Husband’s disrespect for his wife – illuminating the essence

Four-handed game: when a husband does not respect and appreciate his wife.

A modern man can earn good money, in life to be very brave, decisive, but in the family do not have the slightest respect from the wife first, and then to children.This is a vital disaster, first for the whipped, and then for posterity, because growing up in such a family environment, children have a number of psychological problems in the future.

This article is a very valuable treasure trove of wisdom that you won’t find anywhere else on the Internet (unless, of course, it is stolen from ). Why valuable? Because 90% of psychologists and coaches give completely ridiculous advice that leads to only one thing: divorce.

Some of these wrong pieces of advice include:

  • Push your wife into a rigid frame of reference;
  • Ice voice demand to boil borscht;
  • Threaten a divorce, to show serious intentions for it (the wife should be frightened);
  • To disappear for a week or a couple of days, to live separately;
  • Beat his wife;
  • List all her faults in front of the neighbors;

And so on. These methods almost never give the desired result, except to aggravate the conflict. This is especially terrible if the man himself is particularly nothing, his wife is bored and tired, and he is waiting that humiliation, threats and sudden tough commands suddenly correct her.

If the wife herself is already set up to break up, then such recommendations defenders of men’s honor will only lead to a divorce.

Remember: male authority can always be restored .

. And any marriage can be saved. The problem is that many men do not understand the correct model of behavior in the modern family.

A false sense of disrespect

Respect is the acceptance of personality traits, character traits, values, opinions and actions of another person as significant and important. Only then is it acceptable to claim that the partner appreciates his or her other half. The origins of women’s disappointment in men are in their own unjustified expectations. Both partners expect specific behavior that will be consonant with their personal ideas about life together.

It is good when these ideas are adequate and do not border on fiction. When expectations are not realistic, then the problem is rooted in the exaggerated claims of the girl, rather than in the disrespectful attitude of the “offender.

I want to feel special, but my husband does not respect or appreciate me…

False female expectations entail a subjective sense of disrespect, among them:

  • Utopian expectations of a fairy tale and a fixation on romance. A man will not carry in his arms, serve breakfast in bed, and cover his bed with rose petals. Not all male souls are so sensual, besides the infatuation period passes, and the production of endorphin and oxytocin (“love hormones”) decreases.
  • Expecting to spend time together all the time. It is male nature to assume that the spouse is a predator and provider for his family. The resemblance to an obedient pet goes against his natural instincts.
  • Expecting eloquent praise and compliments. On the contrary, they are “silent” from the fact that they are guided by the dominant left hemisphere, so they analyze and think more than they speak.
  • The expectation of affection and tenderness prevailing over sexual interests. Male sexuality is more intolerant because of physiological characteristics and a basic need for sex.
  • Expectation of attention to personal family dates, little things and details. Here it is a matter of peculiarities of the functioning of the higher nervous activity. Guys think concretely, practically, globally. If the birthday of his beloved – it is important in what month, and the number itself will approach.
  • Expecting to share child-rearing responsibilities equally. Seemed like a legitimate wish. But the father is focused on the financial and practical side of providing comfortable housing, decent education, leisure, recreation and other benefits.

In case such a list is a pocketbook of “every day” claims, the wife needs to reconsider her level of pretensions and make it realistic.


You intuitively sense that something isn’t right. Even if everything looks perfect and all your girlfriends are jealous of you. But you realize that they see only the outside of your relationship. After all, if a man really loved you, then there would be no room for doubt. In a couple with him you feel insecure, uncomfortable (while he may say he loves you).

If you are loved – there is always a sense of certainty about it! And if doubts creep in, and even repeatedly – surely something is really wrong. Recently we talked about the signs of a serious relationship, we advise you to read this material and check if these signs in your relationship.

Reasons for true manifestations of husband’s disrespect for his wife

True manifestations, when you can reliably say that the husband does not respect and appreciate his wife, are considered:

  1. Authoritarian behavior.
  2. Criticism, constant control.
  3. Not accepting the needs and desires of the wife.
  4. Lack of interest in the problems and life of the spouse in general.
  5. Lack of help, not accepting the right to rest and free leisure.
  6. Infringement of material and financial resources.
  7. Insults, rude communication and the use of psychological, physical or sexual violence.
  8. Sexual betrayal (adultery).

