How to get your girlfriend back
Contributor(s): Courtney Quinlan. Courtney Quinlan is a matchmaker, dating coach and owner of Midwest Matchmaking. She has over 15 years of experience, specializing in matchmaking, dating counseling, and singles events in the Midwest. She holds a bachelor’s degree in radio journalism from the University of Nebraska at Omaha.
Number of views on this article: 121 002.
Getting your sweetheart back is a much more difficult task than finding a new one, but if you want your old feelings back, it’s worth it. Whether you want to get your ex-girlfriend back or rehabilitate yourself after a terrible date, there are several ways to increase your luck. To get her back, you need to make her want it; show her that you’ve changed and start acting on it.
- Don’t call her, don’t text her, don’t think about her at all.
- If you happen to meet her somewhere, politely say hello, but show her that you don’t want to bother her.
- Don’t give her too much space. If you leave her alone for a few months, that’s enough time for her to find a new boyfriend.
- Write down everything that was wrong in your relationship. Think about what you can do to improve those things.
- Don’t date anyone else while you’re thinking about your relationship. Work on yourself and don’t make the same mistakes.
- Don’t convince her of anything until you yourself have identified exactly what was wrong and how to fix it.
- Do not abandon your hobbies and interests. Do not stop doing the things you enjoy because the relationship did not work out.
- Spend time with friends. They will cheer you up and maybe open up new perspectives.
- Exercise. If you work on yourself not only mentally, but also physically, she will definitely appreciate it.
- Laugh. If she’s around, try to laugh out loud with friends about something.
- Be enthusiastic. When talking to your friends, show that you are passionate about the conversation and that your friends mean a lot to you.
- But don’t ignore her if she looks at you. Smile at her and go back to talking to your friends.
- Dance. If she was mad at you for not dancing enough with her, show her that you are now ready to conquer the dance floor.
- Let her see the best in you. She definitely liked something about you before – use it now.
- If you communicate with her, mention other girls. You can also talk about one girl sometimes, which will make her think, “Who is she?” Or you can say you were at a party where there was a group of girls and you were into it.
- Make her see you with someone else. Chat with her for a minute and then flirt with the other girl. Make sure she sees it.
- Don’t overdo it. If she’s jealous of you, it might get her on your side, but if she sees you desperately introducing yourself to everyone at the party, she’ll think you’re an annoying loser.
- Seem indifferent. You should still pay attention to her, of course, but try to seem engrossed in something else from time to time, distract yourself, and don’t focus all your attention just on her. This will confuse her and make her want you more.
- Be careful with compliments. If you were constantly showering her with compliments before, now say them only once a day. This will show that you are not obsessed with her.
- Let her come up to you. You were probably always the first one to approach her, to touch her, or the first one to start a conversation. It’s time to switch roles. If you’re at a party, give her a chance to approach you instead of obsessively following her there.
- Show her that your schedule is free for her, that you are always willing to go out with her. She no longer has to spend time with you during your only free hour for her.
- Don’t make her jealous. You have to stay away from other girls to show her how much she means to you.
- Listen carefully. If she thought you didn’t care about her feelings before, let her speak up, listen carefully and make eye contact. You can mention something from her conversation the next day to show that you listened carefully.
- Give her compliments. If you haven’t done this before, it’s time to change.
- Apologize in person. Don’t text or email; talk to the girl face-to-face, or she’ll see that you’re not serious about the apology and take it just as seriously. So meet with her and apologize.
- Be sincere. Look her in the eye and always speak in a calm tone. If you apologize only because you have to and not because you want to, she will definitely understand it.
- Be specific. Don’t say, “I’m sorry for everything.” Better say, “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you carefully when you wanted to talk. I should have been more attentive.” She’ll appreciate that.
- Don’t be disappointed if she doesn’t immediately accept your apology. If she doesn’t accept them, she may still be worried about what happened. Say, “It was important for me to try – don’t judge me harshly,” instead of arguing about why she doesn’t accept the apology.
- Don’t be cranky. Act calmly and confidently, and she will be amazed.
- Be confident. Show that you like who you are. She will like you that way too.
- Be responsible. Show you are capable of handling your finances, have a good job or take care of your dog.
- Don’t be jealous. Don’t ask her about every man she talks to. That will only encourage her to talk to them more. And you will look insecure.
- Tell her this in the right place at the right time. Pick a day when she’s not too busy. You need to be alone. Best at night or in a place that is not crowded.
- Make eye contact with her as you speak. Don’t get distracted or look at your phone.
