10 reasons why a man does not respond to messages. How to behave in response to ignoring?
How easy it is to argue with a girl without knowing it. You just need not answer her call or message right away. That’s all, here you are already divorced, although 5 minutes ago in your couple was a complete idyll. Yes, yes, this is not a man’s article. I just want to show the absurdity of the situation when a woman “made up her own mind, herself offended.
Contents of the article “10 reasons why a man does not respond to messages. How to behave in response to ignoring?”:
It is extremely rare that a man does not respond to texts, because he does not want to. It could be much simpler – he has more important things to do. If you’re sure your chosen one should click back and you know he has nothing else to do…are you sure you’ve chosen a normal man for yourself?
The AKLONI team helped me compile a list of all the frequent reasons why he doesn’t respond. Let’s go!
You’re all exhausted: wrote to him 15 minutes ago, but he did not even bother to read your message, although he was online 2 minutes ago. How come? Love gone, tomatoes wilted? That’s it, he doesn’t love you anymore?
It’s your thing to make up a problem where there isn’t one… Trust me, all men “love” it. If you know your hubby has left for work, while remembering to give you a kiss on the forehead, get off the guy. Let him make some money.
He may have an important meeting, a meeting, or just a vacation between clients. At work, a man should be working, not fucking around on the phone, you know? He’s bound to answer when he has time, when he’s in the mood to talk. Better go do something useful, too.
2. he forgot.
Come to think of it, he might be so fucked up with business that he stupidly forgot to answer your texts. Yeah, and he forgot to call you back because your call was just in the middle of an important conversation.
And when he remembered, he realized that he would still get fucked up by you, so he decided to postpone the execution until the evening. That is, at first he forgot, and then he didn’t want to, because he knows your hysterical reaction.
How do you respond to something like that? Just step in and stop racking his brain.
3. you’re too intrusive.
Why does a man ignore messages? Yes, there’s just too much of you. I mean, what good are your messages in the morning, at lunchtime and at night, and 20 phone calls in between? What are you trying to accomplish?
For starters, it’s worth figuring out what stage of the relationship you’re at right now. Have you seen each other before? How many meetings have you had? In the beginning stages of a relationship, a large number of incoming calls is stressful. You don’t know each other well enough to bang on for hours about nothing.
What should you text a man to get him to respond?
- Remember, it should not be 100500 messages a day, but a maximum of 2-3. Better let him think he didn’t hook you and get you, than start wiping his feet thinking you’re all his.
- Don’t write the sheets. They’re boring to read, even if there’s a secret secret in there. It’s better to tell it when you meet him, and in the message write, “I want to share a secret with you. Will you meet me?”
- Less emoji. No, hearts are nice, but when all your messages are 80-100% emoji, your eyes bleed.
- Connect emotionally with your message. Instead of “I found out this, you’re going to die,” write “I found out something today and immediately thought of you!”
4. No connection, my cell phone broke.
Well, it happens. Maybe he lost his phone or left it at home, is in a place where there is no connection and not necessarily with whores, broke, ran out of battery. There could be a lot of reasons.
See if he’s online at all? Maybe the man is really busy and you’re bugging him and he’s turned his phone off? You see, a harmonious relationship is only possible between two normal people. If you’re going to fall for him and make him the center of your world, don’t expect a normal relationship.
5. He’s married.
Oh man, that’s bad luck. He walked you around his dick and didn’t blink an eye. Of course, he won’t return your calls when his pussy is around.
It’s not the norm, but it’s common. Finding out if a man is married or not is easy enough. Ignoring your calls and messages at certain times is one sign.
How do you respond to that? It’s up to you. You can forget his number and look for a normal man or continue the relationship, because he is such a wonderful man.
But remember that being a mistress – a thankless job. Sooner or later your wife will call you, and for all the holidays he will be with his family. And it is very unlikely that the married man will go to the mistress, because he is fine as it is.
6. He is trying to tie you down.
The guy ignores on purpose, but doesn’t disappear completely. This is the so-called swing principle. Today he doesn’t answer your calls, and tomorrow he shows up as if nothing ever happened.
It works very simply: by manipulating the man, we bind him to ourselves, make him wait for you to call and sit over the phone like a kite. The woman doesn’t understand what’s going on and falls more and more in love with the man. In this way, the guy gains complete control over your relationship. He no longer has to strain to get you.
7. An eye for an eye.
If you’ve been guilty of ignoring his calls and texts, he may just want to teach you a lesson. Most likely, this won’t be done to hurt you, but to show you how unpleasant it is to be ditched.
