How to turn a friend into a boyfriend?

How to turn a friend into a boyfriend

You are friends for a long time. And suddenly, for some reason decided that he – the one and only. Is it possible to turn a friend into a boyfriend? Yes, but only if he really like you!

First find out if you have a chance to succeed, and then begin to act. The main thing – do not be overly sensitive and obsessive

“If a friend is attracted to you, you can see certain signs,” say popular Western relationship experts Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider, authors of the bestseller “Rules”, who over the years analyzed the behavior of happy women in private life: those who had many suitors, successfully married and was happy in marriage. They know exactly how to behave men who see you as a potential girlfriend, “his own kind of guy,” or are waiting – do not wait until you realize that you are what they have been waiting all their lives. So.

The odds of success are great!

He is always close to your home or work. He likes watching Friends with you in your apartment. He thinks your TV is better. If you work together, he often drinks water from the cooler set up next to your desk. If you study together, he is always near your dorm room, and in the dining room appears just when you sit down for lunch.

The conclusion is simple: if a man is attracted to you, he finds ways and reasons to be near you. We are not exaggerating when we say that he who is near you, loves you! You don’t have to look far to find that man. He is always around. You can’t get rid of him!

When a friend wants to take your relationship to another plane, he won’t talk about other women, even if he’s seeing someone else. He won’t notice other women, even your most beautiful girlfriends. If he likes other women, he will say so to anyone but you. In your presence such words just get stuck in his throat.

If about his own personal life he does not talk about, but about yours he wants to know everything. He asks a lot of questions. He wants to know what kind of men you are attracted to and what you do on Saturday night. He tries to seem just curious, but in fact in his mind he is calculating how to use the information he gets to make a decisive move. He believes that the men you are dating are not worthy of you. He is trying to belittle them in your eyes (“This job beat out for him father.”).

If your friend is genuinely interested in you, he will try to help you. He’ll offer to teach you how to play tennis or use a computer. He will help you move, listen to stories about your problems or your roommate’s problems. And he doesn’t expect anything in return. He doesn’t expect you to help him with anything – unless it’s an excuse to get closer.

If he sees you as more than a friend, he will tease, seduce and make you laugh. He will think your shortcomings are very nice.

Such a man thinks more than he says. Next to you, he tries to seem calm, but deep down he is very nervous.

Alas, nothing good will come of it.

If a male friend is not interested in you, he behaves very differently.

He is calm, rational, practical. Everything he does and says, you can safely take for granted, without looking for subtext.

If you are just a friend to a man, he is not interested in your personal life. He is quite satisfied with your friendship. If you are not dating anyone, he may offer you his help, but he will never ask you out on a date. He doesn’t want to start anything, there is no spark in him.

If you have a problem with a guy, he will try to help you “work it out” without offering to break up the relationship! He doesn’t get mad seeing you with other men because he has no romantic aspirations for you. He wants to see you happy. If he is jealous of your boyfriend, it’s the same way a close friend would be jealous. Your relationship reminds him of something he doesn’t have. Besides, you are now spending time on your boyfriend instead of him. But he is sad about the loss of his girlfriend, not his romantic loss. None of this means he wants you. If it did, you would know.

By remaining only a friend, the man is helping you just as you are helping him. He’ll show you how to fill out a tax return and you’ll teach him how to cook. You split everything in half. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship.

He asks you for advice about relationships with other women – because he really needs your advice! He’s just interested in a woman’s point of view. He is not in love with you at all and is not trying to get close to you. He talks freely about liking other women. In your presence, he can always say: – She is so cool!

He does not think he is hurting your feelings, because you are his friend. You are like his sister – there are no sexual overtones in your relationship.

A male friend may even become your best friend – someone who will always be there for you if you need him. He’ll lend you money to pay your rent, visit you in the hospital after an accident, or come to a family member’s funeral. But he won’t look out the window when you leave, he won’t stare at you furtively, thinking you can’t see. He won’t dream of having sex with you. And for the beginning of a romantic relationship a man needs such feelings!

If you are for him – just a girlfriend, you will never become his girlfriend. Do not try to be candid with him about his feelings, because it would only spoil your relationship. He will feel uncomfortable or sorry for you, but it won’t bring out the sparks. He might even offer to “hook up” a couple of times. But this event will not become meaningful to him. And later he and you will regret it more than once.

The worst thing is that you can start dating and even get married at your own initiative. But, since there has never been a spark in a man, you and the marriage will remain only friends. If you need more, you will be constantly unhappy. You will doubt their beauty and sexuality, will complain to his friends: – He did not notice me.

When a woman meets or lives with a man who only wants friendship, her self-esteem is steadily declining. This is the wrong way. We advise you not to take it.

Just follow the “Rules. Don’t make a man love you – you won’t succeed anyway. Try to raise your self-esteem. Follow the “Rules” so your life doesn’t revolve around this unavailable friend. Don’t call him. When he calls you, end the conversation after 10 minutes. Don’t play the psychologist if he wants to discuss his girlfriend’s problems with you. Most importantly, try to date other men. You’re better off forcing yourself to go to a party or visit where you can meet your future husband than forcing a friend to become more than just a friend to you.


But if you think a man might be interested in you romantically, you might as casually mention that you’re having problems with your boyfriend, that you’re no longer seeing him or seeing anyone at all. Observe his reaction. If he’s interested in you, he will ask you out. And then start following the “Rules.

Do not talk to him as a friend. Be easy, feminine, mysterious. Don’t tell him all your problems.

