What to do if the guy cooled down?
In any, even the strongest relationships, it may be that the guy began to treat the girl more coldly, there was more indifference. This can manifest itself in the fact that the young man began to pay you less attention, stopped to give gifts, make surprises, take her to the cinema.
Most likely, this means that he has cooled down to you, and it may happen for completely different reasons. This article will help you to understand the reasons for this behavior. With the help of the tips given in this article, you will be able to improve your relationship and fix the situation. What to do if the guy has grown cold? Why is it so? Will he be able to love you again? The most important thing at such times – do not lose hope for the revival of the relationship.
Possible causes of cooling off
We all know how all relationships start – a guy and a girl can not enjoy the time spent with each other, they want to meet again and again, it seems that it will never get boring. This is the so-called candy-bouquet period, which lasts for about six months – during this time, the man pleases his woman with gifts, takes her to cafes, restaurants.
The woman, in turn, responds to him in return in the form of stormy gratitude and tenderness. It would seem that this idyll will never end, everything will be fine, you will live together for a long and happy life.
However, at one point, your boyfriend begins to show indifference to you, if before he looked at you with admiration, but now he does not look at all, and a joint walk and gifts and completely forgot. The reason for this may be that the love is gone, and the relationship is no longer needed, the feelings just gone. What to do if a man has grown cold? Is it worth to restore the relationship?
Quite often the reason that leads to such a result, such as indifference in the relationship, is too strong affection of the girl. A man always feels this, he can simply get bored or scared.
However, not only the disappearance of feelings may be the cause of such behavior. It is possible that a man is annoyed by something in you, he is no longer happy with your figure, the way you laugh, eat lunch. Simply put, he begins to notice all the faults that you have, and then it starts to turn off all the things that previously it seemed normal. For example, your figure now does not seem to him slim, and his chest as attractive as before.
Many girls complain: “The guy fell cold to me. How to behave in this case? Not always in the fact that the guy cooled, it’s his fault. It happens that the girl herself makes some mistakes that lead to these consequences:
- Rude communication;
- Gentle behavior;
- Poor communication in the relationship – you do not hear or do not want to hear your young man;
- Restrictions on a man’s personal freedom;
- Too intrusive or, conversely, too indifferent behavior;
- Too much jealousy;
- Unattended appearance.
How to understand that a guy has grown cold to you
First of all, let’s figure out how to understand that a guy really has grown cold to you. First of all, women should be guided by their intuition – it will not let you down, especially if it screams that the man is indifferent to you. In addition, sort out your relationship and communication in general, and then compare observations with a list of signs that the husband has grown cold to his wife and the relationship is coming to an end:
- You hardly ever talk on the phone, rarely communicate in correspondence.
- The young man constantly finds excuses not to date.
- Your meetings don’t happen more than once a month.
- Your communication about previously, it would seem, important things is reduced to nothing.
- Absolute lack of jealousy of other men.
- Never takes you out for a vacation.
- Doesn’t pay attention to you, doesn’t say nice words, and doesn’t feel proud of you.
- You cause him irritation on any trivial occasion.
- The man demands more personal freedom from you.
- The guy avoids the topic of children and further life together with you.
Pay attention to the fact that the presence of several signs from the list does not mean that your boyfriend has grown cold to you. Perhaps the reason is the problems in life, some difficulties. Try to find out first – maybe there is something you can do to help.
In the case where your boyfriend says that everything is fine and there are no problems, dare to open up, say that the situation at the moment does not suit you at all. Ask him what he doesn’t like about your relationship and how you can help improve the situation.
If the young man still cares about you and inside he still has feelings, he will agree to talk to you. If the man begins to get nervous, it will be better to leave him, leave and move on.
Is it worth it and how to return the old feelings
To begin with, think about whether you need such a relationship, whether you want to return the feelings, whether it is possible in your case. If your young man is not in a positive mood at all, trying by all means to abstract, then most likely he has completely lost interest in you and then the best way out is to let your partner go. Also, it is possible that he lost interest in you and found a mistress.
How can you return the old feelings? If you are convinced that the situation is still possible to fix, then you should try to do this, and you need to start with yourself. You need to change completely, both externally and internally. Try to fix all the things that he did not like in you, change your habits. Start reading, go to the gym, do all the things you did not do before. Your main goal is not for you to run after the guy, but for him to start running after you.
The first thing you should do is to be patient, to adjust yourself to the fact that it will take you quite a long time and take a lot of energy. It is worth adhering to the following advice from a psychologist:
- Be calm, don’t show aggression, don’t be harsh.
- In no case you should not reproach the young man that he is cold to you, does not show proper attention.
- There is no need to put pressure on the pity, to play the poor girl.
