If a guy dumped you how to get him back

How to get your boyfriend back if he dumped you

Contributor(s): Courtney Quinlan. Courtney Quinlan is a matchmaker, dating coach and owner of Midwest Matchmaking, a dating service. She has over 15 years of experience, specializing in matchmaking, dating counseling, and singles events in the Midwest. She holds a bachelor’s degree in radio journalism from the University of Nebraska at Omaha.

Number of sources used in this article: 15. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Number of views on this article: 29 370.

When you get dumped by a guy, your first inclination may be to call him, tell him how you feel, and hope that he wants to come back. You may feel the need to inundate him with pleas to rebuild the relationship, but first consider whether a reunion would be good for both of you. If you really want the guy back, give him some space, get better, and finally make some friendly contact with him.

  • Analyze his behavior in the weeks before the breakup. This will help you determine if the relationship can be salvaged.
  • If it was an abrupt breakup due to a difference of opinion, maybe he just needs some time to cool down.
  • If the relationship has been on the rocks for months, however, consider whether trying to win him back is really worth your efforts.

  • If physical abuse occurred during the fight, realize that this is never the norm. It’s not a good idea to get back into a relationship with someone who uses physical violence against you.
  • Conversely, it is never a good idea to be physically violent toward a partner. Seek help from friends, family and possibly a doctor if you have or have had thoughts of hurting your partner.

  • If he cheated, determine if you can truly forgive him. If the breakup is recent, you may react emotionally.
  • If you cheated, consider whether trying to come back would be fair to the guy. Most people find it hard to forgive betrayal in the form of cheating.
  • Perhaps the cheating happened for a reason. The person who did it probably didn’t feel satisfied with the relationship.

  • He may have grown cold to you because one of you has changed. You may have gone through a temporary change because of difficult circumstances, or become a better person. Sometimes people grow apart.
  • If the relationship ended because one of you changed, you may both be better off moving on.

  • Be sure to try your best not to commit that transgression again. If the guy will take you back, it’s important not to repeat your mistakes.

  • Don’t try to win the guy back if you don’t have sincere intentions. This will only lead to heartbreak on both sides.

Be patient. You may be able to get him back quickly, or it may turn into a long process. Either way, you need to give the guy some space. [7] X Source of Information

  • Try not contacting him for a week if you think it’s best to keep quiet for a while.
  • If the breakup was particularly difficult, avoid communication for at least a month.
  • During this period, make every effort not to respond to his messages or calls if he contacts you. It is possible to re-establish communication after some time, but complete silence will help to renew his interest.

Stop calling and texting him. If you are calling or texting your ex over and over again, you need to stop it. By cutting off contact, you’re giving the guy a break to cool down. This will also give him a chance to think about whether he made a mistake. [9] X Source of Information

  • Remove him from your friends only if it’s too hard for you to avoid contact with him or look at his posts. Otherwise, it’s best to leave this form of communication open for the future.
  • Don’t check to see what he posts on social media. It will hurt you even more to see him having a good time without you.

  • If you work or study with your ex, remain friendly and professional, but don’t talk to him unnecessarily.

Sit down and relax. Don’t put too much effort into avoiding your ex. Better, concentrate as much as possible on other things that bring you pleasure. He may realize your value if you don’t react to the breakup in a desperate or annoying manner. [12] X Source of Information

  • Experiencing sadness as a result of a breakup is normal. However, if the experience is affecting all areas of your life and you are not getting better with time, seek help. [14] X Source of information
  • Get help if your sleep, appetite and concentration have not recovered within two weeks. Be sure to get help if you have thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
  • Don’t let self-pity crush you. Give yourself time to be sad, but don’t forget the positives for yourself.

Express your emotions in creativity . Try writing your thoughts in a journal, drawing, or even composing songs. Writing and art are healing ways to deal with thoughts and feelings. [15] X Source of Information

Make time for friends and family. Breaking up sometimes leaves you feeling lonely, and it’s very common for people to lose contact with a couple of friends during a relationship. Spend time away from your ex, making connections with friends and family. Being around loved ones is a healthy way to boost self-esteem and heal emotional wounds. [16] X Source of Information

  • Get new clothes. New clothes will highlight how fun, sexy, and stylish you are. [17] X Source of Information
  • Start exercising. Helpful lifestyle changes will benefit you, and your ex may notice the change.

  • Take a yoga class.
  • Take a trip to a new place.
  • Take a cooking class.
  • Volunteer at a homeless shelter.

