I do not want my boyfriend

No desire to have sex with the man you love. Why and what to do?

In any relationship between a man and a woman are important and spiritual and physical aspects. The quality, frequency and duration of physical intimacy depends on how strong the union will be and how comfortable people feel in it. Unfortunately, there are situations when a woman does not want her beloved man. Goes to intimacy with him without much desire, or even looking for every reason to avoid it. And the lack of desire occurs not only among older women, but also young girls.

Where is the physical desire? Until recently, the woman was burning passion for his man, all kinds of seduction, and today she has a headache, or critical days, or a lot of work. And if she agrees to have sex, then behaves as if she is doing the man a favor.

Most often this situation occurs in couples who have already had a long relationship. It is important to understand that without an intimate relationship suffers and spiritual, accumulates tension, irritation with each other, recriminations, quarrels over small things, and eventually this can lead to complete discord.

Reasons for the lack of desire for intimacy

Interest in sex can be lost for a number of reasons. What are the most common ones?

  • The first and most common is fatigue and stress. When the head is full of problems, a lot of cases and questions, you can not relax, and the body is physically exhausted and worn out, then what kind of meaningful sex can we talk about? Tired woman is very difficult psychologically to distract herself from the thoughts in her head and tune in to the right wave, unlike men, who, if ignited by sexual attraction, forget about everything. Male and female sexuality are different. A woman needs a psychological mood, in the absence of it, she does not get any pleasure from intimacy. This is why a woman resists a man who wants immediate caresses.
  • Another reason may be the diet. In the pursuit of thinness a woman is ready to go to any length, not realizing what harm she may cause herself. When you diet, the body feels stress and an acute lack of vitamins, and also the natural hormonal background is disturbed. All this of course affects the libido, adds fatigue and irritability.
  • The quality of intimate relationships. Different sexual preferences, what you like and do not like during intimacy, which people are embarrassed to tell each other. Monotonous sex, developed over the years. Lack of initiative to change anything for the better, to bring variety. All this turns sex, the main source of pleasure, into a boring monotonous duty.
  • Hormonal restructuring of the body associated with pregnancy and childbirth. During pregnancy, the whole body is consumed by the need to develop the fetus and protect it, and all the energy goes to it. A woman’s hormones work in such a way that her libido decreases. When babies are born, they require so much attention that there is no energy or time left for sex.
  • Wives may not want the man they love because they resent him. While sex is just a physiological need for a man, feelings and emotions mean a lot to a woman. Resentment can kill any desire for intimacy. If the man doesn’t understand this and doesn’t try to make amends, the resentment will only accumulate and the woman’s libido will suffer greatly.
  • Physiological health problems. If due to various gynecological diseases sex begins to cause discomfort, contacts become painful, the desire may also disappear.
  • Lack of physical activity. Physical activity gives life to all metabolic processes in the body. If a woman spends all day at a sedentary job and the maximum physical activity is cleaning the house, laundry and cooking, then of course this affects the sex drive. The blood stagnates, the fat layer accumulates and it becomes lazy to make an extra movement. What kind of sex can it be?
  • Unkempt appearance of the man. If a woman sees her man unkempt, unshaven, shaggy and picking his nose, then the desire disappears by itself.
  • The influence of medications. Many drugs reduce libido. This also applies to oral contraceptives, especially during addiction to them.
  • Depression. Depression and constant anxiety suppresses sexual desire for a while, as well as the desire to do other things, even your favorite ones.
  • Age-related changes. Estrogen levels decline between the ages of 30 and 45, and this has a direct effect on libido. The vaginal muscles gradually lose elasticity, the intimate organs secrete less and less lubricant. All this affects the quality of intimate relationships.

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What to do?

The woman suffers more from the lack of physical attraction, because it is detrimental to her health, from the fact that you have to force yourself to go for intimacy, her emotional state deteriorates. What can help?

