I do not want to live with my husband – a caprice or a serious decision
Women are the most patient, wise and forgiving creatures. Being married, they do everything to make the house comfortable and the husband happy. For most of them the family comes first. That’s why it’s strange to hear the phrase: “I’m tired, I do not want to live with my husband.
After all, the fairer sex rarely complain about the problems in family life. Having said such a phrase, she admits that she had already reached the point that the relationship has outlived itself and they have no future. We will tell you why this happens, whether it is possible to correct the situation, how to act if the woman has already made a final decision.
Reasons why a woman does not want to live with her husband
If a woman thinks something like this: “I do not want to live together with my husband anymore” – she first has to figure out what the problem is. Psychologists have proved that until a woman understands her feelings, emotions, desires, she can live under one roof with her husband as if nothing happened, but also will not dare to break the family union. That’s why it’s so important to know what’s behind her decision.
By realizing the reasons for the deterioration of her relationship with her spouse, the wife will be able to understand how she should act further and what to do. Perhaps she will see that such her thoughts have no rational explanation at all, and from an objective point of view the problem lies not in her husband, but in her. After analyzing all the circumstances, she will see if there is any chance of fixing things or if the situation cannot be resolved.
What are the possible sources of the problem? What are the causes of those aspects of married life that cause the wife to want to separate from her husband?
Routine in the relationship.
The most common causes of divorce are boredom and monotony. Women have always had a fragile and sensual nature. Therefore, they are especially reverent and painfully perceive situations where life becomes meaningless.
In all romantic relationships with time ends the period of nice conversations, pleasant surprises, unexpected gifts, moonlight meetings, crazy deeds.
In family life, such a carefree atmosphere changes: the intensity of feelings and emotions is no longer as strong, love becomes a habit, there is no desire and strength to surprise each other. There comes a period of “home-work”, there are family problems related to relationships, housekeeping, home improvement.
Domestic problems lead to misunderstandings, disputes and irritations. The situation gets worse if the wife can not get pregnant, or, conversely, when a woman suffers from depression after childbirth.
It is these kinds of reasons that make the spouse anxious and even sometimes lead to nervous breakdowns. She feels that she loses her inner balance, harmony, and is no longer in control. And then there may be thoughts: “How was it all bored. I do not want to live with her husband. The woman falls into a state of alarm, reaching to the point of complete despair. Life without a husband in the future seems to her emotionally easier and calmer.
However, psychologists assert that such a condition soon passes. The main thing is to withstand the difficult time, not to give up and not to dare to make desperate steps. As an option, the spouse can change the environment, have fun, change your hair or get a manicure, go for a massage, go to the gym. This will help to forget and look at things from a different perspective.
If a woman feels the accumulated negative, it is better to try to extinguish it, improve your mood, do something pleasant and relaxing. Often it saves a hobby or other favorite activity. There is simply no time to think about leaving her husband.
Feelings have cooled down
Often without much apparent reason girls realize, “I don’t want to live with my husband anymore!” They just come to the realization that she is living with the wrong person or they are from different planets.
Psychologists have identified two possible options for the situation:
- Temporary thoughts that do not correspond to reality . Just a girl is depressed about something, upset, so she perceives reality in a pessimistic way. At such a moment, it may seem to her that her feelings for her husband have cooled down. But as soon as she begins to live apart from her husband, she realizes that she still loves him very much, even more. The separation opens her eyes, and the woman tries to regain her lost relationship.
- The girl clearly realizes that there is no more love . Although psychologists believe that in this case it most likely did not exist at all. The woman simply had personal motives for entering into this marriage union: a desire to quickly find a husband, have a child, improve her financial situation, prove something to her ex-boyfriend, etc.
Feelings do not disappear without a reason. It must be caused by some action of the spouse or the woman’s new passion.
A woman has found a new love.
If the lady is interested in another man, she thinks, “I do not want to live with a common-law or legal husband.” Most likely, such a marriage will soon end. Nowadays there are often cases when spouses leave their wives and children and leave the family. Many men live in two houses: they cannot leave their spouse, but seek solace in the arms of a mistress.
When a woman finds a new love, she is likely to leave her husband without hesitation. If this happens, no amount of psychology will save the family. Motivated by new feelings, the girl will not try to explain anything and seek understanding.