And yes, before such a move, be sure he’s told you more than once what he’s not happy about. But apparently you didn’t deign to listen to his request, so he went to extreme measures.
8. You fought.
“And I haven’t said everything yet!” – is definitely not a phrase you want to hear from the woman you love. Apparently, your messages are so saturated with resentment and continuing the banquet that it’s easier for a man to ignore you than to respond.
If a man is ignoring after a fight, maybe he wanted to take a short pause to breathe out. In the heat of the moment, it’s realistic to say shit to each other that will be embarrassing and disgusting.
So after an argument, don’t call or text. Can’t? Throw the phone away. If a guy doesn’t answer the phone, it means he’s giving you time to cool off, too. Take advantage of this moment to calm down, think, and only then continue the conversation. Believe me, it’s much easier to negotiate when you’re calm.
9. You wrote nonsense.
You girls sometimes write such nonsense that we just don’t know how to respond to it. Well, okay, I know your Lenka and I understand approximately what is going on in her life. Thanks to you, of course. But why the fuck should I know ALL the details? What am I supposed to answer if I’m not interested?
Men often forget what girls tell them. Not because they don’t love or appreciate it. They just don’t need it. It’s unnecessary information, you know? And when a woman tells a new episode of a soap opera called “Lenka and Her Hookers,” a man may not remember what happened in the last episode.
If a man does not respond to a text message in which you write unimportant information, then he does not need it! It’s not you he doesn’t need, it’s that specific information. Have you poured your heart out? Are you relieved? That’s good, but sometimes there’s just nothing for a man to say.
10. it’s over.
Men are not as emotional as women. And they find it easier to end the relationship this way, by ignoring, than to listen to a sea of tears, insults and threats. It’s stupid and that’s what unworthy of your attention specimens do. He is just pissed. So don’t get upset. Drink some wine and walk proudly in search of a new partner.
But sometimes a man can take a break. A pause is not the end, but an opportunity to improve your relationship. So, if the guy does not respond to the text, but before you asked to take a break, let him figure out himself and his feelings. We’re not robots, either, just to make dough, eat and get laid.
What not to do if a guy is ignoring messages
There’s no point in writing what to do, you’re not going to do what I say anyway. I’d rather write you exactly what you should never, ever do in order to preserve your dignity.
- Don’t yell at him all over social media. Believe me, if he doesn’t answer you in Telegram, you won’t get an answer in Insta or Vk. This situation is more like harassment and imposition. Are you sure you want to be thought of that way?
- Don’t write too much. The problem is that if a guy doesn’t respond to texts, he definitely won’t respond to 1,000 texts. Or maybe he’ll even throw a fuck-up like that in his inbox. Imagine, you obsessive suitor sends you 1000 messages a day, what do you do?
No sad statuses and storizas just for him. Okay, you posted a sad little story with a crying mask to sad music. So what? He’s supposed to know right away what an asshole he is and that he can’t do that to you, fly to you on a magic carpet with 101 roses? Are you serious?
This shows you the wrong side of you, which would interest a normal adequate man. If a man ignores you after an argument, then both he and yourself need to be given time to cool down.
Don’t text his friends. Why the fuck should they tell you anything about your man? They have one relationship with him, you have another with him. And they don’t overlap. And think about how the very fact that you called will be communicated to your boyfriend: “There, that, your hysterical girl called, asking about you. What should I say? Or don’t say anything?”
Remember what to do if a man ignores you after an argument? Leave him alone and contact him later when you both cool down. Especially your problems are just your problems, outsiders shouldn’t know about them.
Don’t go where he usually hangs out. You’re in a fight, but you know for a fact that he’ll be at the bar tonight, and you walk proudly with a carefully pedaled horn. Of course, you happened to be walking by and decided to stop in for a drink of water.
If you did not agree to a meeting, do not look for it. You’ll just be laughed at by him, by his friends. Why would you want such an embarrassment?
Don’t hypnotize the phone. The fact that you had a fight or he took a break is certainly not ace. But that’s not the end of life. What good is it if you spread your depressions all over the couch and turned into a monster? Who’s worse off? You. That’s all.
He may be sad in his own way, but he’s certainly not tearing his hair out. So why should you waste precious days of your youth worrying? Pull yourself together, plaster over the bags under your eyes, and get on with your normal, normal life. Will he call? Great. You’ll hear. No? Well, fuck you.
Don’t get yourself worked up early. If a man doesn’t text you back for 20 minutes or a couple of hours, it’s okay. You know what I mean? Don’t waste your nerve cells on unnecessary worries. Here, when a couple of days have passed, you can suffer a little. But remember, relationships aren’t the only things in life.
