If a girl writes first after a quarrel
Full collection of materials on the topic: If a girl wrote first after a quarrel from the experts in their field.
- Natalia Pokhodilova
The psychologist, the kinesiologist Online Consultant. Specialist with the site b17.ru
Psychologist and consultant. Specialist with the site b17.ru
Psychologist. Specialist from the site b17.ru
Psychologist, Psychologist-Consultant. Specialist with the site b17.ru
Psychologist, Existential approach. Specialist with the site b17.ru
Psychologist. Specialist from the site b17.ru
Psychologist and Gestalt-Therapist. Specialist from the site b17.ru
Psychologist, Clinical Psychology Psychotherapist. Specialist from b17.ru
Psychologist, Individual and family therapy. Specialist with site b17.ru
Psychologist, Online Consultant. Specialist with the site b17.ru
So four days ago argued with a girl on the phone, because she does not consider my opinion, I sent her, she hung up. Then 10 min. calls back two times, I did not pick up the phone (insulted her by hanging up). And since then no one writes or calls each other. At times I miss her a lot and want to write her, but I don’t want to seem weak and needy. The purpose was not to let her bend me to herself. In a year of relationship this is the first time for us(((( Before, we fought more, but this was not the case. Anyway, I decided to wait at least 3-7 days, then write. It is interesting to read your opinions as well. The main goal is that she should be afraid of losing me.
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As Bernard Shaw said, “The upbringing of a man or woman is tested by how they behave during an argument.” Well, that’s for you to consider: how does he show himself during an argument? Always treated you like a queen, and “suddenly” as soon as you dared to express his opinion, began to criticize you, and then explain it to his heightened emotionality and your bad temper?
And you? Watch yourself, analyze yourself! Perhaps the tender lady of first dates turns into a Manka milkmaid at the first “sound of a horn? Then you can understand him, too…
In the fact that the quarrel occurred, one way or another, both are to blame – because everyone has his own version of events, his own truth. Everything that is written about arguments might as well apply to quarrels/scandals.
However, the situation when you had a fight with your loved one and you stopped communicating, causes panic in many women. The usual questions in such situations: “And what do I do now?”, “Call yourself or wait until he calls?”, “And if he does not call?”, “Is it the end or not?”, “Why does not he call and ask for forgiveness?” …
Anyway, the important thing is this. And that, believe me, is the most important thing. If he hurt you, or (which in this case is the same thing) you feel hurt and want him to understand it – read on carefully.
Don’t think about whether he’ll call or not. Don’t think about exactly how long you need to pause! If you call him yourself – you’ll never know if he was actually going to call you himself. The pause is first and foremost a test of contact with the person. Yes, yes!
Exactly the pause checks contact and interest in you man. This is the most important thing.
In the worst case you will understand – he is interested in you (and how much) or not! And this – believe me – is not the worst result… Why would you want a man who is not very interested in you?
Words are often weaker than silence. In silence there is expressiveness and your unconditional assessment of the situation. Sometimes instead of waving your hands, shrieking, throwing scary words, throwing out revealing texts, calls and letters, trying to “sort it out” and “bring the scoundrel out into the open,” you just need to be quiet, look into his eyes for 3 seconds, turn around, leave in silence and… disappear from his life.
And keep the pause! And do not get in touch, under any guise! Do not answer anything, mind your own business, defiantly not noticing the “stormy sea” around, including his silence. This will tell you much more than a stream of uncontrollable words and emotional monologues.
If you want to show that you are offended, there is no better means than silence. Besides, it’s also a game of who’s going to “out-sit” who. If he “out-sits” you, believe me, a hundred times you will regret it. He same and remember it is not in a good time (the next quarrel), he the same and will not respect you – say, not proud enough. That’s it …
Just to prevent …
Well, from time to time to sustain pause and … just to prevent. And in general, it’s worth showing love “through the pause” – because cheap and available goods are not valued. This, of course, does not apply to sex – no way! If you’ve decided that sex will happen (and if you’ve led the man to it) – the dumbest mistake would be to back out when he’s already, excuse me, took off his underpants. He won’t understand your “pride” and will certainly be the least willing to understand your er…prevention at that point.
And 100% of men will think you’re a “kindergartner” and a “dynamo” – and will never forgive you for that! And here’s my opinion – and they’ll be… right. Give yourself to this process to the fullest! In this matter, you have to be not just sincere – you have to be completely open, able to receive and give pleasure here and now, without thinking about the future. You have to let your man know that you really feel good with him. And you have to do a lot to make you feel good together. But that’s… a separate topic.
Going back to the prevention of pauses … For example, I know a married couple where the replica of the husband “I love you!” wife for 20 years coquettishly and mysteriously replied: “I like you a lot, too.” And the husband all their lives together wanted to win her, he could not calm down – well, how come, he loves her, and she only likes! Don’t be in a hurry to say “I love you” and “forever. Let him tell you them! Although … to say at a certain point that he – the best, it never hurts.