  • Consider your strengths and weaknesses. Don’t dwell on your shortcomings. Rather, think about how to fix them.

Make contact when you are truly ready. Try to stick to the allotted period of silence. Don’t convince yourself to contact the guy in a short period of time just because you feel an overwhelming urge to do so. If you come forward with a clear and sober head, it will be good for both of you. [19] X Source of Information

  • If you’re sending a message, don’t initiate too long a conversation. Say that you hope he’s doing well, or that you saw something that triggered a memory of him. [21] X Source of Information

  • At this point, don’t say you miss him, love him, or want him back.
  • Don’t write again if he doesn’t respond. Wait at least a couple of days or weeks before trying again. If he doesn’t respond in any way, stop contacting him.

  • Don’t try to talk about the relationship just yet. Tell him what’s new with you and ask him what’s been going on in his life.
  • Don’t hit the tears or get angry if he doesn’t respond the way you want him to at first.

  • Invite him over for coffee.
  • Suggest we go for a hike or a walk together.
  • Suggest we go to a movie or event that he would be interested in.

  • Tell him about new things you’ve tried during the breakup.
  • Engage the self-confidence you gained during this time to remind him how funny and friendly you are.

  • Don’t ask for a reunion right away. Tell him you’re thinking about getting back together.
  • Let him know that you’d like to get back together, saying that you think you’ve spent enough time apart to start over.

  • Discuss your differences thoroughly and come to an agreement. Don’t rush into a relationship without resolving the issues that led to the breakup.

  • Don’t bring up past grievances if you have gotten back together. Talk about the past before you decide to start the relationship.
  • There is no need to react negatively if he decides not to get back together. He may not be ready yet. Don’t ruin your chances for the future by turning to emotion.
  • Ask if his decision not to reunite is final. Accept if you will no longer be together with him.

Remember that the other person does not define your meaning. Whatever the outcome, your value or meaning is not established by your romantic partner. Remain independent and confident no matter what decision he makes. [28] X Source of Information

How do you get a guy back after a breakup if he won’t even communicate? – Instruction

From this article you will learn: how to get a guy back after a breakup if he doesn’t even want to communicate. I will share the only way that really works. The method is long, complicated, but effective. There is no magic pill. I want to warn you right away that I am not going to smooth the edges in this material.

My goal: to show you a full picture of what happened, without illusions and embellishments, the only way to get the desired result (to get your boyfriend back). I will also take apart the reasons that may have provoked a breakup of your relationship, and to answer another question: how to behave properly in a relationship with a guy.

How to get a boyfriend back after a breakup if he doesn’t even want to communicate – in simple terms

First, you need to figure out the reasons and understand why a guy is avoiding you.

There can be two (two) reasons: (Of course, there could be many more reasons, but the global ones are two).

  1. Indifference He has completely lost interest (or there was none to begin with). He might have switched to another girl who he’s more attracted to and doesn’t want to remember you – this is the most unwanted reason.
  2. Negative emotions There have been many conflicts in your relationship. His anger, resentment, anger at the limit and the source of negative emotions was your relationship. Therefore, the guy does not want to relive the negative experience again and avoids communication. This reason is better than the first one. Because it’s better to let the guy experience negativity towards you than indifference.

You have to understand this: the person is better off without you than with you. This is the most important point, from which we will build a further plan of action.

Why do you want the guy back and not you?

The answer is on the surface – the guy’s importance in the relationship was higher than yours. You need this communication more than he does, since the question “how to get the guy back” comes to mind. If it was the other way around, and your value to him was higher, then it would be the guy who was making attempts to get your relationship back.

Now we ask ourselves the next question: does the guy need it to get him back?

The answer is no, he doesn’t need it since he’s avoiding communication.

And this conclusion leads me to the following thought: “You made a mistake somewhere, and not just one, in communicating with your boyfriend” (What these mistakes could be will be written below). Accordingly, if you try to return to the relationship right now, the whole chain of previous events will repeat itself. And the guy won’t be interested.

What is the way out of this situation?

To get your ex-boyfriend back we need two ingredients: Change and Time Change + Time = a chance to get your ex-boyfriend back


By “change” I mean your personal transformation. You have to change as a person, become cooler than you were in the relationship. A huge part of this transformation will be learning how to behave properly with a man.