- Do not get irritated, do not shout.
- Do not show jealousy.
- There is no need to constantly call, to be intrusive.
- You shouldn’t allow sex on the first request, suspend him.
- You should not be offended.
The main rule – do not show the guy that you need him. Try to see him as rarely as possible, and better if it happens not on purpose, met at the university, on the street, in a cafe or the subway.
You should look impeccable, cheerful and satisfied with life. Show with all your appearance that you are fine without him. Most of all guys can’t stand indifference in a relationship, it affects the strings inside, awakens male dignity and pride, they start to fall in love all over again.
What to do if it happens at a distance?
In case you live far away from each other, in different cities, be sure to go to him. However, it should look as if the purpose of the trip is something else, an excursion, a vacation, but in no case a meeting with a guy in love. As if casually offer to meet, if in face-to-face communication the young man is still cold, find out what happened. If he is still respectful to you – by all means he will tell you.
If you can not come to him, just start to partially ignore, to show that your life has not gotten worse without him. Answer every once in a while, don’t call first – he’ll realize that he’s losing you, and his life is no longer the same.
If he responds in the same way, then the relationship means nothing to him and he needs to say goodbye. Write that you should break up, as the relationship was deadlocked, you tried to fix it, but he apparently does not need it. Wish to meet a more suitable girl – the most indifferent man will say something back, even if he fell out of love.
In what cases should you stop the relationship
It happens that a girl can not understand whether it is worth it to continue the relationship at all. Often it depends on the situation, only you decide whether it is necessary to fight for a young man or there is no point in it and it is better to break up now, so as not to torment each other. After all, there are other guys, and therefore why waste time on someone who does not care.
First of all, analyze the situation, think and objectively tell yourself – who is to blame? Maybe you really have become someone you were not at the beginning of the relationship? On the other hand, it may be that you just annoyed the guy, that’s why he sees you as one flaw. You need to make the right conclusion. Remember that there is no place for egoism, your relationship depends on this.
Soberly assess the situation, yourself and your partner, if it’s about you – start to change, if the man – try to talk to him, maybe you can solve the problem that arose between you, otherwise you have to break up. Many of these situations occur because the relationship is simply outdated, in which case no one is to blame – you just do not suit each other.
Man draws away in a relationship: how to behave correctly, so as not to aggravate the situation
Relationships tend to evolve not on a growing dynamic, and it’s absolutely normal! Passion slowly subsides, where it is replaced by other, no less important feelings and emotions. But they are calmer, more moderate, more mature. This is in the ideal, of course. But sometimes one of the partners begins to wobble, like a ship in a rough sea, now hitting the pier, then sharply sailing away from it. This behavior is inherent in the representatives of the stronger sex, and their chosen ones from this is painful and difficult. How do women behave if a man drifts away? How to interpret his coldness? What kind of mistake is not allowed to avoid separation?
How to properly respond to a woman’s coldness from a man.
All women’s stories about men’s desire to distance themselves sound something like this
“As soon as I get attached, I start to relax – my lover grows cold, he is not as reverent as before, calls less and less often…”
“I notice that my man is becoming different – either he has cooled down, or he has become confident that I’m not going anywhere…”
“My beloved man has become withdrawn, responds to messages every once in a while, I feel that something is wrong, he is clearly distancing himself from me…”.
Sometimes men drift away suddenly, oddly and unexpectedly, but sometimes it happens slowly and gradually. How do women react if the coldness in the relationship is obvious? Hysterics, panic, showdown! How so? What is going on? What is driving it? Bastard! Coward! Traitor! From this the relationship comes to a standstill – you run into resentment, rudeness, resentment grows with renewed force, and the quarrel takes on a large scale.
Few rational questions come to mind: “What mistake could I have made? How and how to help now a man? What to do to remedy this situation? What to do to prevent this from happening again?”
The first advice from a psychologist, if a man became distant and less and less often responds to calls: Calm down! Next you must understand the reason for his removal, but now the task is different. Breathe out, relax and give a man the opportunity to be alone in his thoughts, problems, worries, feelings. You will put a lot of effort – you’ll push him away! You, as a loved one, of course, want to help him “here and now”, but leave this venture for now.
Second, don’t impose yourself. You don’t know what the reason for the man’s estrangement is, do you? And if he lacks freedom? Then your pursuit will finally put a stop to his doubts.
It is especially important to note at what stage of the relationship you are now:
- The initial stage, when positive emotions overwhelm people, where a man and a woman completely dissolve into each other. If the partner is alienating already at the first stage of the relationship – you still have nothing to lose, so do not even look back.