In general, do not be in a hurry to express their “great love,” but in sex know how to be the best for him and let him know that he for you – the best and only one.
Don’t overdo it, again. Yes, of course, you can win a man out of admiration, but then do not be surprised why he does not believe and does not trust you – because you relentlessly admire him (which is suspicious), not he you, and then … Men oooh very sensitive! And oooh very complex! If he knows (God forbid) that you have it at least not even a 35th, he just will not believe it when you will quite sincerely sing his dithyrambs about his unique skills and qualities, and say that he is the best! You don’t always have to say it directly – let him understand it with your behavior in bed (well, okay, you can emphasize special nuances that are unique to him, which really no one else has – every man has such features!) It is in sex that it is very important to be open and sincere.
In general – pauses, pauses, and pauses again in everything except sex (I mean the process itself)! This is “revelation territory,” and, again, this topic is yet to come…
And getting back to the benefits of pauses – very important: never think or worry about “How long should I keep this pause? When is the best time to make contact?”
Remember what Vija Artmane’s character said in the movie “Theater”?
“If you take a pause, keep it as long as you can!”
If there is love, passion in the relationship – no pause will kill it. In mature relationships in moments of crisis, pauses can sometimes be beneficial, they force a new assessment and rethink the relationship and their value, to restore mutual understanding. But a pause will most likely kill a “dead” relationship. But maybe it’s for the best?
If you survived the pause at the right time – then the lesson is passed, the skill is developed. “Credit where credit is due.
It’s not a hard skill to learn. Of course, it would be good to take a few lessons from professionals in the psychology of communication, but to start and independent work on yourself will ensure changes for the better. The main thing – do not be afraid of anything and go forward!
Probably every girl is familiar with the feeling of falling in love, when you like a guy so much that you are constantly thinking about him, want to meet him, dreaming about him. At such moments a girl forgets about everything, her head is occupied with thoughts about the chosen one of her heart, she constantly talks only about him. It was during this period, the fair sex becomes vulnerable, impressionable. Often they are visited by doubts: “Do I like him”, “why he does not call”, “why the guy does not write. We are all accustomed to the fact that the first step should usually make a man, so if a guy is too long keeps silent, it’s alarming. So how to deal with this situation, what to do, and most importantly, to keep calm and mental balance?
Should she write herself or not?
Often a girl can think: “Should I write to the guy first?” – If he does not call or write for at least one day. Or after the first meeting. Constant doubts and worries that maybe something is wrong are gnawing at the girl. And she would be glad to show her initiative, but her natural pride does not always allow her to do so. She is afraid to be ridiculed, to get into an awkward position. A girl would rather suffer, plague myself with depressing thoughts, but will never impose on a guy if she is not sure that he has feelings of love for her. Often to a woman’s question, “Why don’t guys write first?” – there is a very simple answer that all people are different, including members of the stronger sex. They are also afraid to be rejected, can be elementary shy, worried that they will look ridiculous. In general, guys have the right to have all the same feelings as the girls, but the main difference is that still guys have to make the first move.
Why don’t guys text first after meeting?
There can be a lot of reasons, so a girl should not get upset right away and suffer because of this. The situation can be quite trivial – a guy is busy with his studies or work, he is very tired and has no time to call a girl. The main difference between guys and girls is that he won’t waste time on half-hour conversations. Men often prefer to finish their important business first and then think about the girl, especially if you have met recently. He considers himself a free man, so he does not think that he has to call every few hours to the girl he recently went on a date with.
Another reason a guy might not call is because he lost the phone number of a new acquaintance, especially if it was written down on a piece of paper, and his memory might be bad. He could also have lost his SIM card. Quite a life situation.
An important rule
Dear girls, remember the main rule, if you have charmed a guy, if he likes you, he will definitely call or write to you, if he loses his number he will find another way to meet you. If he still will not get in touch with you, then you are not the girl he wants, he is human too and has the right to choose. This does not mean that you are in something bad, no, just that two specific people do not fit together. And there’s nothing wrong with that, there’s no need to dwell on it, and even less to worry about. Surely there will be another young man who will not think about why a guy should write first, but just do it.
Why doesn’t the guy write if you’ve known him for a long time?
If you’ve been communicating with a guy for a long time, everything was going towards the beginning of a serious relationship, and suddenly he abruptly stopped writing and calling, you should think about it. This can be a red flag about the coming changes in your life. Why don’t guys write first? Here are a few reasons:
- He met another girl and she charmed him;
- Something bad happened to him;
- He’s really mad at you for something.
This last point can even be tweaked a bit. Not offended, but angry or dissatisfied. Agree, with such an attitude rarely any guy will call himself. Usually, the girl at this point begins to suspect her lover of cheating, lack of love, which further aggravates the situation.
Should you write or not?
