Love and relationships are very often accompanied by feelings of jealousy. They say that if a man is jealous, it means he loves. In reality, jealousy is a manifestation of somewhat different feelings, fears and complexes.
Jealousy can ultimately kill even the strongest love, because it is the trust between partners is the basis of a loving relationship. Where there is jealousy, there is no true love, but there is a sense of possessiveness, fear of loss, attachment and fear of being cheated. Is it possible to overcome feelings of jealousy and how to do it?
First of all, you need to sort yourself out and honestly answer the question: “Why am I jealous? The reasons for jealousy can be different:
- Fixation on the relationship. His man you think the meaning of his life, put it on a pedestal, and, accordingly, very afraid of losing it. You live your relationship, your loved one, very often forgetting about yourself. Naturally, you do not like the mere thought that you can break up, that your beloved will cheat.
- Treating your partner as property. You don’t want to share your loved one with anyone, not even his friends and relatives, and you see every woman as a potential threat to your relationship. You are depriving your partner of freedom and want all of his attention and care was directed in your direction.
- You, too, have a “sniffle in the hole”. If you yourself allow the thought of cheating on your partner, you think he may also cheat on you. You judge by yourself.
- You are not sure of yourself. Every time you wonder why your loved one has chosen you. But you do not find the answer, thinking you are not as attractive, smart, successful. You are unsure of yourself, do not appreciate yourself, you think that there are those around your partner who are more worthy of it.
- Bitter past experiences. If your previous partner cheated on you, then you unconsciously expect a trick from your current lover.
All of these sources of jealousy in a relationship can be eradicated. Try to first realize that love and jealousy are not two friendly neighbors, but two enemies who are trying to force each other out. And in this struggle must win, of course, love. But by what means?
How to get rid of feelings of jealousy
Realize that your significant other really loves you. Take care of this feeling. Think about the fact that your jealousy attacks humiliate your partner and hurt. How would you take an unsubstantiated accusation or suspicion of theft? You would be uncomfortable. It’s the same with accusations of jealousy.
Stop controlling every step of your loved one. Understand that if he wants to change, he will do it. It is better to focus your energy on making it your relationship better, happier and more passionate.
Believe in your attractiveness. If you see every woman as a potential rival, then sooner or later your man will definitely leave you. Understand for yourself that there is no one better than you for your loved one. Not just because he chose you! Love yourself, improve yourself, change!
Find yourself a hobby. Hobbies or work will help you forget about jealousy, harmonize your state of mind. You just do not have time to think about what your loved one is doing now.
Let go of the past. If your ex cheated on you, that doesn’t mean every man will cheat on you now. Everyone is different, you shouldn’t lump everyone into one basket. Realize that your fears make you vulnerable and do not allow you to develop further.
Get rid of the stereotype that all men change. This stereotypical thinking you may have received from your parents, whose relationship ended in divorce because of infidelity. Or your environment constantly support the idea that all men – bastards and go to the left. If you are comfortable thinking this way and living in constant stress and fear – think and live this way. If you want to change something, start changing your thinking.
The claim that jealousy is a manifestation of love is wrong. Love can be proven in other, more positive ways.
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How to learn to trust a man and not be jealous of him – psychologist tips
Max Otto von Stirlitz and Sherlock Holmes would envy your detective skills. You have the superpower to remember all of your man’s friends on social networks and their number. You know who your man was on “vkontakte” and “WhatsApp” with at the same time.
You make a scandal over a “like” from your man to a pretty girl. You check his phone. You can easily figure out if his attractive colleague is free or busy. Oh, congratulations: you have the skill of deduction. Oh, or rather, you have trust issues…
Reasons for distrust in a relationship
Trust in a relationship is one of the most important things. Trust is the basic foundation that allows you to build a reliable, harmonious, healthy and happy relationship. Why are you not trusting and jealous of your man?
Jealousy is a destructive and negatively colored feeling that occurs under certain circumstances between people with feelings of affection.
The key words here are “destructive” and “negative.”
That is, the feeling is destructive. There may be several reasons for this. It is advisable to deal with such a problem with the realization of the true cause of distrust in a man. There are four main ones, and their detailed analysis is given below.
- High anxiety due to reliving past experiences.
In the past you were cheating, and you move that experience to your husband or a young man. But it’s worth understanding that this is a completely different person and your logic in this case doesn’t make sense. But your compulsive behavior can provoke it. Let’s break it down with a live example.
Arthur has always been a catcher. Gathered a bunch of girls around him. He was charming, suave, and talkative. He knew how to make himself comfortable. Jeanne met him in a nightclub, he treated her to a cocktail.
