Husband constantly shouts on any occasion
Hello. Please help me understand. There was such a situation: in the morning my husband was on his way to work, he saw a girl he knew and said she worked near my organization. I, not knowing what kind of organization, I assumed that this is it and asked him, “Is this Saturn? He yelled at me with foul language, insults, that I was not asking the right questions. you have to ask what organization, etc. and not ask rhetorical questions that he can’t answer yes or no. I really resented the way he began to talk to me rudely. I explain to him in response that I did not ask you anything like that, why are you yelling at me, and he says because you are stupid and ask all sorts of nonsense. and then at the end of the conversation I sit and do not talk to him because I am very offended why he behaves so. it turns him on even more that I keep quiet. and he says that I continue the conflict and am always the initiator of it. He is very hot-tempered, explosive and constantly yells.and as soon as he explodes he ends up blaming me. What to do? we are planning a baby, i say be more calm or else nothing will work, but it goes like this.
Andrey Smirnov ★★ Gesmer ™
Dear Ksenia! Does your husband feel uncomfortable with his temper? Or is he happy with everything? If he is aware of the problem, he should be examined by a doctor, especially an endocrinologist. Sometimes it happens that such a short temper is related to the thyroid gland. Also, the irascibility may have psychological roots. Maybe he is missing something in family life or dissatisfied with his situation in general. Both spouses are responsible for harmony in the relationship. You can go to a family psychologist to harmonize the relationship. Good luck to you!
Good day. I was interested in your answer “Dear Ksenia! Does your husband feel discomfort from his temper? Or is he happy with everything? If he is. ” to the question http://www.liveexpert.org/topic/view/2010176-muzh-postoyanno-krichit-po-lyubomu-povodu. Can we discuss this answer with you?
And why did you decide to do this to yourself, for what, why, why were you born and live to suffer, not to allow yourself to have your own opinions, desires, to give up your aspirations, to constantly make excuses? For what, why, why do you do this to yourself? To tolerate such negativity is a destructive position, capable of causing real physical illnesses in addition to the psychological ones (destruction of personality). You are young and beautiful, you should enjoy life, men’s attitudes. Each person determines for himself the conditions of a happy life, the boundaries of patience, the rules of self-treatment. You must decide for yourself once and for all whether to be an excuse for a lifetime victim or to be a self-sufficient, happy woman. We meet and marry a man to feel his love, support, confidence that we are the best. If the relationship began to deteriorate, it means that something in it originally was not right, not enough mutual respect, support, sincerity, understanding, openness. Family – is the rear, an island of happiness, a quiet shore, but … not at this price, when you completely put yourself in dependence on the mood, rules, principles of her husband, you live with hindsight, concerns, guilt and are not happy. Harmonious couples negotiate all the issues, make decisions together, compromise, see as well as support and develop each other’s positive qualities, appreciate, respect, enjoy the man, miss him, protect, accept him as he is, while being aware of the negative traits, not stressing them, not looking for them. The union of loving people is the center of trust, comfort, warmth, security, tenderness and attention to each other, the partners do not assert themselves at each other’s expense, do not compete, do not prove anything, do not manipulate. Husband hurts you, expresses his dissatisfaction, reproaches you, demands a certain behavior. But this is his vision of the situation, relationships, the role of a woman. He wants to make you a perfect wife, according to his ideas – malleable, not objecting, doing everything as he wants. Then what he feels for you cannot be called love, because love is unconditional, it does not accept conditions, boundaries and barriers, it is a feeling that makes a person happy, whole, it is not necessary and possible to beg, as well as respect, attention, warmth. It is not possible and do not need to constantly adjust to other people’s standards, to meet someone else’s requirements. You do not have to justify, to ask, to prove that you are good to no one, neither to him, nor to yourself. You are not guilty of anything. If you agree with him, keep silent, tolerate him, you are giving him a subconscious signal that you can do this, that you will forgive him anyway, that you are guilty and want to improve yourself, that your interests, principles, desires are not important (why devalue yourself?). But in any situation, there is always a role for both partners: we are treated as we allow ourselves to be treated, even if we do not act, this is also a certain signal, also a type of reaction, also a choice. That is to say, both of you are on an equal footing in this situation. Understand that a woman is always with the man whom she allows to be with her, who behaves the same way with her, appreciates and loves exactly as much as she appreciates and loves herself. We have with us those men whom we have allowed.