  • To establish an intimate life you should try not to be overworked and sleep well, if you do not have time to ask your loved one for help.
  • You need to learn how to relax. Find time during the week that you can fully devote to each other. You can take a bath together, play relaxing music, ask your lover to massage. In such moments, sex with your loved one will bring pleasure and unforgettable emotions.
  • If you want to lose weight do not go on a diet thoughtlessly, because it is proved that you need to eat often, in small portions, avoiding junk, floury and fatty foods. Then you get all the necessary vitamins and minerals and speed up the metabolism, which leads to weight loss.
  • Take care of your body. Exercise. In addition to aesthetic pleasure from a beautiful trim body and self-confidence, you keep your libido at an appropriate level.
  • If you are not satisfied with the quality of sexual relations, delicately tell your partner. Watch a video together and discuss what he would like or not from what you saw, what you would like. Agree to bring something new into your intimate life, try not only to say what you want, but to hear your man and put it into practice. Be active in bed.
  • Try as much free time as possible to spend with your man. Talk, if the lack of attraction affects, for example, resentment, we must tell your man about this, to bring the situation to its logical conclusion, to try to make sure that from negative emotions left no trace.
  • Monitor your health. Visit the gynecologist twice a year. If you have a disease, be sure to treat.
  • Try to avoid taking medications that reduce libido, if possible. And also give up oral contraceptives.
  • If the reason is pregnancy and childbirth, you just have to get over this period. Try to explain this to your man. Establish a mutual understanding, this will speed up the process of restoring desire.
  • In some cases, you need the help of a qualified specialist – a psychologist or sexologist. It all depends on the situation. But turning to them will help you to restore a harmonious sexual relationship.

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This is simple advice, but for some reason sometimes we do not want to make even minimal efforts to change the situation for the better, and we let everything drift away. As a result, we lose one of the greatest pleasures in life – the physical intimacy of the beloved man, shared orgasms and a lot of wonderful emotions. We hear all the time that we have to work on our relationships all the time, and this applies to the intimate sphere as well. We all have difficult moments in life, when desire dulls, the main thing is not to make this the norm. It is important to remain sensitive to each other in any situation, to discuss all problems, to empathize and support each other. And then the sexual desire will not leave your couple, rekindling the fire of passion again and again.

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“I do not want my boyfriend, but I’m not going to break up.

By education – a school psychologist. Experience in the field of copywriting more than 7 years. For me, copywriting is an art.

The expert – Victoria Fomina.

Highest-category sexologist, psychiatrist and psychotherapist. I have been working as a sexologist for more than 10 years. I help couples solve problems in sexuality.

In any couple’s relationship is very important as a spiritual and physical closeness. One is closely related to the other. And the quality of sex between you directly affects the comfort and harmony in your relationship.

But, unfortunately, it happens that she stops wanting intimacy with her man. Moreover, it happens not only in a long-term relationship or marriage. Young girls are prone to this too.

So what’s the reason this can happen?

Reasons why you don’t want your boyfriend

Physical attraction is somewhere gone, but you do not want to break up at all. After all, otherwise he is the best and most caring guy. You have to endure intimacy, and sometimes even to step over yourself: suddenly the appetite comes during a meal.

Some even comfort themselves with the fact that this is normal, because over time, the passion disappears.

The reasons for the absence of desire are divided into two types:

These causes are influenced by some circumstances that are temporary in nature. They occur in both the early and late stages of the relationship. These can include resentment against the partner, illness, hormone therapy, etc.

The main feature is the exact presence of an interfering factor. And the only solution is to eliminate that factor. If you have a quarrel with your man, you have to make up. And if you, for example, experience pain during intimacy, you need to see a doctor to find out the cause.

  • Psychological.

Here everything is much more complicated. Basically, these reasons are typical for more mature relationships, but sometimes occur in very “young” ones.

So, what are the most common reasons for reluctance to intimacy.

Stress and fatigue

This condition is the most common temporary cause. A lot of questions, things to do and problems have filled the head. The body is tired and exhausted. There is not even a desire, much less the strength to have full-fledged sex.

When you’re tired and mentally stressed, it’s very hard for you to relax and catch the right wave. It’s a man, if he wants to, he’s ready. A woman’s sexuality is different.

