Husband is always dissatisfied with everything: let’s analyze in detail

Husband is always dissatisfied with everything: let’s analyze in detail

Unreasonable remarks, unhappy man’s face and scandals on this basis – not an uncommon cause of divorce. Is it only in his difficult character? What to do if your husband is constantly displeased? Let’s try to figure these issues.

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The reasons for dissatisfaction

It’s all in the character

A possible reason for your husband’s perpetual nagging, his character is choleric. It’s not that he is dissatisfied with his wife. It’s just his normal state. It’s his perception of the world. He is irascible, not optimistic, hot, quickly irritated. Conflict character, lack of restraint, lack of restraint – these are the features peculiar to this type of people. His outbursts can hurt those around him. But he himself can not control it. He loves to argue, draw others into disputes, and they begin their first. It is unlikely to change such a husband. In fact, it is impossible to change someone. Unless he himself wants to do that, for which he will have to try very hard.

The wife who loves such a man must be very strong psychologically. She will try not to pay attention to all the negativity that spills out her husband. But it is not easy, and it is worth asking the question, “Do I need it?”

Spouting anger at loved ones

Another reason why a guy might behave this way is that he is venting his resentment and anger at the world around him on the people closest to him, at home, on his family, his wife and children. This is a weak person, with low self-esteem. Often such people have panic fears, suspicion and mistrust. Such a husband often suspects his wife of cheating, accuses her of wastefulness, does not trust and tries to control all her actions rigidly. Any conversations with him do not lead to anything good. Another scandal erupts and the blame for all the troubles again becomes the actions of the woman. The main culprit is always the wife. How to cope with this situation? Only a qualified specialist can help here. Therapy will help him take a new look at himself and his behavior, to teach a new form of communication with his environment.

Perhaps it’s about the girl?

Do not think that the causes of conflict between husband and wife lie only in the behavior of the man. Perhaps with his shouting and swearing, he is trying to bring to his wife’s consciousness what she does not want to understand and hear in any way. This is a kind of methods to his point of view, finally, to be taken into account. A woman should analyze exactly what her lover is trying to achieve and maybe there is a way to resolve all conflicts mutually.

”Pattern-behavior.”

This term means that the man is copying his own parents’ behavior when they were figuring out their relationship. If his father behaved this way, rude and abusive to his mother, then, often, so does his son, simply without thinking that there are peaceful ways of resolving conflicts.

Yelling and resentment are the norm

The worst scenario is if the partner thinks that this kind of behavior is the norm. And that there is no need to change anything. He doesn’t even realize that his aggression and rudeness hurt the woman. It seems to him that the rude remarks he allows himself to make are nothing more than mild criticism, that’s all. It is almost impossible to come to an agreement with such a man.

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Why is my husband constantly dissatisfied and criticized?

System-vector psychology Yuri Burlan reveals the cause-and-effect relations of such life scenarios when the husband is constantly dissatisfied and criticizes. Any human behavior is fundamentally related to one’s desire for joy and pleasure in life. And the ways and patterns of behavior with others are instilled in childhood through upbringing.

The behavior of a husband who is always unsatisfied and critical is peculiar to men with an anal vector.

By nature, such a man is endowed with wonderful qualities to be an ideal husband and father to his children, and even adopted children. Natural properties and desires in the anal vector create for such a man the potential to be a true master and professional of his business. It is a perfectionism to bring what has been started to the end and to the ultimate quality.

But also there is some uncertainty, desire of advice and confirmation of the correctness of his actions that are inherent in properties of the anal vector. During development of such a boy, his mother helps him to overcome his uncertainty, supports him, praises him for the results. After all, it is a natural desire for such a child to be good, to be the best.

What happens if mom starts to criticize, express all the time her discontent, rush and demand results without explaining how to do it better? And also manipulate love through such phrases: “I don’t love you, because you behave badly, you study badly, you do things wrong”, etc. Resentment against the mother arises, which later subconsciously will be projected onto all women.

There is a certain suppression of the development of the child’s mental properties. The adult man’s accumulated unsatisfied, unfulfilled natural desire in the anal vector creates emptiness – frustration – and leads to bad states, which are released through criticism and constant dissatisfaction (picking on the cleanliness of the apartment, clothes, behavior, attitudes, and even thoughts of the other person). Criticism and dissatisfaction become a peculiar model of such a person’s communication.

And if also the first relations of such a man were unsuccessful (treason, betrayal), he will accuse all women and treat them with suspicion. That is, criticism and dissatisfaction will be exacerbated by the husband’s bad experiences – and all the bumps for the past will fall on the wife.

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What to do and what to do a woman

In no case should not be likened to this behavior of her husband, do not fan the conflict and throw wood on the fire. It is better to wait until the man will be in a good mood and then try to discuss the issue peacefully. Explain to him that it is unacceptable to you, that it humiliates you and hurts. You need to convey to him that you are not going to put up with this, much less tolerate it for the rest of your life. If the man refuses to change, you have to ask yourself if you are ready to live with it?

If talking and clarifying relationships doesn’t work, and the situation repeats over and over again, then it’s time for a woman to think seriously about whether she needs a marriage that causes only pain and suffering. What does such a life give each of the married couple? In the first place, is there happiness and meaning in continuing to be together? In a relationship where one is always trying to be right and only his opinion is taken into account, the other always suffers. Does a woman need this kind of torment, doesn’t it suppress her as a person? The answers to all these questions will lead a woman to the right decision. Sometimes divorce is necessary, because building harmony in the relationship, it is a matter of two. And if one partner is so selfish that he is ready to destroy the family for his own self-affirmation, it is better for the other partner not to try to re-educate him, and look for another, more mature partner.

