How to survive a divorce with your husband advice from a psychologist?

Life after a divorce with her husband: tips from a psychologist

Divorce is a very difficult experience in a woman’s life, even if it was expected, even if she initiated it herself. By divorce we mean both the termination of a formal marriage, and the rupture of a long-term relationship. It is not the legal status that is important, but the time, the feelings, the hopes, the serious plans associated with the relationship.

Divorce is the collapse of the former life of a woman, the transition to a new stage and any transition is accompanied by stress and nerves, and if you do not take control of yourself in time, the stress can become chronic and develop into a full long-term depression.

About how a woman should behave after a divorce, to prevent depression, and recover as soon as possible, we will talk in this article.

“I do my thing, and you do your thing.

I don’t live in this world to meet your expectations,

and you don’t live in this world to conform to mine.

If we happen to meet each other, that’s fine.

And if we don’t, so be it.”

The Psychology of Divorce for Women

Times are changing and people today take divorce a lot easier than they used to. The psychology of an emancipated woman allows her to feel like a full member of society, even if she is not in a relationship. Indeed, women get an education, can get a dream job, and are not dependent on their father or spouse.

But while, from a financial point of view, a breakup is no longer a wreck for a woman, the moral side of the issue is still painful, the weight of the problems experienced is as great as it was a hundred, two hundred years ago. The psychology of love and affection remains the same, the issues of child-rearing must also be dealt with without harming the latter. Although society does not press as hard as it used to, it is still rather boneheaded in family matters and looks at women of a certain age who are never married or divorced with distrust and condemnation.

I’ve never been married, but I always say I’m divorced or people will think there’s something wrong with me.

Elaine Busler.

The main reasons for divorce in women.

Although psychologists advocate a harmonious relationship and will never push a woman into divorce, there are reasons why separation is the best, and sometimes the only, option.

Young people without life experience can rarely create a strong family.

Yes, passion as in the first three years rarely lasts for decades, but still a sense of deep love and affection should always be present. If there are no feelings, and you understand that there is a stranger nearby, you should not hang on to the cold embers, it is worthwhile to give yourself and your spouse a chance to live a life in love, albeit not with each other.

No joint affairs and plans.

For a time, a common bonding activity could be the raising of a child. But this is very unreliable and unstable – the children grow up, and the family, if nothing else binds the man and woman, falls apart.

The man cheats all the time or the woman cheats all the time, it doesn’t matter. If it is not a mutual agreement: a free relationship, a guest marriage, etc., then cheating, jealousy, and deceit are not the best companions in family life.

Alcoholism, drug addiction, and gambling addiction are all reasons to break up a relationship. It is possible to give a person one chance and help him to get out of his addiction, but you should not lay your life (and especially the lives of your children) on the altar of sacrifice.

Violence in the relationship.

There are no options here. The first aggressive physical attack against a woman should be the last. You can’t give it a chance, you can’t forgive. It should be the end of the relationship.

The reasons can be different: a mismatch of temperaments, pregnancy and childbirth, hormonal change, diseases. Most of them can be solved independently or with the assistance of a psychologist, sexologist. But, if the years go by, and there is no intimate life, it is worth, after weighing all the pros and cons, it is still worth giving each other a chance for sex with other partners. The exception, perhaps, is the fortunate coincidence of an asexual couple.

Divorce probably came about the same time marriage did. Marriage is probably only a few weeks older.

What is the right way for a woman to go through a divorce?

Divorce, as mentioned above, is a lot of stress, even if the woman initiated it herself, but following these tips can significantly reduce its detrimental effects and recover faster.

Solve all the cases, deal with the rights and responsibilities regarding the children, joint property, business, cat and hamster. And leave, no need to play on your and his nerves. Divorce – if there is no violence and other serious reasons for immediate flight is the case when you measure twice and cut once. But you will have to cut anyway.

To realize the first point as soon as possible, try to reduce communication to the necessary minimum. The time when you will be visiting each other with your new halves will come. Maybe. But now, while the wounds are fresh, do not pick them with daily communication.

Don’t hold your emotions in.

