How to behave if her husband rude and boorish?
At first it even likes it. Some rudeness, softened in love, gives him more brutality and sexuality. But the confetti-bouquet period behind, you have become a family, and it turns out that now her husband was rude much more often, and is not shy in expressions, even to friends. In place of your admiration came first indifference, then irritation. You have to do something – otherwise it will only get worse.
Here he is already yelling at you, beginning to swear for no reason, and joyfully noticing your slightest blunders. In fact, he brings harm and himself – because the negative emotions have never been good for anyone. But your life together turns into the first circle of hell, and what happens can destroy your personality.
If he breaks the sets and gutting pillows.
Husband boorish, how to behave in this situation? You can not tolerate. If he asserts himself at your expense, whether it’s thrice your favorite – you need to respond. Helpful, for example, mental exercise. Imagine that you are covered with a steel dome, and all his attacks fly away from the dome, as tennis balls from the table.
Why is your husband being mean to you? Usually the reason is in the past, most likely in his childhood – he was often humiliated and abused, and so now he knows no other method of regaining respect for himself. He can only lift himself up by putting others down.
At the same time, he often refers to psychology – it is harmful to store negative emotions inside, they need to throw them out. Here he destroys furniture or breaks plates.
Here you can answer the pseudo-psychology with a real one. Tell him that it makes no sense to take out your anger on other objects – the cause of your negative emotions goes unpunished, and this only increases stress. For example, everyone knows that many Japanese have a doll chief, and beat this doll for nothing.
But the effect of this is very questionable. Studies have shown that usually, after “hitting” the boss, hot Japanese guys are even more agitated, and many have high blood pressure and other bad symptoms. So much for Japanese psychotherapy in action!
If the husband is rude because he so needs to calm down through muscle activity, much more effective will be a jog – about five kilometers, or better yet ten, or even just a long walk. True believers are helped by prayer, but they are in an absolute minority in our society. But in general, of course, to teach him to cope with anger is somewhat late – people develop these skills in early childhood.
But if it is too late to re-educate, and the man is increasingly offending and insulting by word, and sometimes by deed (for example, throwing something heavy) – what to do? How to wean her husband from being rude to his wife? Here comes a set of simple tips.
- Do not try to reeducate him. Let him be what he was born and brought up.
- Say “thank you” more often for his advice and opinions – valuable and even not so valuable. Promise to think about it and take it into account. Thus you on the one hand, you avoid insults and scandals, shifting the conversation in a constructive direction, but on the other hand, and do not bend, communicating as equals.
- Know that rude people have a very subtle sense of distance and readiness to fight back at any second. Be aware that the boor respects the inner strength and willingness to resist. At the same time there is no need to switch to his boorish language – on the contrary, your strength is in politeness. But no one is allowed to insult you either. A legal formulation will be helpful: “Every word you say can be used against you later on. Of course, with the recorder on, which are now available on any smartphone.
- Don’t boycott or play silent – just keep talking. For all his rudeness he wants to be necessary for you – give him that opportunity.
- Do not forget to pause in your speeches – so he will understand more, and the weight in his requests and wishes will increase. And after your long emotional monologue it is better to leave the room under any pretext – it is a good way to avoid a senseless scandal.
- Watch your “altitude” during the conversation. When you are sitting and he is standing, an equal conversation is unlikely to work. It’s better to slowly rise up, leveling the altitude and position in the argument.
- You don’t need to scold him and yell when he does – but adding a little bit of sound is acceptable. That’s enough.
- Strive for clarity. Find out what exactly he is unhappy and angry about, what he is really striving for.
Teach how to give a “flick on the nose.”
If your husband has become rude, how do you get over it? It is very important not to play his game by stooping to reciprocal insults. It makes no sense – he will still outdo you in the competition for the slop on his head, and even more to make you as guilty. The “mirror” doesn’t work here, especially if you’re a softy by nature. Rather, the school version of “and I’ll call my big brother” comes in handy. The role of a brother can be anyone – your father (or his), the boss, the head of human resources.
Of course, you do not need to call him yourself for a scandal and exchange of insults. However, what to do if her husband began to rude with unenviable regularity? There is only one way out – “a flick on the nose. Alas, without tough measures sometimes can not do. You want peace – prepare for war.
