How to tell your husband about the divorce?

How do I tell my husband or wife about my divorce?

Divorce is a life tragedy for both spouses. Some suffer greatly from the experience. But this already happens after the breakup of the relationship. A more painful situation occurs when one of the marriage partners tries to inform the other half of the impending separation for good. How do you overcome these difficulties when you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown?

Reasons for relationship breakup

Many people wonder why people do not live together, because when their family was created, they were happy. What happened now, and what exactly led them to make a fatal decision? There are answers to these questions. They can be different. Much in this situation depends on the partners themselves and their characters.

Here are some examples.

  • The spouses decided to divorce because of unfulfilled hopes and expectations. For example, a woman married a promising young man. She expected her husband to become a businessman, earn fame and a lot of money. But her hopes did not come true. Her husband’s gray hair multiplied, and he never became a top executive. Now she constantly reproaches her husband for ruining her life. This behavior makes her husband hate her for her constantly nagging wife. The result is a divorce.
  • In another case, the husband was never able to get from his wife what he had previously expected. When life together began, it turned out that the woman is completely unable to conduct economic affairs. Her carelessness irritates the spouse, and he voiced his dissatisfaction. Scattered things and the lack of proper lunches and dinners only increase the bad mood. Negativity builds up like a snowball and leads to the breakup of the relationship.
  • Alcoholism of one of the partners in the marriage also contributes to the divorce. No one will tolerate a person who drinks money and behaves inadequately. Children and wives suffer and are ashamed of the drinking relative. The patience of the spouse will come to an end at some point and the marriage will break up.
  • A tyrant husband is another reason for a woman to file for divorce. Children suffer from constant reproaches and abuse. The wife will tolerate this state of affairs for a long time, but only if she has nowhere else to go. But she will also eventually find a way out of the situation and leave her oppressive husband.
  • The situation could develop in a negative scenario if the wife is a career woman, and everything in the house is done according to her instructions. The husband and children live as if according to a script written by the selfish wife. She does not accept any advice that comes from her spouse. What happens without her knowledge becomes an outrage. In the end, if the woman does not correct the situation, things can end deplorably – the family ties will be broken.
  • Different interests are another factor that leads to divorce. One spouse is a spiritual person with a lot of intellectual interests. The other has absolutely no interest in anything and lies on the couch all the time in front of the TV and swearing. What kind of future awaits completely different people in marriage? Nothing, and divorce is inevitable.

It is not without reason that they say that to live is not a field to cross. How many different obstacles and troubles you will encounter on your way. Not everyone will be able to overcome them. Therefore, no one is immune from a divorce from his beloved partner. And if such a tragedy still happens, then you should not fold your hands and go with the flow. Need to know how to get out of trouble with dignity.

How to tell the man?

Divorce – a stressful situation that can cause unpredictable emotions. If you tell a man unprepared for the breakup of a relationship, his first reaction will be negative.

Instinctively, he will want to hurt you in every way and to settle accounts for unappreciated feelings. It is possible that in retaliation, he will respond with a categorical refusal. It’s good that there is still a way around it. In other case, the offended husband will make a scene with assault and shame on the whole neighborhood.

Think through each of your steps before you tell your spouse about the divorce. This is where you need to proceed with caution and consider your individual character.

For example, the husband is a domestic despot. His antics and negative reactions to everything that happens, his wife and children suffer. Abuse in such a family is the norm. Day after day the spouse is subjected to violence, both moral and physical. There is no end to the aggressive behavior. What to do in such a case? Of course, before you tell an inadequate person about the upcoming breakup, you need to prepare well. It is necessary to consider all sorts of options from the material part to the moral ethics. After all, the news about the divorce can provoke completely unpredictable reaction in the representative of the stronger sex. He may commit an irreparable act and resort to violence.

You must first find a suitable place to live and leave home, taking the children with you (if any). Then inform your ex-husband in writing of the divorce. No matter how you do it – by courier or through a social network, the main thing is that it will protect you and your loved ones from reprisals.

By the way, you can just call on the phone and say the unpleasant news. That way you will be safe. Next, knowing the reaction of ex-spouse, you can assess your next steps.

