How to survive in a team where you are not loved?

Everybody hates me at work

I want to hear feedback, who have ever felt it, or those who can help with advice. I have changed a lot of jobs, and in most cases I was fired because of poor relations with colleagues or superiors. Similar situations recur everywhere: at the beginning everything is more or less fine with my colleagues, then after a few months there are a lot of people who hate me. I am aware that the problem is with me, but I cannot pinpoint the general reasons. Continued below

Always very friendly with everyone, always smiling, always trying to help if asked. However, I try to keep my dignity in front of those who openly show their dislike, I never ingratiate myself with them. I am very sociable and devoted to my work, and I have no problem working overtime just to finish the job.

Not only women hate me, but also men, i.e. I cannot blame everything on envy. I had similar problems at school – I was always an outcast.

At my current job it’s starting to repeat itself:

I work for more than a month, very good relations with the boss.It all started with a conflict with a colleague (a married man of 50 years), who . He ⌠ treated me so well that strange hints, inappropriate compliments, invitations to cafes and restaurants, even ⌠ inconsiderate touches ⌠ with this colleague we work on a common project, including joint work outside the office with constant moving around the city. I decided (with the boss’s consent) to work on the project separately from him in order to save time and labor by explaining my reasons to this colleague in advance, to which he raised a scandal, reached his superiors and convinced them of the need to work with me. I made it clear with my attitude that I would do everything on a professional level, but that I would not go to another communication. Suddenly, many people around me stop saying hello and rudely respond to requests and questions, and this colleague starts to openly hate me.

I sit at work and cry: it will get worse, I don’t want to leave, since the same thing will happen again in a new place. I do not want to live.

They don’t call you Fira at work, do they? ))))))

If you can not understand your head, why guess? Ask. From those with whom everything is overgrown and calmed down. Maybe from a previous job.

Author, I understand you. With me at work, almost no one talks, although the team we have a large (female), some do not even say hello. And at school I was an outcast. But I try to shut them out, I’m not going to impose my communication on anyone. Fuck them.

Don’t mind the jealousy, they’re all jealous of you.

And I think there’s some jealousy there, too. I was not an outcast, but I sometimes try to provoke, you need to build your team of like-minded people and then there will be fewer problems.

And maybe you have an arrogant look, or you’re a bore? Such people do not like. And more than that, I do not know what else it could be. Here! Maybe you smell bad.

Maybe you are arrogant? those who like to work very much, especially overtime, do not like it either. and with men the problems are of a different nature I understand. my friend also could not understand why people suddenly started treating her badly at work, stopped saying hello to many people, stopped being friends. Then it turned out that one of her friends was spreading rumors about her.

Incomplex people often try to stick their heads in the sand and blame others for their problems and ponce up their noses because they don’t like it).

You do not have to be loved by everyone. But if everyone does not like you, there is something abnormal.

Why do people hate me at work?

I’m hated by my mother because I have “daddy’s temper. “

They hate me at work.

They hate me at work.

Should I change jobs?

Is your author’s name Olga by any chance?

Then it turned out that an acquaintance of hers had spread rumors that she was a whore. She was not intimate with him. The guy must have been offended.

Man, that’s the kind of guy I hate. About me in the second year of uni, one guy told everyone how he had me “in all the breathing and breathing” in detail. The gossip got to me, of course, quickly. I didn’t sleep with him, and I even knew him only at first hand, and I was a virgin at the time. I do not understand why you do such a thing?

Author, you’re sorry, of course, but you’re just a wuss! You are hated because they feel their impunity, that you can not stand up for yourself and fight back. You need to be friendly, but you can not allow to wipe their feet – people are very sensitive to it and behave accordingly

The author does not listen to anyone’s prescriptions. To treat the “disease”, it must first be accurately diagnosed, rather than engage in silly self-medication. And will be a diagnosis, you do not need any advice, you will find yourself.

Oh, come on, just hate – the posts and smells like, I’m the most beautiful, so the men all drool (and I do not give them, and they hate me), and the women are jealous.

