My husband is jealous of my work, what should I do now?
For the first time in my life, after maternity leave I got a job. The job is perfect for me in every way – proofreader at the newspaper. The team, mostly women. But every day my husband hears phrases like “you have a bruise on your leg, who’s groping you there”, “how horny you are, who turns you on so much? He says it as a joke, but I do not like it. Together for five years, have experienced a lot, thought we were sure of each other for 99% What should be? I do not want to quit. The salary is small, of course, but at least some contribution to the family budget, plus the necessary experience.
As a jealous man, I can understand him. You were on maternity leave, at home with the baby, you were all his. And now that you are out “in the world,” he may have thoughts that someone might steal you away, look the wrong way or vice versa, you look at someone else, etc.
How do you solve this? Try to respond to his next joke with love, tell him that you love him and never, ever think about anyone else. Even if you have said it before or say it, don’t get tired of saying it, beat such thoughts and garbage out of his head! Tell him how much you love him, that he is the best and everyone else is nothing compared to him.
He will calm down completely only when you shut up at home, but if you want to work, you will have to talk to him like this.
Only love and patience can defeat it. Personally, it helped me and now I’m not afraid to let my beloved wife go to work. If it worked for me, I think it will work with this relatively “easy” case =)
Couldn’t this behavior mean that he is quite capable of cheating himself? Or is it that he really cares about me that much? – 8 years ago
No, it only suggests that he has an inherent sense of entitlement towards you, as do many men. – 8 years ago
I can only judge by myself and to a similar question answered the following: “If I didn’t love you I wouldn’t be jealous, if I wanted to cheat I would have cheated a long time ago.” In fact, that’s the way men behave when they are possessive. You are his and only his. I’m going to get jumped on by a bunch of non-feminists, etc., but answer yourself this question: “who hasn’t wanted to be a little girl? Just his little girl?” I certainly don’t know much about your couple, but I can assume that you are his little girl, and only his little girl, and he cherishes you. And you can’t attribute the ability to cheat to your master’s instincts. There could be entirely different reasons for that – 8 years ago
Maybe you should make a deal with your husband. That means you have a job for him too, like a probationary period. Explain to him that you are on probation and if something goes wrong you will leave, put his mind at ease. Try to explain to him that you are exhausted at home in 4 walls, you would like to try to work, to be like him, to realize what a job is.
If you say you want to try new things, change the environment, it’s more oil on the fire. He’s jealous enough as it is, and this will make him even more jealous.
Maybe offer him to pick you up from work, because when a man sees where you are, who surrounds you, it calms him down.
I will express a point of view, far from the specific situation of a particular couple, but just a reflection on the problem of jealousy in general.
What is jealousy? In my opinion, it is first and foremost insecurity. Hence the fear that someone or something may well fill your life and make it so interesting that he, the “master”, will have to step aside. Strong and interesting people are never afraid of that; it wouldn’t even occur to them!
Hence the silly jokes (so far innocent), nagging, suspiciousness, and what will happen next? Today he is jealous of his work (what a wild thing!), tomorrow – of his girlfriend, his mother, his neighbor (or neighbor), the day after tomorrow – of a lamppost.
Today it is “who is groping you,” tomorrow it is “don’t you dare wear that skirt,” the day after tomorrow it is “why are you wearing that lipstick on your lips,” “Who were you talking to on the phone just now? And why did you laugh?”, “Who is this Vasya in your phone book?”, etc. The burqa talk is quite revealing! This already smells not only of male insecurity, but also of sadism. And deep indifference to you, to your feelings, your joys and your life.
So behave, as a rule, frustrated leaders who are only at home, in the family team and can command, because nowhere else can not be, but – very much want to. How many male leaders I have seen in my life, not one of them has run after his wife and examined her skin. Usually busy men don’t have time to look at their wives, let alone pick on them for silly reasons, they have enough to do.
These are all these rants that a man, say, a proprietor, and he tend to command all “his property” – nonsense and nonsense! Not a wife, but a kitchen and bedding in the house, a handy gadget for satisfying gastronomic and sexual needs. If this role suits a woman – for God’s sake, be happy and enjoy it, the owner takes care of you, everything is great.
Has it ever occurred to such a possessive husband that a woman may have interests of her own in life other than the frying pan and his shirts? And how is he not ashamed to dump his problems and his fears on a woman, and even to tremble at her with silly suspicions.
It seems to me that no amount of persuading and explaining will help him. Get him used to the fact that you will have to make excuses for the rest of your life for something you never did and never intended to do.
Watch movies that show jealous people, read literature, go to a psychologist. I think he will tell you the same thing.