But even at this stage should not relax. The offended husband may seek a meeting with you or begin to hatch plans for revenge. Yes, such individuals are capable of anything to prevent a divorce. An inadequate person is unpredictable in his actions. Therefore, these actions should be foreseen in order not to be in danger.

You may have to temporarily leave the place where you permanently reside, in another city and stay there until things will “settle down. Do everything in your power to preserve your health and life.

And how do you tell your husband about the divorce if he is a good man? A woman is tormented by her conscience, and she becomes depressed because she understands the seriousness of what is happening.

To reduce the impact of a stressful situation and not to cause great offense once a loved one, try to act delicately. Choose a time to talk, so that no one disturbs you, and say directly that your feelings are exhausted. Explain that you did everything possible to save your family, but the heart can’t help you.

You can no longer deceive yourself and your former lover. At the end of the conversation be sure to thank the man who has lived with you for some time, for the wonderful relationship, for his sensitivity. Of course, this will not play a special role, but it will soften the situation. After that, leave the house, so as not to leave the hope of restoring the relationship.

Your husband is a very impressionable person. You are well aware that your spouse loves you very much and can not imagine a life outside of marriage. If you’re afraid to cause your significant other a mortal insult, you need to make sure that the man did not take a hasty decision about suicide.

In this situation, you need to act very carefully. First hint about the parting, then look at the reaction of her husband. If you see that it will be violent, and your spouse is against the development of such events, then leave your actions “for later”.

It is important to take some time, to allow time to get used to the idea of separation. While you have not yet made a final decision, behave with her husband rather coldly, but do not be rude and do not arrange scandals. Just all sorts of hints that your relationship is long over. Do not allow intimacy.

Sooner or later your significant other will accept the fact that between you there is no longer the connection that was before. When you next hint at the breakdown of relations, perhaps your husband will not mind.

An important role in a divorce is the question of who the children will stay with. Usually they will stay with their mother. But the offended spouse can manipulate you if he starts blackmailing you by taking away your children.

In these circumstances, you need to proceed with caution. Try not to irritate and not to spite her husband, not to cross him. On the contrary, you need to agree that the children may be able to stay with their father.

However, it should remind the man that raising a new generation is not easy. Kids and teenagers need every minute attention, and if the father is at work all the time, he will not be able to give the necessary education to children.

Also, add that your spouse will certainly find a life partner. It is possible that the new lover may not agree with the existence of children and will require to give them to their birth mother.

Next, be sure to explain to your spouse that after the divorce, he will in no case lose contact with his own children. It is necessary to sincerely assure the man, that communication with the children will continue, in spite of the fact that they will live separately. Usually, men, a little think, agree with such arguments.

How to tell the woman?

If you are going through a divorce, telling your wife about the breakup will not be easy. The reasons for this can be a great many. It all depends on the temperament and character of the woman with whom you have lived for some time in a marriage.

As a rule, the man himself decides to divorce if he meets another woman. In other cases, the intention to separate gradually comes to both spouses. Often, however, an unpleasant conversation is “delayed” indefinitely. Problems escalate, and then the man takes full responsibility and announces the divorce.

To his wife did not fall into a depressive stupor, try to talk to her properly. From this you yourself will feel better.

And how to do this, help the following tips.

Your wife has an oppressive nature. Everything in the house is under her control, including all your actions. Finally, you got tired of the status of “whipped,” and you decided to get a divorce. How to tell your wife about it? Proceed with caution. Usually, such women do not forgive the betrayal, and the rupture of relations – this is a kind of betrayal. The reaction of the fairer sex will be unpredictable if you tell the news about the divorce suddenly. Prepare for this event. First, find a way out.

If you do not have parents or extra living space, then rent a temporary place. Believe me, it will be better for you. Then inform your spouse in writing about the break-up of the marriage. You can do this by phone, and through social networks.

When you explain yourself to your ex-wife, try during a conversation not to be taken in by her provocations and choose words very carefully. At the end of the conversation (letter), thank your spouse for the years together.