In such manifestations, the husband really does not respect and do not appreciate his wife, the origins of such deformations of family values can be ambiguous.

Reasons for the husband’s disrespect for his wife:

  1. Rearranged pattern of behavior from the parental family.
  2. Imitating the style of communication in the family to someone who is an authority for him.
  3. Childhood psychological trauma.
  4. Expressed accentuacies of character (negative personality traits that are on the edge of norm and pathology), egocentrism.
  5. Depreciation and disrespectful attitude of the wife.

Ways of getting rid of a problem are chosen based on the reasons for disturbances in harmonious communication within the family. However, the resolution of the first four causes is in the competence of specialists, but not the spouse. If the situation becomes critical and adverse to the psychological and physical health of the wife and children, the key to the solution is divorce. The last reason, the most common, we will devote a separate paragraph.

If the husband does not appreciate his wife: “show attention and respect to him” – psychologists recommend.

The main recommendations of the psychologist on what to do if the husband does not respect his wife may surprise the female audience. For a man to appreciate his wife, it is enough to demonstrate an alternative respectful attitude towards him. In this case the trick of mirroring works: “you shout at me – and I shout, you respect me – I respect you.

Deer syndrome

You don’t have to blame yourself for this. Deer syndrome is the scourge of modern men.

Our society is patriarchal, slave-based, it cannot exist without a leader. Everyone remembers what the country became after democracy was established. People were given freedom, but instead of using it properly, they started drinking, drug addiction, and criminal activity. Most of our wives have a Soviet mentality, not a European one; they don’t understand the basics of democratic partnership, so they subconsciously expect their husbands to control them.

Young husbands in Russia do not understand that a wife needs to be managed, she needs to be constantly educated, and her energy and time should be spent on this.

When the husband is too lazy to do this, the relationship deteriorates, the wife puts her husband under the thumb, starts to become stupid herself, and makes the whole family suffer.

Running a family is difficult, but going through these challenges will make you a leader with a stable psyche. You will grow morally if you take care of your family – this is a guarantee.

You have to fight for your family, there is no other way.

Your wife is a troubled teenager and you are an educator. You have to deal with the reeducation of your spouse with a minimum of emotion. It’s a long process, but it will be fruitful if you do it.

How to deal with a husband who does not respect his wife: basic tips

  1. Accept the authority of the man as the head of the family, his authority and leadership. Both spouses can claim to be a leader. But men’s need to dominate is historically inherent, and if a man wants to be the leader, he will not give in and confront his wife.
  2. Communicate respectfully without shouting and insults, with a position of equality. Invaluable quality of women – calm and self-control. Not every girl can be proud of her emotional restraint. This trait alone will attract a man’s respect.
  3. Take his decisions without criticism, do not disparage his intellectual abilities. A man needs approval of his ideas, actions, and endeavors. Systematic counter-criticism labels “husband is stupid, wife is smart”. After all, a woman’s trump card is beauty and a man’s is intelligence.
  4. Appreciate his courage and sexual potential. It is important to show a woman’s weakness and let a man use his strength. Sex should be an available and natural privilege of family life, not an encouraging carrot.
  5. Share achievements and victories. A small success, secured by his wife’s approval and praise, will motivate him to a big victory.
  6. Acceptance of the environment (friends, relatives, colleagues), interests and personal space, leisure time. Spouses do not become one, their personalities do not merge into one. Therefore, these areas should be separated. Both partners have the right to personal leisure and freedom. Showing interest and approval for personal space shows not only respect for the husband, but also trust (this also applies to personal belongings: gadgets, notebooks, social media accounts).
  7. Highlight and emphasize his virtues. There is no one perfect person in the world. A partner is no exception, but there are some things he does particularly well. The habit of regularly emphasizing these virtues will give a good boost to your self-esteem.