Although this is very rash on her part: she will soon realize that the new love is just a passing infatuation, and there is no going back. With the help of another man, the woman wanted to satisfy some personal ambitions and desires, and the family union has broken up forever.
Husband leads an immoral lifestyle
Many women, answering themselves the question, “Why do not I want to live with my husband?” – realize that they simply do not have respect for him. And how to respect a man who does not have a steady income, drinking alcohol, thinks it is normal to get his way through abuse and even violence. This prevents building a normal family life.
In this situation the problem is not solved even coding husband, visit the club alcohol addiction. If he eventually stops drinking, he will not be able to become a good-natured sweetheart, but will remain the same aggressive and unpromising.
All the more so when he breaks down again and goes back to his old habits. As we know, alcoholics and drug addicts never become exes. In this situation, it is understandable that a woman would prefer to remain alone, even with children, than to drag along such a negligent spouse.
Psychologists unanimously assert that the only option in the case of a relationship with a tyrant, abusive, alcoholic or drug-addicted husband is divorce. Nothing can save this marriage.
The wife in such a relationship needs to understand that her spouse can never get better, can never get better. Although many married girls are haunted by the fear of living alone with children who need to be fed, clothed, and raised. And if their husbands also have some decent financial base, they tolerate poor treatment for the sake of their children’s well-being. The only thing they want to do, though, is to spit on everything and leave.
It is not uncommon for a married girl to want to divorce her husband because she is tired of the constant financial problems in the family. Although they say that happiness is not in the money, but you can’t go far without it. Social studies confirm the fact that the main causes of marital discord are the following: partner infidelity, alcohol dependence of the man, the constant lack of money.
Financial problems give rise to constant quarrels, misunderstandings, accusations against the spouse. The more that in the modern world, women have become more independent, they do not like the fact that the responsibility to earn money rests only on their shoulders. They do not see the prospect of communication with their chosen one and think: “I do not want to live with my husband anymore, if he is not capable of anything!” And in this situation they are right.
Despite modern trends, the man should remain the main earner and the reliable rear, with which the lady feels safe. And she, in turn, will give him a home comfort and warmth.
But, unfortunately, in reality it turns out that women have to be strong and independent to ensure a happy childhood to their children, because their spouses do not earn enough or are constantly looking for work.
Psychologists in such situations advise married ladies not to get hot, and to wait for some time. Probably, the man can not earn more yet, but he strives for it and does everything possible to improve his situation.
However, if a woman sees that the temporary difficulties have become permanent and have become, rather, a habit in a spouse who simply drifts downstream, it is worth either to give him a “magic kick” to make him move in search of normal work, or there is nothing else but to leave the lazy and weak-willed man.
An affair on the side
The subject of adultery comes up very often in psychologist sessions. How many times can you hear from a woman’s lips: “I do not want to live with my husband! What if he cheated on me?” Although for most the answer is obvious – to leave your spouse forever.
Some people try to understand the reasons. Perhaps the man was intoxicated and did not think anything of alcohol, or the other woman was mean. Some of the men are sure that his one-time fling means nothing. Either way in this situation, it is the wife who is most hurt.
A woman who has dignity will not be able to continue to share a marital bed with a man who has been with another. Although sometimes married men repent of what they have done and swear that it will not happen again. An aggravating factor is having children who love their father and will suffer without him. What is a wife to do when her trust is lost forever?
Here it all depends on the woman and her attitude toward what happened. She may not divorce her husband, but she must be prepared to be betrayed again. Although it is usually hard for married girls to accept this fact, no matter how much they want to. So they see a way out only in separation, but with mitigating consequences, so to speak.
They allow the spouse to communicate with the children at any time and do not limit his participation in their upbringing. Be that as it may, such a delicate issue can not be resolved with the advice of friends, relatives and even psychologists. The lady must understand whether she is ready to forgive the infidelity and tolerate it further, or whether she loves herself more than the man.
What to do if you do not want to live with your husband
How often in difficult family situations ladies think “I do not want to live with my husband, what to do!”. First of all, you need to weigh everything well, not to make decisions in the heat of the moment. It is necessary to try to overcome the stressful state, to realize the reasons, to try to solve the problem.