You don’t get any pleasure out of intimacy unless you’re psychologically attuned. That’s why you don’t want your boyfriend, who suddenly wants love. Even your body resists.

Embarrassment of your own body.

You may be self-conscious about your body and afraid to undress in front of a man. But remember, if he’s made the decision to sleep with you, he’s fine with it. So, your fear is not justified. You’re just winding yourself up.

This is a psychological problem and it can only be solved by getting rid of internal barriers. You can become more liberated if, for example, you sign up for dancing. You will improve your physical shape and become more confident.

The quality of sex

You don’t always have the courage to talk about what someone likes in bed. And this is very important to make your intimate life work. If partners have different preferences, there is no desire to meet their needs often.

Sex turns into a boring routine if the partners don’t seek to make things right, to diversify, to take the initiative, and to talk about their desires. If you and your boyfriend already have this problem, it becomes clear why you don’t want it. But this problem is solvable.

Lack of foreplay

This reason is quite common, but often goes unnoticed. Guys don’t need a lot of time to get aroused, so foreplay isn’t that important to them. You’re not fully warmed up, and sex has already begun. It’s understandable why you don’t take the next one with as much enthusiasm.

And it’s completely natural that the longer you have sex that you don’t like, the less you want to have it in principle. Explain to the guy that you need foreplay, and that it should involve more action than usual.

He may not even be aware that you’re not horny enough or what you want. Show him how you like it. Start fondling him yourself, and he’ll pick up on that attitude.


For men, sex is more of a physiological need. Whereas for women, feelings and emotions are important. If you feel resentment, what kind of attraction can you talk about? It’s just blocked.

If your boyfriend doesn’t seek to make amends, your resentments accumulate like a snowball, and your libido gets weaker and weaker each time. So until you figure out what’s wrong with you, it’s better to wait with sex.

You no longer see him as a man.

Now it often happens that girls take on a lot of, originally male, responsibilities. Solving problems, making money, doing repairs. They do so much and then do not understand, then why a man? After all, it is possible to replace him in sex if you want.

If the same happened to you, then you need to stop taking too much responsibility. Give the initiative to the man (not just in bed), say that now he decides everything himself, and you listen.

Don’t criticize him, listen to him and support him. More often, ask him to help you, even in small things. Make him feel like your man again. And you may be able to regain a sense of respect for him, and look at it from a different angle.

Hormonal changes

Female hormones are a very complex system. Everything can go wrong because of stress, lack of sleep, improper nutrition. During such surges, libido, more often than not, decreases. Girls often do not realize that the cause is a hormonal malfunction. For this, it is necessary to see a doctor.

Guys get offended at all. For them, hormone surges are not such a frequent problem. Therefore, most of them don’t see it as an obstacle. It’s easier for them to blame the girl for falling out of love and not wanting to.

So if you know for sure that the problem is hormones, explain it to your partner and start fixing your health.

The appearance of the guy.

Ideally, when you love your man, you don’t care how he dresses, how he looks, or how he acts. Yes. But sex isn’t just about thoughts, it’s about feelings, hormones, and chemistry.

And if your partner is constantly wearing a dirty T-shirt, with hair not washed for three days, smells bad and picks his nose, then the desire will disappear on its own.

Fear of pregnancy or STDs

Chances are, if you’ve been together for a long time or are using protection, then at the very least STDs aren’t something to fear. But paranoid thoughts are sometimes hard to banish from your head. Maybe you don’t trust your boyfriend very much. Or you’re too young to have kids.

And in that situation, your brain blocks your arousal functions, protecting you from potential danger. It’s trying to tell you that it’s better not to do anything that scares you at all.

Lack of physical activity

If your biggest burden in life is to get up to cook a meal or load the washing machine, and you always work sitting down, then you simply have no energy. It’s not said for nothing that movement is life. It contributes to the normal functioning of the body.

But without movement the blood stagnates, there is excess fat layer, a man becomes lazy, and the energy for sex is just not there.

The reasons why you don’t want your boyfriend can be different. If the two of you are generally good together and you don’t want to break up, then any problem is solvable.

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