I have seen girls and men like that. They think they’re all of themselves sexy-super-profi, but in fact empty, petty people with exorbitant conceit and a lot of complexes that really tired, because instead of work they have one thing – to look who else they, poor women, can not stand and whine about it.

Oh, come on, just hate – the posts and smells like, I’m the most beautiful, so the men are drooling (and I do not give them, and they hate me), and the women are jealous. I have seen girls and men like that. They think they’re all of themselves sexy-super-profi, but in fact empty, petty people with exorbitant conceit and a lot of complexes that really tired, because instead of work they have one thing – to find who else they, poor women, can not stand and whine about it.

Why is it necessary to look for a catch in everything and turn everything upside down? Reread my post: I wrote that jealousy is not the explanation of the problem, because men are not pitied either. As for immoderate self-importance, in myself I cut off any hints of it, as I myself can not communicate with such people. And as for a lot of complexes – that is, that is, otherwise I would not have written here

The author does not listen to anyone’s prescriptions. To treat the “disease”, it must first be accurately diagnosed, rather than engage in silly self-medication. And will be a diagnosis, you do not need any advice, you will find yourself.

I understand all this with my mind, I try to analyze myself, to look at myself from the outside, but I cannot diagnose myself. It really spoils my life when everyone doesn’t like me at work. There are no such problems at work: a lot of friends, beloved husband, etc. It was only in school and now, at work.

You expect in advance from colleagues to dislike, internally tense and unable to just relax and communicate normally. That is why it is hard for people with you. You need to relax, forget that they hate you, let them, just so you start to behave naturally. And in general, the team can not be mistrustful, you would think everyone loves everyone, only you in the sidelines. Everyone has bad moments, you have to put it out of your mind.

You know, author, I understand you. I went through it. I was independent, unique, intelligent, ambidextrous… I was sexy and so on:))) cutting into the eyes of “normal” people. Everything clears up with age;)) My advice – stop straining, adjust, do not try to be someone value yourself … and most importantly do not be afraid of anything. learn to laugh at yourself and the situation. try to “crack” sense of humor. the easier you treat yourself and to “fate-overdrinking”, the easier to live. try not to go into conflict. (Resolve the matter before it comes to a standstill …) Strangely enough, but you will get off., the distance will be, but it is quite tolerable to exist …

It’s not Yulia, it’s probably Tanya Andr…va.

What can I tell you, in yoga, every situation is a lesson. As long as you have not passed the lesson, the situation will repeat itself, the faces will change, and everything else will not. Maybe you’re being too pushy, next time just do your work well and that’s it.

Author, you’re sorry, of course, but you’re just a wuss! You are hated because they feel their impunity, that you can not stand up for yourself and fight back. You need to be friendly, but you can not allow to wipe their feet – people are very sensitive to it and behave accordingly

Poor author, I feel for you. I agree with the above comments, because I myself have the same problem. people do not understand good behavior. and also do not tolerate when someone works harder than them, doing tasks more conscientiously, thinking about the benefits of the organization, not how to take more breaks and steal that bad lay. in general, in their opinion, “showing off.

Yes, I’m also at a crossroads now – whether to quit, or to see what happens next

My husband is wealthy, and I work in the office where people are two years to save up for a new laminate. I’m like a red rag for the bull. Ashamed to admit – I park 200 meters away, so no one saw, but still be sure someone will stroll past. I piss them off a lot of things – for example, I do not carry food in small bowls, and at lunchtime I leave with a girlfriend to eat. In short, ass. A week ago, even the chief’s secretut began to kind of poke fun (they have this way vidte ly pester – just write about everything you do not want to). I would quit, but then my husband is sure to put me at home, and I do not want to

Well, I have if it happens dislike. or I did not say hello to someone, I have not heard someone’s hello, or a lot of stress because of someone’s displeasure (purely on the job) and responded too aggressively.

But that’s just petty stuff, mostly everybody likes it.

what does this guy have to do with it? i mean, okay, you had a fight with him, what about the others, are they his brothers-in-law? the thing is unrelated, you may be missing something.

The daily torture of homework.