Perhaps this will help keep the family and prevent the wrong move, because married ladies are prone to act impulsively, and then bite your elbows from the fact that they lost a good man.
If you firmly realized that you do not want to live with her husband,” to start, listen to the advice of psychologists:
- Find out the reason for the family difficulties.
- Look at the situation from the outside.
- Try to discuss the problem with your chosen one.
- Come to a joint decision that will suit both you and your partner.
- Immediately consider the options if you decide to split up, but you have nowhere to live.
Sometimes the only way out – to blot out of the life of the past relationship and start all over again. This is especially true when it is clear that the marriage has outlived itself and no amount of talking, acting will not save it. Even if you find it hard to leave everything and go into the unknown – you have to take this step.
Is there any point in trying to save the union, which is filled with hatred, contempt, resentment, misunderstanding? And don’t assume that children will save any marriage. They don’t. Especially life after the separation with her husband does not end, and continues. Some people even start a new one.
The most important thing – to go forward with your head held high, do not despair and do not regret past mistakes. This is the lot of weak-willed people.
You can’t pick up the pieces of broken glass. You will only suffer. That’s not what life is for. Do not close yourself, dream, find a new hobby, go out in public – perhaps you will soon be able to meet a decent man who will brighten up your loneliness.
How to find strengths in his husband
If you suddenly felt, “I do not want to live with a legal or common-law husband,” – think back to the time when you first started dating, perhaps it will help awaken your feelings and look at the problem with different eyes.
After all, he was so reliable, a little even shy, had serious intentions on your account, wanted to start a family. Now you suddenly realize that his shyness is trivial, and his sense of humor reminiscent of kindergarten.
Character traits of her husband, which you do not like, became the other side of the coin, and the features that attracted you so far – the obverse. By comparing them, you will realize that these sides are interconnected: what seems acceptable to you has a negative side, and the qualities that annoy you may be attractive if you look at them from a different angle.
Examples of negative characteristics that you may have previously liked
Negative characteristics (back side)
Attractive characteristics (front side)
- Predictability, coldness, pragmatism, nerdiness.
- Constant need for praise, shyness, confusion, weakness.
- Isolation, selfishness, lack of seriousness.
- Pessimism, intrusiveness, materialism, insanity.
- Debauchery, lust, sexual preoccupation.
- Closure, mystery, brooding.
- Self-love, need for attention.
- Depression, frustration.
- Simplicity, childish view of the world.
- Annoyance, insolence, power hunger.
- Callousness, indifference, inability to show feelings.
- Impulsiveness, unbalanced.
- Consistency, moderation, equanimity, poise.
- Politeness, pliability, caution.
- Creative nature, suddenness, dignity.
- Discipline, industriousness, reliability, success.
- Irascibility, passion, sexuality.
- Non-conflict, restraint.
- Politeness, friendliness, talkativeness.
- Intelligence, focus.
- Lightness, nonchalance.
- Judgment, assertiveness, complicity.
- Freedom, self-confidence, significance.
Women need to realize that perhaps her internal problems prevent her to see the good in her chosen one and feel happy around him.
Psychologist’s advice on how to confess if you do not want to live with your husband
Talk to your husband if you have firmly decided that you do not want to live with him. Be prepared for the fact that the conversation will not be peaceful, any man will take this news painfully. Even if he himself is thinking of separation, he will be hurt by the fact that it is not him who leaves you first, but you his.
To take your news more calmly and painlessly, follow a few principles:
- Pick the right place and time – don’t talk in the presence of strangers.
- Do not start the conversation with the phrase: “We need to talk seriously.
- Don’t make your decision during a row or an argument, when you’re nervous and impulsive. In such an emotional state, you can say a lot of hurtful words.
- Be calm and don’t get nervous, don’t yell, accuse, humiliate or threaten.
- Try to show your feelings, and not to indicate fault with his spouse. He has to understand that you are hard, painful, sad, that you need to change.
- Find out from her husband as he himself refers to you and your union, perhaps it too, something does not suit the relationship, but he just does not talk about it.
- When you find out what your husband does not like, let him know that your relationship and really gave a crack, there was misunderstanding, you can not move on as if nothing happens. Remind him how often he gets nervous and angry lately.
- Do not blame your man for all the sins, be able to admit their mistakes – it will help maintain normal communication after a divorce.