Don’t bombard him with calls, notes, and dinner invitations. Don’t think you can say or do whatever you want: call him at any time or extend your time together unexpectedly, like you did during your platonic friendship. Focus on building your relationship in the spirit of The Rules. Remember that the dynamics of the relationship have to change. Say, if he lives out of town and used to sleep over at your place during visits downtown, you should now be the first to say, “Everything was great, but I have a hard day tomorrow,” and. end the date.

Now that your friendship has become something more, you want to go to the other extreme: constantly call him, talk about your feelings, share your intimate, talk about marriage and the future. So you just scare him away. Men do not like this kind of behavior – even in women they like.

Many women, when they wake up one morning, decide that their friend is a real soul mate. And then they become overly sensitive and obsessive. Remember: he fell in love with you because you never noticed him and never chased him! You were desirable prey-not because you tried to follow the “Rules,” but because you really weren’t interested in him. You were naturally indifferent.

And now, when you start dating, you have to pull yourself together. Just because he has always liked you doesn’t exempt you from having to follow the rules. You should not agree to last minute dates, you should not devote all of your time to the man. Don’t start knitting him a sweater, don’t start talking about getting married and living together!

Your “boyfriend”. How do you turn a male friend into a lover?

At the first moment when a new patient entered his office, psychologist Anton Fedoseev flashed in his mind: “A lady with a look of confidence, she could be a good insurance agent. The expert was not let down by intuition. At the first moment the visitor said in a confident voice: “I work for a large insurance company, I deal with car insurance, mostly premium cars…”

There was nothing strange or surprising in the woman’s words. But the psychologist noticed that the lady started her monologue about auto insurance without even saying hello, without introducing herself and without telling the purpose of her visit… For ten minutes she was talking about the features of various insurance contracts, not giving the psychologist a word.

Finally, Anton Fedoseyev managed to interrupt the young lady’s enthusiastic monologue, learn her name, the main details of her biography, and the purpose of her visit … It turned out that Diana was 28 years old. She is very concerned about the lack of a personal life. “I have many male friends, male buddies, great relationships with colleagues. But with none of them, unfortunately, no romantic relationship is established, no spark runs between us. I am perceived only as a friend, a friend and a colleague, not as a woman! But I also dream of love and family!

Married to work.

To understand the causes of failure in the personal life of a young woman, a psychologist conducted with her a series of ten consultations. However, the first reason for failure on the love front became clear at once: Diana is a typical workaholic, she is literally married to her job. People with such psychological attitudes, both men and women, find it difficult to find a loved one.

At the same time, women-workaholics have a particularly hard time: men treat them with respect, but do not see them as life partners.

The problem was not only that Diane every day for ten to twelve hours devoted to work … In her spare time she also could not distract from the problems and peculiarities of auto insurance. “Who cares about what, but the louse – about the bath” – this crude proverb accurately conveys the style of communication of a businesswoman both with friends and with strangers.

Anton Fedoseyev strongly recommended that the client change her behavior: he literally forbade her to talk about business matters with men who could be considered potential suitors. This recommendation had a double positive effect: first, Diana stopped scaring away potential suitors with her workaholicism, and second, she herself learned to relax and distract from the office routine.

The Big Difference

Why do women like Diana successfully storm the career heights, are reliable and loyal friends, but do not arouse romantic feelings in the opposite sex? The fact is that friendship and love are inherently different concepts. Love is inconceivable without a sense of choice. In love, a man and a woman need to understand that they are the only one for each other. But there can be many friends.

During a conversation with a psychologist, it turned out that she usually met with her male friends in large groups. Young people went on shashliks together in the summer, picked mushrooms in the fall, went skiing and skating in the winter. The girl did not even make any attempts to be alone with any of the guys, to single out anyone from her masculine entourage.

In a conversation with a psychologist, an embarrassed Diana admitted that in her native St. Petersburg she had never had any one-on-one contact with the opposite sex: “For all my life, I have only been alone with the suitors three times, and it always happened on vacation – in Spain, Turkey and Egypt,” she said.

An unusual experiment.

The psychologist suggested that Diane move on to decisive actions and try to get close to any of the men in their company. According to the expert, a male friend may well become a loved one, if a woman changes the style of communication with him.

After much deliberation, Diana chose Igor, a 34-year-old computer programmer. He divorced his wife two years ago, but remains a wonderful father, spends a lot of time with his three-year-old son, and constantly carries a picture of the baby with him.

The psychologist suggested conducting an unusual experiment. On his recommendation, Diane invited the man to her house ostensibly to clean the computer from viruses. At the same time, on Anton Fedoseyev’s advice, she cut out a group photo of Igor and ordered a portrait of him at a nearby photo shop.

When Igor entered Diana’s room, he was literally speechless. On the young lady’s desk he saw a photograph of himself in a luxurious gilt frame. But where could this picture have come from?

“Remember, last summer we all went to a barbecue and took pictures there… You turned out so well in the general picture, that I decided to decorate my desk with your portrait,” – Diana explained.

There were other surprises waiting for the young man on a visit. He noticed her new dress, inciting male fantasies with its frank cleavage… He was also pleasantly surprised by the culinary abilities of his old acquaintance – her homemade eclairs with custard cream literally melted in his mouth.

Diana began to actively use cosmetics and regularly visit the tanning salon. She joined a fitness club, improved her posture by practicing yoga…

“Thanks to the help of a psychologist and my own work on myself, I found the man of my dreams. Igor and I were good companions, and we became a harmonious, loving couple,” says the former patient with gratitude. Such words are a balm for the heart of any psychologist.

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