Why men drift away: the real reasons, and how to stop it
If you care about a man, you have to make him want to come back to you. Every day and all his life. It’s not about pretty words, expensive lingerie or culinary masterpieces. It’s about the fact that he should be happy with you. It’s called love, it’s simple.
Men can distance themselves from women for a variety of reasons. But they all have one thing in common: they feel unhappy with you. They feel unhappy, which means former feelings and passion – remain in the past. Everything changes almost overnight. But in fact – it all started a long time ago and lasted quite a long time…
So why are they drifting apart? How to find out? If I ask, they will not answer or say nothing. Or they don’t say anything at all. “What is the real reason?” – This is the question that worries and torments many girls and women. What to do when you feel that a man began to drift away, changed? How to react, what to do, how to stop it, after all? How to regain old feelings, and whether it is possible?
Why men drift away
Let’s discuss some of the most common reasons why men pull away from us, and then move on to the “true” ones that summarize the information and really explain everything.
1. he is busy or preoccupied with some of his own things or events.
This does happen and is quite common. Men, unlike women, are not inclined to immediately share their experiences and feelings, even with their closest people. The reason for this is our society, in which the role of macho men who “never cry” is imposed on them. However, guys are just like everyone else, which means they are stressed out because of work, misunderstandings and troubles in the family, etc.
That doesn’t mean they don’t want to date or have fallen out of love. Not at all. It’s just that they are having a hard time and it’s not easy, which outwardly may look like a manifestation of unfriendliness or indifference. If you notice that the man is thinking about something of his own, hovering somewhere miles away from you – this can really be a problem.
The worst thing you can do in this case is to start reproaching or resenting him. That will only make the situation worse.
2. At some point he shows less and less activity and initiative – perhaps he thinks you are too unavailable.
About this a lot of times have written and spoken, but women somehow forget: men like it when you are the first to take the initiative. Or at least let them know that you care about them. Otherwise, a guy might decide that you have someone or he’s not good enough and back off. His decision to distance himself is logical and balanced. He’s sure it’s the right thing to do.
3 He’s shy or even… afraid of you.
Sometimes guys back down and turn down those they really like for a ridiculous reason: they’re intimidated by your beauty, self-confidence, or success with other men. Fortunately, there aren’t many guys like that, but they do exist, and you shouldn’t forget that. By the way, on the outside they may be strong and confident, but on the inside they may be filled with fears and complexes.
4. he feels that he is not yet ready for a serious relationship.
Often we can’t even explain to ourselves how we feel. A man who realizes that you are seriously interested in a serious relationship may be… afraid. Or suddenly realize it’s not what he wants at all. In order not to lie to you and not to give you false illusions, he distances himself, and eventually leaves you altogether. It seems to him that this is more honest. If you think about it, he really didn’t promise you anything, so there is a certain logic in such behavior.
5. You are too accessible for him.
Men are by nature hunters, so if you too openly flirt and almost driving him into a “trap”, it is scary. He may decide that you – too easy, and therefore – not interesting “trophy. To spend an evening or night together, to dance at a party, to go somewhere in a noisy company – for this he is ready. But come morning and the “relationship” is over.
Not all men like to break hearts and play with the feelings of girls, so just delicately alienate. The fact that you have already drawn a plan of your love and even a house on the beach – they do not even suspect.
6. He can’t cope with the swell of love.
Perhaps the man really feels a strong attraction to you, or maybe he even fell in love like never before. And the unbelievable happens: it … scares him. With him, it’s the first time, he does not know how to react, so he prefers to keep a safe distance for now.
7. 7. He is afraid that you will hurt him.
Some men are so traumatized by unhappy love in the past that they are already, as they say, blowing on even the cold milk. They’re panicked about the pain they’ve had to endure, and they try to calculate everything down to the last detail. This does not mean that he does not love you or is not planning a serious relationship.
The reason is different: the man is still reliving past failures or wounds in his heart – not yet healed. He’s distancing himself in order not to be vulnerable, so it’s quieter and safer.
8. He is not interested in a relationship with you.
It is unpleasant, offensive, but it happens in life. No one really knows why we are attracted to some people, and leave completely indifferent – others. Whether you are the most beautiful, kind, intelligent and funny, but it is not a guarantee that the guy will fall in love up to his ears. He can like you, be interested in you – but not for long. It’s nobody’s fault. Not him, and certainly not you. It is, because it is.
In this case, the alienation of a man is a neat signal that he is not interested in you. He does not want to offend you, but he will not pretend either.