Is there a boomerang?

How do philanderers end up?

Divorce, filing for alimony, getting the kids registered

How do you get married so you can be a housewife and not work?

(ewww. is it ambition?)

And as for piles of complexes – what is, is, otherwise I would not have written here

Blah, blah, blah. I’ve even been invited by the director to dinner and all sorts of grooming. It doesn’t interfere with my work in any way and hasn’t caused any problems with the team.

And you – some 50-year-old married guy (your level, not higher, not even the boss) – said something dirty, that’s it.

No, something’s not right here.

No, the author, you’re a chickenshit. Ie you made a hint, and instead of a face brick and continue to work, quickly jumped to the boss to convince him that you will work alone.

The man may know the real reason, but from the outside looks like this: Came here bimbo, sat for a month, sucked out of the poor colleague all the juice, then asked the boss, they say I’m cool,

I’ll work alone.

Speaking of overtime, do not trumpet in all corners that you are willing to work overtime. Because bosses are a strange tribe, if one is ready, it seems to them that the other authomat too ready. And then it begins to seem that everyone just really MUST work overtime.

In general, the cause is likely to be collective, rather than one specific cause.

Yes, I’ll also complain. My employment record is like a Soviet encyclopedia. The scheme is one interview, they take it right away. Profession – a secretary with English. And the brains, looks good, with women all right. But I am losing my job because of men. I am a single mother, and when the next one starts digging, I cry. Enemies number one. And I behave strictly, in a working, respectful way. No tricks. No bad habits. Kuma said that the secretary kind of always have to lick the ass, and tolerate when she snapped. And I just want to be respected. Change of specialty need of course, but no experience in the crisis to find a shit, and the secretary always get a job. In general, when I sit with the child hungry again, I already begin to hate men, and in life there were only moral monsters and at work they cannot leave me alone. Now I fired again in May, he began to pick on me, calling on the cell phone outside working hours with complaints, then gave a deliberately crooked job, and when I was wrong, he ran to knock on my unfitness. And all with such emotions like a woman in menopause. I do not allow myself to do that, although my life is not good. That’s what I did to him, a mystery. I have a normal job, close to home, it’s a pity.

I went through it, and I know a specific person who raised a wave against me. The reason was jealousy. I have a handsome successful husband. At work I do not talk about my personal life. One day he came to pick me up. He and I were going down the stairs, towards us was the chief accountant. When my husband and I went outside, I turned around and noticed that she was watching us. Two days later I had a birthday, and again, my brother (also beautiful and good-looking guy came to my workplace and brought me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. Girls began to tease – they say, all the handsome men in the city around you gathered. They laughed and forgot. But it was since then went on attacks from this woman. Directly we were not related to her. But, of course, any employee is faced with accounting in his work. First there was some strange thing with the calculation of wages – in one month it was one-third less. When I went to check with the personnel department – they were surprised and said that the accounting department all the documents were given to me. And in accounting said that they did not charge because there was no some kind of signature. It ended in a scandal with my boss, chief accountant and CFO. She yelled that she would not add anything to the calculation, that this is not her fault, and in general. And in the corridor said – if your salary is not enough, ask your husband. Then she started bringing up documents that were allegedly either not filled out or not registered properly. Moreover, she did not inform anyone about the intricacies of paperwork. Every time I took my manager and went to clarify – why the claim was addressed to me and on what grounds. Each time there was a hue and cry – I had told her about it a hundred times! When my boss reasonably asked me why I hadn’t heard about it, the yelling got stronger. Then came the gossip – that I have no control because I sleep with all the management and therefore I’m all defended. Everything ended three months later she was fired – not because of me, of course.

We have one at work who no one likes. But she is very selfish, capable of petty meanness, complexed, unsympathetic old maid – a blue stocking. She does her best to her bosses in his presence and doesn’t do a damn thing in his absence. Very sneaky. I feel sorry for her sometimes, but she’ll do something nasty and disgusting again. She herself is completely convinced that she is disliked because she is a “decent” person and everyone else is jealous and idiotic. According to her, she was hated at school and at her previous jobs. Another thing that amazes me is how a person doesn’t understand that if EVERYONE around you doesn’t like you, then the reason is only in yourself, in your attitude towards the staff, your colleagues, your projects, etc.

