What to do if you don’t want your husband : from reasons to working tips
Hi all, another topic for married ladies. It happens that you say to yourself, I don’t want to sleep with my husband, I stopped wanting my husband. Men themselves do not believe in this. Unfortunately, this happens, and not infrequently. In this topic I will try to explain why I do not want a husband, and how to once again want him.
I do not want a husband.
What to do if I love my husband, but do not want to sleep with him? First of all, you need to refrain from any clarifications of the relationship, avoid conflict. This information will be perceived by a man, most likely with aggression, as it will hit his self-esteem. First find out the reason why the desire is gone. Once discovered, it’s worth talking to him about it and trying to resolve it.
Reasons for reluctance
Before taking any action, it is always necessary to initially understand the reasons for the problem. The reasons can be different circumstances, and in most cases, these are common situations found in many married couples.
Women look at sex not only from the side of satisfaction of physical needs, but also from the position of spiritual intimacy with the partner. If spouses are often in conflict, it will affect their sex life, and not for the better.
A woman who deals with household chores around the house and childcare wears herself out during the day. After which she wants to rest. She does not want to think about anything at this point, not just about sex.
Once again we meet a routine, drab life, the monotony of each day, all this drains the woman mentally. Under such pressure she may become depressed.
When a woman is dissatisfied with how her figure looks, she may succumb to complexes, because of which she will be embarrassed of her man. Usually this cause manifests itself after childbirth.
During this period of time, a woman is exposed to a radical restructuring of the body for the needs of the baby. The fact that at this time she has no desire is more than normal.
After the birth of the baby girls often get into postpartum depression. The period of duration depends on the girl’s environment and her own mental and emotional state.
When there is constant discord and broken dishes in the family, all the negativity can affect the intimacy of the spouses.
Lack of romance
It is enough for the man to get satisfaction from sex, while the girl needs to feel what is happening emotionally.
Because of the strong guardianship over the man, a woman may project her maternal instinct towards her husband, which will cause her libido to dull.
Women love with their ears, and when they hear a lot of empty promises or unpleasant words to their address, it is all very keenly perceived by them. Up to resentment, if this is her first serious relationship.
A new crush.
Women are emotional creatures, and they tend to fall in love a lot. If a woman can’t control herself, her head fills with thoughts of another man, she begins to think that she wants someone else, not her husband, which affects her desire.
Often infidelity on the part of a man has a detrimental effect on further intimacy with his wife. When a woman comes to a psychologist, she says that she does not want a man after cheating. After a despicable act he may become disgusted with her.
Advice from a psychologist
Tip 1: vacation
One of the causes of the problem is overwork, both physical and moral. To prevent this, we need to replenish strength. So, we need to find time to rest. It should be periodic, and not only when there is no energy at all.
- Divide the work of the house between you and your husband. You can trust him to do the laundry or cooking. You will have time for yourself, and he will realize how exhausting it is.
- Arrange a shopping day, go shopping, meet with friends, go to a movie or a cafe. Unwind, detach from everyday life.
- Allow yourself a visit to a beauty salon, massage, spa treatments. Relax, finally.
Tip 2: Emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy is lost under the weight of the family routine and constant conflicts. To avoid this, resort to the following tips:
- Take an interest in your partner’s life.
- Learn to understand and listen to your partner. The sooner you resolve their differences, the faster to restore the relationship.
- Respect each other, value your actions.
- Give compliments, keep a good impression of yourself.
- Dream together, make plans for the future. Shared dreams will safely affect your life sexually.
Tip 3: Common interests
When a girl has feelings for a guy, but no desire for intimacy, it shows a lack of trust in him. Try to spend more time together doing things together.
- Do household chores together – cooking, cleaning the apartment and so on. This mutual support will not only bring you closer spiritually, but also provide moments of intimacy.
- Common hobbies – a taste for music, going to the gym. Anything goes as long as you share a hobby that both of you enjoy.
- Thoughts are material. Pretend that you are happy together. Go to different events, concerts, theaters, cafes, walks. All these things will help restore the relationship.
Tip 4: Travel
Grey everyday life has a negative impact on family relationships, especially on intimate life. It often happens that a woman notices a thought in her head: I want sex, but I do not want a husband. Enter into life variety. Change, at a minimum, the environment. Go on a vacation together. All this will help you:
- travel will help renew old feelings;
- A new experience with your partner under new circumstances;
- A renewal of your sex life.