Mistake 2. Inability to say “no,” to insist on your opinion

Agree, it’s hard to respect someone who has no personality of his own, who agrees with you in everything, assents, lives by your interests. In such a relationship it quickly becomes boring, the fire and interest disappear, there is no exchange of energies. Wife seems to be some stupid and empty, copying you like a parrot, copying your thoughts. Maybe she just doesn’t want to offend anyone, she tries to please her man, to support him, but not at the cost of her own self? You have to understand that in a relationship there should be a dialogue, an exchange of views, even if you preach fundamentally different ideas. This heated interest in each other, shows you personality, capable of thinking and thinking with his head, to defend their beliefs. Such a woman is much more interesting than a silly pacifier. Because she knows herself, she has her own views on life, her own interests. Because of this you want to respect her. Man will never cease to appreciate such a woman!

The image of a woman, disposed to respect

Everyone will agree that, for example, a hairdresser with untidy hair does not cause professional confidence. And so the spouse, who claims the priority positions in the life list of her husband, should maintain an appropriate image. Let’s talk about this in more detail:

Image and Style

The inevitable fate of the beautiful half is that a woman should always be beautiful, stylish, neat, regardless of her status as a housewife or businesswoman. Beloved always wants to see next to her stylish, attractive companion.

Exemplary mother and hostess

These archetypal notions have relevance in these days of gender equality. The husband appreciates the keeper of the family home, he is pleased to return after a hard day’s work to a clean house, in which well-groomed children run around, and a hot dinner is waiting on the table.

Desirable Lover

Appreciate the woman who fills the sexual energy, awakens desire, creates intrigue, and not just, allows you to perform marital duty in moments of well-being.

A woman’s professional fulfillment

No, even the most executive, housewife will not cause as much respect as a woman who has a specialty, a position, professional duties. Her profession is necessary for her to develop and become a self-sufficient person, and men are attracted to a woman’s independence.

A wife’s desire for self-development

The second half should be interesting to her partner, he should see her obvious strengths, the desire to develop herself and improve. Few people will be interested in the chubby housewife, obsessed with sales and promotions in online stores.

Can a man love and ignore

This really happens at the same time in the following cases:

  • If the man has psychological problems that prevent him from speaking out (shyness, inability to communicate with women, trauma from past relationships);
  • Fear (of being rejected, gossip or dismissal at work, showing initiative);
  • Resentment ;
  • At the initial stage, when he looks at the girl, he realizes his feelings;
  • In love ; But something in the woman’s behavior contradicts his views of the world;
  • He is cooling down and recovering after a quarrel. Usually in this case, the man will ignore for a short time. After 3 hours, at most a day he is ready to communicate again, to ask for forgiveness or wait for an apology, depending on who was wrong.

As a side note. Often the one who loves apologizes, because for him the preservation of the relationship is more important than his own rightness.

Husband does not respect – why this happens and what to do?

Not all people are capable of accepting some personality traits and character traits of their partner. Some men are greatly irritated by certain actions or thoughts of their chosen one. Very often the husband, disappointed in his life partner, begins to show disrespect to her.


It is necessary to thoroughly understand why the husband does not respect his wife. Some people create a family out of great love, others – to please their parents, others – because of an unplanned pregnancy. If the family ties lead to a sense of duty, the problems very quickly come to the surface. After all, in this case, the man initially did not show interest in his life partner. Sometimes a woman provokes such behavior by her neglectful attitude toward the head of the family, the desire to devalue the deeds and decisions of her husband.

Male psychology is arranged in such a way that, feeling the coldness of his wife, the stronger sex instantly cools to her. At first he writes off his partner’s refusal of intimacy to fatigue or poor health. Gradually he begins to think that love is over. A man needs sex on a physiological level. He wants to feel like a real hero, in the arms of which a woman is burning with passion.

The most common reason for the lack of respect for the other half is low self-esteem. A man who is insecure feels his own superiority while insulting the other person.

A man who cannot stand up for himself in society asserts himself at the expense of the most vulnerable link: the weak woman. By humiliating her, he elevates himself in his own eyes.

There is a possibility of imitating the communication style of the authority figure. Some men transfer the model of building relationships of their own parents. As a child, the boy observed daily the actions and words of his father, who was disrespectful to the child’s mother. Having his own family, the young man completely copies the behavior of the tyrant. He himself does not realize that he is abusing his wife. The man can not even imagine that there are very different marital relationships.

