11 Ways to Understand Men
Maybe you remember a popular picture at one time about a dashboard with one button and many buttons, which showed the differences between the device of a man and a woman? Funny, provocative, ironic, sarcastic, but very true. Maybe now I will be hit with clogs, but I will try to argue my point of view.
Women are complex, our device is like this panel with lots of buttons, indicators, icons and warning systems. We have a lot of preconceptions, intricacies, tricks, and interactions of the “one in writing, two in mind” type. Men are arranged more simply and linearly, more likely to say what they think, to call if they are interested and enjoy communicating and to remain silent when there is no spark.
They are sincere in their likes and dislikes. Rarely can you find a man very cunning and skillful in building personal relationships, conceiving and implementing multi-step plans to seduce and get the desired woman. Their view of the relationship looks like this: I like it, I want it, I win, I take it, and then we’ll see. If I don’t like it, I move on and look for the next relationship that suits me.
In order for a woman to be competitive and in demand at the dating stage, as well as to successfully develop and build a relationship later, I will give some recommendations. They are not complicated, but they require you to do them systematically, to work on yourself and on the relationship. But on the other hand, their implementation will help your relationship to harmonize and become more stable and deep.
1. Take care of your appearance.
I’ll start with the banality – a man bites on your appearance. This is the first thing he sees, and his eyes should rejoice. Skin, hair, nails, clothes… He won’t have a chance to see and understand your rich inner world if he’s not attracted to you. It just won’t come to that. Nature is so arranged that on an instinctive level a man is looking for the most interesting and attractive female who can give birth to his healthy and beautiful cubs.
2. Improve your inner self.
After the first stage is passed, and you conquered his beauty, zest, originality or maybe eccentricity, the man begins to think, but how comfortable it is with you to interact. And here comes to the forefront of your character and beliefs. The way you behave with him, how feminine, flexible, wise, confident, understanding … Each man’s list of criteria will be different. But if you have inside a black hole, resentments, pain, tails of the incomplete relationship, claims, then with a pile of problems, he is unlikely to stay with you long.
3. Get excited and be amazed.
A man is very fascinated by a woman’s joy and sense of happiness. For him, it is an indicator of what a woman is living with and how she copes with this life. If you know how to rejoice, thank, marvel, admire, then this is the emotional food that can feed a man and give him a charge of vivacity, energy, and keep his interest and focus on you for a long time.
4. Don’t second-guess
Many women are guilty of second-guessing and fantasizing. If he doesn’t call, he’s already having dinner with someone else. What’s more, he’s introducing her to his mother and taking her to the wedding. Aha, and here it looks crooked, then, thought I had something wrong, must urgently run to the mirror and look through a magnifying glass closet and makeup for imaginary defects.
5. Turn off your inner narrator.
This is your inner voice, which endlessly comments and interprets reality. It echoes the previous point, but is exacerbated by the fact that your speculation can grow into false beliefs, which will then be very difficult to eradicate.
This is a prevention of innuendo and attempts to speculate yourself, interpret in your own way, and give a distorted assessment of what is happening. It is desirable to ask open-ended questions, such as: What do you think? So that the question is just a question and does not contain a built-in answer, for example:
– Honey, do you think I’m fat? The usual answer of an honest man: Yes, fat.
In this case, it is better and safer for you to ask what I look like.
7. Remind yourself of yourself.
If a man is missing and there’s no news or texting from him for two days, it doesn’t mean it’s over. Men are built in a way that, unlike women, relationships are not in first place, but in second or third, sometimes even fourth place. They don’t think about us 24/7. I mean normal men who are fulfilled in their jobs and involved in a lot of social processes, connections and relationships. It’s not unreasonable to remind yourself, ask how you’re doing, write something nice.
8. Keep feminine boundaries.
This means to remain a woman around a man. Give him the right to woo you, choose where he will take you, open the door, give your coat and help put it on, move a chair. You can always pause for a moment and give him the opportunity to give you these signs of attention and care. The same goes for lifting weights, helping with breakdowns and other female difficulties. If you have a lot of male impulses and can practically do everything yourself, hold yourself consciously, let the man beside you manifest, so that it won’t be painfully painful later.
9. Give him the initiative and responsibility.
Even if you think that these qualities are more inherent in a woman, hold back a little of your ardor and give a man the right to be proactive and decisive. This develops his masculinity, allows him to feel like a knight in armor and on horseback, saving the lady, if not from the dragon, but at least from hunger in a nice restaurant, which he himself chose.
10. Create rituals.
On Sundays we go bowling, on Wednesdays we go to the movies, on Fridays we have dinner at his parents’ house. This sounds really nice and forms a strong and lasting bond for the couple, which strengthens the relationship well.
11. Add kinesthetics.
We all need hugs, strokes, and touches that, on a body level, bring joy, feel good, and strengthen attachment. The more kinesthetic in a relationship, the better (if, of course, you and your partner respond positively to it). It’s a very strong yet silent love language that adds intimacy, warmth, tenderness, and depth to the relationship.
If you’ve read to the end, you may well say: “And to hell with it all, let him love what I am. This is your right, which no one will take away, but the competition dictates the rules and win those who are more flexible and faster to adapt to change.
How to understand men
Contributor(s): Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist from Los Angeles, California. He received his master’s degree in psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individual clients and couples to help them improve their relationships. Together with his wife, Talia Wagner, he wrote the book Married Roommates.
Number of sources used in this article: 7. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.
Number of views of this article: 8445.
If you are serious about learning to understand men, you should first realize the main thing: men and women are from the same planet. Although scientific research has revealed some differences between men and women, women and men are much more alike than the myths that surround them. If you want to understand men better, it is important to consider both the similarities between men and women and the differences, but also to remember that each man is a unique individual with his own hopes and needs.
- Support a man in his passion for competitive hobbies. You’ll notice that many stereotypical male hobbies (video games, sports, including extreme sports) are built on a competitive spirit. Since it’s important for men to win in competition, you should encourage a man’s activities that allow him to get what he needs in a relatively safe environment.
- Don’t be offended if a man looks at other women. Increased attention to visual stimuli means that a man can look (including at length) at beautiful people. Don’t second-guess what’s not there: if a man is looking at a woman in a deep-cut blouse, it doesn’t automatically mean he wants to have sex with her. These brief glances are usually harmless and are more of a reflex than a sign of wanting another relationship.
- Don’t punish a man for these differences and don’t complain that he never listens to you. If you really want a man to participate in a discussion of an important topic, phrase the question or sentence in a way that allows him to make an effort to focus. For example, “I need to talk to you about this, and I’d really appreciate it if you could listen to me carefully.” If the man cares about you, he will try to participate actively in the conversation.
- Be prepared to receive in response an option to solve the problem. Another feature of the male communication style is that men are focused on finding a solution to the problem. If you want a man to just listen to you and support you, rather than tell you how you can solve the problem, tell him that at the beginning of the conversation. Remember that he is trying to find a solution because you are important to him and because that is the purpose of the conversation. He’s not trying to tell you what to do.
Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist from Los Angeles, California. He received his master’s degree in psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individual clients and couples to help them improve their relationships. Together with his wife, Talia Wagner, he wrote the book Married Roommates.
Notice the moments when your partner tries to communicate with you the way you want. Family therapist Allen Wagner notes: “If a person tries something new (like saying compliments) and you interrupt him because you don’t think the compliment is good enough, you will never get what you hope for. It’s back to square one. But if you acknowledge the person’s attempt and thank them for it (“Thank you for your words”), they will enjoy saying compliments and will try to do it again.”