How to put in place a husband, a bully? The basic principle is simple as a child: for one transgression should be exactly one punishment – and in time. No need to accumulate resentment, so that then respond terrible punishment. And you can not be late: if after the “crime” all reasonable time limits expire, it’s better to just forget about them.
And even after a serious offense, don’t use love as punishment. Shouting, “I hate you!” – is the last thing to do. Be offended, or conversely, be indifferent, but don’t cross the dangerous line. Make the best of it, like at work: take away “bonuses” and “bonuses.”
And the “retaliation” should not be cruel or humiliating – in this case you will not see understanding of your mistakes, only exasperation. Your most important weapon is icy calm and inner confidence. This is the best way to make you understand that no one is allowed to yell at you.
How to wean her husband to be rude? Advise a few tactical options, most likely some of them are quite suitable for you:
- Abruptly interrupt the conversation, going into another room, not forgetting to close the door – let him calm down;
- Do not respond to boorish antics. He will get tired of screaming into the void, and he will find someone more emotional and compliant;
- Anticipate explosions in advance and take preventive measures, taking the conversation to calm topics that are not fraught with scandals;
- Call for help from authority figures (from his point of view). For example, if he is a “mama’s boy,” you could say, “Do you think your mother would like to hear you have your tantrums?
- Suggest that he himself go to someone who can help. This could be a trusted friend or father, a priest or a psychologist – anyone;
- Use humor and irony as both a defense and an attack.
But one more piece of advice should not be followed – although it occurs regularly in women’s magazines. Namely, to shift your thoughts from bad to something more pleasant, not to think about the critical situation. It does not work that way! If you offer him in the middle of an argument, for example, to watch your wedding video, he’s likely to wag his finger at his temple – and he’ll be right. But even if he does switch, it will only be a temporary improvement in mood – and in half an hour he’ll start yelling again.
But the most important thing you can’t do is just suffer in silence, endure everything for the sake of your beloved, accepting the role of victim – the policy of appeasement didn’t work with Hitler, it won’t work with your husband either.
And you can not be the first after the scandal to get on your knees and recognize you are not right. So you only increase his sense of impunity and help him turn into a real fiend.
Why is the husband constantly rude wife – a lot of people ask themselves this question. But the answer is simple – the reason within him, he does not know how to manage their anger. And anger can be caused by problems at work, a quarrel with parents – and in general, anything. You just get your portion, because you are near. So you don’t have to blame yourself for his anger and engage in self-pity. Just learn to deal with it calmly and everything will work out.
How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespecting and insulting?
Looking for information on how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect and insults? Tips psychologist will help to teach your husband a lesson that he will remember for a long time and make appropriate conclusions.
Interestingly, recommendations on how to punish a husband who insults are of interest to women of all ages. At the same time, their social status does not matter to their life partner. Young female students, successful businesswomen, and average women working in education, trade, medicine and other services suffer from rudeness and insults of their other half.
Why does the husband insult and humiliate his wife?
Psychologists recommend that women who are insulted and humiliated by their husbands establish the reasons for such behavior. They believe that representatives of the fair sex can give a reason for such treatment.
But, however, to teach her husband a lesson for disrespect, it is necessary. If only because he is a representative of the stronger sex and initially has no right to influence the one who is weaker.
Situations in which one side plays the role of the victim and the other plays the role of the tyrant are not uncommon in family relationships. Unfortunately, many women come to terms with these circumstances and continue to live together with their spouse. These relationships indicate an unhealthy environment in the family. And the children suffer first and foremost.
In addition, the reasons are usually absent. They simply do not. This is just a way for the man to assert himself, to realize his worth.
He may be taking revenge for the past. If the wife ever cheated or forced her spouse into marriage, such behavior is at least understandable. But the point is that no reason can justify humiliation and suffering.
Some psychologists say that there is a certain category of women who like their role as victims. They think of themselves as saints, destined to live in torment. This is the wrong attitude. No one should ever be a victim.