Repressed emotions – the leading cause of cardiovascular disease and cancer. Cry, sob, complain to loved ones. Breaking up is a tough experience, you really need support, and you really shouldn’t be holding your face right now by all means.

Put a moratorium on advice.

Give yourself time and don’t listen to anyone’s advice or recommendations just yet. Human psychology under stress is malleable and unstable. Just don’t make any sudden moves or listen to anyone until your emotions cool down a bit and your ability to think reasonably returns to you.

Take care of yourself

Love yourself, give yourself as much time as possible, eat right, exercise, meditate, read, watch movies, take frequent walks, go for massages. The body and psyche are interconnected, when one suffers, taking care of the other will help get out of stress.

Live your life.

If you worked, studied, continue to develop in this direction. If you’ve lived the life of a family, a loved one, now it’s definitely time to start doing something for yourself – find a job, start doing what lies in the soul, to expand social circle, etc.

What a woman should not do after a divorce?

Do not rake up the past. Thank your husband and life for the experience that you have and let go.

You shouldn’t try to rebuild the relationship. As we said above, you need to weigh everything very carefully before you break up and don’t cut it off. Don’t let your emotions change your decision. A broken cup can’t be glued back together, trying to get it all back doesn’t lead to anything good, and only wears you down and destroys the relationship completely.

If your husband has gone to another woman or has simply left, there is no need to bring him back and keep him by blackmail and threats. Deceive and manipulate with illness. The truth will come out sooner or later, but self-respect and your own psyche after such games will have a long time to restore.

Do not rush headlong into a maelstrom. Do not look for a quick replacement, and do not engage in casual relationships, as in the previous example – the price is too high.

How to behave with your husband after the divorce?

The first time after you made the decision: everything – divorce, it is better not to communicate at all, if communication is inevitable – maintain it only on the case. Over time, passions will subside and you will be able to talk and communicate without resorting to personalities, without tears and tantrums, forget resentments, and if everything is done correctly and you have saved face and self-respect, you can become friends in the future if you want to.

If you want to really get to know someone well, divorce them.

Elizabeth Gilbert.

A woman’s behavior after divorce if there are no children

Divorce goes much easier if there are no children in the couple. When there is no commitment and no extra responsibility everything can be resolved much easier.

You can give free rein to your feelings. With children, a woman will have to restrain herself and behave calmly, recovery may take longer because of this. When you are alone you can cry from the heart, cut up pictures and shirts, drown everything in the nearby pond and forget.

A woman can change everything completely. Throw away all the things that remind you of your loved one, rearrange and repair.

It is possible to meet a new love more quickly. Yes, you should not expect that the second husband will appear as soon as the door slams shut behind the first one, but you can get acquainted and begin to communicate with a new man much faster if you do not have small children.

A woman’s behavior after divorce when there are children

Things get more complicated if there are children, especially very young ones, and the woman becomes the primary caretaker. What should be done in this case? As much as possible, preferably together with your ex-husband, to provide them with peace of mind and minimize the consequences of your divorce. Children whose parents are divorced often feel guilty about it. Your task is to make them understand that this is not true, that divorce is an adult decision, and that you, having become ex-spouses, will forever remain their mom and dad.

Try to change their lives, where they live, school, clubs, and recreational activities as little as possible. If daddy used to take his son to the pool on Sundays, that’s the way it stays. And joint trips and entertainment, if they were, return as soon as possible.

Never, unless your husband is a rapist, speak ill of him to your children in front of them. The father is part of the child’s personality, and by bad-mouthing your husband, you lower your child’s self-esteem. “If my father is so bad, then I am his flesh and blood, not a very good person. Yes, that’s not how a little child phrases it, but that’s how he feels.

And it’s not good for the woman either. After all, if she chose, lived, loved, and gave birth to “such a jerk,” then who is she herself?

Your husband is your choice and a big part of your life, he will forever be the father of your children, he is the one who made you a mother. At least for the sake of that, it is worth it to divorce peacefully, keeping your love and respect for each other as parents.

After the breakup, the children should live with the parent who has more respect for the former partner in the children.

Bert Hellinger

How do you get your ex-husband back after a divorce and is it worth it?