The romance developed very rapidly. Arthur turned Jeanne’s head and she fell in love. They had many common interests, intense intimacy and a stormy social life. Jeanne could no longer imagine life without Arthur. Her imagination pictured a country house and a bunch of kids.
But, because Arthur was a narcissistic personality with a penchant for acceptance by a huge audience, he began to cheat on Jeanne. She caught him several times in correspondence with other girls, but she forgave him. Her heart couldn’t bear the sight of cheating in person.
And now, Jeanne is pursuing her man in a new relationship. And it is possible that her behavior will provoke his infidelity. Coldness and distrust give rise to a desire for comfort. Trust and lack of jealousy is the key to a secure relationship.
How to learn to trust a man and stop living in a state of anxiety?
- High anxiety due to reliving the experience of a parental family.
Parents divorced, were unhappy in their marriage or you know the facts that there was cheating in the parental family. And now you’re projecting that onto your relationship. Problems in a parent’s family hurt the child a lot and sometimes they carry that weight throughout their lives.
Well, here’s a living example. Christina was raised by her grandmother because her parental family was constantly in discord. Her parents were now together, then with other people, then together again. They were constantly hurting each other and could not come to a solution to their family problems.
It seemed to Kristina that the whole problem with their relationship was a lack of control. And so Christina decided to build her relationship with men. The truth is that the plan failed. Her men don’t last a year. And Christina blames them, naively believing that the problem is clearly not her.
- She’s the one who’s got it in the bag.
You’re capable of cheating, and you’re looking for that tendency in your partner. You project your behavior onto your man. This is sometimes the case with avoidant behavior. You cheated “for the future” so that later, if you were suddenly cheated on, “it wouldn’t hurt so much.”
But the problem is that you hurt yourself, not your partner. It’s not his fault that you have psychological difficulties.
Well, here’s a living example. Masha was shaking with adrenaline, checking her husband’s phone. He had gone out to the set to meet a delivery guy and finally left his phone unattended. Perfect timing to see what he was hiding. Somehow he began to behave differently.
Masha knows firsthand how behavior changes when someone else shows up. Since she herself had repeatedly had relationships with other men in her marriage. And she found the answer to her question on the phone. There is no cheating, her loving husband is just preparing a surprise for her, that is why she is acting strangely.
- Low self-esteem.
In this case, you constantly feel that you are not good enough for your man, hence the fear of losing him.
Example. Elizabeth has never been popular. Modest and shy. No one ever noticed her. In the third year of college, she met with Michael at a student conference. The romance was swift and here Lisa is pregnant in the registry office with Mikhail.
Misha seemed perfect to Lisa. She could not believe that he could pay such as she his attention. So jealousy burned her from the inside, even though Michael gave no reason to and was a good husband.
There is another reason. You do see obvious signs that your man is cheating on you. But then it is better not to torment yourself and not to be plagued with jealousy, but to break up with an unfaithful man.
Top 7 tips on how to learn to trust your man
And how to start trusting your man?
- Understand the real reason for distrusting your man.
The first thing is to realize why there is no trust and what the real reason for your jealousy. Sometimes it is impossible to do this on their own. At this stage it is advisable to see a psychologist.
- Raise your self-esteem.
Repeat every day in front of the mirror that you are beautiful. Keep a diary of your achievements. Pamper yourself with beauty treatments. Praise yourself. Reward yourself with gifts. Work on what you see as your flaws, learn to accept them as your specialty.
- Realize that you and your partner are separate individuals.
More often than not, if a girl has trust issues, she tends to fill all of her partner’s space and time with herself. But unfortunate as it is to realize, this will not help get rid of feelings of jealousy.
You are a separate person and your relationship is not your whole life. If you respect yourself and your personal boundaries, you will be more self-confident and, as a result, you will stop clogging your head with destructive thoughts.
- Catch yourself with intrusive thoughts of cheating.
Every time thoughts of cheating or jealousy come, tell yourself to stop. Turn your attention to something else. Forbid yourself from having fantasies where your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you.
- Say more often your man “I trust you.
This method works on the principle of self-talk. The more often you say this phrase, the calmer you will be.
- Get new hobbies and interests.
First, this will distract you from intrusive thoughts. Secondly, it will lift your spirits and reduce anxiety. Thirdly, you become more interesting to his man.
- Ask for support from your partner.
Say straight out: “Honey, give me more attention, I want to feel loved and desired. Only this should be done in a calm atmosphere and without any hint of hysteria and scandal.
Remember that without trust it is impossible to build a happy and strong relationship!