You will be able to relax, distract from the drabness of everyday life and give yourselves into each other’s arms.
Tip 5: Appearance
Dissatisfaction with your own appearance can discourage you. Often a woman says that she does not want her husband, but is it really so? Perhaps the girl is complexed because of her external data. If suddenly the reason really turned out to be this, then it is time to restore the former beauty for which you loved your spouse. To do this you will need the following:
- Exercise at the gym. This will help you give your figure a sexy look. Sign up for a gym. Start doing at least an exercise routine in the morning.
- Visiting beauty salons. Clean your skin, change the products you use to care for it.
- Go to a hairdresser. Change your usual hairstyle. Give yourself confidence with a change of image.
- Do not stop taking care of your appearance. Manicure must always be beautiful, skin well-groomed and smooth.
Tip 6: intimate life
It is possible that the routine in intimacy becomes the reason for reluctance to make love. It gets boring. Newness and variety are needed. Take advantage of the following ways:
- Romanticism in a relationship. Scented candles, rose petals as a bedspread, a bottle of champagne and so on. Whatever your imagination can do, use it all.
- Role-playing games. Many psychologists advise to resort to such an experiment in bed. This method has saved a huge number of married couples from falling apart.
- New sexy lingerie. It will give you confidence in their irresistibility, and see the shine and desire in the eyes of his beloved.
- Sex Toys. If you are shy to visit a sex shop, then order them online. Such things will spice up the sensations.
Family relationships are the work of both partners. Life is not always sweet, it is worth getting used to. It is necessary to overcome difficulties together, strengthening your relationship with your loved ones.
There are many reasons for your husband’s reluctance, as well as ways to restore feelings. Do not be in a hurry to disperse, try to sort out the problem.
Girls, who coped with a similar situation how? Share your solution in the comments.
Why is it that you love a man but don’t want him?
Here’s all sorts of good.He is great for you.Good to you.You near him chic.Interesting.On the other you and do not think, because they are not needed.You are so comfortable with this man.But there is a BUT.No sexual desire and did not originally.Why is it possible to be.
You are simply being taken care of by a higher power. It is very possible that if you were burning with desire, you would not feel how good it is with a man just like that, you would never understand that besides desire of the body, there is also desire of the soul and spirit and recognition of the soul and spirit.
Sexual energy is a brute and overbearing force; it can burn out the subtle matter that is carefully aligned with the person you need. It can confuse, automatically turn on jealousy, claims. And things will get messed up.
Chances are, your couple is destined for something. That is, you have something important to master together, to learn, to understand, to penetrate, maybe to forgive each other or to learn to understand something. And the sexual forces can dilute this and interfere with it, so the desire is blocked to you.
And when the task will be fulfilled – there are two possible ways: either you will meet another person – already fully intended for you in all respects, or the necessary feeling and necessary desire will flare up with this person.
But no one can guess that. And that’s fine.
I think that because this love is above sex, this love is not addressed to the body, but to the mind, and maybe even to the soul. Sexual love is an inferior love, but we are used to it, so we wonder why it doesn’t exist. Various media noodles try to drum it into our heads that without sex it is not love. But if there is something higher, isn’t that wonderful?
Marinusha gave a good and beautiful answer. I would even say it’s the best answer, if you don’t take into account the time you and the man have been together. If you have been with this man for more than a year and you always feel good with him, then you love him. If you have been with this man for over three years and you are still having fun with him and you don’t need sex, you love him the way it happens in movies and fairy tales. If you have dated the man quite recently, most likely you just need to get over the beautiful period you are in now.
For myself I have recognized three kinds of love:
1 Spiritual. When people have a common goal in life. As a rule, spiritual love begins to grow stronger after the birth of a child. At this point, the parents have a common goal to raise the child and understand that only the two of them will do anything to make their child happy. In spiritual love, the couple have the same views on religion and in their life stance.
2 Intellectual. When people have something to talk about between them. The conversation may be about nothing, but the conversation between such people can go on endlessly or until it is time to go to bed. The couple is constantly developing and improving their communication skills and learning from each other.
3 Sexual. What’s there to explain. If the partners are good in bed and do not need anyone else, then they are perfect for each other.
If only one kind of love occurs between people, it indicates that their love is not stable. If 2 kinds of love arise between them, then the couple is well suited for each other. If the three aspects come together, then the couple is happy.