Statistically, such attempts are very rarely successful. But, on rare occasions, it is still possible to enter the same river and give the relationship a chance.

Your husband cheated on you or hurt you badly (no serious insults or abuse), but he is actively remorseful and ready to change.

You didn’t measure up as well as you thought you would before you cut and as time passes, you both realize you overreacted. The important thing is that you both understand.

Many years have passed since the divorce, you have become different people, matured, rethought a lot of things, lost your youthful impulsiveness, but gained wisdom.

Here, perhaps, are the main reasons to return to the relationship, which, in theory, can be successful.

Divorce is an emergency exit in case there is a fire. When a house is on fire, it doesn’t matter who set it on fire. If there is no emergency exit, everyone burns!

Mehmet Murat Ildan.

How to forget my ex-husband after my divorce?

There is no need to forget your ex-husband – he is a big part of your life. Thank him for the experience you had, for the person you have become, let go of the past and move on.

But if you have been the victim of an abuser, a rapist, an emotional blackmailer, you need to get out of it as soon as possible. The most important thing in this case, restore your self-esteem, which suffers greatly in an abusive relationship. See a psychologist, find help groups, go to loved ones, don’t be alone and don’t let the relationship resume.

A list of typical mistakes that you absolutely must not make

These are mistakes that many women who have gone through a divorce make and that hopefully you won’t make.

Trying to get it all back for fear of being alone.

Rushing out to find a new relationship.

Trying to hold back emotions, pulling on a mask of confidence and cheerfulness.

Turn children against the father.

Blackmail and manipulate the children, health.

Revenge on the ex-husband.

Give in to bad habits, to drown the pain in alcohol, to eat unhealthy foods, to start smoking.

Do not take care of yourself. Do not sleep at night, give up on your body, take uncontrolled medications.

How to become happy after a divorce and return to normal life?

The first time will be the hardest, you should not be too demanding to yourself during this period. But, you should understand that relief will surely come and you will become happy. Time heals and not such wounds, all will calm down, resentment will pass, a new life will begin. It is important not to mess up, to preserve self-respect, to restore self-esteem, if it is severely shaken by divorce, and to believe in the best, which is not far off.

To recover from a divorce faster, you need to address all the immediate issues as effectively as possible. Sit down and think hard about what tasks your ex-husband performed and what you will now have to do yourself. Write out all the problems and ways to solve them. When you realize that you can cope with most of the tasks yourself – it will fill you with confidence and contribute to the quickest recovery of self-esteem and a return to normal life.

Disappointment will either destroy you or lead to success – it all depends on what you choose.

Start working with a psychologist now

Help from a psychologist after a divorce with your husband

It’s important to finally figure out what you really want after your divorce, too. Often we do not know the answer to this question, and so we find ourselves with people who are not on our way, and we live with a sense of dissatisfaction.

Now, left alone with yourself, you should decide once and for all what it is you want. The answer, “I don’t know,” is not acceptable. Get rid of the female chorus of voices in your head: mom, girlfriends, teachers and neighbors, and listen to yourself. If you can’t – a psychologist can help.

Psychological help is needed almost every person after a breakup, and to understand themselves, determine their desires and goals – in this the advice of a psychologist after a divorce with her husband is indispensable.

Conclusion

Divorce is a serious test and stress. In essence, it is a loss. Loss of the past life, illusions, desires, plans, a part of your personality. But it is darkest before the dawn, and the pain will subside, the problems will resolve, the passions will subside, and the experience of life and the ability to cope with adversity will remain.

Do not go into yourself, do not hide your emotions, give yourself time to grieve and accept the situation. If you can’t cope by yourself, ask your loved ones for help, go to a psychologist or seek support in a psychological group. Believe in yourself and everything will be fine, you will still be happy.

The information contained in this material is for guidance only and cannot replace a professional medical consultation. If you notice signs of depression due to a divorce, consult with a specialist!

How to get over the separation with her husband: 10 tips that work

Breaking up with your husband is always a painful process. However, it is often the only true ending to a failed marriage that only brings sadness to both partners. But if you’ve made the decision to divorce suddenly, it’s important to understand: is this definitely the end or just a temporary whim to cut everything “off the shoulder.”