You have to learn how to behave effectively with a man so you don’t mess up and step on the same rake in the future. When you get your relationship back, your pattern of behavior should be drastically different from the past. Study any information you come across on the subject of relationships. Read books, watch youtube, a lot of valuable knowledge can be found for free. It will only take you time to learn it all.

Besides the skills to communicate effectively with a guy, you have to have something else. Your value in the eyes of society and other men should grow many times over. So that not only your ex-boyfriend wants to come back to you, but all the men around you will be fascinated by you.

Start to develop in any direction and get better in it every day, to form new friendships and goals. Your life should be full and interesting, whether you have a boyfriend or not. With this approach, you’ll start attracting a lot of great guys into your life.

2. Time

The second thing is timing. After you’ve changed, become cooler as a person, mastered the skills and rules of effective communication with a man, only then do you start to act. You go and get acquainted with the guy from scratch, as if he were a complete stranger. And you start to build a relationship with him from scratch. There shouldn’t be any reverberations from the past – this is important!

Only under this scenario it is possible to return the ex-boyfriend, there are no other effective strategies!

Personal Tip: If you ask my personal advice, I will tell you, “Don’t get your ex-boyfriend back” Never get your ex-boyfriends back, usually this rarely ends well. It’s better to keep your focus on the future (with a new person) rather than digging into the past where you had a negative experience.

Now we’re going to talk about the mistakes you may have made in your relationship with a guy.

Reasons for your breakup with a guy – TOP 4

We’re not going to look at the situation where you initiated the breakup and regret it afterwards. We’re going to look at the scenario where it was the guy who took the initiative to end your relationship.

Let me remind you that there are two (2) reasons why a guy doesn’t even want to communicate:

  1. Indifference;
  2. Negative emotions;

Let’s analyze each reason and error separately.


If the guy was indifferent to you, it indicates that your relationship was out of balance with your values. That is, you were more invested in the relationship than he was.

Many people mistakenly believe that the more they give to their partner, the more he will love and appreciate. They get invested and invested, but in reality they get a shish. All because when you start to invest, it’s in your eyes that the value of the guy grows, not in his. And there is an imbalance, because he does not give you anything in return, but only consumes.

Remember the following rule: We do not invest in a man more than he invests in us. This is the only way to build a quality relationship when everything is mutual and in balance.

The guy does something nice for you, and you do something nice for him in return. The guy is willing to do anything for you, and you are willing to do anything for him (but this process happens gradually). There shouldn’t be any imbalance – it will kill your relationship or make it toxic.

If you see that a guy doesn’t want to invest in you and you’re giving him your whole self, just stop and take a step back. Further actions you take will just make the situation worse.

And it’s best to initially build a relationship where you’ll be invested in you and take the first action, and you’ll reciprocate (if you want to). Trust me, it’ll be a lot easier that way.

You were more invested in the relationship – that’s the first mistake you could have made.

2. Negative emotions.

Now let’s move on to the second possible reason for your breakup, when a guy is experiencing negative emotions around you.

If your relationship fell apart because you were harboring negative emotions towards each other, then there were a number of mistakes on your part here. I will now tell you which ones.

When a man is in love, he perceives the girl as a part of himself (you can read more about this here).

That is, the girl he loves is not some extraneous object, but precisely as a part of his body (eg hand), without which the guy can not live. Now let’s imagine that his own arm has begun to harm him, it’s out of his control. And that’s when the guy will begin to perceive the hand not as a part of himself, but as an enemy that is harming him.

It’s an interesting fact! There is such a disease – Alien Hand Syndrome. It is a rare disease in which a person cannot control the actions of his limbs. If you are interested in reading about this syndrome, follow this link

So that’s why I wrote about this syndrome. The point is that when you start acting inappropriately with a man, he doesn’t see you as part of himself. You become a foreign object to him that you need to get rid of or destroy. A girl who is constantly dripping on his brain is like a stranger’s syndrome that you want to cure and forget about.

What actions of yours may have alienated the guy:

1. you demanded something from him (declarations of love, gifts, attention, etc.)

You can’t demand or ask for anything, everything has to be done in a subtle way. You have to create the conditions in which he himself will be the initiator of active actions towards you.

For a better understanding of the issue, I recommend reading the article: How to get a man to run after you

You may have neglected the guy for your own interests.

In one of my articles I wrote that you have to put your own interests first. But! This does not apply to the situation when you are in a serious relationship. Put your interests first, but during the dating and flirting phase. Being in a relationship, a man will appreciate a girl who is always there for him and his interests. At the same time, the girl of course does not forget about her own interests, and ideally her interests are always taken into account and protected by the guy.