As for your case, but you need to consider your partner’s opinion regarding sex. Perhaps he just needs it. If you have plans for a future life together, then slowly and leisurely approach to the fact that you want to be with a man not only spiritually but also physically. This will make your union stronger and happier.
There is also such a hypothesis, that your sexual desire for another person unconsciously, on the level of instincts, is either expressed or not, according to the presence of suitable or not suitable for you pheromones, which are secreted by your body. And if our brain picks up a scent that suits us, it triggers the production of the hormone adrenaline, which triggers our sexual desire for a certain object. This can explain why, for example, sometimes there can be a desire for a person who is outwardly unattractive and, conversely, for a beautiful person, a completely indifferent attitude. After all, people are the same representatives of the animal world, only more intellectually developed, and in the animal world the choice of a partner takes place at the level of smell.
I was in my first marriage for 14 years. It seemed to me from the beginning that there is no one better than my husband. He was attentive and caring. But I had no sexual attraction to him. It took some time and my husband started to walk around. One day I found out about it. He reasoned that he rarely had sex with me and that he needed sex more often. I started sleeping with him more often, as I thought, but without much pleasure. But he couldn’t stop. He often had long affairs. I became a grown-up woman and the desire arose. Accordingly, lovers appeared, as I still did not want my husband. In the end our marriage fell apart. I didn’t want to live like that anymore. Now I have been living with another man for ten years. We are not cheating on each other and once again it seems to me that there is no better man than me. That’s how our life is different for everyone.
When asked why that might be! I was under the impression that I had chosen a man as an adult who looked like my father. My man smells like my father. His body structure and his strict manners are also familiar to me. My second husband said that I reminded him of my mother with my manners and demeanor. It turns out that we chose our partners in the image similar to our parents. But we realized this many years later, when we thought about it.
It seems to me that you are too happy and carefree in your life. You are cared for, adored, pampered. Just like that, because they love you. And in return you seem to be soaring, not on the earth but above the earth, you have an elevated state in your soul, and this makes you not care about earthly passions and desires. And I hope that your husband has the same feeling. You have found harmony in the soul, so there is no sexual passions. And if you are happy, then do not puzzle over it – soar on in your feelings.
Yulia23 , the very form of your question says
about your inner problems with yourself.
Normally a person talks about himself I :
I love, I want, I think, I feel great, etc.
Talking about yourself in the second person is not just Internet vulgarity,
It’s a sign of a lack of mental integrity,
a lack of self-control for reasons you probably don’t realize.
There is no point in discussing the details, especially since you could have simply copied your question.
I advise you to always be straightforward.
I just didn’t want everyone to understand what I meant about me) But if that’s the case. ) – 8 years ago
If you have a question not just for the sake of rating, and really want to understand themselves – write in person. – 8 years ago
My opinion is that the manifestation of sexual intimacy is the result of a close unity of two of the three components of human nature – that of the spirit and the soul.
When you are so filled with each other – I mean, if you love, your vessel is so full, that they merge into one, there is no division where I am and where he is – then it’s the unity on a spiritual and spiritual level, and you feel so good that your whole being just sings! You’re happy and you want to immerse yourself in your loved one wholeheartedly.
Reading the answers I found the opinion that sexual love is – the lowest love! my opinion is just a delusion to think so! After all, sexual relationships are the quintessence of your inner closeness of spirit and soul. It is impossible to talk about sexual love about its presence since there is no harmonious unity yet.
There is no other way to immerse yourself and to be closer to the one you love except in a bodily relationship! Don’t think I’m advertising sex here, that’s not what I’m writing about, Sex is like a consequence of your inner fulfilment. There is nothing more intimate or precious with us than my body (after my soul, of course).
Physical intimacy is a God-given joy for spouses! And what they have perverted it into today is, of course, unfortunate.
Of course I can not advise you what to do, but it seems to me that your feelings have not matured to the point where you are ready to give yourself up to the whole.
Initially you do not want to, probably because you have decided inside that you are tired of such relations on the basis of sex, you want something more sublime and as a result you want to have a relationship on the basis of your mind – rational love.
Love is the desire to give everything you have. And we have three elements in our being – Spirit, Soul and Body.
Of course it is up to you to decide what and when you are able to give without the rest to your Beloved.