Today we’re going to talk about how to survive a breakup with your husband, recover and find yourself in a new life, and discuss what you should never do during conflicts and breakups.

Breaking up with your husband – an end or a new beginning

Thoughts of divorce from a spouse visit a woman even in a successful marriage. In general, most often this is thought about during or after a scandal and discord, after a reconciliation of the idea of separation and do not remember. But there are also situations when separation seems to be the only right decision on the way to liberation.

A formal separation is a serious, responsible decision that requires a certain approach, because the consequences can be irreversible. When should spouses resort to the dissolution of the marriage and start life with a clean slate, and when should they try to save the relationship?

Even if your feelings are sincere, it is not worth holding on to a man if you find the following in your marriage:

Various addictions (alcohol, drugs). As a rule, girls do not know about it before marriage, because men carefully hide these moments of biography or “hold on” until marriage.

Cheating. If you got a polygamous partner, here it’s a matter of internal acceptance or non-acceptance of constant cheating. Evaluate whether you are willing to turn a blind eye to it for life?

Violent actions, threats, beatings. There is a type of aggressive men who are unable to contain their negative energy. They beat and humiliate their women in every way. For them, this behavior is the norm.

Indifferent attitude towards the material side of family relationships, when a man is not interested in the financial well-being of his family. He can not, and even does not want to take responsibility for this side of life.

A disrespectful relationship between the spouses. Marriage works well when at least one of the spouses is deeply enough in love, and mutual respect reigns in the couple. When there is none of these indicators, divorce is inevitable.

Humiliation, bullying, psychological pressure. In this way a man can assert himself in life, his wife is the last person for him – a servant, a servant. It is psychologically difficult to be in such a relationship for a long time, it is fraught with mental disorder.

Violent actions against children, humiliation.

It happens that people go for drastic measures in the form of divorce out of stupidity, in a fit of anger or resentment. Typically, this happens in the early stages, when household difficulties overcome and children are born. This is a period of time that is quite difficult to get over, because there is a growing tension in the couple, all the talk is just about domestic problems, the passion goes away. Spouses compare themselves to buddies, who have everything much more harmonious and interesting than in their marriage. It may not be true, but from the outside a lot of things seem perfect. Stop looking for excuses and reasons for your breakups! This is your life, and only you are responsible for it, stop comparing and comparing friends and neighbors.

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In this case, women find the following motives for breaking up with their husbands:

Life will be much more fun and easier after the divorce;

Find a new gentleman – more successful, wealthy and generous;

In the case of divorce, the children will not suffer.

What woman does not dream of meeting her prince and marrying him? However, in practice, the chance of falling into a fairy tale is negligible. Analyze your relationship with a calm head, weigh all the pros and cons, identify the moments that your union likes and not so much. Before you put her husband before the fact desired divorce, try to be away from him for at least a few days (for example, visit your parents, go to a sanatorium for a week), this will once again assess the need for separation and draw conclusions. In case you were overwhelmed by a wave of positive, a sense of freedom, you felt a burst of energy – the desire to leave her husband is justified. Especially if the thought of returning home terrifies you.

If you miss the house, turning over your memories of happy moments, then do not hurry with the divorce is not necessary, there is a chance not only to save the marriage, but also to make it stronger.

Breaking up with your husband by all the rules

Stop, think thoroughly. Only violence, aggression, threat to the life, health of you and your children can serve as a reason for you to escape from the marriage without looking back.

In all other cases, there is no need to rush:

Solve the housing problem. Think of a retreat route. The first pressing issue is housing. Often women live with tyrants for years just because they have nowhere to retreat to. In fact, options can always be found.

Create a financial safety net. Cash reserve is never superfluous, especially in the early stages after a divorce (paying for children’s sections, rent, buying groceries, etc.)

Consult with lawyers about the exchange of housing, division of jointly acquired property, business. Determine the points that can make you uncomfortable in this situation.

Do not be dramatic. It’s not so scary, the new world outside of marriage is not so dangerous, you may have new horizons.

Talk to your spouse’s family, discuss the reasons for your divorce, justify the situation as you see it. Try to keep a warm relationship with them – it’s not a bad idea.