9. He has another girl – real or in mind.
If he’s seeing someone else or sighing about a girl who’s still “busy,” that just means you’re an alternate airfield. Rarely will anyone accept such a role, so you are hurt and resentful. This is normal. Maybe he met this girl when he was already in a relationship with you.
Or maybe he’s been secretly sighing about someone since high school. This does not mean that he is a player or a sneak. It’s just that you met at the wrong time, or he’s not ready for a serious relationship yet.
10. He’s deliberately manipulating you.
On the other hand, there are quite a few guys who really love to play and manipulate girls. They intentionally bring you closer and further away in order to attract and fall in love with you. So one day such a man can be affectionate and gentle, to fill you up with flowers and gifts, and the next day – to disappear and not even call.
Such a man is a player. Although it is possible that he is just crazy. In any case, building a relationship with him is like building on sand. However… if you like to hurt yourself, you can risk it.
THE TRUE Reasons Why Men Pull Away
We’ve analyzed the most common reasons why guys pull away. As we see it – let’s put it this way. However, there are deeper motives, reasons and motivations that guys sometimes won’t even admit to themselves. And sometimes they don’t even realize.
1. he no longer associates you with something positive and exciting.
The main reason guys distance themselves from girls is because relationships stop giving them joy. Excitement. Something light and relational. It is possible that this was preceded by some event, an accidentally thrown word and other things that cooled the ardor.
If you want to “bring” the man back – have a good analysis of what could have upset him. Maybe you were too critical, constantly demanding and accusing … Or compared to someone else. Or flirted with others, thinking it was innocent and even fun. Your boyfriend doesn’t have to remember this or that specifically. It’s enough for him to feel depressed for some reason. It’s as if someone stole the joy in an instant.
In that case, it’s time for you to change “tactics” and be more tactful, caring. Relationships – it’s a two-way street. You, too, must give joy and warmth to your partner-the only way it works.
2. he feels himself changing next to you, and he doesn’t like it at all.
When a man falls deeply in love (or even when he is only in the “process” but is showing his feelings and emotions violently) he changes, whether he wants to or not. It is not surprising: he learns to live for someone, to listen, to feel the other person. Besides, you spend a lot of time together, talking, laughing, traveling. Naturally, the guy becomes different than he was before he met you. The saddest thing is that men do not always like this. They are used to going out on their own, and here you have commitments, problems, and so on.
The guy realizes more and more every day that his life is changing, and… he panics. He doesn’t recognize his new self. He is disappointed or frustrated.
Such a situation is not a dead end at all. To resolve this dilemma, let him return to his true self, give him more personal space and freedom. Explain that you do not want to change it and change his old way of life. He can and should go on his own path, it’s just that you will be there for him. And only in order to love and support, not to instruct and guide.
3. You are too early to stop being a mystery to him.
Finally, the most common reason why guys pull away is that you immediately, like in a confession, revealed yourself to him. Too much strong emotion, too much time spent together, too many personal conversations, and too soon can all be intimidating. All the more so for a sedate and unhurried man who doesn’t rush into anything.
He wants to discover you gradually, enjoying each new discovery. Read you like a book, not a collection of 15 pages of comics. It is important for him to make sure that you know how to control your emotions, how to hear the other person, how to really feel him. Sprinting is definitely not what most men dream about. Unless you’re talking about gamblers or geeks. But you’re certainly not going to go with those guys.
As you can see, no matter how different the reasons why guys drift away, the main one is because of negative associations. If you care about a man, if you love him, if you don’t want to lose him, you have to make him want to come back to you again and again. Every day and all his life. It’s not about pretty words, expensive lingerie or culinary masterpieces. It’s about making him feel good and safe with you. Like he’s never been with anyone else before. It’s called love – it’s simple.
A man gets distant: what to do?
One day it is as if your husband or young man is being replaced. He becomes closed, cold, distant and does not want to communicate. Often he can not even be near you.
If you are faced with this situation, now I will help you understand why this is happening and what you can do about it.
If you answer the question “What should I do if a man drifts away?” in short, the answer is: “Nothing.
Nothing that women usually do in this case. Nothing to try to bring him closer to you again.
Obviously, such a short answer is unlikely to inspire you, so let’s look at what’s going on in detail.
First of all, every woman should remember this.
You probably have cyclical fluctuations in mood: then you feel good, want to hug the whole world, kiss all around and shelter all the homeless cats and dogs, then on the contrary – want to tear any man for the slightest “fault” or hide in a corner and quietly cry resentment, despair and misunderstanding.