- It’s time to be really open and honest – share your feelings.
- Ask what went wrong and apologize for it, if you haven’t already. Then tell her how much you’ve changed and how much you want her to give you another chance.
- Say, “I can’t believe how stupid I was! You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and I blew it. Let me make it up to you.”
- Don’t beg and make it not sound like a question. Say that you really want to try again, and she should already give you the answer you want on her own.
Put some romance into it. Give her flowers, take her out to a restaurant. You don’t want to make her uncomfortable, so don’t overdo it. Just add some romance to your relationship.
- Remind yourself of what happened last time, and swear it won’t happen again.
- Look at it as a fresh start. You don’t need to forget the past altogether, but you need to build something new and good out of your relationship.
- Relax. Enjoy this girl’s company instead of constantly winding yourself up worrying about another failure.
- Make sure you talk to her calmly. Stuttering will show your nervousness and insecurity, which will not serve you well.
- If you ask her if she wants to come back to you in front of her friends, she may think it’s a brave thing to do and agree. But there is a risk that she doesn’t want to, and so you will only embarrass her.
- Be careful what you say and do. If you behave childish or rude, she will certainly think that she made the right decision by leaving you. Show maturity and be polite. This is likely to make her hesitant and get in touch with you.
- Perhaps she just doesn’t want to date you. Some girls think that once you dump a guy, you should be done with him once and for all. If she says she doesn’t want to date you anymore, accept it. She probably needs time.
About this article
Contributor(s): Courtney Quinlan. Courtney Quinlan is a matchmaker, dating coach and owner of Midwest Matchmaking. She has over 15 years of experience, specializing in matchmaking, dating counseling, and singles events in the Midwest. She holds a bachelor’s degree in radio journalism from the University of Nebraska at Omaha. Number of views on this article: 121 002.
How do you get the girl you love back after a breakup?
A breakup is a little death. If you don’t want to let go of the girl you broke up with, you’ll find practical tips and concrete actions on how to get your relationship back below.
Reasons for breaking up
The most important point on the question of how to get your girlfriend back after a breakup is the reason for the breakup. Among the reasons, the most common ones can be identified:
- Cheating or lying on the part of the man. When a woman finds out about the betrayal, she feels a lot of pain and emotional distress. It is logical that the girl cuts off all contacts and leaves the guy. But that doesn’t mean that her feelings are gone instantly. Maybe she just needs time to recover.
- Misunderstandings and quarrels between partners. Not everyone needs heated emotions, swearing, and Mexican passions. Therefore, perhaps the girl is fed up with the conflicts, and she decided to just end the relationship.
- The girl got another guy. Unfortunately, situations when a woman leaves a relationship for a more attractive suitor for her are not uncommon. It’s good if she notifies her boyfriend about this, rather than putting horns on him during the relationship.
- Jealousy and control. Jealousy is good in moderation. When total control begins, any man will want to break out of the cage. The girl is not property.
- She realized that she had fallen out of love, or she realized that feelings never existed. Often girls go out with guys in order to forget the ex or to pass the time because of loneliness. This is not always pure and sincere love. Sometimes even after a long relationship, there is a coldness and a realization by the woman that she wasn’t in love at all.
- Other problems, such as relatives, possessions or friends. It happens that in general the relationship is good, but some issue remains in limbo for a long time. Sometimes the girl sees only one solution to the problem – separation.
These reasons can be considered obvious if the girl herself stated any of them. It so happens that under the pretext of separation because of quarrels the girl goes to another man. So everything is individual. You should analyze all the reasons and figure out what suits you best, if your beloved does not give a clear answer.
In the pursuit of how to get the girl back, it is important to act strictly according to the plan and not to make typical mistakes. A step to the left or a step to the right and shot. So in order not to suffer a fiasco, avoid the following mistakes:
1. Compulsively call her, beg her to meet you and wait in the street. As a rule, if the girl decides to break up (deliberate, not on emotion), she wants to hold out at least a pause and not see the man at all. Afraid of losing a companion, many guys begin to impose themselves, which scares away the partner. Repeated attempts to return almost always cause anger and even disgust. So for the first few weeks after a breakup, you’re better off taking a break. And during this time, rethink your and her behavior and take action with a cool head.
2. Begging for a comeback and humiliation. Some guys not only obsessively try to get back in a relationship with a girl, but also humiliate themselves in front of her. Begging for a comeback and swearing only alienates her from you. By doing so, you degrade your manhood and you fall in her eyes. Above all, respect yourself. If there is clearly your fault in the breakup, most likely your words she will perceive as empty talk. Maybe she is ready to forgive you, but not immediately after the breakup. Give her time.