Life story: I started a relationship with a girl, she was cool and everything, but there was a but! She always put her interests above mine. At first I even liked it, they say strong and independent. But then it started to bother me, because I did not feel the payoff. We talked to her and she said the following: “I will always put my interests above, I’m more comfortable to live that way. And let everyone else adjust, they need it more.”

And I was cut off from her. I realized that I wasn’t ready to see a girl like that around me. Of course, you could make her fall in love. A girl in love would put the interests of her beloved above everything else, but it was a dead end. Since her basic beliefs are very difficult to change, it would take several years. And being in love would only change her behavior temporarily. That is why I fenced myself off from unnecessary pain right away.

Conclusion: only devoted girls can build a great relationship with a man. It is necessary to balance interests, not allowing a bias in any direction.

3. frequent quarrels

You and your boyfriend could be banal incompatibility of character. There are fish that can not live with each other in the same tank. Either one will eat the other, or they will both eat each other. Simply because of biological incompatibility. It’s the same with people. There are people who just can’t be around each other for long periods of time, someone will eat someone. So if you’ve been having constant fights in your relationship, I urge you to think again, do you need to get the guy back?

4. he didn’t feel like a hero around you .

Remember! It’s not the man we fall in love with, it’s the emotions we experience around him.

It is vital for a man to feel like a hero around his woman. It is a woman is able to create such an aura in the relationship that a man is able to do anything.

Once I was walking around the city and I saw a couple, they were arguing and swearing at each other with the last words. She was attacking him, saying that he is not a man, and he was annoyed and insulted in return. Both of them are to blame for the situation, the guy shouldn’t have let her talk to him like that. But now we are more interested in the girl’s mistakes. Such a girl basically does not know how to communicate with men. Even when she meets a decent one, she will not be able to build a normal relationship.

How to behave in a relationship with a guy?

The male ego is both so big and fragile that it is very easy to hurt him. One wrong word – and the guy will never forgive you, even though the situation may seem insignificant to you. Never allow yourself to insult a guy’s personality, especially his qualities. This is unacceptable, otherwise your effectiveness in communicating with the stronger sex will be zero.

On the contrary, you have to act through praise and encouragement. Praise the right thing to do guy, encourage them, so he will be motivated to do something for you again and again.

  • Walked him home: “What a man you are, without you I’m afraid to come home late alone, thank you”.
  • Gave a gift: “How thoughtful and caring you are.”
  • Makes decisions: “How resolute you are, I feel protected by you”.

Always praise a man for doing the right thing, then he will do it again and again.

Do not forget: For a girl to fall in love with a man, she must feel like a stone wall (at least) To a man to fall in love with a woman, he must feel like a superhero beside her.

But in addition to encouragement, there must also be punishment. If your value in the relationship was lower, there was probably a lot of encouragement and little punishment on your part.

For example, in response to his coldness, you may have been even more proactive and caring about him (and you should have responded with coldness in return). Or let’s say he did something wrong and you turned a blind eye. In short, you didn’t punish him when it was necessary, you encouraged him. Conversely, you may have “punished” him when you needed to encourage him.

Note The word “punishment” in this article does not have a direct meaning. “Punishment” is your negative reaction to a guy’s misbehavior. (I call punishment: ignoring, expressing your displeasure in a quiet way, etc.)

But remember, praise should always take precedence over punishment. Praise should be brighter, more frequent and stronger. Then all will be well.


1. The man should feel near you a superhero; 2. praise him more often, but if he behaves incorrectly – punish him (cold, ignoring, etc.); 3. praise should always prevail over punishment; 4. do not demand anything from men, otherwise he will stop to perceive you as a part of himself. (Be more cunning and act subtle);


The article turned out to be quite lengthy, but now you know how to get a guy back after a breakup if he doesn’t even want to communicate. In this article, I did not smooth over the corners and did not try to be tactful. My goal was to show you the full picture, without illusions and embellishments. Now you also know about the reasons that may have provoked your breakup with your boyfriend.

In conclusion, I want to repeat once again: I don’t recommend you to get your ex-boyfriends back. Even if you succeed, the chance that this relationship will be healthy and harmonious is very small. These words confirm my personal experience and the experience of a huge number of people.

That’s it for me. If you found this article useful – share it on social networks. If you have any questions – write them in the comments.

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