At such moments, the world seems, to put it mildly, not a very friendly place, although recently it was somewhat different.
But some time passes and you are open to everything good and joyful again, you adore this life and the planet on which you live. And then everything repeats again and again with varying degrees of intensity.
There is no end to it, and no end in sight. As soon as you think, “Everything is just great,” the pendulum starts to swing back to the “Mom, take me back” mark.
And once you are fully immersed in that state, life throws you in the opposite direction again.
Why did I mention this?
The point is that women are not the only ones who have cyclical processes in life .
It may seem strange to some, but men also have something similar. They, too, are governed by some natural and subconscious forces that make them constantly in a state of “surfing” in relationships.
How this manifests itself, you already know – one “beautiful” day the man cools down to you and distances himself emotionally and physically.
In addition to this, he is not inclined to explain anything to you and your questions and inquiries responds with the stock phrase “Everything is OK”, or even asks to leave him alone (sometimes, snapping at his rudeness).
What happens to the man at this time:
– Does he really not want to see you, does he not want to communicate? – Does he not want you to be emotionally and physically close? – After all, doesn’t he really love you anymore?
All of these questions and many more run through a woman’s mind when they are confronted with this behavior from a man.
One of a woman’s first thoughts may be: “I must have hurt him somehow…” or “I did something wrong, and now he’s mad at me…” .
And naturally, thinking like that, you can’t leave the situation as it is and try to at least start communicating with the man to find out what’s going on with him, what’s bothering him, what you’ve done wrong, etc.
That is, a woman’s normal reaction to a man’s estrangement is an almost instantaneous attempt to restore the status quo. It is an irresistible desire not to let a man distance himself at the first sign that something is going on with him.
And that’s not surprising. After all, to a woman, this estrangement feels like a clear danger and a threat to the relationship.
Distance mentally equates to abandonment. It’s like a full-fledged breakup, only in miniature, so every time it happens, the woman acts again and again in accordance with the usual pattern of behavior and each time gets the predictable result.
As soon as a man feels that he is not allowed to distance himself, that a woman is trying to “stick” him to herself, he is overwhelmed by all kinds of feelings, from sadness and frustration, to anger and anger (which is much more common).
But why is it so important for a man to periodically distance himself from his beloved?
Here the thing is that men and women have different understanding of the value of each other, and if a woman is extremely important to always be in emotional, intellectual, spiritual contact with a man, the man is all arranged differently.
A man needs from time to time to go away from you at a certain distance in order to feel how he needs you and what feelings he has for you.
When a man is constantly “around a woman” (in every sense), he begins to lose himself. He feels it as a dissolution of his personality, as if he doesn’t belong to himself.
It is extremely difficult for women to understand what this means and how this can even be, but it is true.
When a man loses himself, he begins to feel great discomfort and invisible forces within him push him in the direction of “away from the woman” so that he can find himself again, understand again who he is in this world, what he does, and what feelings he has for you.
In other words, this kind of “mini loss” is important for the man, when he is estranged from you. This is when his desire for freedom, independence and autonomy comes to the fore.
He feels that he is independent, in control of his life and has the freedom of choice. And this is a time when he desperately needs these feelings.
But, after a while, everything changes dramatically. The man who was so suddenly estranged begins to feel acutely how much he misses you.
He satiated those feelings of freedom and independence, which sought before, and now he again clearly felt that he loves you and wants to “return” to you.
Okay, but what do you personally have to do with all this?
Go back to the answer that was given at the beginning of the article: do not do anything that would prevent the alienation of the man.
Let him go, no matter how scared you are and just wait. Take care of other things, try not to think about the worst – because what happens to your loved one is a normal, natural process.
Do not panic, do not start a conversation with the man and do not try to reproach him for what he did wrong. Just let it happen.
And, furthermore, the less you impede the man’s estrangement, the quicker he has a backlash that brings him back to his original state.
So it’s in your best interest to take it as calmly as possible – that way you’ll save nerves and get your loving man back sooner.
Some women are afraid that this search for freedom and autonomy necessarily turns out that the man will go to all sorts of trouble, “go crazy” and, good grief, even find himself another.
I want to reassure you: these fears have nothing to do with reality. The important thing for a man is the “psychological cleansing” he receives.
That’s why the “hard stuff” that many are so afraid of will be reduced to hanging out with friends or something equally harmless. Consequently, no fatal consequences for your relationship is not expected.