I want a relationship, but I’m afraid.

I want a relationship, but I’m afraid.

I don’t have a boyfriend. But as soon as someone starts showing interest in me, I lose desire and interest.

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So you walk around alone like a scaredy-goose. You are waiting for him to spit at you, you will start chasing him, and then there will be interest, right?

Wait for someone who wants to have children and marry a virgin)))

It’s stupid to sleep with everyone because it’s fashionable.

Maybe you should see a psychologist. I have a friend who has the same thing. I’m already married, a child, and she is still afraid. She’s still going to trainings, wasting money, and it’s all for nothing. She’s attractive herself, she’s already educated.

And then I think she’s fine on her own. When I remember all the arguments, claims. brrr. I don’t like scandals and I’m afraid of aggravation.

Author, did you or can you have love?

Yes, everything just starts with love, and ends.

Yes, everything just starts with love, and ends.

Tell me more about what’s going on. Is it unrequited love or does your husband not suit you or what?

You’ve probably seen too many movies and you’re afraid of not being perfect for him?

And I want to, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid because there have been a lot of unsuccessful acquaintances, I’m afraid to open my soul. As I think that it is necessary to tell about myself, to be interested in him, to smile, to joke, to build from itself easy and cheerful, at once it becomes frightening. I’m not like that now. Now I am gloomy, with a lot of problems, without work. Yes, and looks now limp: varicose veins embarrass me, still do not understand what image to choose myself, although the appearance of the kind would not complain, I think myself quite nice, but, hell, around because a lot more pretty-beautiful me. It’s horrible.

If you get your issues sorted out, you won’t be so uncomfortable offering your companionship to men anymore. That’s where your “don’t want to” comes from, your low self-esteem.

Boohee, you always give such good advice, where did you get so much wisdom? Yes, my self-esteem now is somewhere between the plinth and the laminate, but this is the result of many disappointments and failures over the past 2 years. In general, I am an egoist at heart, always evaluated myself soberly, if I thought that somewhere not pulled, in public no one ever guessed about it. Everyone was jealous that I was so goal-oriented and collected. One failure, two failures, now a complete failure. And now it’s like an anecdote: I have learned to take the spoon out of the cup when I drink tea, but I still close my eye instinctively.

And now it’s like an anecdote: I have learned how to take the spoon out of the cup when I drink tea, but I still close my eye instinctively.

I should wear sunglasses.

I want a relationship. But I am too lazy.

I want and don’t want a relationship at the same time.

Afraid of men, but want a relationship, can’t forget bad experiences

I want, but I’m afraid.

Afraid to stay an old maid, but do not want a relationship.

I should wear sunglasses.

I should wear sunglasses.

You’ve probably seen too many movies and you’re afraid of not being perfect for him?

Well, I’m the same way. It’s not that we’re afraid, we are! Do you know modern men? Anything wrong, immediately face like a brick! They roll their eyes, like “you insult my sense of beauty” or “how can you not like the same as everyone else, you’re so out of date” Well, I’m exaggerating, of course. It’s just all over their face. I sometimes wonder, do they even think about anyone but themselves? That a man can be offended by this attitude? There are few good men, oh so few.

My problem is that I choose “not my own men,” and with the rest of them I just don’t want anything. Why is this so? (p.s. I’m referring exclusively to the intangible sphere)

Maybe the Author has something similar, no?

You’ve probably seen too many movies and you’re afraid of not being perfect for him?

Well, I’m the same way. Not that we are afraid, but so it is! Do you know modern men? Anything wrong, immediately face like a brick! Roll their eyes, like “you insult my sense of beauty” or “how can you not like the same as everyone else, you’re so out of date” Well, I’m exaggerating, of course. It’s just all over their face. I sometimes wonder, do they even think about anyone but themselves? That a man can be offended by this attitude? There are few good men, oh so few. My problem is that I choose “not my own men,” and with the rest of them I just don’t want anything. Why is this so? (p.s. referring exclusively to the intangible sphere) Maybe the Author has something similar, no?

I have a very malleable personality. And after a certain time, they just start using me. And I am very difficult to determine when to be more strict, and when – softer. I do not pay attention to many things, for me it’s just a little thing, so they probably have the impression that I am a wimp. And when I show my teeth – they do not like it.

I have a very malleable personality. And after a certain time, they just start using me. And I am very difficult to determine when to be more strict, and when – softer. I do not pay attention to many things, for me it’s just a little thing, so they probably have the impression that I am a wimp. And when I show my teeth – they do not like it.

It’s very difficult to find such an understanding man. I know from experience what it will all lead to, that’s why I’m afraid.