Husband jealous of work – consider in detail
Unpleasant and bitter to realize that the man you love is jealous of your neighbor or, say, a colleague at work. This suggests that he is not confident in himself, that he does not trust you. However, it is equally unpleasant when a man is jealous of you at work. He is not even trying to hide it, he tells you that you can be calm only when you are at home with the kids. What to do if a man is jealous of your work .
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Causes of jealousy of her husband
Here is a list of the most common reasons why a husband is jealous of his wife at work:
- An overpowering sense of ownership. There are men who believe that his beloved is only his property. And she should not obey anyone but him. He really doesn’t like the fact that there is some leader who can give out orders to his property (his wife). Moreover, it really bothers him that he can’t control his wife when she is at work (assuming they work apart).
- Cheating at work. Unfortunately or fortunately, there are a lot of movies made about cheating at work with a co-worker. And men are just panicked that their woman will do the same. Or even leave them for someone else.
- Low self-esteem. Sometimes it happens that a woman earns more than a man. And this is a very big blow to the self-esteem of the latter, who by nature is the breadwinner and head of the family. But it should be noted that often a man is not eager to do anything more to earn money. It is easier for him to be angry and jealous of his wife.
- Lack of attention. A working woman, of course, spends a lot of time at work. That’s at least eight to nine hours a day. Such a situation, no doubt, does not like a man. And he begins to think that because of the work does not get enough attention, which he would like. Moreover, the children are not cared for and are without their mother’s care. All this affects the husband’s attitude towards his wife. And here we should listen to the claims of men. Perhaps to some extent he is right. You should reconsider your work schedule, or find a job closer to home. And then there will be more free time for the family, which is undoubtedly very important for women.
But if a man starts his jealousy because of a sense of ownership or low self-esteem, you should talk to him and explain everything. You shouldn’t have to prove anything. The dialogue should be calm. Because women, like men, also want to feel like a realized man. And not to sit at home and do nothing, except watch her husband and children. Talking will definitely get results and the main argument “for” continuing to work is financial status and contact with people.
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Why is my husband jealous of coworkers?
In 70% of male jealous attacks are stated as natural, but because of the woman’s deliberate rejection of the grounds and assumptions of her husband begins a conflict where she herself blames her spouse. If jealousy is born of a particular subject, it is necessary to reflect on and perceive her husband’s emotions more tactfully. Perhaps the man has an amazing ability to anticipate events in advance, these skills have mental workers. To help you understand, I suggest answering a spectrum of questions:
- Is there a loving message from a colleague in business communication? The look, the intonation of the voice, even the color of the clothes can favor a person socially. Psychology as a science of methodology can do anything with a person, so look closely and analyze: the frequency of communication with your colleague, the presence of flirtation in his voice and words (messages in social networks), the presence of convergence factors – the disclosure of mental state, mood, everyday situations and stories about the weekend.
- Does a colleague often appear in the family? A friend to a friend is not a friend, society knows this, so without judgment one assumes there is intimacy between such a couple. If a man is friends with a woman, one of them perceives the other as an object of lust.
- Does the wife have a predisposition to cheating? If the wife has cheated at least once, the impression of the transgression in the man’s mind will remain forever and under unexplained circumstances the first signal from the subconscious will form a picture of the extrinsic intercourse.
- Was there an intimate relationship between her and a colleague? If the wife once dated a current colleague and was previously his partner, it is foolish not to acknowledge the presence of a factor pressuring her husband’s jealousy.
- Is the co-worker a mutual acquaintance of the wife and her ex? If the former man has any emotion at all (negative, positive or love), he is sure to take advantage of the situation and execute his plan with the help of his friend. There are many situations, it is impossible to predict everything, so it is customary to leave the past far away.
When the husband is jealous of a colleague, the issue should be considered from one side, another thing is if this jealousy goes beyond reason and becomes dangerous. Find out why this happens and how to combat the malaise, if the object of male jealousy becomes literally “every pole”.
If the husband is jealous of his wife to work: find out the reasons and find a way out
If it turns out that the spouse was a real jealous in relation to your work, calm down. To begin with, you have to analyze the situation and only then look for a way out. In particular, study the behavior of her husband and establish for yourself, whether he is trying to control you.
It is quite easy to do – just pay attention to his reproaches. If they are all directly or indirectly related to the fact that you spend a lot of time at work, it is time to stop such manipulation of your life. Do not let the man to decide everything for themselves.
Only you can control your life. Try very softly, without scandals and hysterics, explain to your lover, why you need to do so career. Only by making reasoned arguments, you can avoid becoming a housewife and get the opportunity to implement their own plans.