Another difficulty in a relationship can be a strong love and inability to be together when you literally can’t stand each other. How do you leave a spouse for whom you have such vivid emotions and passion? Often women take for love a simple attachment, a sense of duty. Partners feed off these emotions.

If you are dreading the possibility of divorce, but also cohabitation is not adding up at all, then:

Consider your long-term interests. Passion sooner or later passes, what remains is habit, mutual respect, and caring. Approach the issue of your union from this point of view.

Expand, go to a concert or exhibition, change your social circle, add freshness and novelty to your life. It happens that he lack of emotions, a woman can be mistaken for love absolutely any feelings for a man. Remember, your spouse is not the only source of positive emotions!

Visit a psychologist (psychotherapist). He will unwind the balls of your doubts, will help organize feelings, thoughts, true emotions.

Openly talk to your husband about your relationship and feelings, do not keep silent about the problems. The options for the outcome of the conversation can be two. The first – you finally get into a quarrel and take the decision to divorce; the second – your husband will hear you, will agree to compromise in the solution of brewing problems and the collapse of the union will be avoided.

If you decide to leave, do it nicely. Do not throw tantrums with tears or dust to the ceiling. Leave effectively, with a cold heart and a sober mind. Don’t be sorry!

Without tantrums discuss with your spouse business and household aspects of the separation: the division of property, communication with the children, taking care of them. Record on paper all the agreements: the more details the better.

Choose the ideal moment to tell your spouse about the separation. Do not say the news during the next conflict, even if you notice a provocation from the man. It is important to discuss all the nuances, and for this raging emotions do not need. Wait for a moment when you both will be calm and capable of a constructive conversation.

Try to keep friendly relations. You’re close, almost family people, together for more than a year. Keep calm, because there is a type of people whom hostile attitude provokes anger, quarrels, intrigue weaving. Take care of your honest name.

You are a grown woman, not a little child who requires total care and patronage. Single ladies after divorce also build new relationships, fall in love, get married. Children and your past do not interfere with that at all.

You shouldn’t hold on to your aggressive and inadequate tyrant husband because he is the father of your children. Do they really need such a father? This is a danger to all of you, sometimes even life-threatening. Children see and understand everything, even bullying will not go unnoticed. Why put your lives in danger and live in constant stress?

When kids are young enough, you can do without the details, it’s enough to talk about a temporary move from daddy. As they get older, you will find more appropriate arguments for your separation.

When a divorce situation catches the children as adults, you don’t always need a strong argument – children understand everything themselves perfectly well, they are much better off without a bad father.

Do not put off the issue of alimony – run the application in parallel with the process of divorce. This is a direct obligation of your spouse – the financial support of their children. In addition, and you are entitled to financial support, if you are on maternity leave. Rarely does a member of the stronger sex go to alimony payments voluntarily and on time, even if he vows to remember to help his children during the divorce and asks to avoid litigation on this topic.

10 tips on how to survive a separation from your husband

Any separation (whether from a man you love or a legal spouse) is a difficult situation, a pain. Make sure that such a difficult condition does not worsen over time and do not drag you into depression. Some women such conditions do not let go for years. Remember, from the nerves and stressful states not far and to physical illness. For some divorce and, as a consequence, depression, are the beginning of a bad streak in life. Think about your children, try to avoid the state of depression and the destruction of themselves as individuals. It will all affect them.

It is for this reason that many women after a divorce seek as soon as possible to forget her ex-husband and rush headlong into a new life. It is not always easy, but this painful period is necessary to survive for the sake of himself, his children and a bright future. In the case that you understand that you can not cope with the situation alone – see a qualified specialist (psychologist or psychotherapist).

People are rather thoughtless about negative emotions and their consequences. But it is the negative emotions and states that leave a mark in our lives. When it comes to strong negative experiences that were the result of a violent relationship or betrayal, there is a huge chance of plunging into a depressive state.

During communication, at home, spouses exchange their energy. When this happens for a long enough time (for example, you lived in harmony and happiness for five, ten or more years), you get used to a constant feeding of your partner’s energy. With his disappearance you may experience a kind of “hunger” that does not give you peace, does not leave you.