- At the stage of domestication, when the passion is still raging, but already turned on the mind. Here the couple begins to take a sober look at each other, assessing the advantages and disadvantages. More often men become estranged, cool at this stage, when the euphoria flies away and you have to take their mistress with all the realities. We will talk about this in detail later.
- The stage when love acquires a different character and is expressed in care, gratitude, respect. Of course, we are already talking about marriage (long-term relationship). Frank conversation in this case can not be avoided, because if a man before 10 years has been open and cheerful, and now he became distant – the problem is obvious. But everything later! Now rest is necessary, apparently, for both of you.
Women need to learn how to behave intelligently to save the relationship. How? Also to take a pause, to lie low, continuing to live their lives. Yes, it’s not easy, hurtful, painful, but there is no other option – the problem teaches a person wisdom!
Why men drift away
Men’s behavior is full of mysteries. Psychologists answer – from time to time to disappear, to move away for men is quite normal. Even if he is head over heels in love, he needs privacy. What for?
The most important reason is finding your boundaries. He is looking for the very outline of freedom in which you both would be comfortable. Roughly it looks like this: “I did not pick up the phone all day today, and in the evening she defiantly kept silent. Next time I’ll have to write her at least a couple of words, that I am very busy.” He’s kind of a spring in his step – he moves away, watching the reaction, watching his feelings, assessing the situation as a whole, then he moves closer, doing the same thing (watching your reaction, assessing his own feelings toward you, etc.). Ideally, if the man manages to find the golden mean at the first stage, because otherwise in the eyes of the woman the situation looks different: “Everything was fine – he did not leave me even a step away, darivala candy, loaded with sms, worried about my health, wanted to meet my parents faster … And now the man became aloof, alien, less and less calls and writes, he probably got what he wanted! Then you are both in dissonance – a partner from the fact that he had not yet felt the boundary, and you from not understanding his actions.
This is the main idea why the chosen ones become distant, but there are, of course, other, equally important reasons. Why else would a man become distant?
- He fell in love, which means that he became weak and vulnerable. If a man feels it – he becomes afraid. What is the best way to fight his fear? That’s right, by secluding yourself, sorting it out.
- A man becomes distant if he feels pressure in his direction. He just wanted ease, but a woman builds relationships differently. Hence the cat and mouse game.
- It’s just his personality. There are touchy men, there’s nothing you can do about it. A wrong move by a woman and that’s it – get him out of the “cave” of silence. This is more like manipulation, that is, a man gets his whims and desires by distance.
- If his chosen one is constantly criticizing him, scolding, humiliating. Here a man will distance himself in order to rethink his priorities, to make important decisions for himself.
- He needs to rest. This is especially the case with those men who work more than 10 hours a day. If a woman does not understand / accept his way of life and is capricious, scandalized, that the chosen one gives her little attention, he gives himself away, just to breathe out and restore balance.
- The man doubts his choice. If he has enough inner strength, he will say so directly and take a pause. In other cases, the man just give up, increasingly rare to get in touch, avoiding his chosen one in every way. Often this is the beginning of the end, there is nothing you can do about it.
- Man gives himself away because he feels like a secondary partner. If a woman is strong, strong-willed, active – he has the impression that she will cope without him. And yet the stronger sex needs to feel supported, a rock, a breadwinner, otherwise the emotional charge quickly fades.
- He has a problem. Not necessarily with you, because life does not revolve only around a man and a woman. He may be worried about his job, his parents, his future, buying a car, his business. And as the stronger sex a priori humble interlocutors – it is better to experience their problems alone. To do this, he will move away, stepping aside, pushing you a little back.
- Faded passion. And if your man is a real hunter, who loves to get attention – there is no option. Extinguished the fire – and the partner will fade.
- You have completely different life plans. He wants to live in the countryside by the river, while you want to live in a megalopolis on the 12th floor of a luxury apartment. He is a pedantic athlete, and you are a high-class party girl. And between you passion, unearthly love, but the man understands that you breathe different air, so he distances himself, preferring the mind over the heart.
- Coldness on the man’s part may mean that it is time to end the relationship. It flows slowly, starting with little things: you discuss the past day less and less often, meetings are shorter and shorter, kisses stop, hugs are more crumpled, etc.
- Another one shows up. Unfortunately, many women go through this. It is this reason that strikes at the heart. A man doesn’t leave right away, but becomes estranged gradually. In this period of time he has time to compare you, to find reasons for leaving, to prepare the ground for a future relationship.
- The partner was not something more than sex for him. This can be seen immediately, so women, lamenting that the man has grown cold, are lying, because they saw his attitude initially. A young man pulls you up when he needs affection, and goes away if he does not need it.
- If a woman has become antisocial. Men who are serious are categorical in this matter. Smoking, every night wine or worse makes a man distance himself, step aside to look at his relationship from the outside. The choice always turns out to be not in favor of the woman.