Reasons for “procrastination” with the decision to divorce are many. One of them is when the couple have been married for a very long time and happily. In this situation, a man is tormented by his conscience. In this case, you should not procrastinate with the proposal to dissolve the marriage. Otherwise, you can get into a nasty story, mentally torturing yourself and your ex-wife.

Pick the right time and tell your spouse that you are filing for divorce. It is not necessary to weasel and make up stories. Talk simply and honestly.

After a frank dialogue promise your ex-wife that you will help her in every way, and do not forget about your joint children. It is necessary to explain that you and his wife will remain forever family people, as lived in the marriage for a significant part of life. Tell her that it’s just that your relationship will now go to another level. This will reassure the offended woman.

You are afraid that your spouse will be “morally killed” by the news that you have decided to divorce her. In a more severe case, it may come to the point of suicide. These circumstances are very difficult, but do not change your mind because of this and continue to pretend that you have a strong unit of society. This will only make things worse for you. Sooner or later your indecision will lead to severe consequences.

Act competently and carefully. To begin with, just talk to your spouse and jokingly suggest a divorce. If you see a peculiar reaction: tears, tantrums, then suspend your actions.

After a while, when the spouse calms down, continue to execute your intentions. Gradually but surely make your relationship become cold. Refuse to have sex and behave independently. Over time, the woman herself will get tired of this relationship, and perhaps she will ask you for a divorce.

In any case, when you start talking to his wife about the final breakdown of relations, try to assure her that she will not be alone. You will always be in touch and close by. Such assurances will reassure your ex-wife and she will not put obstacles in your way.

Tips from psychologists

During a divorce you need to remember that psychology will definitely help you to act correctly, but also remember that this issue has material aspects. They can undermine your peace of mind and lead to depression. So do it your own way, but rely on some advice.

  • In order not to get into trouble in a divorce, try to prepare in advance all the necessary documents.
  • Think about who your children will stay with. Usually they stay with their mother.
  • If a man has decided to keep his children after a divorce, he should be aware of all the difficulties that await him after making this decision. No mother would give up her child, so prepare for a confrontation with your ex-wife.

Maybe your decision is better changed, as raising children is not an easy task for a man. However, cases vary, perhaps your intention was deliberate.

  • If you have made your final decision and definitely want to tell your wife (husband), find a suitable time and place to do so. Make sure that your children are not around.
  • Do not put off talking to them. This will only make things worse for everyone.
  • If you begin to state the nature of the problem, speak clearly and concisely so that your spouse is in no doubt.
  • You see that your spouse is reacting too emotionally to the news of the divorce, try to calm her (him) down and don’t “wind up” yourself. Otherwise you will sink into complete negativity, and from the anger and swearing will distort your decisions.
  • No less important issue is your jointly acquired property. Try not to be greedy and share it in good conscience and justice. Do not forget to take into account the interests of your children.

Remember that making the decision to divorce is difficult for both men and women. Gender and age do not matter in this matter. It hits the psyche hard.

Try to minimize the negative side of the issue. Be tolerant of each other and be mindful of your children’s best interests.

How to properly tell your husband about the divorce: advice from a psychologist

Any relationship sooner or later can come to a logical conclusion. Often the initiator of the divorce is a woman. The most difficult thing in such a situation is to voice your decision to your husband. To have a conversation without squabbles and scandals, you need to prepare for it.


In this article, we will consider how to talk to her husband about the impending divorce, what issues should be thought through in advance, what arguments to bring during the conversation, how to behave after the message about the divorce.

How to prepare for a conversation with your husband about divorce

The divorce process always brings a lot of discomfort to both spouses. It is difficult both to make the decision to divorce and to communicate it to your partner. You can expect absolutely any reaction from the man in this situation. Thinking about how to tell your husband about the divorce, you should listen to the advice of psychologists.

