If a man calls you by your name: get to the bottom of it

“My man only calls me by my first and patronymic names. What does that mean?”

I have been living with a man and his son for almost a year. We live at his place, as it is uncomfortable for him and his child at my place. My man calls me by my first and patronymic names, in his phone, I am written in the same way. But his acquaintances and female colleagues he calls by name.

My partner does not use any affectionate references, and I do not like that I am not called affectionately – I do not feel like a beloved woman. At the same time I have a good relationship with his son, and he calls me by my name.

It is difficult for me to objectively assess my man’s attitude towards me. We are 40 years old. Our relations are quite calm. He is not talking about marriage, or rather, he sees no point in it. He doesn’t want any children with me: he has two from his first marriage, and I have no children of my own.

I do not know what will happen next. Deep down, I think that the man does not care about me. And I feel like a failed woman. Please advise me how to behave and how to understand the situation.

Anna, you are asking, “How should I behave and how should I understand my situation?” – and, in my opinion, it depends on your goal and your desires.

You describe the situation as if you are forced to be silent, tolerate and agree. It is as if you are the silent victim of a man’s inadequate treatment of you, because he

  • Will not marry you;
  • calls you by name and patronymic, not affectionately;
  • Does not live with you in your apartment, and invited you into his on his own terms;
  • he does not want children.

The first impulse is to feel sorry for you, but pity will definitely not help you. This impulse comes from feeling that you are suffering and in a helpless state. You know, when there is a victim, there is also an aggressor. Though I doubt he is really the aggressor, more likely he just doesn’t understand the situation.

To begin with, you’re a grown woman, you’re 40 years old and you’re certainly not helpless. This means that if something in your life is going wrong and you are experiencing negative emotions, then you can and just have to change it. In all likelihood, it’s time to stop waiting for a miracle to happen and for a man to figure out what you need and meet all your needs. Therefore:

  1. Determine for yourself exactly what you want in this relationship from a man on all levels: socially, emotionally, financially, physically. To simplify, it’s: “what do I want it to be like”, “what does “happily-ever-after look like for me”, “what in this picture am I willing to do and what do I expect from my partner”.
  2. Choose a form of communication with the man, in which you will be able to convey to him the information. Remember that he can not read minds, and happiness together in his mind may be very different from the image that you imagine. It is important to express your needs: to show initiative, to ask, to seduce. Here, of course, will require training in a healthy and respectful communication.
  3. Little by little, begin to build honesty and openness into your relationships, even if it will sometimes provoke conflicts. After all, this is how, if they are constructive conflicts, people actually get closer.
  4. If in the process of communication you realize that what this man is ready to give you does not suit you and you cannot agree, then it is important to accept that you may not be on your way. Or maybe you will be satisfied with what you can agree on – the rest you can get from other sources.
  5. Your self-value will grow when you start doing what’s important to you. This is the only way.

From the outside your situation is a relationship between two people who do not know how to communicate. The man does as he pleases, and in that there is a fair choice for you as a domestic partner: he’s the one who brought you home.

But at this point, it’s your self-esteem that’s preventing the two of you from going further in this relationship. You know, there are times when a common-law marriage is the union of a man with low responsibility and a woman with low self-esteem. Grow it, and there’s a good chance your relationship will be everything you dreamed it would be.

If a man calls you by your name: get to the bottom of it

Psychologists say that there is nothing sweeter and more melodious for a man than hearing the pronunciation of his name. It characterizes our inner core, willpower, character, as it is one of the most important personal components. People have a variety of feelings depending on the tone with which they are addressed. Often in a relationship between a man and a woman, the partner for some reason does not address the companion by name. Is it worth stressing or taking it as a display of affectionate feelings? Is everything so colorful and sweet in reality? So, why a man does not call a woman by name – the opinion of psychologists on such a worrying question.

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What’s in the name of you

Ancient man hid his name. It was believed that by it, as a trail, he could be overtaken by trouble and disease. This tradition exists in some ethnic groups to this day. It also happens because of fear that by learning the name, the enemy with the help of magic can harm a particular person.

Therefore, there is an opinion that reluctance to give a name has its roots in that ancient, deeply hidden in us fear of harming a person, of revealing him to evil forces by giving him a name.

Modern scholars hold a different viewpoint. Dale Carnegie, an American psychologist, believes that a name sounds to a person like the best melody. With a name we grow, we get used to it, like our second skin. Its pronunciation is also a fact of our existence as a person. And that is why any person is pleased to hear the combination of sounds that denote his name.