I have a very malleable personality. And after a certain time, they just start using me. And I am very difficult to determine when to be more strict, and when – softer. I do not pay attention to many things, for me it’s just a little thing, so they probably have the impression that I am a wimp. And when I show my teeth – they do not like it.

I read and see myself)))) But I have a character not that malleable, just in relationships with friends, men I do not care what’s what – movies, theater, you do not want to at 8, come on 9. Here at work, I am very principled, and in close relationships like this. But if I see that too give in and sits on the neck, then I begin to show character, and the man immediately do not like it, he wonders why I. In short, it’s like yours.

They are kind of simple enough, and, in general, lie on the surface.

I’m a living person, I have problems, I think about them, I look for information and solve them – that’s basically how I know about the problems.

Many of the things that limit us are only in our heads. Especially concerning self-esteem. If you ask ten people you know what they think of you, most of them would not agree at all, nor would they agree with your self-esteem. And you see the world through its prism.

That is why it is better to build the right relationship with self-esteem: to understand what it depends on, what affects you in +, in -, how this influence limits you (it is very easy to manipulate a person, affecting self-esteem. How to increase it optimally (through achievements usually) and how not to allow others to drop it.

Disappointments are the result of inflated expectations of the world and other people. In every situation there is a best case scenario, a worst case scenario and a few middle cases. If you foresee all of them and the probability of each, and have a plan of action for every eventuality, the disappointment will be minimal. Life experience is needed for this, but an adult already has it. It is only necessary to train yourself to assess the situation soberly, analyzing your mistakes every time. Then, in time, predictions will be more accurate.

Everyone has problems. Normally, a person sees the root of the problem in what he is doing wrong, and changes his actions and solves problems that way. But sometimes it is easier for a person to think that life is bad, I am bad and people are evil than to try to put things in order. And this is the road to self-destruction.

I often read psychological forums – sometimes I see problems similar to mine – but I look at them from the outside, and then the solution is very close. From “inside” my problem, i.e. being in the situation, it is difficult to see it. Maybe you, too, should read something like this, you will find something of your own.

I want a relationship, but I’m afraid.

Good day, dear female readers. Every girl deserves to create her own family, to be happy in a relationship with a young man, to make plans for the future. However, not all young ladies are able to look into tomorrow with ease and create a family. Today we will talk about what to do if you are afraid of a relationship with a man. You will learn what reasons most often influence the formation of such fear. You will learn valuable tips about how girls behave in such a situation.

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“I’m afraid of relationships” – how a negative family experience can affect this

Relationships with parents (or between parents) may have been painful for the child Because of the tension in the family, negative attitudes about the relationship and their value in it were formed.

Article “5 Myths about Parents and Children”

For example, the absence of a man in the parental family (divorce or death) leads to the fact that the mother is raising the children alone, it is hard for her. The mother often says that all their troubles come from the fact that they live alone, without a father. As a consequence, the child forms the belief that life without a man is dangerous, painful and unbearable.

Often the child feels guilty about his parents’ divorce. It happens that mothers who are constantly stressed and depressed blame their children for their lives not being successful, or say that the child is not good enough to love. And he grows up with the conviction that he is not worthy of love.

Causes of Fear

It is not uncommon for a girl’s fear of a serious relationship to arise because her father regularly beat her mother as a child

If a woman is afraid of relationships with men, she needs to understand the reasons why this happens.

  1. Female infantilism. A girl believes that she must have a prince on a white horse by her side. She too idealizes the man with whom she starts a relationship. Over time, the guy gets bored and he breaks their relationship. The trouble is that subsequent relationships also end in separation, and the girl develops complexes and fear to repeat the same mistakes.
  2. Low self-esteem. Finding herself next to a man, the girl feels insecure, timid, incomprehensible. It always seems that the man is not interested in her, that he will soon notice all of her shortcomings and decide to leave, so does not seek to start a serious relationship.
  3. Girls may hear the phrase “I’m afraid of relationships with the guy,” if previously there was a bad experience, for example, was betrayed by a man, possibly treason. It is difficult for a young lady to start a serious relationship if she is haunted by the past, former pain formed in distrust of people, in particular of the opposite sex.
  4. The girl may have a lack of trust in all people. She may be closed in communication. Such a young lady has a number of fears, for example, she thinks that the guy’s feelings may not be real, he is just playing with her, she worries that sooner or later he will meet another girl and want to start a relationship with her, she is afraid that she has become another victory in the list of men.
  5. If a girl grows up with a mother who doesn’t build relationships with men, she’s likely to have these difficulties in her adult life as well. She simply copies her mother’s model of behavior at a subconscious level.
  6. Most often, fear of relationships arises in women who grew up with a father who was a despot. The girl is afraid that her chosen one will behave similarly.