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If a man suddenly drifts away: how to behave properly?
One of the most unpleasant situations in a relationship is a sudden ignoring by the man. It does not matter when this moment came: at the beginning of communication, after a couple of dates or already in the established, it would seem, successful and happy couple. The sudden cooling down of your partner hurts your self-esteem. And most importantly, it leaves you hanging. It is unclear why this happened. It is unclear whose fault it was, what was wrong? Could this situation have been anticipated? What to do now? In most cases it is men who suddenly disappear into space. This is their typical behavioral strategy. And women are increasingly asking the question: how to behave if a man drifts away?
Psychologists, who study the peculiarities of the mentality and behavior of the stronger sex, warn that the cooling and sudden estrangement from a woman at different stages of the relationship will be in most cases. But the reasons for his withdrawal and disappearance can be very different:
- the man got what he wanted in the relationship, and he doesn’t need the woman anymore;
- on the contrary, realized that he will not be able to get from his partner desired, left in search of more “agreeable” candidates;
- presses the boundaries of the girlfriend, finds out by experience what is possible with her and what is not;
- in principle does not plan close and long-lasting relationships, so he breaks off their development at the peak;
- manipulates the woman, trying to subdue her, to make her dependent;
- gets a perverted pleasure from the fact that the partner is in a state of tension;
- Is selfish, doesn’t think about other people’s feelings at all;
- is frightened by a quick rapprochement or suspects the girlfriend of having a vested interest;
- needs a temporary pause, a distance to make a decision about their future life or to deal with accumulated problems in other areas (business, health, relationships with family or an ex-partner);
- Has a parallel relationship;
- Over time, has grown cold, no longer has the same feelings;
- is incapable of dialogue, does not know how to “communicate” otherwise about the violation of his or her boundaries, and more.
Agree that with such different sources of the problem, you should first think about the possible reasons why a man is avoiding a woman, and then work out a strategy of behavior.
Fear of a serious relationship
Female representatives of the fair sex consciously or unconsciously in most cases are set up for a serious (that is, a long time and close distance between the partners) union. The joke that “he just opened the door for her, and she has already thought about what to name her children” has only a grain of humor.
A man, on the other hand, when he meets a woman, meets her, falls in love, or simply desires her, does not make any plans. He is more in the state of “here and now”. That is why, if he realizes that the relationship can become intimate, let alone if he sees that the woman expects him to be “serious”, the man feels as if he is hitting the wall from a running start. And he disengages, at least for a while.
What will be the result of his “detachment” or “seclusion” is unknown even to him. Everyone’s upbringing, character, parental attitudes, and personal maturity are different. Where one person, after taking a pause, realizes that “this is my woman, and I’m ready…”, another decides to “take a walk,” “postpone,” or even “look at all the options.”
When the chill is caused by just such a fear, if the man temporarily ignores the woman, there is no way for her to affect the situation. The only sensible behavior is…take a pause, too!
Imagine an elastic band between you and your partner. The man pulls away, pulling it taut. You feel uncomfortable, you want to shorten the distance so that the tension is less. You move closer, he moves away again.
In fact, you should be patient and, overcoming resistance, also somewhat distance yourself by doing other things. Tension then arises and for a man, already testing his strength. The attraction to you or your partner’s character, his personal potential is weak – the rubber band will break. He needs you – the increased tension will make him fly to you with all his strength.
It’s fair to say that a conscious and well-mannered man will warn a woman that he needs a pause, or will try to justify it somehow (busyness, departure, solving problems in other areas). But sometimes the fear of getting too close too quickly (by your partner’s standards) is just what takes away the awareness.
Manipulation of ignoring and cooling down
Psychologists warn that the “scourge” of our time is the increasing number of people with narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism, although considered a variation within the norm, is a serious enough reason to think about whether you need such a partner in principle.
Narcissists are characterized by a lack of empathy, a sense of superiority, a desire to manipulate to gain an advantage. And the latter will be expressed not only (or not so much) in material goods, but also in the feeding of your own self at the expense of admiration, and then – and dependence of the other half.
A narcissist consciously or not so consciously tries to induce in his partner (and often in many partners at the same time) a withdrawal similar to a narcotic. At first, he “plants” them with beautiful advances and imitations of passion (he is incapable of real passion), and then he disappears. The woman begins to rush around, not understanding what happened, seeking a resumption of contact, repenting for nonexistent sins. Narcissus returns, again arranging a “honeymoon” period. After a couple of such “swaying” the partner can break down. Overwhelmed by frank manipulation of the man, the woman ceases to wonder why the man then shows interest and passion, then suddenly ignores her, not even answering the phone. And in fear of the possible loss of such a bright partner, who has become a kind of “love heroin” for her, she is ready to tolerate any attitude, to give all that she has.