Life with a tyrant: Husband insults
In all circumstances, keep your own psychological integrity, never dissolve into a person or a relationship. Don’t let your feeling of happiness, fullness of life depend on the presence/absence of one person, his opinion, behavior. You should always be interested in yourself in every way. This means to develop, to improve yourself, to have your own inner “island of happiness”, which will be your life support and source of strength and inspiration. That is, do not get hung up only on relationships, have something of your own, interesting, pleasing, causing a desire and an incentive to always be “in tonus”. Be good first of all for yourself. Become for yourself the main value, the object of effort, a reference point in life, you are worth it, you will never abandon, not hurt, not betray. Believe in yourself, everything will be fine, do not be afraid of anything – live with these thoughts. Whether a man is happy or not depends on what he thinks about it – let yourself be whatever you want. Think about everything, make a decision and start creating your own world, life, relationships according to your ideas of happiness. Never wait for someone to make you happy, add all the missing – emotions, joyful events, little celebrations, delights, meetings, traditions, words, drive and positivity, you have every right. Anything is possible. Think about it, act on it. Everything will work out for you, no matter with or without this person. This is a very short answer. If you have any questions, you want to clarify the situation, get some answers, figure it all out, write in a chat, I will be glad to help you, support you, show you a professional look and ways of solution. Good luck, love and harmony with yourself. For the evaluation of the answer will be grateful.
Life with a tyrant: the husband insults
If the husband insults his wife, even memories of the joyous wedding day will not be able to soften the pain of resentment. Neither an apartment washed to a shine, nor sexy linen, nor a delicious dinner will help. There may be many reasons for insults from her husband, but none of them can be justified if the result is suffering innocent wife.
Any conflict can be resolved without humiliation. But the man you once fell in love, replaced by a sullen and perpetually disgruntled troublemaker, who certainly does not want to compromise. He revels in pain and resentment. Like a drug addict, stirring up conflict from a trifle to make himself happy again in the form of an offended wife.
Stop putting up with it! Nothing can be an excuse for humiliation! And if your husband is constantly insulting, it’s time to take decisive action.
- 5 causes of insults from the husband
- When faced with regular unfair treatment from your beloved, and if your husband insults and humiliates in front of the children, it’s not about you, it’s about him:
Husband regularly bullies you for the purpose of self-assertion . There are many such cases in life: the fact is that by calling wives swear words, men become more confident in themselves. Often this phenomenon is found among couples where the income of the spouse is much lower than that of his wife. By insulting you, he compensates for his pinched ego.
Man insults you, because he is afraid that you leave him. This is a characteristic of those who have self-esteem issues. Afraid of losing you, he begins to behave in the worst possible way. So your favorite seeks to ensure that you have become insecure and did not dare to leave him. After all, only through this method, he will make sure that you will always be there and will not leave, even if it becomes absolutely useless.
- 6 mistakes in a woman’s behavior when her husband is abusive
- Try to follow our recommendations when there are problems in your relationship and your husband insults and humiliates you:
- Don’t start talking about your past relationship.
- Don’t lash out at your spouse with recriminations and accusations that he or she is causing problems that prevent your couple from being happy.
- You can’t ignore the problem and not want to fix anything if your husband yells and insults you all the time.
- Don’t take all of his insults, thereby allowing him to morally abuse you with impunity.
Do not talk about divorce, because it is possible that he wants to. Talking about it will make you really have to break up.
Drama also leads to nothing good. You should try to solve all problems in an atmosphere of calm and restraint. That’s when your husband will be able to take a serious look at the situation, reflecting on his behavior.
Instructions on how to stop insults from her husband
There is no need to worry, because everything happens as it should. In a situation where you are a victim of bullying, profanity and abuse from a loved one, it is worth a good think about the causes of such behavior. You are now busy just thinking about the experience of humiliation and resentment, which by the hour more and more poison your soul, wondering why your husband abuses you and what to do.