So how do you get out of this difficult situation? You need to restore the energy balance, to let go of your spouse, no matter how hard the separation was. Alas, this must be done, otherwise you will not be able to forget him.

Women who have gone through a divorce are different. Circumstances force them to change. Often you have to leave your comfort zone, step into the unknown through the pain and disappointment.

The situation is different: some easier to go through a separation, some more difficult. The important thing is to understand that this is the only true way out of the situation. Don’t hold on to a marriage that has no harmony and happiness.

Despite your love for your spouse, step toward a new life without him or her. A radical change is required, starting with your thoughts. Circumstances will change, the circle of communication will change. Yes, this is not an easy period, and sometimes you can not do without the help of a psychologist who will choose for you the best recovery program.

You need to act gradually – start with items that remind you of your ex-spouse (photos, gifts, personal belongings). With constant eye contact with them, you will feel pain, and then up to a nervous breakdown is not far away. Do not destroy them physically now, because later you may regret it. Passion sooner or later subside. In a calmer state, conduct a cleaning of things from the past. And now put them in a box and hide them away from your eyes.

Women are troubled by the fact that it is not always possible to quickly and painlessly get rid of a former spouse. Do not panic! Take a few simple tips that will help you through these difficult times:

1. Do not sit at home, even if you do not want to see the whole world and the people around you. Socialize with girlfriends, go to visit family and friends, don’t neglect communication with your colleagues. Even a walk in the park alone will do you good.

2 Look for the positive in everything. Immerse yourself in positive memories, retrieve the best moments in your mind, catch the feeling of happiness.

3. Go to the theater, go to the movies, read books, go to a concert of your favorite artist – positive emotions are guaranteed.

4. Do you have a hobby? It’s time to pursue them or find a new hobby to your liking.

5. Pamper yourself, give gifts and nice moments. A woman can be encouraged by a change of image – a new haircut, manicure, shopping. And what a relaxation awaits you after your favorite spa treatments and massages!

6. Believe in the fact that fate has a gift for you, that’s why the circumstances were so. Can’t see the dramatic change? Don’t be sad! Live life to the fullest, wait for a miracle, and it’s sure to happen. Thoughts and actions are connected, the emotional background will even out.

7. It’s not just the soul that suffers during a separation. Our emotions are reflected in our appearance. Look at divorce from a different angle – it’s a chance to take care of yourself. There is an opportunity not to spend evenings cooking dinner for her husband, and go to a fitness club, sign up for yoga, and maybe the pool? Even a jog in the park will do you good.

Sports are great for getting rid of accumulated negative energy. And a nice side effect will be a trim figure and a healthy body! This is not the end of life, perhaps this is just its next page, no less interesting and promising. A beautiful and strong body will definitely come in handy.

8. It is not easy enough to change your way of thinking. Women agonize: how to move on after betrayal and humiliation? Your spouse did an ugly thing to you, he is a scoundrel! And it is now his grief. You need to get as much out of this situation as possible. For example:

An acquired sense of freedom.

A valuable experience (e.g., a battle with government agencies to try to process child support).

No worries that your spouse will not approve or accept certain things you are up to. Use your own discretion!

9. Do you believe in horoscopes, mantras and stuff? Find on the Internet mantra that helps you forget your ex-husband. Listen to it several times a day until you feel better.

10. 10 Contact a psychologist who has extensive experience in dealing with these kinds of problems. He knows a lot of techniques that will help you to rise from the ashes and come out of the situation with your head held high.

Did not like any of the proposed options? You can use these simple therapeutic techniques that can restore your equilibrium in the period of separation with her husband:

Give vent to your negativity: tear up papers, punch a pillow, screaming from the heart!

Write a letter to your ex-spouse, where you describe in detail all the resentment on the subject of separation (but do not send it to the addressee!).

Put yourself in the place of a spouse, try through the eyes of your ex-husband to look at and analyze the situation. Stop blaming him.

Another unusual tip: it is not the only difficult situation in your life? Think of the worst of them! You managed to survive it all, so why are you so afraid to cope? A positive attitude will help you overcome all the difficulties, take a step towards a new life!

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