Someone is haunted by childhood psychological trauma. Lack of parental love, abuse, bullying at school and other traumatic events have a negative impact on the psychological state of the child. More often than not, men with a crippled psyche do not constantly, but at times allow inconsiderate relationships. For example, a man insults his wife, beats her and even injures her only when he is intoxicated. A sober man does not allow himself to be rude or violent.

The spouse may be endowed with negative character traits that are close to pathological changes. Often it is a man’s egocentrism that causes disrespectful attitude towards his wife. Often the husband does not appreciate a wife who does not love herself. She cannot stand her reflection in the mirror.

Usually a woman, fixated on her own shortcomings, herself reports them to the man. The head of the family also begins to focus on the problems of his other half. Over time, tactlessness is seen in all the men’s speeches. The spouse speaks contemptuously of her.


The first signs of disrespect from the husband can be considered irritability, endless nagging and raising your voice over any trifle. The head of the family behaves in an authoritarian manner. He often insults the woman and treats her rudely. Some would even go as far as physical abuse and psychological and sexual abuse. Frequent cheating also indicates a lack of respect for the other half.

Disrespectful attitude towards the spouse is manifested by an unwillingness to enter into her problems. The spouse infringes on his or her partner in terms of financial resources. At times the husband does not allow his partner to work in order to completely subjugate her to his will. The woman is forced to beg for pennies for minor expenses. The provider of the family, seeing his wife as a servant and housekeeper, treats her with disrespect and disregard.

The woman can understand that she is no longer valued and no longer respected by her spouse, and by other signs.

  • Indifference. The husband shows indifference to the affairs, hobbies and desires of his other half. The man ignores his wife’s needs. He looks like he is trying to show that he is not interested in the problems of his wife. After all, the man knows in advance that nothing will happen with the partner. She is a loser, inept and mediocre. The husband does not care about his wife’s well-being. Favorites do not hug, do not kiss, avoiding tactile contact.
  • Constant criticism. The spouse regularly picks on trifles, belittling the abilities of the chosen one. He makes remarks about the improper maintenance of the apartment, inept cooking, improper education of children. Husband does not like her hair, figure, clothing. The man regularly expresses his doubts about the intellectual abilities of his spouse. He openly talks about the stupidity and stupidity of his wife. The father-in-law, mother-in-law, relatives and girlfriends irritate the head of the family.
  • Lack of help. A man who does not respect women’s labor, considers it beneath his dignity to wash the dishes, vacuum, cook breakfast. He also refuses to go shopping. The woman has to carry her own heavy bags of groceries. All of the household cares and chores are placed on the frail shoulders of the lady. The keeper of the family home has no right to rest or even a brief respite.
  • Reprisals. The provider of the family reproaches his chosen one in excessive spending. The husband reminds her that she depends on him financially. The woman has to account for all purchases, utility bills. Not every wife has the right to spend money on personal needs, even from her salary.
  • Distrust. The husband imagines that his wife often cheats on him. The spouse tries to catch her out of some small thing. Pathological jealousy leads to fights and scandals. The man tries to calculate by the minute the woman’s stay away from home. Any delay from work is an occasion to study every step of the partner.
  • Hidden signs. A spouse who does not respect his other half often does not keep his promises. Some pay attention to other members of the weaker sex in the presence of the wife. When compared to them they make their woman look bad. A life partner is always in a losing position. Sometimes a woman may accidentally find out from a family friend that she and her husband are going on a trip soon. The man does not consider it necessary to inform his partner of his plans. Some husbands forbid their wives to do their favorite things, their hobbies. The wife’s requests are usually not taken into consideration.

How to behave?

If you feel that your husband has stopped respecting you, take immediate action to eliminate the neglect. The situation can still be rectified. You must teach your husband to appreciate you as a person.