You want to cry and talk to your husband is out of the question. It should be understood that your reaction will not do any good. Only properly built-up conversation with all the arguments will help influence the behavior of the partner and understand why her husband insults and humiliates his wife, that is you.
- Or maybe your spouse is such a person, it’s just that at the beginning of the novel under the influence of feelings and emotions you did not pay attention to it. Turn a blind eye to the behavior of his beloved. Do not want to notice clear signs of abnormal treatment of you. Justified his actions. Maybe your spouse can not behave in a different way, and for this reason you can not see in his words the truth and understand what exactly in this way he wants to bring to your attention. After all, people, like situations, are different.
It seems to you that you have lost the support under your feet. You are wrapped up in thoughts about the future, you are afraid to be alone, and self-esteem is lower than ever. What’s worse are the worries that don’t leave your soul for a second. But worst of all, nothing helps to get rid of them: no shopping, no entertainment. No matter how you distract yourself, the situation does not get better. The only thing left to do is to think about the sources of all the anxiety.
Do not think about switching husbands.
You are overcome with questions about what to do in this situation if your husband is aggressive and abusive. You begin to analyze the actions of your chosen one to discern the reasons for his behavior, and you think that you will be able to change it.
However, this is not the case. You may find some answers to your questions, but it does not make you feel better. It is unlikely that an adult male under your influence will suddenly change. After all, changes in personality are possible only when the individual wants them. The same way in the family, all obstacles can be overcome if we act together.
Try to understand and accept the fact that there is nothing wrong with you. It’s just that you are beginning to pick on your relationship with your husband. You realize that you would like to be different, to act differently in life. Your image in your head doesn’t match reality.
- It is important that you do not respect yourself, and you need to realize that, because it is not normal for a husband to insult and threaten his wife. You need to take care of yourself, and maybe even see a specialist. No one guarantees that the work on yourself will be pleasant. But the main thing in such a case is the result: you need to start to appreciate yourself and understand how things are in the marriage.
You need to shake things up, in simple terms. Realize that you are worthy of happiness. After all, no happy relationship if a person is suffering.
Put your demands out there in the relationship.
- Ask yourself: “Why am I staying in a relationship that does nothing good for me?” How is it that of all your suitors, you chose your spouse. The choice was made unconsciously, and the reason for this lies very deeply.
You need to realize that in a relationship there must be respect for everyone’s personal space. There is no place for situations where the husband insults and humiliates his wife. There is a personal comfort zone, which the partner needs to respect and try not to enter it.
Think about your resentments against your parents.
- Understand that if your partner doesn’t respect you, you are the one who allowed it in the first place. If there is abuse in your relationship, it means that you allowed him to raise his hand against you. It is necessary to consider the reasons why the person allows himself to act this way, what lies beneath this behavior in fact.
You should study your childhood traumas. Try to analyze how you had a relationship with each of your parents. After all, all of your resentment against your mom or dad as a child is projected into the adult relationship. There is nothing good in resentment. You need to work through it and try to let it go.
Let your husband be alone with himself.
- You can take some pause in the relationship. You don’t have to put an end to it right away. But to talk to him, and respond to his calls too can not. Husband can come to his senses, only when he realized that you can live peacefully and without him.
If your husband insults you with foul language, begins to behave inappropriately, you just need to get out of the house as far as possible, until he calms down. When he leaves, calmly explain to him that you do not deserve this attitude, and if he needs support, he will certainly get it. Warn your spouse that any disrespect and profanity contribute to your breakup.
Get out of such an unhealthy relationship.
Do you want a relationship in which you are disrespected and constantly insulted? What good are daily quarrels and scandals? If you understand that such a relationship is destructive, then feel free to leave.
Of course, in words everything is easy. But if you want a normal family, where you are respected and appreciated, do not hesitate to act. Try to calm down and ask your husband questions about what is really going on between you and why he behaves that way. Ask if he has a mistress and who he thinks is to blame for your quarrels. If you get detailed answers to them, then everything will be clear.
Tolerate abuse from the elected one is OK, but when he also abuses alcohol, hands off, it is already a sign of loss of respect for you. Such a person will not change. You are better to pack your things and leave, because further things will only get worse.