My husband is always unhappy with me

My husband, constantly tells me that I do not communicate with anyone in unfamiliar company and follow him tail. But this is not true, I make new acquaintances, but when we have nothing to talk about, or the interlocutor leaves, of course I go back to my husband, to which he recently told me: I am with you as a child! I told him that I went home then, since I was bothering you so much! And I left, because there was no hint of detention.

About everyday things, scandals every day, wrong way I put it, wrong way I raise my children, wrong way I cook, etc., etc.

Often says that I do not know how to dress nicely! I do not think so, and people know us.

About the compliments have not heard once!

More and more often I hear in between, in mockery: “We should get a divorce.”

You can’t save a relationship like this?!

Received 7 tips from psychologists

Romanova Irina Alekseevna

Romanova Irina Alekseevna

One thing is clear from the letter, that your husband shows discontent for any reason. This means that there is some kind of difficulty, some unsolvable task for him. He is weighed down by it, constantly thinking about it, getting tired of these thoughts and getting irritated. You can understand the situation in detail only at a general meeting with a psychologist. Everything else is speculation! You do not know how to approach the solution, apply.

Psychoanalyst Irina consultations in Moscow and remotely (Vyber, Vatsap)

And what exactly do you care about this man, with whom you have such a strained relationship?

Have you always been the “tail” of your spouse?

That’s with the analysis of these points is worth starting a revision of your and your spouse’s interpersonal relationship to see if you have a chance to hear from your spouse’s compliments or not.

Psychologist, psychologist, kinesiologist, parent and teenager coach

Christina

More and more often I hear in between, sort of mockingly: “We need a divorce” Such a relationship can not save!

Christine, the most important question – “And you – are you ready to put a lot of effort to try to somehow “save” this relationship? Because firstly, it requires that both sides – you and your husband wanted to change something, but maybe it is very profitable for him to “trample you in the mud” to keep you “in the cage at home” – and he himself to live as it is convenient for him? some kind of – “relationship use”: http://psy-therapist.ru/content.php?r=394-konservy

Fortunately you indicated that you live in Moscow (you placed your question in the section of questions from Moscow) – and as a resident of the city you can get free help in the city psychological service. Or you can turn to a private practitioner.

If you want, you can come to me, I can help you better understand everything. When you’re ready – call, write, text – we’ll arrange a consultation with you and we’ll talk about everything in more detail.

Take care of yourself and your nerves!

Peter Yurievich Lizyaev, psychologist and psychotherapist Face-to-face consultations/psychotherapy in Moscow – individually and in groups, as well as via Skype.

Try to answer his “criticism” with qualifying questions: Do not like the way I dress. And what kind of dresses and colors you like? With pleasure I will wear a dress that you buy me to your liking.

Do you understand the scheme? Be wiser and translate his criticism into action that benefits you.

Sincerely, Kovalenko Angelina Face-to-face and Skype consultations

Hello, Christine! Become an independent entity. Start working on yourself, stop paying attention to his comments. Let him feel it and see it. The impression is that he is trying to pressure you, and by humiliating you he shows his superiority. More like his insecurity. When you stop depending on his opinion and show it with all your behavior, perhaps he will manipulate you in other ways. Maybe he will change his behavior. If you want his praise and admiration. Knowing his tastes can dress to attract his attention. All the best to you, love and inner harmony!

Here I probably will not be original and join my colleagues. There are only three ways:

  • To solve problems;
  • to adapt to the husband-worker;
  • leave.

If he is dissatisfied with everything at all times, then

  • first of all, it’s not a matter of specific actions;
  • and second, you can’t make this marriage work on your own.

If he is dissatisfied with everything, then either something oppresses him, or he is tired of you. Simply put, he has fallen out of love with you, he dislikes you or he has someone he likes better, not necessarily a working mistress, maybe just a girl somewhere. And he’s dreaming about her or down-to-earth wants her.

If you pull on the relationship, you only have the option of adjusting, over time your husband’s disgruntled nagging will turn into white noise and you’ll stop noticing him. If the relationship is “good”, that is, he does not beat you, does not starve you, then such marriages exist on an unspoken domestic contract, that is, love and care (from the care remains only the formal part) are gone, but remain household benefits and the financial profitability of the marriage. In your case, it would be difficult for you, for example, to raise children alone, and now there is a husband, who, although whining and dissatisfied, but gives money, and otherwise you are happy with everything. I don’t know what it’s like in bed and what will be left of it after love is gone from the relationship in principle, but right now we’re not taking this apart, we’re outlining prospects where bed is not at all in first place.

In other words, it’s worth adjusting only if you really don’t want to leave or if there are financial reasons for doing so.

As for the positive development of events, it is unlikely, if it nags for years, then the problems are great. If you have not yet been to a marriage therapist, it means that the husband does not feel the problems, although maybe you have not offered him yet? In any case, men think in these situations, that they are all right, but you have problems. Whether he will go to a marriage therapist is the question. Relationships can only be saved by the efforts of two, if one will puff himself, it will not work, no matter how strong he was. One can only adjust to life with this particular person. That’s the way it is.

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