How to work with someone who hates you

Contributor(s): Meredith Walters, MBA. Meredith Walters is a certified career coach who helps people develop the skills they need to find interesting, fulfilling jobs. She has over 8 years of experience in career and personal coaching, including coaching at the Goizueta School of Business (Emory University) and the U.S. Peace Corps. She is a former board member of the Georgia chapter of the International Coaching Federation. She received her coaching degree from New Ventures West and her MBA from the University of San Francisco.

Number of views of this article: 21 899.

Communicating with others is, in most cases, an integral part of the work process. Unfortunately, it is sometimes difficult to find common ground with your colleagues. That is why it is important to know how to behave in order to work calmly together with your colleagues, even if you have tense relations. It is important to learn how to control yourself and do your job calmly. There are many ways to cope with negative emotions in relation to colleagues and to work in a team.

  • Of course, in some cases, communication is just unavoidable, especially if you work with that colleague directly. But during a lunch or other break, you can take a break from your colleague in the break room. If a colleague with whom you have a strained relationship enters the same room, just say something like, “All right, got work to do. See you later.” [1] X Source of Information
  • If you have to communicate with this employee, try to maintain a business-like tone of communication. You should not be distracted with this person by extraneous conversations and issues that are not work-related, or it could lead to conflict. [2] X Source of Information

  • Tell a co-worker that you respect an employee who dislikes you. This information will eventually reach that colleague, but in a third person. If that information reaches that colleague from people other than you, he is more likely to believe it. [4] X Source of Information
  • Show interest and friendliness when your colleague walks into the office. People usually like those who pay attention to them and treat them well. However, if you get a chance to avoid talking to this person (during breaks), by all means take it. But at other times, try to show interest and attention to your colleague. Believe me, it will greatly reduce his negative attitude towards you. [5] X Source of Information
  • A little companionship is also a great way to help with this. Even the simple phrase “good morning” can pay off nicely. [6] X Source of Information

Try not to mix personal relationships and work. If you’re having trouble with an employee, try to separate work and communication with your colleagues. It is not a good idea to communicate with your colleagues outside of work. If the employee with whom you are having trouble communicating doesn’t miss a bar on a Friday night, you shouldn’t see him or her and other colleagues outside of work hours. [7] X Source of Information

  • If a coworker’s behavior is negatively affecting your job performance, supervisors will be able to address the issue. Document your interactions with this coworker throughout the week if you plan to take this material to your supervisor. You should have proof that what you say is true. [8] X Source of Information
  • It is important to focus your attention on how your employee’s behavior affects the workplace and the team as a whole. Objectively assess the situation as well as the impact on productivity and team relationships. [9] X Source of Information
  • Remember that this is an extreme measure. You don’t want to become a “snitch” to your team. You should only report a coworker’s behavior to your supervisor if he goes to extremes: attacking you personally, harassing you, using force (despite your attempts to correct the situation). [10] X Source of information

  • When you’re upset about something, imagine how much good can happen in the next year or five years. Is this fight with a colleague really that important when it comes to the long term? Who knows how long you will have to work together. It’s quite possible that the colleague with whom you have a disagreement won’t be working with you that long. [11] X Source of Information
  • What can you learn from this situation? Look at it as a lesson on how to behave with others. If an employee’s animosity interferes with your work performance, take note of it and avoid such communication in the future. [12] X Reliable source Harvard Business Review Go to source

  • Relaxation sessions during the day may help you. Try to calm down and banish negative thoughts by focusing on the moment at hand. Feel in control of your body and mind, your breathing, and your surroundings. In this way, focusing on your thoughts will help you get rid of negativity because of your co-worker’s behavior. [14] X Reliable source Harvard Business Review Go to source

  • Sometimes each of us needs to vent. It’s quite normal to feel frustration or resentment. However, try to express those emotions outside the office. Talking to friends or family outside of work is much more helpful than speaking out to colleagues at work. [15] X Reliable source Harvard Business Review Go to source