Think about whether you need such a family. Maybe you shouldn’t take revenge on your spouse. Is it simply time to file for divorce? But it also happens that the partner is not even aware that his behavior humiliates his companion. It seems to him that he is behaving normally. Maybe he just met a woman with no sense of humor? Does she interpret the slightest statement as mocking and insulting?
If you are offended by jokes husband, his seemingly harmless ridicule over your shortcomings, it is necessary to call him for a frank conversation. Explain to your loved one that you do not accept jokes about your appearance or habits. Tell him how unpleasant and painful to listen to his jokes. Loving people will listen and try to protect you from suffering.
If the insults humiliate you, there is open anger in them, and the man enjoys the process, then you should think about breaking up. The tyrant will not stop. His insulting remarks can take on a destructive nature. The situation in the house will heat up to the limit, terrible things can happen.
The main reasons when a man behaves in an unacceptable way are:
1. Psychological trauma from childhood. Probably in the husband’s family, his mother and father had the same relationship. As a boy he has learned, different behavior is a deviation from the norm. A man should humiliate his wife.
2. Jealousy and personality complexes. Insecure men try to raise their self-esteem in this dubious way. They are sure his wife is cheating, she can’t live with a creature like him. He takes out his resentment, even if his suspicions are unjustified.
3. Exaggerated self-esteem. The man who considers himself a god, the only breadwinner in the family, sure: he has the right to bully his wife. He contains her, and who pays for the music, and he orders it.
4. lack of love. If the man has another woman, but his love for his wife has disappeared, he may provoke his wife into divorce by his behavior. He is waiting for her to leave and give him freedom. He thus shifts the responsibility for the preservation of the family to the woman he once loved.
5. Provocation by the woman. Sometimes wives humiliate a man by their behavior. For example, they may praise their friend’s husband or admire a co-worker. No male representative will allow himself to endure such humiliation. He retaliates.
If you believe that you are behaving decently, doing everything for the family and spouse, try to find out the reasons for the disrespectful attitude towards you. Call your spouse for a frank conversation. As an option, see a family psychologist. Specialist will analyze the situation and help cope with the problem.
I remind you that sometimes divorce is the only opportunity to get rid of abuse and insults. In this case, do not be afraid of condemnation by relatives. More important is your psychological health.
10 psychologist tips on how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect and insults
Here are the psychologist’s tips on how to put your husband in his place. The recommendations will help correct the situation if the man thinks he’s just kidding, he’s not doing anything wrong. I remind you that the advice is advisory in nature. Not all men can take a woman’s criticism. Act on the situation.
Tip #1 for those on maternity leave
Many young women on maternity leave are looking for a way to get back at their husband for hurting them. A newly minted dad is sure that his wife is resting with the child, sitting on the couch, while he is working. Tell your husband that you urgently need to go or lie down for a check-up at the hospital. Leave your spouse with the baby for the day. He needs to understand that you are not resting or spending time doing nothing while he is at work.
I don’t recommend going to a party with your girlfriends. At best, talk about a sick mom you need to visit. That is, the reason for your absence should be valid. Calmly go about your business and don’t call him every minute to see how he’s doing. He’ll get over it.
Tip #2 for those who want to shame a man
If you don’t know how to shame a man for letting himself come home drunk or spending the evening with friends instead of rushing home, proceed as follows.
Act as if nothing has happened. He is probably waiting for a rebuke from you. Make him breakfast, tell him how bored and worried yesterday, while he was busy.
The man will be ashamed that he allowed himself such behavior. Practice shows that conflicts in such situations do not help. Tell your husband that the next time he notified you of his plans. Then you will not spend the evening alone, and go to a friend, acquaintances, etc. He will think twice before giving you that freedom.
Tip #3 for those who want to tame your husband
Don’t know how to discipline your husband who has begun to behave inappropriately? Tell about a colleague or girlfriend who got divorced and is happy now. Describe in detail, that she meets men, beautiful clothes, do not tire of worrying about dinner.
Sincerely envy the nonexistent girlfriend. Express a desire to be in her place. Loving spouse must understand that you do not intend to tolerate humiliation and are willing to leave him if he will not change.