3. “Buy” the girl with expensive gifts. Guilty men prefer to apologize to their lady by buying gifts. It is one thing to do so in a quarrel, but another thing to “buy” her favor in a breakup. Even if the lady accepts the gift, it is unlikely to change anything in her heart toward you.
4. Putting pressure on pity. A classic of the genre is to pretend to be ill or suffering deeply in order to return the object of your adoration. This kind of manipulation is very negatively perceived, especially by girls. No one wants to see a weak man with them. Talking about suicide because of her at all kills all feelings and makes a woman wonder about the young man’s mental state.
5. Taking up alcohol. Another typical mistake when you get dumped by a girl is to think that alcohol has solved your problems. Even if you don’t call her drunk at night, it’s still a shaky path. If a girl finds out (from her friends, for example) that you’ve taken up drinking, what feelings other than pity can she have for you? Few people want a man who solves problems with alcohol.
All of the above mistakes will play against a guy who doesn’t know how to get the girl he loves back after a breakup. As much as you do not want to call her, cover her with a bouquet of roses and soon find out about the relationship – do not do it.
A guy pondering the question of how to get his girlfriend back after a breakup must understand that he has to try hard. To get a woman back is half the trouble, it is important to make sure that she no longer wants to leave you. And that is much harder. The plan is this:
1. If you hear the phrase “We have to break up,” then calmly accept it and agree. Unlike men who are used to keeping it all inside and hide their emotions, the woman’s face is always written. Maybe she’s doing it to get you to throw herself after her, thereby manipulating your feelings. Or she has actually decided to end the relationship. Whatever, but after that sentence, keep your emotions to yourself and don’t show any fear. Tell her, “I don’t want to break up, but if you really made that decision, I respect it.” By doing so, you’re letting her know you need her, but without the humiliating maneuvers.
3. Analyze the reason for the breakup. This is one of the most important points on how to get your girlfriend back after a breakup. Think about what exactly led to this decision and whether you are able to fix the situation. And maybe the cause is not in you at all? It is important to understand that if you do not eliminate the cause of the breakup, it is likely that you will break up again.
4. Work on yourself. For your girlfriend to not only come back to you, but to want to stay, you need to change. Do it not for her sake, but for yourself. Analyze the previous relationship, because often mistakes in behavior are repeated. Recall what you were able to attract a girl at the beginning of a relationship. Maybe at first you were a gallant gentleman, and now you pay less and less attention to her. Or previously you devoted a lot of free time to her, you went for walks, went on dates, and now you prefer to go with friends to the bar and dip into your hobbies. You need to make it so that she saw you back to the old you, the one she fell in love with. If the reason for separation in your lies or treason, it is important to prove that you have not betrayed her. And the main thing to prove it by actions, not just words.
5. Self-development. During the pause period after the relationship breakup, take care of yourself and your self-improvement. Enroll in a swimming pool, gym, learn a new hobby, read books. Update your closet or go on a trip. All day long self-consumption is unlikely to produce any positive results.
6. Provoke jealousy. Everyone monitors each other’s pages after a breakup. Don’t show how bad you feel. Lead an active life, attend parties and hangouts. Be sure to post pictures, just do it in a way that makes it look natural. If the reason for the breakup wasn’t infidelity on your part, post pictures with your buddies. This will definitely make your ex-girlfriend jealous, and she’ll probably call you herself.
7. Show the girl that you’ve changed. Alternatively, text her after a few weeks that you realized the situation and are ready to change.
9. Let her know that you want a fresh start. After you show the woman that you’ve changed, tell her you want to resume the relationship. If she’s hesitant, don’t pressure her, but back up your opinion with actions.
In most cases, such a plan to get your girlfriend back after a breakup gives a positive result. Of course, in the case when it is expedient.
When it makes no sense to return the girl
Before you try to get back in touch with your beloved, think hard about whether it’s worth the risk. Sometimes the catalyst for the return action is just emotions and a wounded ego, but not strong feelings for the girl. Think about whether you can be happy with her and whether she is happy with you. Sometimes the relationship reaches an extreme and there is no point in continuing, because both partners suffer. You should not return your beloved in the following cases:
- She never had feelings for you. If you felt that she didn’t love you, but was just using you for her own selfish purposes, then running after her is stupid at the very least.