- Prepare for the fact that the man may react impulsively or even aggressively – he is also a person who has feelings. Most importantly – do not fall for provocations, stay calm.
- Allow your spouse to come to terms with the idea of separation, to realize and accept this fact.
- Try to outline some positive aspects, such as that you are willing to stay friends, you want to try to fix everything, see a marriage counselor or part only for a while to think things over, etc.
- Get his opinion on the situation. You have to show the man that he is still no stranger to you. This will help you avoid conflict and decide together how best to act for both parties.
Don’t expect the conversation to go easily and smoothly. But you must decide to have it if you want to stop being patient and start living normally. And together or not – time will tell.
I do not want to live with my husband: keep the family or run without looking back?
If all marriages were happy, the divorce rate would be close to zero. But the statistics are inexorable: about 60% of families break up for all sorts of reasons. Are you not divorced yet, but already thinking about it? And the thought of “I do not want to live with her husband” gnaws at you every night? Do not hurry to divorce, this is a simple thing will always succeed. Get to the bottom of the reasons for your negative attitude towards your spouse, and then decide what you have to do. This article is intended for disappointed in family life, women who are at a crossroads of two roads.
Husband is not nice anymore: why is it so?
Unfortunately, there are many pitfalls in married life that many people do not realize when they first get married. All men are different, and each of them has its own significant shortcomings. Your husband is clearly not an angel, since you’re thinking of running away from him. You can nurture the idea for years, or suddenly wake up one fine morning and realize I do not want to live with this man. In any case, there are good reasons. And what are they, we’ll look at:
- Stresses and overwork. Frequent squabbles with her husband, lack of sleep, problems at work, repairs in the apartment – all this can provoke rejection from the spouse. Every word he said will be annoying, and his shortcomings will seem exaggerated. Many women make their husband a scapegoat and saw him on any occasion, after years of marriage. As a result, it turns out that family life with him associated with problems, and like before the marriage was much better than it is now. What is this – harsh reality or unjustified infantile fantasies about life together? Only you know the answer.
- Lack of help from your husband. How unpleasant when your spouse is lying on the couch and watching TV, and you rush around as an angel with a broom in their hands and a pan in their teeth. And when the kids come along, the lazy husband definitely shows himself in all his glory. After all, he is tired at work, you do nothing, sitting at home with a child. This behavior of the spouse is very offensive to his wife. Help a man in the home, no doubt, makes a woman much happier. The absence of her can be a reason to think about divorce. A woman simply burns out: not enough time for herself and even more so for the love of her husband.
- Tyranny in the family. The husband, of course, should be the head of the family, but not a despot. If you are constantly controlled, criticized for any insignificant reason, humiliated or even beaten, it is not surprising that you do not want to live with this man. There is no love in such a relationship-it is a story of a tyrant and his victim. Unfortunately, many males think this kind of behavior is the norm. But in fact, tyranny is born of insecurity and the need to assert themselves at the expense of a weaker person, that is, a woman.
- Sexual dissatisfaction. A healthy young woman can not do without quality sex for a long time. If your spouse is not a master in bed, and you crave African passion, you will sooner or later begin to think about breaking up with him. Insidious libido and whispers in your ear: “Dump him, find yourself a tireless macho! Another question: what have you done to make the situation change? Maybe your husband needs a hint about the problem and to teach him the finer points of love?
- The presence of a lover. Women’s temperament sometimes crosses all boundaries. Some particularly amorous ladies have lovers in search of new sensations. Other women (they are in the minority) really fall in love with a man on the side, and the legitimate spouse remains out of the picture. In any case, having a lover means that the husband is bored, and life with him is not so unclouded. Only somehow it is not fair, to commit adultery behind the spouse’s back.
These are the reasons that cause the desire to escape from the man, in spite of everything that happened between you. The situation is not easy, and perhaps you are reading our article right now under the annoying sniffles of her husband, dreaming to leave and never return. Do not hurry, because you in any case, you need to make an informed choice and make a clear plan of action, and we will help.
What to do if the legs themselves are taking you away from the family?