Tip #4 for those who do not understand what is happening
It also happens that a relationship goes bad all of a sudden. A loving husband becomes selfish. He becomes grouchy. You need to find out the reasons for this behavior. Get him to talk openly. See a psychologist if your husband is okay with that.
Tip #5 for those who are tired of being humiliated
Gather your strength and file for divorce. When they do not help talk, and her husband’s behavior is over the line, there is no other option. Do not console yourself with false hopes. He will not get better. Especially if he tried to raise his hand against you. Many women say they do not want to leave their children without a father. But if he ever kills you, the children will be left without parents at all. Don’t let that happen. You can do it. No woman has ever been lost without a man. You are strong.
Tip #6 for those who think it’s the mother-in-law’s fault.
If the mother-in-law does not like you, she “teaches” her husband, and he, to please his mother, you humiliate, return the son in the family.
Remember the phrase from the joke: “With the help of a fortune teller I managed to bring her husband back into the family. To the family where he grew up…”.
Or in a pinch you can go away for a few days. Let my mother-in-law herself cook for him, laundry and ironing. Do not forget to tell your spouse that you will not tolerate the presence of third parties in your relationship.
Tip #7 for those who are really at fault
If you are guilty in front of your husband, and he supposedly forgave you, but now humiliates and insults you, you cannot keep such a family. You need to break up. If a man behaves this way, it means that he has not forgiven you. You have untied his hands. He believes that because he has “forgiven” you, he is allowed to do anything. Endure humiliation makes no sense, even if you really love your husband. From now on you will be more careful. Tolerate for the sake of the children is not worth it either. They do not see an example. Your situation in the future can be repeated in their families.
Tip number 8 for those who are being punished for a piece of bread
We’ve already talked about maternity leave. But sometimes the husband insists that his wife not work. He wants his spouse to take care of the house, but he’ll bawl her out with every piece of bread. He tells her that she is a freeloader and has no right to manage her money.
This is where you might suggest that your husband switch roles. Let him take care of the house, and you go to work. This tip is suitable for in-demand and well-paid professionals.
You can negotiate with your spouse about the “salary”. Believe me, a good maid, cook, laundress in one person get decent money. It works for some men.
Well, and the most obvious advice. Set a condition: either you get a divorce, or go to work. On a piece of bread you will earn yourself either way.
Tip # 9 for those who are offended by remarks about the appearance of
Yes, men like to admire other women. They are prettier, slimmer, sexier and kinder. But such remarks suggest that your spouse was only infatuated with your looks. He did not see you as a person. Take care of yourself and say goodbye to your spouse.
Tip #10 for those who have fallen out of love.
If you know about the existence of another woman, but are willing to endure humiliation and insults in order for the man to stay with you, then it’s your choice. There is nothing you can do. Try to agree that you will behave as neighbors: live in the same apartment and do not interfere in each other’s affairs. Do not notice your spouse, do not cook for him, do not do the laundry. If you are not ready to part with him forever, live that way. The best way out of this situation: let the man go.
Psychologists give a lot of advice on how to teach your husband a lesson for insults and humiliation. Give a universal recommendation, it is impossible. Each case is different. The optimal option: to visit a family psychologist, talk about all the nuances and get step-by-step instructions.
But every woman should remember that an abusive man can affect and physical force. Do not let him beat you. This is unacceptable.
I have given popular advice from psychologists on how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect and insults. You can use them. But in conclusion, it should also be said that instructions do not always give results. It is difficult to fix a man. If he does not want to change, neither psychological counseling nor advice will help.
It is important that women understand that you have to love yourself. If your husband does not appreciate you, do not look for reasons in themselves. Remember, insults and humiliation in the future will escalate into serious conflicts. Everything can end very tragically.
Do not be afraid of loneliness. It is not worse than bullying, beatings, humiliation. There are people around you. Ask for help. Don’t live with abusers under the same roof. You need to be able to distinguish between harmless jokes and teasing and real insults and threats.
About the author: Hi, I’m Karolina Korablova. I live in the Moscow region, in the town of Odintsovo. I love life and people. I try to be realistic and optimistic about life. In people I appreciate the ability to behave. I am fond of psychology, in particular, conflict resolution. Graduated from the Russian State Social University, faculty of psychology of work and special psychology.