Should you write to your boyfriend first? If you think that you are guilty and you should apologize – then by all means write and call. In doing so you’ll not only save your relationship, but you’ll also let him know that you really care about him and that you have feelings for him. Don’t ask yourself why guys don’t text first. Take the first step yourself. Believe me, he is waiting for your apology and loves you just as much as you love him. If you don’t want to call, text him on social media or text him. This way you’ll be sure he read it. If after that there is no reaction, then it is better not to take the initiative again. Do not pounce on the guy with an interrogation about where he was and what he was doing all this time. This is repulsive. It is better to try to make your relationship stronger and more tender after the quarrel. And then, as if by the way, find out what the young man was doing all this time.
A few more reasons for “silence” of guys
Sometimes some guys intentionally avoid writing to this girl intentionally after meeting her to test her. If a girl starts calling or writing too intrusively, he won’t like it, and he definitely won’t date her.
Some young men just don’t like to correspond and prefer this to a real meeting. This is the answer to the question of why guys don’t write first. If somehow you don’t like it, you’ll have to fight it with your feminine cunning and charm, to apply some tricks. You can let him know that you’re worried about him, worry and miss him, tell him that his message for you will be a very important event of the day. Is it worth it to write the first guy? You should!
Tips for Girls
Don’t be offended by your boyfriend if he writes to you in one-word sentences, just to the point. This is the way men’s logic works, it’s much easier for them to write “Everything is okay” than to describe how good everything is. This is what differentiates guys from girls. Don’t get upset, write first if you’re dating. Many young men tend to think that texting is a waste of time and it’s better to spend it with a girl in real life rather than communicating virtually.
Here are the main reasons why guys don’t write first. Good luck in your relationship!
What to do if your ex keeps writing you after the breakup
Surely you know that the breakup of a relationship is not always accompanied by scandals and a complete cessation of any contact from both partners. Sometimes couples break up in a sort of semi-passive way, when everything seems to be over, but no one holds a grudge against anyone, because everyone understands that “it just didn’t go their way”.
In such cases, even after a breakup, one of the partners can text the other in an instant messenger with a simple “How are you? or a slightly more complicated “What did you think of the final episode of Game of Thrones?” .
It happens and vice versa, when the breakup is very painful, so not to write to his ex, again, quite difficult.
We will tell you what may be the reasons for messages from the girl you broke up with, as well as how to respond to them.
Why is your ex writing to you?
We can hardly give a concrete answer to the question “Why did she suddenly text me?” , but we do have a few guesses, one of which may be very close to the truth.
First of all, you need to understand how and under what circumstances your relationship ended. This will play a key role in figuring out the reasons for your ex’s activity.
For example, if the girl was the initiator of your breakup and now writes first, perhaps she is going through a breakup and misses you. In most cases, the reason may be precisely this unusual longing for a partner with whom the person used to spend a lot of time.
Sometimes the purpose of her messages may be the desire to remain friends , because it is a completely different format of relationship, which involves a different commitment to each other.
If your separation didn’t go according to the best of scenarios, your ex’s activity could signal that she’s sorry for what happened, feels guilty and wants to make things right.
However, if you have a lot of mutual friends and acquaintances, it is likely she just wants to reduce the degree of your dislike for each other so that the next time you meet at a mutual get-together you won’t feel uncomfortable. That’s not certain, of course, but it’s a possibility, too.
Another reason for her messages could be to check your interest in renewing the relationship. Whether she wants to get back together or not, she may be wondering what you think about it.
It’s worth noting that if you initiated the breakup, your ex might want to know why this happened and what she’ll do about it.
What’s more, her texting you could be due to some nostalgia or sentimentality from an old memory or maybe because she drank a few cocktails at a bar with her girlfriends.
In any of these cases, if you’re curious why she writes, it’s always better to ask directly. That way you can cut down on the long, confusing and stressful analysis of her feelings and find out all at once.
What feelings might you have after receiving messages from an ex-girlfriend?
The reaction to unexpected messages from an ex-girlfriend can be different. If we talk about the physical state of the body, these are heart palpitations, sweating hands, strange feelings in the abdomen and so on. All of these are symptoms of the familiar rush of excitement.
However, it can be caused by different feelings. For example, the joy that your ex still remembers you and misses you, even though your relationship ended. That is, the effect of receiving messages from her can be comforting.
But sometimes a reminder of yourself from her side is not exactly pleasant. For example, in cases where you want to forget everything, and any attention from her painfully hurts your progress in “moving forward.
If you broke up on a maximally negative note after a toxic relationship, her message may cause you to feel annoyed, panic and even fear. After all, all you want to do after a breakup in such a case is to distance yourself.
What to do: respond or ignore?
Let’s be clear right away: You have every right to ignore your ex’s messages if communicating with her can affect your mental well-being. This would be a perfectly normal reaction that you shouldn’t regret.
But what do you do if your relationship was happy and secure? Maybe you’re even thinking about getting back together with her and remember your separation as a ridiculous misunderstanding?
In this case, you can safely answer the message, forget about the needless stereotype of “no one returns to the ex.
However, if you understand that the reason for her message was not a resumption of your affair, do not jump in with offers to return “everything as it was.
Another option in such a case would be to simply offer her your friendship. History knows many situations when people have remained friends after a long and happy relationship.