  • First of all, take care of yourself. Accept yourself with all your existing flaws. Find the unique features of yourself, focus on them. Raise your self-esteem. Always leave time for reading books, for your favorite activities. Find a case that gives you great pleasure.
  • To achieve respect from his significant other, become a model wife, mother and hostess. Man likes to return to a clean apartment, where he met well-groomed children and friendly spouse. And a hot dinner is waiting for the owner on the table. Always dress stylishly and beautifully. After all, your husband before the wedding loved you very much. Continue to be for him a neat and attractive person. Stop slouching, tighten your belly, do a nice haircut. Do not flash before the eyes of his chosen one in a tattered and dirty robe with disheveled hair. Let the man sees you as a bright, charming, sexy and always a desirable woman.
  • To return the former love, and to earn the respect of her husband, it is necessary to work hard. A woman should exercise in all situations composure, calm and restraint. Do not shout at his betrothed, do not compare with other men, do not devalue him.
  • Respectful communication without shouting and insults attracts male respect. Soulful conversation helps to find the source of misunderstanding. Ask him the right leading questions. First you need to find out the reason for her husband’s bad mood. Then you should ask questions like this: “Why are you angry?” “Maybe I have offended you in some way?” “Why did our relationship go bad?” After discussing the topic in a tactful way, think together about what you need to do to restore peace and family happiness.
  • To become a respected person in the family, learn to treat with respect to the head of the family. Accept your husband as a constant life partner with all his faults. Do not arrange a showdown and scandals with the clarification of relations. Do not periodically pack up and leave to your parents.
  • Emphasize the merits of the partner, focus attention on his accomplishments and achievements. High self-esteem helps to avoid elevating your own person in your own eyes at the expense of a weak creature. Take care of your life partner, take interest in his affairs, give him gifts, and arrange pleasant surprises.
  • Accept the environment of your husband. Respect his parents, friends and colleagues. Your partner has a right to personal space, so do not look into his phone, do not control the correspondence of her husband in social networks, do not study the diary with particular care.
  • If a man regularly criticizes you, do not try to please him in everything. He will never be satisfied. Spouse be sure to find a reason for the following criticisms of you.
  • A woman can use the method of mirror reflection. Men’s cries and insults should always respond politely.

Demonstrate tactful behavior and respectful attitude towards your husband. In this case, sooner or later the man will begin to appreciate his wife again.

Tips and tricks

Psychologists recommend accepting the authority of the man, recognize his leadership. Make your husband feel like the head of the family. Respect all his decisions. Never belittle the intellectual abilities of a spouse. Approve his ideas, actions and plans. Appreciate his masculinity and sexual attractiveness. Intimacy should not occur only on holidays. The woman herself can energize the space with its sexual energy, to cause a desire to have a man to perform marital duty. More often to show tenderness in relation to the chosen one. Caress his cheek and hair.

Do not judge your husband by his past actions and promises. Only consider the actual actions. Some are afraid to voice their grievances. Lack of response to unseemly behavior gives a man an excuse to be cavalier and show disrespect. Learn how to properly offend your husband. You should not express your grievances after the conflict is resolved. Negative reactions can be shown only in the midst of clarification of the relationship. Replace the expression “Where have you been, you bitch?” with the phrase “I didn’t sleep a wink all night, I was waiting for you, I was so worried.

Your partner should constantly develop her intellectual abilities. Man is interested to communicate with an educated woman, not with a boring housewife. A working lady who is constantly improving her professional skills attracts attention with her feminine independence. Men treat such companions of life with reverence.

A woman should have her own savings, her own home and her own income, otherwise she falls into dependence on a man. When the spouse realizes that the chosen one can easily live without him, he begins to appreciate her. More often than not, representatives of the stronger sex bully women who do not have an income and a home of their own. They are convinced that the unsuccessful person will not go anywhere, will endure all the humiliation.

Some cases of violation of harmonious communication negatively affect the mental and physical health of women and children. The only proper way out of the situation is separation. The younger generation should develop in a favorable emotional atmosphere. A girl brought up in a family with toxic relationships, in marriage will obediently accept insults, humiliation and beatings. The boy, copying the model of paternal behavior, will begin to bully his other half. It is better to grow up without a father at all than with a moral freak.

Do not hesitate to seek help from specialists. A psychologist can help you find a way to get rid of your father’s pattern of behavior, and eliminate childhood trauma.

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