7 reasons why men show interest and then suddenly disappear
It is very unpleasant when after a long correspondence, a few dates or some time in a relationship, a guy disappears from your life. You may feel depressed and disappointed, especially if he hasn’t explained the reasons for this behavior. There are quite a few factors that can influence such a decision. You’ll learn about them in this material.
1. When they are bored with you.
It’s not always our expectations when getting to know and interacting with a person that coincide with reality. And besides, we are all so different that it can be difficult to find a person to your liking. You’ve probably experienced more than once that a guy you’re interested in turns out to be boring during long conversations. Men feel the same way, and this is a common reason why they disappear after showing interest.
Don’t take it personally and label yourself as “boring,” getting upset and including your inner critic. It’s normal when people’s interests or topics of conversation don’t match and communication stops.
2. When he meets a girl he likes better
Men, trying to arrange a personal life, can meet and communicate with several girls at the same time. They choose the one that seems more interesting or they just like better. But they can’t always admit it, so they prefer to just disappear, reducing communication to zero.
3. he was dating out of “sporting interest”
Men who are not interested in building a strong relationship may perceive dating as a kind of hobby. They like to win a girl’s interest, perhaps even to make her fall in love with him, and then leave her because “mission accomplished.”
Very often behind such behavior is an attempt to prove to oneself one’s worth and capabilities. But this behavior may simply be a toxic habit, a fear of commitment, and a reflection of narcissistic tendencies.
4 He understands that you have different values.
One common reason is that he feels your values are divergent. However, he doesn’t think it’s worth talking about it or trying to find a compromise.
He notices specific thoughts or actions that he can’t accept. Or realizes that some of his habits are at odds with your idea of how to live your life. For example, he wants to move away from the city, while you dream of an apartment in the metropolis. Or he does not mind drinking alcohol with friends on the weekend, and you categorically do not accept drinking. Even little things like differences in musical preferences or food can be a reason why a guy gradually drifts away and disappears.
5. He doesn’t see your interest in him.
Many of us shy away from expressing our emotions or complimenting the guy we go on a date with. And this can happen even after several meetings. But unfortunately, no man can read our minds.
A guy can disappear after a few dates because he thinks you’re not too interested in him. That’s why it’s important to be more open and show your interest. No, you shouldn’t immediately say you’re in love or want a relationship with him. But compliments about how interesting he is, that you had a great time with him, and that you’re hoping for the next meeting will let you know you care about him.
6. He’s going through a personality crisis.
When a man is going through a personality crisis, it’s hard for him to build a relationship and sort out his emotions. For example, he may feel that he is not worthy of you or that he will not be able to express themselves in a relationship as they should. The stronger his emotions and worries are, the more he wants to isolate himself and get over them. Therefore, the number of calls, meetings and messages can drop drastically.
This is a difficult problem to get over. The most you can do is offer your help and support. But if the man doesn’t want to make contact or refuses to communicate with you, you shouldn’t waste too much of your time. People can take years to sort themselves out. And it’s not a fact that his decisions and conclusions will lead to further relationships.
7. His family and friends are against you.
Another big reason why guys show interest but then disappear is because their friends or family turn them against you.
Advice from people close to you can have a very strong influence on a guy, especially if they are his parents or close friends. They may not even know you, but give an assessment from a picture or word of mouth from other people. They will tell him in one way or another not to get involved with you, it can really make him anxious and hesitant.
Even if he has been very interested up to a certain point, the negative input from people he trusts and cares about can make him lose interest. It seems really unfair, but it happens quite often.
Why does a man disappear without explanation and reappear
“Leaving and returning, returning is leaving.” This line from a once popular song describes a frequent problem in male-female relationships. Agree, it’s hard to plan for the future or build a family when one of you is a cat that walks on its own.
What have I done wrong? Maybe hurt him, didn’t pay enough attention, didn’t care enough? Good assumptions, but there’s a nuance! For what reason can’t an adult notify another adult of their decision? And what causes that decision to change – to come back? Let’s discuss!
Why men disappear and reappear
The “Contrast Shower” technique used to be popular with many pick-up coaches. Its essence is that the girl is first showered with attention, care and sympathy, then – abruptly disappear. It was assumed that a period of “coldness” was necessary so that the woman realized how important and meaningful a man was to her.
A woman’s curiosity pushes her to look for answers. The girl herself begins to call, to look for meetings, and when the great seducer appears in the line of sight – falls into his arms. But it is extremely difficult to build a strong relationship on such a foundation.
After all, in the first place, we expect reliability and emotional security from our partner. Here it is important to understand what you are to each other? Let’s say a man behaves this way at the beginning of your relationship. Perhaps this happens because each of you defines this communication differently. For example, you’re sure you’re dating. He gives you a ride home, helps you with minor household problems, gives you a coat.