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The influence of your own negative experiences

Parental family experiences are not a hundred percent determinant for a woman’s future. Even if a girl has lived in a full family with loving parents, she too can face failures in her relationships with men in adulthood.

If she expects everything to be perfect like her parents every time, and it doesn’t happen, she is disappointed over and over again. She eventually develops a fear and a constant expectation of failure, with inflated expectations of the quality of the relationship.

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Sequence of action

If you are familiar with the phrase “afraid of serious relationships with men,” you have probably had to think more than once about how to overcome this fear in yourself.

  1. First of all, it is important to identify the cause of the fear. If you can not identify it yourself, it is not unreasonable to seek advice from a psychologist.
  2. Try to examine your needs, and also find out what your partner needs. The girl should determine whether they are ready to move to the level of a serious relationship, whether there is a tendency to cheat, what the financial stability is, whether the lifestyles are similar, whether there are traits in the guy that she will not be able to put up with.
  3. Stop being afraid of what lies ahead, do not think about future commitments. It is possible that your fear arose because you began to think about the possible loss of your identity, about the fact that someday a child will be born to whom you will have to devote yourself, and that there will be no time left for your own life. In such a situation, it is important to realize that you will not be alone, there will be a loving partner. What would be easier to overcome the fear of the future, make lists in which you can clearly assign responsibilities, as well as write those things that you will do together. You can try to run an experiment, to see if you can exist together.
  4. Learn to compromise and eliminate unnecessary conflicts. If you see that at the moment and in a relationship with the guy are scandals, it’s time to stop them. It is important to learn to calm down on their own and lead to the feelings of his partner. Remember that sometimes it is the girl who becomes the source of scandals. Try to look at yourself from the outside, reassess your priorities.
  5. If there is a fear of future commitments, you can try to check yourself. If you are afraid that over time there will be a baby that will be difficult to cope with, you can try to babysit a neighbor’s child, or even get a babysitter.

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Doubts in a man

It is possible that a woman’s fears are justified, and a man actually shows some signs of disinterest, character traits that a woman doesn’t like. However, a relationship is so desirable that she tries to ignore these signals.

Often there are suspicions at the level of feelings, discomfort from communication, but it is difficult to realize them, to put them into words. When a woman tries to formulate them, as a rule, she cannot finish the thought. She cuts herself off, says it’s all nonsense, female logic, inexplicable intuition, nagging, paranoia.

Something may indeed be nagging. But without looking at everything in detail, you can’t separate one from the other. You either completely succumb to paranoia and hysteria, or you deny the reasonableness of your fears at all.

Read more about paranoia in the article “Paranoid Personality Type.”

Sure, it’s frustrating to find that the person you like isn’t really interested in you, or you’re not right for them. But maybe the point is that you’re not yet or already as close as you’d like to be. And the conclusions about the intimacy were made prematurely.

Often the situation “I’m afraid of the relationship” and occurs because in principle it is scary to face the threat of a breakup. When there is already a relationship, in order to cope with this fear and anxiety, it can be easier to convince yourself that there is no threat, and “I misunderstand everything,” “I feel wrong,” and in general “I’m the wrong hysterical woman.”

The woman is trying to cope with her worries, with the fear of disappointment in the one she loves. And the ways in which she does this are to cause fear of being abandoned. For example, self-blaming: “I am not right, he will leave me because I am hysterical.

Ignoring one’s feelings is caused by a lack of skill in recognizing one’s needs and a lack of trust in oneself. They come from childhood experiences where the child was forced to systematically turn off his feelings in order to adjust to the environment in which he lived.

In the next article we will continue the list of the most common reasons why a woman may say, “I am afraid of relationships” and experience the fear of being abandoned.

If you are afraid to start a relationship or afraid that a man will leave you, if you feel that you are having trouble coping with your anxiety and fears, if you need support and help from outside – I work with this topic in a special way.

The first consultation on any issue relating to the fear of relationships and the fear of being abandoned – with a 40% discount.

Registration form for a paid consultation with psychologist Lola Makarova on “I am afraid of relationships” and “Fear of abandonment”:

If you have questions for a psychologist on the article:

“I am afraid of relationships: what leads to this situation? ”

You can ask them to our psychologist on Skype online:

If you for some reason could not ask a psychologist online, then leave your message here (as soon as the first consultant psychologist available on the line – you will be immediately contacted by the specified e-mail), or go to the psychological forum.

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