- She cheated on you. If you’re faced with a cheating girlfriend, think carefully before you go back to her. Are you ready to be with her further in fear of another betrayal? Unfortunately, it’s rare for someone to betray once.
- You have different perspectives on the future. This is probably the most common reason for a breakup. For example, the girl has said more than once that she wants to get married, and the man is not considering marriage at all. Or the man wants children, and the woman plans to live for herself for now. If either partner doesn’t compromise, the relationship is doomed.
No matter how hard it is for you, in the above situations, it is better not to return the beloved. Resuming the relationship will only delay the inevitable breakup. Therefore, it is better to endure the breakup and move on.
How to get the girl by actions
If a woman has lost confidence in a man, regardless of the situation (lies, betrayal, treason), it will be difficult to restore it. A relationship without trust is doomed to failure. Here are steps to help melt a lady’s heart and restore trust after a breakup:
- Don’t fall to your knees right after she says and breaks up;
- Wait a few weeks for a pause, let her get bored. Then get on a friendly wave of communication;
- In such an informal relationship, the girl will be able to slowly reopen her soul to you. Just don’t pressure her about resuming the relationship, act in stages. Support her in all her endeavors and be there for her, giving her a male shoulder.
A man who is there, helping and supporting, without asking too many questions has all the chances to rehabilitate himself in the eyes of the girl and get back into her life. Unselfish help and support is guaranteed to bring back her confidence in the man.
It may happen that the girl does not want to be friends with her ex-boyfriend, but the attempt is not a torture. Here it is better to do and regret than not to do. In that case, watch from the sidelines. Usually depressed after a breakup, a girl will want to plunge into a man’s arms, even if she rejects him.
How do you know if an ex-girlfriend wants to resume a relationship?
Sometimes after a breakup, both partners begin to be attracted to each other, but they are silent, or one of them does not admit it. The only way out is an honest conversation. However, not everyone is able to open up after a breakup. Everyone is gnawed by resentment, pain and disappointment. Someone has to make the first step. The girl may very much want to get back into a relationship, but she will be embarrassed by the stereotypical thinking that the first step to reconciliation must be made by a man. So take matters into your own hands.
You can tell if she wants to resume the relationship by her characteristic behavior. Well, if you had a long relationship and you had time to learn it. Here is a typical female behavior in such a situation:
1. she will appear from time to time on the horizon. If the girl has set a point, she will simply disappear from your life. If she appears in the circle of your mutual acquaintances, deliberately trying to cross paths with you, then she is clearly hinting not the first step on your part.
2. Causes jealousy. If the ex-girlfriend flaunts the new boyfriend, his gifts and flowers, or display photos in men’s companies after the breakup, she’s just trying to make you jealous.
3. active girl activity on social networks. If an ex-girlfriend starts flamboyantly flaunting her social media activity, posting photos and taking storis, then she’s clearly counting on you to keep tabs on her life. It’s unlikely she’s as good as she’s trying to show on the Internet.
4. The girl likes, texts or calls. If a woman takes the initiative herself after a breakup, that’s a good sign. It is unlikely that she just wants to stay friends, although do not discount this option either. One thing is important – she doesn’t want to break up with you permanently, which means this is your chance to fix the relationship.
5. The girl doesn’t pick up her stuff. If you didn’t just date, but lived together and after breaking up the girl is in no hurry to pick up her stuff, chances are she hasn’t put an end to your relationship. You have every chance of getting her back.
6. The woman is acting emotionally in your conversations. If the lady reacts coldly to your worries, ignores you and doesn’t get in touch, these are bad signals. But if, on the contrary, during breakup conversations she shows emotion, then all is not lost and she has feelings.
Even if you feel like the love between you is gone, don’t jump to conclusions. Love euphoria does not last long, after which the feeling transforms and acquires other facets. Further relations are more likely to hold on mutual understanding and respect, rather than passion. Maybe you are just tired of each other and the breakup will only benefit and strengthen the relationship.
How to behave after a long breakup
If a lot of time has passed after the breakup, it will be difficult to restore the relationship. Sometimes one builds illusions for years, while the other has long enjoyed a new relationship in reality. Nevertheless, if the desire to return the relationship is mutual, it can be done even years after the breakup.
It is worth remembering that you did not break up on nothing. And so it is necessary to make sure that this situation (situations) does not happen again. If you stayed on the same point, do not realize the problem, do not improve yourself, then alas, the problems will not disappear.
If you feel you’re ready to build old relationships in a new way, then go ahead and remember the rules.