The main aspects of preparing for the conversation can include:

  1. Choosing the right time. It is better to have a serious conversation when the man has no additional irritating factors. Problems at work or with health will only worsen the situation. It is better to start a conversation on a day off, when the husband will be in high spirits.
  2. The choice of the place for the conversation. Such conversations should be held face to face, in a calm atmosphere. A woman may be more comfortable in a public place. In this case, a meeting in a restaurant or a walk in the park would be appropriate.
  3. Planning the material aspects of the divorce. It is necessary to think in advance about their position regarding the division of the jointly acquired property. It is desirable to pronounce it right away, so there will be no misunderstandings in the future.
  4. Preparation for possible questions. It is important not only to understand how to tell your husband about the divorce, but also how to answer his questions. The man will want to know the reasons for this decision, will demand details.
  5. Determining the place of residence of the children. It is necessary to think in advance with whom the children will stay, who will provide for them in the future. Legal issues are discussed before the divorce.
  6. Mental attitude. In this situation, it is extremely important to steer the conversation in the right direction. Explaining the relationship and mutual recriminations will not lead to anything good. If a woman cannot calm down, she should first take a sedative.

Be prepared to answer questions about the reasons for the divorce

A man has a right to know why his wife decided to divorce him. It is desirable to voice the reasons as correctly as possible. It is highly discouraged to accuse or insult your spouse.

The most common reasons for the dissolution of marriage include:

  1. Lack of trust. The basis of a healthy relationship within the family is considered trust. Without it, sooner or later the union will disintegrate. Even if there is no evidence of adultery, lack of trust can be a serious reason for divorce.
  2. Domestic problems. Not every woman is ready for domestic difficulties. Some couples go through this crisis period, while others fall apart. If a woman does not want to compromise, the relationship should stop.
  3. Different characters. Most often, people break up because of their different temperament and outlook on life. This becomes evident not immediately. If the couple got married too quickly, they simply do not have time to get to know each other better.
  4. Infidelity of a man. In the case of betrayal on the part of her husband to pick up the words is inappropriate. First of all, a woman should think about her feelings.
  5. Indifference of the man in family matters. In a full relationship, each partner has certain responsibilities. If a man stops performing his, then for a woman, such a union loses value. In this case, it is important not to insult the spouse, and correctly convey to him the essence of the claims and his decision.

Keep a calm tone.

When you have questions about how to tell your husband about the divorce, you need to listen to the advice of a psychologist. The main principle is to establish a calm dialogue.

It should be remembered that it is a woman who sets the tone of the conversation. Threats and insults can escalate a conflict. It is better to show understanding and listen to your spouse. This will allow you to stay in a good relationship after the divorce.

What to do when personal safety is more important than conversation

There are cases when you can not count on an adequate response from the man. In these situations, the classic models of conversation are inappropriate. If a man has a temper, it is better to inform him of your decision at a distance or through the court.

Calm dialogues are not relevant in such cases:

  • The man’s addictive personality type (drug addict, gambler, alcoholic, etc.)
  • Abusive nature of the relationship;
  • Physical, sexual or psychological violence in the family.

If a woman or her children are in danger, there is no question of talking to your husband about divorce. You need to leave the apartment as soon as possible and file the divorce papers. It is best not to meet or talk to your ex-spouse.

What not to do after the divorce is reported

Women can make many mistakes after talking about a divorce. Improper behavior can lead to irreparable consequences.

After the message about the divorce is categorically not recommended:

  1. Throwing tantrums. If the decision has already been made, there is no point in clarifying the relationship. It is better to stay on good terms with the man.
  2. Take revenge on your ex-husband. Moral satisfaction will not bring revenge. At the same time, it may harm the woman herself. After a divorce, it is worth focusing on solving more pressing issues.
  3. Engage in intimate contact with your ex-spouse. Any bodily contact lets the man know that the family can still be preserved. If the decision to divorce has already been made, it should not be done.
  4. Show negative emotions. It is especially important not to cry in front of a man. Tears cause pity and give a hint to continue the relationship.
  5. Open meetings with other men. Regardless of the reasons for the divorce, it is necessary to respect the feelings of the former spouse. It is advisable not to flaunt new relationships with other men.
  6. Discuss the ex-husband with other people. You should not stoop to gossiping and insulting your spouse. This can lead to conflict.

It is very important to stay on good terms with your spouse after your divorce. This will allow you to get your life back on track more quickly and avoid unnecessary conflict. All conversations should take place in a calm atmosphere.

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