Signs of a narcissistic personality are:
- Brazenly ignoring your feelings (he is simply incapable of understanding them): “What’s the big deal? I’m here now (called, want to come, etc.). And let’s…”;
- gaslighting (denial of a fact according to the principle “you tell him black, he tells you white”): “I didn’t see your calls! I did not have my phone. I lost my contacts. You imagined it…”
So if a guy or man ignores messages, disappears without warning, and then returns as if nothing had happened, it is worth soberly analyzing his behavior in terms of signs of narcissism. In such cases, a woman should literally think about her own safety. If not physical, then psychological – definitely.
But there can also be “mild” cases where the man does not have a pronounced narcissistic component, but there is a craving for some manipulation. He tries to “test” the strength of the girl’s personal boundaries, to understand what he can afford with her. What if she is undemanding, and you can “not bother” with her? Famous athlete Nikolai Valuev says that he seriously “took a closer look” at his future wife, when the fragile girl was not afraid to tell him off for the disrupted date, warning that she would not tolerate this anymore. The giant has imbued with respect for a woman’s dignity.
Renowned psychologist, master of metaphor, Olga Naumova compares such a situation with a yard swing in the form of a long plank. One child pulls back, presses with his weight so that the other is in a suspended state, detached from the ground, and himself “slides” closer. And we all remember that on the swing, on the contrary, we also had to move away and “push” in order to equalize the balance.
Demonstrating self-esteem and confidence dramatically reduces the desire to test you “for strength.
Boyfriend insecurity as a cause of estrangement
Complexes are the reason why a man avoids a woman he is obviously in love with. For young men and male introverts with high sensitivity, doubts and low self-esteem get in the way of developing a relationship.
Their worries, insecurities about themselves and their partners, the memory of past traumas on the love or family “front” can be so painful for them that men can’t stand it and distance themselves.
Pride, notions that “men do not cry”, shame and lack of skills to discuss their feelings with someone do not allow them to demonstrate their weakness and pain points. And the “strong” sex just walks away from the contact!
In some cases, a guy may feel embarrassed about his relationship with a particular girl.
There are many reasons why a man is embarrassed to show his surroundings his woman, and begins to distance himself from her:
- A big difference in social status, age, background;
- the intersection of love and business relationships, working together;
- Negative attitudes of family and relatives;
- family dysfunction;
- incomplete or extremely traumatic past relationships;
- past mistakes that he is afraid to reveal to his partner, and many other things.
Ignoring as a reaction to too intrusive behavior of a girl
Men are adherents of the traditional scheme: the strong sex is the “hunter” and the woman is the “prey”. And if the roles are too obviously confused, that is, the initiative is persistently begins to show exactly what the partner in the relationship, they do not like it.
At best, the man will try to withdraw in order to restore the balance that is comfortable for him, at worst he will cut all ties and ignore the excessively obtrusive girl.
This does not mean that the initiative should come only from members of the stronger sex. Modern culture allows women to be the first to get acquainted, to write, to call. But you should avoid “frontal attacks”, paying more attention to finding common interests, topics, activities.
Ignoring because of a grudge against the girl
Every man has his own principles, a violation of which he will not allow. We all remember the classic scene from “Moscow does not believe in tears”, where Gosha disappears for a few days. And the reason is not even that Katya turned out to be more successful than him in life. “She tricked me!” – that’s what threw the hero of the movie out of whack.
One of the reasons why a man can suddenly begin to ignore a woman is precisely a violation of a man’s “basic” principle. Such “pain points” can be hit completely accidentally, and then be puzzled why the partner disappeared.
Psychologists recommend that at the very beginning of dating to discuss what is unacceptable for a man in a relationship, and give him the same feedback about himself.
In the process of a long relationship, sooner or later there comes a cooling. Men react more acutely than women to the lack of novelty, routine, routine and boredom. And they may drift away, no longer feeling the love and passion that was for a woman before.
If you realize that your loved one after a long period of happy relationships or marriage began to cool down, do not be afraid and panic – it is a normal situation, which passes through all couples. It is worth giving him a little pause, and she herself at this time to concern herself with finding new “wood” to keep the fire in the family fireplace.
Busyness as an excuse for ignoring and cooling down
Men in 9 out of 10 cases explain their behavior by the load at work, lack of time, and similar reasons. But how objective is this excuse?
Yes, on the one hand, the priority male work, business, business is always in the first place. And to offend a woman to this makes no sense, as stupid to complain about the snow or rain outside the window.