In case this strategy does not work, offer her husband to go to a family psychologist. A professional will be able to reconcile conflicts of interest that have arisen on the basis of his spouse’s work.
Why are men jealous of their wives to work? Why is the phrase: “As long as you stay home with the kids, I’m calm! – is the motto of almost half of the strong sex? What is so pumped up a successful working woman to the male ego?
Psychologist Elena Korneeva says there are three reasons why the husband is jealous of his wife to work.
- Man is not self-confident, his low self-esteem he is trying to raise at the expense of his wife. When his wife is at home with the child and he, the breadwinner, fully provides for her, the man feels powerful and completely safe, because his status as the all-powerful and the most important no one and nothing threatens.
- The husband is jealous of his wife’s work because he treats the woman as property. For him, his wife’s work is the shortest way for his woman to cheat. It is often the case that jealous husbands are more prone to cheating themselves.
- If the husband is jealous of his wife at work, it may be a sign of his mental vulnerability and vulnerability, which the man tries to hide behind a mask of masculinity. It seems to the man that the woman, having become successful at work, will leave his control, become more independent and autonomous, and he will no longer mean so much to her.
So what to do if my husband is jealous of work?
- First you should analyze the situation. Find out for yourself, do not try to manipulate you man, when he reproaches you: they say, you’re a bad mother, because too much work, the cost of your work is not recouped by your salary, how can you abandon your children for work, etc.
- And if manipulation is on the face of it, then find out why your spouse needs it. And don’t let him assert himself at your expense. Gently but persistently argue why you want to go to work, why you need career advancement and experience.
- Remember, no one has the right to force you to stay at home and turn into a housewife. Express all your thoughts to your husband, but without shouting and scandal, calmly and balanced.
- If you find it difficult to cope with the situation by yourself, see a marriage counselor. It is better, of course, to go to counseling with her husband. But it is clear that this is not always possible. To begin with, visit a specialist yourself.
Jealous husbands are more often to work colleagues
Now let’s understand why the wife is jealous of her husband to the women at work, comes up with the presence of mistresses and faithfully believes it. The problem may lie not only in her, so analyze the recent past.
You can solve the problem with a calm, balanced conversation without outsiders. The sequence of questions is as follows:
- What happens in our relationship when you bring jealousy into it? (Our relationship gives a crack.);
- Does mutual life improve when you stop being jealous? (Yes, so for us to have a good life, jealousy must be eliminated!)
- Which is more important: caring, support, solidarity, etc., or your jealousy? (If there is no jealousy, there will be all these things!);
- Are you sure you made the right choice in marrying me? (If you regret your choice, divorce, if not, cherish it!)
- Am I giving reason to doubt my fidelity? (Point out the signs of adultery, can’t you? Then there’s no cheating either, people work at work, not get laid!);
- Do you think your coworkers are superior to you in some way? (Maybe some are more or less, some are smarter or dumber, but I only find my companion perfect, that’s why I bound myself to her by the bonds of marriage – that’s you!)
- You think I’m weak-willed? (You think if you show me candy, I’ll immediately jump on it and eat it? I chose you, I am a man and I respect my choice!).
If your husband is jealous of a colleague at work, try to increase the hyper with frequent calls, questions about the whereabouts. But do not be interested in his colleagues, or he will feel that they are trying to manipulate.
Jealousy is a form of attracting attention. So give him more warmth, tenderness and positive emotions.
Watch his emotional background and take an interest in his affairs and feelings. This will make his brain focus on things away from your coworker.
If jealousy escalates in your absence, try a change of occupation. This will allow you to find out if he is jealous of a certain person or basically of his coworkers.
The test: how much your husband is jealous?
To find out the coefficient of jealousy men offer to take a simple test. Accurate answers will guarantee a hundred percent result.
Test: The jealousy quotient of the spouse
Any preconceived form of behavior is created in childhood during upbringing. Jealousy is a side effect of not explaining to a child the motives for the actions of his parents and those people around him as he develops interactions with other people (cf.
Why are women jealous?) Everyone is jealous without exception, but the coefficient of moral instability varies, so in the sane it causes joy, joking, and in others anxiety, worry, etc.
You can learn more about jealousy delirium from these materials:
- Wife Jealous of Ex.
- … to a child from her first marriage.
- … to an ex-wife.
- … to relatives.
- … to a girlfriend.
- …to the past.
Find out how jealous your spouse is of you with the test we’ve prepared. For the results to be accurate, you need to give truthful answers. Good luck!
If you have any questions, you can write them in the comments. We wish you all the best!
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