These are the most basic secrets of why men distance themselves from women. You can break down each reason into a couple more points, under his story: you’re a bad wife or mother (in his opinion), stopped taking care of himself, his parents are against your relationship, you want children, and the young man does not, you constantly argue or partner himself is secretive, weak, fearful, etc. The essence of it does not change – the cause is, and therefore it requires a solution.
Advice from a psychologist: What a woman to do if a man in a relationship noticeably alienated
So, you know the reason for which your chosen one gets away all the more. But it did not get easier? Man writes less often, he stopped noticing you, not always pick up the phone, answering one-word sentences, refuses to travel together … What is the next step? Of course, to return the old days!
How to properly establish a relationship with a boyfriend who has noticeably grown cold to you?
The most important rule – save your strength and nerves, be patient and confident. Man moves away to immerse himself – remember this. Do not get in his way! Stop running after him, know how to be in a relaxed state, always stay deflected from him. If a man is distant and then draws closer – be wise, accept him, respond to calls or texts. If he writes “I want to meet,” go for contact, but just don’t run to him with all your might. Respond to his messages cryptically, vaguely, something like “I’m busy for now; I’ll sort things out a bit and be sure to meet; Let’s call later,” and so on. You’re going to be offended by ignoring his appearance – he, if there are no strong feelings, will stop the game altogether.
But it’s important not to flirt. Everything must be in moderation. The goal is to show that he is not the meaning of your being. You go on living, regardless of whether the person is present or not!
Now back to the stages of the relationship.
If a man is alienated already at the first stages – alas, he is not interested in you. It happens: you are good, beautiful, mannered, but alien. You can try to win his attention, to open a new way, to change some of their habits, principles, but psychologists advise not to do so. Sublimate your energy in an important matter, the man leave alone! What do we do? Go on, live on, smile at others, breathe with full breath. Without problems, burdens and suffering.
If you are already quite close (or even married), and the man moves away, misleading you, psychologists advise to use the rule 4 DO NOT:
- Do NOT look for flaws, problems, blame in yourself;
- NOT to run, chase, catch up and pursue the truth;
- DO NOT allow depressing, sad thoughts (found another, fall out of love with me);
- NOT to try to punish, to get revenge, to hurt a man.
If there are so many inhibitions, what should you do, you may ask?
Talk about it, of course. Straightforward, but without pressure or raised tones. Discuss the problems and the reasons why it reeks of coolness from a man. Agree that if he needs a break (cool down, privacy), he can openly tell you about it. Well, and you, in turn, promise to provide him with silence, privacy and peace. You both will feel better that way.
Watch your own speech, demeanor, gestures in dealing with the man. Work on the relationship synchronously, do not put it in the rank of “martyr” or “victim”, puffing and nadryvayuschaya for both. Say frankly, sincerely his desire to fix everything.
Be spiritually self-sufficient. When a woman is soft on the outside, but strong inside – a man has no reason or desire to move away! Raise your own self-esteem for this, do not neglect your life, achieve your goals.
Seek help from your loved one more often – the realization that you are needed can melt even the thickest ice.
Become an anchor for a man – confident, strong, calmly freeze in place. This position can hold even the most heavy and capricious ship, not allowing him to get lost in the chaos of the waves, or crash on the rocks.
If it’s getting close to parting
It’s not always a problem that can be solved. The whole shakiness of relationships is that they do not depend on just one partner. Even if you really want to and try your best – it’s not enough if the other half wants peace and a break.
What should a woman do if the man decided to take a break in the relationship?
The first thing is to try to understand and forgive him. As long as you move anger, resentment and anger – nothing positive will happen! Freed from negative emotions, you will be able to accept his decision calmly, judiciously, switching to his needs.
No need to go over yourself, sacrificing your inner world. If a man sees that a woman is ready to smash for his sake – he feels rejection, squeamishness, antipathy. Know how to enjoy freedom, as far as possible. Become nice, kind, remember that inside you live a girl who wants and deserves a good attitude, love, affection, care. Let them conquer you, dispose of, and not vice versa!
If a man is distant – give time. Him and yourself. Love yourself anew, follow your dreams, get out of the other man’s life. Remember, if a man loves you – he’s all aware of it and, by all means, return your goodwill. If not – you won’t make nice by force! Start a new life, and to this sad experience, treat philosophically, deriving from it all useful and valuable. Appreciate yourself and your time – no one will return it to you!
Women need to understand that distance for men is quite normal, such is the male psychology. The main thing is that it was not a habit and did not destroy your relationship. Do not lose emotional connection with your partner, do not let crises disrupt your well-being, be sincere in your words and actions! Know how to be happy!