But on the other hand, no man who in 24 hours has not had a snack, did not go (sorry!) To the bathroom, did not make himself a cup of tea or coffee. And that means that texting or calling and warning about the busyness is always an option.
In this age of multiple communication channels, even a lost phone or being in the middle of the woods does not prevent one way or another from reporting. Even in combat units of the security forces there is a system of mutual notification of wives and girlfriends that their beloved will be “out of reach” for some time!
Therefore, if a man has warned about being busy and reduced the frequency of contacts (but not reduced them to zero, getting in touch at least once every 2 days), then it is normal. And a woman should respect his business activity.
If the man “drops out” of contact without warning and does not answer the phone for more than 2-3 days, it points to possible problems:
- addiction: computer addiction (went into “tanchiki”), alcohol or drug addiction (then he can clean himself up, and the woman will not suspect anything), workaholism;
- Narcissistic type, who remembers his partner only “when he feels like it”;
- The presence of a parallel family;
- Lack of feelings and respect for the woman, using her as an “alternate airfield.
Therefore, the question “What to do if the guy ignores you?” psychologists say: think about whether you need a partner with these problems. How much do you not respect yourself to accept this style of communication?
Think about the possible reason for ignoring a man
It makes sense from the very beginning of acquaintance, communicating and observing your potential partner, to analyze the peculiarities of his personality, his motives for behavior, his level of education and respect for people. It does not happen that a man behaves in a certain way in relation to others, and he will treat you differently.
Try to challenge him to a frank conversation about the reasons for the estrangement. Tell him how you feel when people close to you disappear without explanation, or become estranged. Talk about a similar situation in the life of, for example, a friend and analyze your partner’s reaction.
If a man has disappeared for some time, it is acceptable to contact him through any social network or messenger.
Considering what to write to a man who is ignoring you for unknown reasons, it is better to abandon the “frontal attacks”: “Where are you?”, “What’s going on?”, “Why are you ignoring me?”.
The message can combine two parts: a hint that your activity has not stopped due to the absence of your partner + positive reinforcement of the desire to meet. For example:
- Going to the movies at … Will you keep me company?
- Buying tickets with friends … Do you want to join us?
- Today I was at … Very much I liked it. It’s a pity we haven’t talked for a long time. I wanted to share emotions.
- I remembered how cool it was when we went to … I want to go there again.
You can ask your mutual close friends to do the same – invite them somewhere, mentioning that you will be there. An adequate man will either explain his reluctance to date, or offer his options.
If the man will ignore a couple of such appeals – safely put an end to it.
Ask forgiveness, if there is a reason.
Analyze your own behavior. Think about whether you have always been correct. If you have a suspicion that you have unwittingly offended the man – give him your apologies.
Do it with dignity. Option: “Come back, I will not!” is appropriate for preschool children. But neutrally report, “You know, I thought and realized that I was too harsh (wrong, tactless) in … (situation, question, statement). I’m sorry!” – is quite appropriate. And then, after a short pause, “throw a fishing rod” for further communication.
An adequate person will accept the apology. Perhaps he will gradually become more trustworthy and tell you exactly what and why it hurts him. The guy may not say directly that the apology is accepted, but he will react positively to the offer of a meeting.
If a man continues to ignore a woman with silence after an apology, the only thing to do in response is to erase him from your memory. Why do you need an inadequate partner, whose life will be like dancing on a minefield: you do not know when it will explode?
Let the situation go and take care of yourself.
Universal recommendation for all girls and women who are faced with ignoring and cooling men: do not reduce your life only to a relationship with your partner and expectations of meetings and contacts.
The more active and intense your life, the less dependent on the behavior of your partner. If a woman has hobbies, her social circle, things to do, activities that ignite her (and not just a routine: boring, unloving work – shopping – home), the more chances that:
- the man will not be afraid of a serious relationship with you (you’re not planning to hang on his neck with a deck, after all);
- the timid can be quietly attracted to his circle and share his interests;
- the manipulator will understand your inner strength and either correct his behavior, or painlessly “fall off” as an unnecessary element;
- The “hunter” will feel the desire to get the interest of such a bright woman;
- The chilled husband will find new facets in his wife.
Psychological practice confirms that it is not even necessary to cheat on your partner or to really “hang out” somewhere from morning till night. The very inner state of freedom and fullness of interests, the “assumption” that I can fill my life without this particular man, subconsciously pulls the very “rubber band” of interest that we talked about earlier.
The more a woman’s life passes independently of a man, the easier and stronger the relationship with him becomes, paradoxically enough.