Do not wait until your negative feelings will pass by themselves. The situation could get worse, and to solve it will be much harder. But do not hack off the shoulder, otherwise you will regret the impulsive decision. Allocate time for reflection, weigh the pros and cons, and only then begin to take something. So, what to do if the words “I do not want to live with my husband” for you more than relevant:
- Make a final choice. Many women suffer for years from the fact that they are disgusted with the husband and family life. This behavior makes both spouses unhappy. Stop torturing yourself and your man, because he too probably feels wrong. If you want to save the relationship, try to identify the cause of hostility to her husband and to correct the situation. And if you want to leave, prepare for this and go ahead.
- Prepare to leave. Independent life will help you to get rid of the oppressive longing and unloved man. But in parallel will bring a lot of problems, such as lack of finances and housing. You should be aware of the negative consequences of your departure and prepare for them: to collect money, necessary things, to find a home for the first time and think, where to place the children. Don’t rely on miracles and your husband’s help. After the news of the separation he is unlikely to want to have any business with you, let alone help in any way.
- Tell your husband about your decision. Choose a convenient moment and admit to your husband that you want to leave him. It’s best to do it on a day off, so you’re both rested and able to focus on the conversation. If your spouse is often aggressive, announce your decision after you leave: call or leave a note. Protect yourself from his unpredictable reactions.
- Listen to yourself. Think about what you expect from this life and why you need to leave your husband. Subsequently, rely only on your thoughts and reasoning. Your husband and relatives may start to talk to you to change your decision. You should not give in to their entreaties, and make the right independent choice, so that later you will not regret it.
You have learned what to do if you are tired of your husband and have already definitely decided to leave him. However, the decision to divorce is not always the only right one. Maybe you’re just tired of each other, and your relationship needs a reset? Consider this scenario as well.
What to do if you are not ready for a divorce?
It is not always a woman’s cold feelings for her spouse that should drive her to divorce. If the man is kind, responsive and loving, but suddenly began to cause you disgust, perhaps your marriage is in crisis. Recall all the good things that were between you, and try to return the old feelings. What to do if your husband tired, but leave him you are not ready? Try to do the following:
- Take a break from each other. Constant pastime together has a negative impact on the relationship. If you do not want to live with her husband, you can separate, but not forever. Go on vacation separately, spend a couple of days with a friend and arrange a hen party, ask for a business trip to work. There is a good chance that in the separation you will feel how much you miss your spouse. Such a reset from time to time is useful to all couples. In addition, you will have time to make a balanced and independent decision about the relationship with your husband.
- Take care of yourself: give yourself some pleasant emotions. It’s important for every woman to have free time for herself. If you haven’t been shopping, going to the beauty salon, or watching your favorite TV series, it’s time to finally abandon all the housework and indulge in more enjoyable activities. It is possible that because you are constantly busy you are in a state of stress and unleashing negativity on your husband, without noticing it. Many tired women after a vacation look at her husband a completely different way of looking at him.
- Talk to your spouse and try to fix the marital problems together. Your husband may not realize that some of his actions are annoying you. Men find it hard to understand women, so it’s better to explain to them all the problems arising in the family, in detail. Talk to your other half and decide together what to do. If your spouse loves you, he will try to fix everything and improve the relationship. You’d be surprised, but men are also able to adjust and show their best qualities, if they have a serious incentive.
- Talk to a marriage counselor. You can not always explain exactly the reason why you do not want to live with your husband. It seems like everything is fine, but there was a growing chill. To understand the situation will help family psychologist. Just a few consultations, and you will be able to understand what creates tension between you and your spouse. You will also learn many useful tricks of family life and you will realize that divorce is the most extreme measure that can be avoided.
Use these methods or look for new ones that work for your couple. You can always get a divorce, but finding a new man who knows you like the back of his hand, understands you and loves you is much harder.
Do not despair if you suddenly realized that you do not want to live with your husband. Relationship crises happen in every couple, and it’s important for you to figure out if this is the end of your affair or temporary love difficulties.
If you clearly realized that the negative attitude towards your spouse is a consequence of irreconcilable differences, do not be afraid to divorce. It is better to break up once and for all destructive relationship and find peace than to suffer the rest of his life.
When unwillingness to live with her husband caused by family problems that can be solved, act, connecting your spouse. You will be able to establish peace in the family, if you make a mutual effort. Happiness to you in your personal life!