But for him it is the norm of politeness, he is still looking around, or you are interesting to him as an interlocutor. And you have already “privatized” him. In that case, the man is not “running away” on purpose. He just has not “come in” as one of the main characters in your life. Only an honest conversation will help here.
When “come-away” is a tactic.
In a healthy relationship, we look for peace, comfort and comfort. That doesn’t mean everything has to be boring and predictable. It’s about not worrying about “stabbing us in the back” from our partner, not being afraid of being intentionally hurt. Alas, it’s not uncommon for “come-along” to become a deliberately chosen tactic.
The man is convinced that this is the easiest way to get his way. By doing the disappearing trick, he makes you feel how bad you will be without him. The gist of this act is, “You’d better fulfill my wishes! Otherwise I will go away, and you will suffer.
You, unwittingly, offended your partner in some way. He, offended, disappeared. He left you to think about your behavior without telling you what went wrong. Then he came back, realizing that his offense wasn’t worth breaking up the relationship. But quietly glad he punished you.
- Trying to prove something.
The goal is self-assertion. Man proves to you or yourself, that he is popular with women, can provide for themselves, he is his own master, and do not have to report to you. It seems that it is about self-esteem, and he realizes it.
3 reasons why men suddenly disappear.
- Testing the boundaries of what is allowed.
Suddenly, you don’t ask where he’s been, or believe little convincing explanations? Then it’s okay to do that! Here brings up another topic for reasoning-why would he need to find out the consequences? Maybe he plans to cross borders periodically?
A desire to see how you will behave. These kinds of checks suggest an unhealthy selfishness. Where does the desire to make your beloved run around and worry? Isn’t there enough “proof” of love in a relationship?
- You’re just being used.
You are convenient to him for some reason. There is no question of love here. Respect, even less so.
“Hello” from childhood.
The roots of the problem of silent withdrawal and return can be traced back to childhood. In such cases, the man is not aware of the real reasons for his behavior. He simply doesn’t understand how else he could have acted. Or he doesn’t think another act in the situation was possible.
One of the reasons is an attachment trauma that was formed in the family. For example, ambivalent attachment: parents behaved illogically and inconsistently in the child’s eyes. They sometimes praised and sometimes scolded without explaining why. They could vent their anger on their son.
The child loved his parents and was afraid at the same time. He did not understand what to expect from them. As the child grew older, the problem migrated to relationships with the opposite sex. A man is afraid that the one he loves will hurt him. That’s why he runs away periodically, so he doesn’t get too attached.
This behavior is also dictated by attachment trauma in order to create the illusion of power, control over the situation. It seems to the man that if he decides when to leave and when to come, he is the master of the situation. He is the one doing the hurting, not him.
Perhaps you are in a relationship with a narcissistic man? With his English departures he is a man who pleases his ego, and with his extravagant returns he condescends magnanimously. He can only be admired! One can only meet him with tears of happiness in his eyes and open arms.
Narcissists also “grow up” from childhood. Either they were not encouraged at all, so now they try to compensate for it in every way possible. Or, on the contrary, they are over-praised, and in adulthood the narcissist’s goal is to make the whole world applaud him.
Alas, in this situation, a heart-to-heart talk will not help. Psychological trauma and personality disorders are not cured by love alone. These are problems that lie in the psyche. Consequently, only a specialized specialist can help get rid of them.
What to do when a man disappears without explanation and reappears?
Caught under such a contrasting shower, you have hard feelings. It is important to give them an outlet. You are tormented by speculation about the reasons for this behavior of the man. But the situation has already happened, and you can not change it. When the storm of emotions subsided – time to think about how to behave.
- Discuss what happened.
Leaving all the bad things in the past is not a productive tactic in this situation. The problem is bound to reoccur if the causes remain unclear.
Ask clear questions and talk about your feelings and emotions, without accusations. The purpose of the conversation is to hear your man’s version of what happened, not to get into a fight.
- Listen to your intuition.
Intuition and what you may have gotten yourself wound up are different things. Ask follow-up questions if you sense lies in the answers. It’s okay, because this kind of behavior undermines trust.
- Understand if you’re ready to continue the relationship.
It’s not a given that you’ll be able to convey to your man the importance of discussing problems together. Agree, such disappearances and games of “silence” resemble rather childish behavior. You have a right not to accept it.
- Work on the relationship.
If you decide to save the relationship, you will have to learn to talk about the painful, again trust. You have made a promise that such incidents will not happen again, right?
The essence of the reasoning about why a man evaporates without explanation, and appears again, boils down to one thought – the problem is not you. You shouldn’t blame yourself. There is simply no good reason to evacuate without even sending a goodbye text message.