  • Often the cause of resentment is jealousy. Perhaps a colleague feels that you are more successful, which he or she greatly lacks. You shouldn’t rule out employee envy, but it’s also worth considering that you may be too complacent or boastful. If that’s the case, that’s probably what caused the conflict. [16] X Source of Information
  • Sometimes people mistake shyness for rudeness. If you just don’t interact with that colleague very often, he may think you are too smug. Try to be a little more friendly. [17] X Source of Information
  • Do other co-workers sympathize with you? If not, perhaps your behavior is pushing others away. Try talking to a colleague with whom you have a good relationship, asking him or her to objectively evaluate your behavior. Think about what in your behavior might be pushing others away. [18] X Source of Information

  • It could be something minor: for example, perhaps you once forgot to hold the elevator door for a colleague. Perhaps you said something rude or commented on your colleague’s appearance and he misunderstood. [19] X Source of Information
  • If you have thought hard about your behavior and understand your mistakes, you can apologize to that coworker. If the employee’s dislike of you really started with some rude gesture, the dislike is likely to go away after you talk and apologize. [20] X Source of Information

Assess your stress level because of the situation. Be honest with yourself and think about how much this situation bothers you. If you can’t keep your personal life and work separate, you may want to consider changing jobs. Keep in mind that difficulties in communicating with colleagues are found in every workplace and in every profession. If the relationship with an employee pisses you off, it’s worth seeing a psychologist and trying to reduce your stress level.

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  1. ↑http://www.today.com/health/ways-deal-difficult-co-workers-I531315
  2. ↑http://www.today.com/health/ways-deal-difficult-co-workers-I531315
  3. ↑http://www.popularsocialscience.com/2012/12/05/how-to-cope-with-the-colleague-who-dislikes-you/
  4. ↑http://www.popularsocialscience.com/2012/12/05/how-to-cope-with-the-colleague-who-dislikes-you/
  5. ↑http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/05/31/yahoo-column-10-ways-to-make-people-hate-you-at-work/
  6. ↑http://www.today.com/health/ways-deal-difficult-co-workers-I531315
  7. ↑http://www.today.com/health/ways-deal-difficult-co-workers-I531315
  8. ↑http://www.today.com/health/ways-deal-difficult-co-workers-I531315
  9. ↑http://career-advice.monster.com/in-the-office/workplace-issues/get-along-with-coworker-you-hate/article.aspx
  1. ↑http://career-advice.monster.com/in-the-office/workplace-issues/get-along-with-coworker-you-hate/article.aspx
  2. ↑http://www.today.com/health/ways-deal-difficult-co-workers-I531315
  3. ↑https://hbr.org/2012/01/how-to-work-with-someone-you-h/
  4. ↑https://hbr.org/2012/01/how-to-work-with-someone-you-h/
  5. ↑https://hbr.org/2012/01/how-to-work-with-someone-you-h/
  6. ↑https://hbr.org/2012/01/how-to-work-with-someone-you-h/
  7. ↑http://www.popularsocialscience.com/2012/12/05/how-to-cope-with-the-colleague-who-dislikes-you/
  8. ↑http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/05/31/yahoo-column-10-ways-to-make-people-hate-you-at-work/
  9. ↑http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/05/31/yahoo-column-10-ways-to-make-people-hate-you-at-work/
  10. ↑http://www.today.com/health/ways-deal-difficult-co-workers-I531315
  11. ↑http://www.today.com/health/ways-deal-difficult-co-workers-I531315

About this article.

Contributor(s): Meredith Walters, MBA. Meredith Walters is a certified career coach who helps people develop the skills they need to find interesting, fulfilling jobs. She has over 8 years of experience in career and personal coaching, including coaching at the Goizueta School of Business (Emory University) and the U.S. Peace Corps. She is a former board member of the Georgia chapter of the International Coaching Federation. She holds a coaching degree from New Ventures West and an MBA from the University of San Francisco. Number of views of this article: 21 899.

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