Most psychologists are convinced that the way a man calls a woman, in public or in private, you can judge his attitude, whether serious and deep feelings that he feels. And what a rough prognosis for the future of the couple.

But perhaps you should first try to figure out the nature of why the man does not address you by your name, but calls you “little bird,” “little sunshine,” “little mouse.

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What does the guy calls you and what does it mean?

Does your man often call you a bunny or a pussycat? Or maybe just a sweetheart or honey? Have you ever wondered what it means?

Psychologists advise to listen to the nickname that gives you your favorite, so he unconsciously expresses to you his attitude. After all, in each nickname lies very interesting and useful information.

Affectionate nicknames

Sunny, berry, doll, sweet, candy, cutie. Such nicknames are mostly found in the early stages of the relationship. They show that a man is attracted to you and has boundless tenderness. Falling in love and passion dominates your relationship now. Enjoy the candy and bouquet period.

Animal nicknames.

Kitten, tiger, elephant, squirrel. These appeals show that your chosen one has a playful and affectionate attitude toward you. He is ready to take care of you and give you his warmth and affection.

Standard nicknames

Beloved, sweetheart, dear, native. This is how men usually call those in whom they are confident, and whom they want to call their wife. They take responsibility for you, and are willing to be with you under any circumstances.

Official nicknames

Does your man call you by your first or last name? This means that your man is seeking an equal relationship. Thus, he emphasizes that he values your opinion, and you are a close family member for him. Calls it by your patronymic – the man respects you, but also a share of sarcasm is present in the relationship.

Child nicknames

Babe, baby, noodle, baby, pusik, little one. When a man calls you that, you can be sure that you are behind him as a stone wall. Such a man is ready to do everything himself, and you are his little miracle, which he adores. But do not get into the role of a babe, because it is much more profitable to become a charming seductress.

Abstract nicknames.

Sunshine, a miracle, happiness, gold, joy of mine. These nicknames imply that a man feels very good around you. He experiences the most joyful and positive emotions when you are around. Only sometimes you should add more passionate emotions.

Funny nicknames.

Doughboy, crocodile, crocodile, mousy, teletubby, booger. Your partner feels the utmost intimacy with you, he is inextricably linked to you. He is energetic, does not go around in circles, and does not hold back emotion. The same is demanded of you.

These nicknames tell a lot about the man who uttered them, as well as reveal the true intentions towards you. Listen to them, and draw the right conclusions.

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Yvette, Lisette, Musetta, Jeanette, Georgette

The first thing that comes to mind when a man doesn’t want to call you by your first name: he’s afraid of making a mistake. He has a lot of women, and not to get into trouble, and calls everyone “bunny. There are situations like that. But very rarely. More often the reasons may be as follows:

  • It is not for nothing they say that we come from childhood. Probably in the family of men was not accepted to call each other by name. After all, it happens when the husband calls his wife by her last name, and she answers him in the same way. Plus the experience of school years, when everyone in the class habitually called each other by the list in the class register.
  • There is a problem with remembering names. It happens that the usual frequently used words get mixed up in my head. And this happens quite often with almost every other person. Not wanting to offend a loved one, the interlocutor tries to avoid his or her name.
  • There was a bad experience, and your namesake broke a man’s heart. It is not surprising that your partner is now diligently shutting himself off. After all, the name is considered an intimate thing, saying it out loud, the man will have to trust you. And with this case, he did not work out.
  • It happens when a person feels that a particular name does not fit a particular individual. Although this problem is more peculiar to women. But a male aesthete with his artistic vision does not perceive you as Isolde Tikhonovna and prefers to call kitty.
  • There are more serious reasons. When a man wants to keep the relationship at a distance, afraid to get close and thus puts a psychological barrier between himself and the woman.

In the latter case it could be a phobia or fear of naming a specific person. By naming someone, we start to get spiritually closer to him. For some people, this is scarier than being in the crosshairs.

Sometimes only a competent psychologist can find out the exact cause, so deep within us are our complexes.

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What hides the subconscious under all sorts of nicknames

Psychology helps to reveal the secrets of the male subconscious and gives answers to the questions why a guy does not call his girlfriend by name. But it also lifts the veil of the true motives and hidden desires of the male sex, depending on the nickname they choose.

