date a man who has had many women, or not? Maybe such men have some other disadvantages and advantages that we forgot to mention?

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Is having a large number of exes a problem for a man?

A day without a book is a bad day. Experienced editor, ruthless but fair critic.

The expert is Victoria Fomina.

Physician sexologist of the highest category, psychiatrist and psychotherapist. I have been working as a sexologist for over 10 years. I help couples to solve problems in sex life.

The number of former relationships a man is always vividly interested in his next woman. Sociological surveys show that most believe the number 10 is quite acceptable. Anything less than 10 is good, but if the number of exes exceeds a dozen – that’s bad.

Researchers came to the conclusion that women agree to put up with the fact that their chosen one had about a dozen exes. But if a woman finds out that there were more than 10 exes, in most cases, she breaks off the relationship, as she believes that such a man is promiscuous in sexual relations, and if you continue a relationship with him, there is a very high risk of being abandoned and join the chain of his exes.

The researchers also asked whether women want to know how many lovers their partner had in the past. The answers to this question were divided. About 60% of respondents said they did not want to know anything about their man’s past love affairs. 35% of women responded that they wanted to know the whole truth. And 5% still could not decide: do they want to know the number of former lovers, or would they prefer not to think about it at all.

When the question was phrased somewhat differently, “how many love affairs characterize a man as promiscuous and how many as inexperienced,” the answer was the following: if less than 10 lovers have had, then this man is inexperienced; and if more than 10, then he is promiscuous and unscrupulous in sexual relations. It is interesting to note that again the number 10 appeared by itself.

How many in reality

To find out how many exes a person really has is a very difficult task. People often embellish themselves one way or the other when answering the question about the number.

The British health store SuperDrug did their big study, which involved more than 2,000 people from Europe and the U.S., got results that were very different from the number 10. Analysis of the responses showed that the number of sexual partners in most cases was not that great. According to the analysts’ conclusions, women on average have 7 sexual partners throughout their lives, and men about 6. Thus, the number of exes for most men is within acceptable limits.

But these results contain a great deal of inaccuracy. Another study showed that almost half of those surveyed told untruths when asked about former lovers and lovers.

Modern mores are very loose. A person’s worth depends little on the number of sexual partners he has. If reliable means of protection are used, even the risk of STIs is minimized even with the most vigorous lovemaking.

The reality is that the vast majority of people today have a history of aborted relationships and even dissolved marriages. So whether to worry about the number of exes is a question that continues to interest experts.

Holly Parker, a psychology professor at Harvard who teaches a course called “The Psychology of Intimate Relationships,” believes that when people meet casually, the number of exes on both sides should not be a serious problem. However, if the meetings develop into something more serious, the number of exes becomes important.

But the psychologist advises not to make hasty conclusions and not to rush. First of all, you should analyze the level of responsibility that the person assumes for his terminated relationship. For example, whether he admits his share of the guilt in the fact that the relationship fell apart, and if so, what exactly he did wrong from his point of view.

Also, experts emphasize that multiple failed relationships often indicate certain emotional problems and other unpleasant characteristics of the person. All of this should be carefully analyzed before deciding to further develop or terminate a relationship.

Professor Parker lists emotional distancing and elements of narcissistic behavior as very troubling signals. If a man with a large number of exes focuses more on his own desires than those of his partner, it may be a sign that he will not be attentive to anyone, emotionally or physically. Parker also recommends being wary of men who place all the blame for the breakup on their exes.

However, a large number of exes does not always mean that with such a man it is better not to deal and not to enter into a relationship. Thus, psychiatrist from New York Gail Saltz, says that there is no universal and unambiguous answer to the question of whether the problem is a large number of exes. This is because people marry and divorce for a variety of reasons. Therefore, it would be unwise and harmful to generalize people only by the number of divorces and terminated relationships they have had in the past.

Psychologists and psychiatrists emphasize that before making a judgment about whether it is good or bad, it is necessary to find out exactly how the relationship ended, what caused the breakup. Conducting this analysis is not easy, and besides, it takes time. But even if the analysis is done, after that it is necessary to determine what changes have taken place in the person, and most importantly, whether he maintains a relationship with his exes.

Such a study will require a lot of effort and time, but the results will be very useful. After all, psychological immaturity, infidelity, abuse, addiction will sooner or later kill the new relationship. Therefore, it is better to try to find out right away what traits a man may have before starting a serious relationship with him.

Advantages of a relationship with a man who has many exes

A large number of exes is always experience, and experience opens up access to important benefits.

  • A man knows how to avoid small fights

A series of relationships develops emotional flair and communication skills. A man has already been through a long series of domestic quarrels and hassles, and if he wants to, he can avoid them.

A lot of sexual experience helps him get to know himself better and figure out his desires. Men already have a clear idea of what he likes in women, and what not.

  • He is ready to settle down

Plenty of experienced breakups saturated the thirst for sexual adventures. Most likely, the man already wants a quiet family life – he already had too much fun.

  • No more exaggerated demands.

Rich experience of communication and sex breaks the rose-colored glasses. A lot of failed relationships forced to lower the bar requirements for his partner. The man will not make unreasonable demands, because he knows exactly that this leads to a breakup.

  • He understands that the woman has a life of her own besides him.

Men with a lot of experience tend not to demand his attention around the clock 7 days a week. His past has taught him that to keep the relationship intact, both parties must respect each other’s personal space and not demand that his partner dissolve into her man.

  • He has learned from his own mistakes.

No one wants to repeat the mistakes of a past relationship. Therefore, the more exes a man has, the fewer mistakes he can make.

The disadvantages of a relationship with a man who has many exes

The disadvantages that you can face are also very serious.

It is difficult to get rid of this thought. True, you can console yourself with the fact that all of his exes are in the past, and this means that you are better than they are, since the man enters into a relationship with you.

  • He’s harder to impress.

A long string of exes means that in bed tried almost all the Kama Sutra. Surprise such a man sexually is very difficult. You will have to make maximum effort and show real ingenuity.

  • He has a heavy emotional baggage

A series of breakups can not but leave a trace. Often this trace manifests itself in bitterness, a distorted perception of the world. Feelings can be exhausted up to the emotional burnout, which the man is struggling with at the moment. This is bound to have an effect on the partner. It will take a lot of effort to restore such a man’s optimism.

  • It is more difficult to open up.

It may seem that the succession of relationships makes a man open. But we must not forget that all these relationships have been unsuccessful for him, and this makes the man disappointed and hide his worries.

  • He may continue to date one of his exes.

The remnants of strong feelings can show up even many years later. If one of the exes has a child, then the situation is even more complicated. A conscientious man will continue to take care of the child. This characterizes him in the most positive way, but it also means that you will receive less attention. Part of the material means (and a lot of it) will go to this child, even if the couple will have children of their own. This fact can only be accepted-no amount of persuasion or arguing can change anything.

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