According to experts, each coined term for the chosen one carries a double meaning, which can discern only the woman next to her:

  • animal names (cat, herbivore, fluffy, cold-blooded, aquatic, etc.) have 2 interpretations: either the man has a soft character and is ready to put the whole world at a woman’s feet, or he treats you superficially;
  • Baby talk (baby, baby girl, girl, baby, baby boy) indicates that the man is ready to take responsibility and sees you as a gentle, vulnerable woman, or that he is immature partner;
  • Warm nicknames (honey, sweetheart, darling, dear) carry the mood for a long-lasting union, or he subconsciously asks you to show more feelings towards him;
  • cosmic names (sun, star, moon, universe) suggest that the man stresses and wants his woman to shine brighter – his partner wants to be proud of you;
  • poetic speeches (light of my soul, my life, dazzling empress, woman from the past) speak usually about the man’s vacuousness, which is rarely backed up by actions;
  • natural, sensual notions (stream, joy, happiness, aspen tree, birch tree) are interpreted by a strong infatuation on the part of the partner;
  • nicknames such as “golden”, “precious”, “priceless” should alert women – perhaps the man is looking for benefits for himself (not necessarily in material terms);
  • Tasty names (doughnut, bun, candy, marmalade) does not mean that there is a hint of puffy forms – these compliments indicate that you give a man warmth, positive energy and support, or he does not have enough of you economics;
  • if a man gave a special nickname that is associated only with you (appearance, habits, character, family name) – this is a sign of real deep feelings, willingness to share the rest of his life with his partner.

And why does a guy call his girlfriend by a diminutive name, declining it in different cases, or coming up with creative additional words to it? So he is saying that he is looking for a special emotional connection with her that only the two of them will understand.

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A man does not call a woman by her name – what is the way out of the situation

Psychologists say that if a man calls his beloved by name – it means that he is set up for a marriage, where mutual respect and harmony will reign. However, do not despair, if the treatment to you still slip all sorts of nicknames – everything is still fixable. Perhaps he needs a hint of your desires.

What to do to make a man began to call you by your name – psychologist’s tips:

  1. If a man does not feel in you a soul mate and is limited to a dry address, tell him directly. There is an old joke in this case: At the address “listen” is answered “What kind of Lusha? I do not know her! My name is Vika! (Just call me Vika).” This is both unpretentious and will let the man know that you don’t like it.
  2. If a man ignores your name because of unpleasant memories from the past – give him time. He will realize that he has a completely different person with him and all his fears are in vain.
  3. When a man is sure that the native name just does not suit you – the choice is yours. If you are not confused by his position – fine, if not – tell him that you love your name and prefer to hear it when you address yourself.
  4. If the family script parents did not call each other by name – play along with him. Call him by his last name, let you have a special relationship. But gradually form the habit at least in intimate conversations to call yourself by your first name.
  5. If at first meeting you were immediately “darling” – think seriously, do you want to get involved with infantile or lovelorn guy.
  6. When a woman notices that the epithets in his address is supported by a manic behavior, psychologists strongly recommend to be wary and distance yourself. Such men quickly break women, completely bending them to themselves.

Calling each other “kitties”, “babies”, “sunshine” has become very popular, especially in adolescence. Do not immediately panic if you are from the first meeting were to call “baby doll” or “redhead” – sometimes you have to once to let the guy know that this is unacceptable, and he will take your position.

In any case, the panacea for solving these problems will be a frank conversation. Only after it you will understand how to behave further. Maybe from a loved one to hear “sparrow” – this is not the worst thing that can be in a relationship!

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Call me quietly by name.

If you are happy with everything, you are sure about your partner’s feelings, and maybe you have been living together for a long time, there is no need to stress. In every couple everything is strictly individual.

But if the lack of sound names brings discomfort, and all the “bunny”, “fish” is only irritating, try to take a man out to talk frankly. Explain to your partner your point of view and listen to his arguments.

It’s worth it not to start the situation at the very beginning of acquaintance. At the first attempts to call you “pussy” firmly declare: “I’m just Tanya! Many young people will understand right away. For the slow-witted, patience is required. Here, as in school have to do repetition: I have a name, as my name, kitty is not here.

Neglected cases will have to be corrected by more subtle methods. As an option, you can find a poster with your name on it. Lay out things where it is listed. You can play a song that sings about your namesake more often. The goal of all actions: the name should be constantly on the ear of the man.

A very efficient method, although it sounds childish – to refer to yourself by name during caressing: Lena, a good girl, loves Sasha, Lena is smart, what a good guy Lena is, and so on. That is we act on the subconscious.

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How do you know if a man really likes you?

If you are not called by name, do not immediately jump to conclusions and declare: you do not like me. Try to listen to your partner, because a strong man can have his own little weaknesses. Your common future may depend on your understanding and concessions. Of course, you should listen to a psychologist’s opinion about why a man does not call a woman by her name, but to draw conclusions from all of this is up to you.

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