How to suppress jealousy?

How to cope with jealousy.

Contributor(s): Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed psychotherapist in Wisconsin, specializing in addictions and mental health. She provides therapy for people struggling with addictions, mental health issues, and the effects of trauma, both in health care settings and in private practice settings. She received her master’s degree in clinical psychology from Marquette University in 2011.

Number of sources used in this article: 10. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Number of views of this article: 33 718.

Jealousy destroys relationships; it can also be a signal that it’s time to make a change in your life. Instead of letting jealousy ruin your relationships with others, try using it to your advantage. Knowing your “enemy” face to face makes it easier to fight them. If you are jealous, protect yourself by outlining clear boundaries beyond which you can not cross.

  • Try to express your emotions on paper. You can even express your feelings and emotions in the form of drawings or diagrams that can display different emotions associated with jealousy.
  • Note that the body is sensitive to our emotions. Fear is often felt as an unpleasant feeling in the stomach, somewhat like nausea. Anger is manifested by a burning and tense feeling in the head and hands. [2] X Source of Information

Fight your emotions. Learn to analyze your feelings of jealousy whenever you experience it. For example, ask yourself: “What motivates my jealousy: fear or anger? Why am I experiencing these feelings?” Reflecting on these questions will help you get your emotions under control, and you won’t agonize over experiencing the negative emotions that usually accompany jealousy.

  • Think about what may have aggravated your feelings and try to write it down on paper. For example, you may feel fear because the last breakup was very painful, and you may be afraid at even the thought that it could happen again. You may feel unworthy of love because you didn’t get enough love from your parents as a child. [4] X Source of Information

Learn to trust. Trust the people you love. If you have no evidence that a person is cheating on you, trust them. Don’t be suspicious of your loved one, just learn to trust their words. Jealousy can ruin your relationship if you don’t trust your loved one.

Apologize and explain the reason for your behavior. You can say, “I apologize for being jealous of your friend. It doesn’t mean I don’t trust you. It’s at times like this that I feel defenseless. Thank you for listening to me.” These words should be enough to bring clarity to the situation that has occurred. In this conversation, you should show that you feel insecure and insecure and want to be more open with each other.

  • Don’t blame the other person. It is not your loved one’s fault that you are experiencing negative emotions. You alone are responsible for your feelings and emotions.
  • When discussing a problem, say “I,” not “you. Don’t say, “You’re making me jealous. ” Instead of saying, “You shouldn’t be doing this,” say, “I just feel terrible when we’re out with you, I can’t deal with my feelings.”
  • Note that your partner may perceive the situation completely differently. Listen to him, even if you don’t agree with him.

Get the help you need. If you have physically harmed your partner, such as yelling or harassing him, take a pause in the relationship and get professional help. Consult with a therapist who will prescribe either face-to-face counseling or group psychotherapy. [6] X Reliable Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source

How to stop being jealous of a loved one: psychologists’ tips

Reasons for jealousy can be objective, when a partner gives reason and is noticed in close communication with members of the opposite sex, and subjective, when they are associated with low self-esteem man. In small quantities, this feeling can favorably affect relationships, give them zest and passion, and strengthen the union. When jealousy becomes paranoid and frequent, it is an occasion for quarrels, scandals and alienation of loved ones from each other.

Reasons for jealousy can be objective, when a partner gives reason and is noticed in close communication with members of the opposite sex, and subjective, when they are associated with low self-esteem man. In small quantities, this feeling can favorably affect relationships, give them zest and passion, and strengthen the union. When jealousy becomes paranoid and frequent, it is an occasion for quarrels, scandals and alienation of loved ones from each other.

Causes of jealousy

Feelings of jealousy can be based on objective facts, when a beloved man or woman gives a reason. The most common situations when a partner is justifiably jealous are:

  1. Communication with ex-spouses or mates. They may be bound by common children, then the problem is not as acute. If the reason for the connection is the remaining warm relationships or shared memories, then there really is cause for alarm.
  2. Increased attention to other girls or guys. This may be a particular manner of communication between the person and the opposite sex. Usually it changes as soon as he turns the search for the other half, but some continue to behave this way all their lives. The need to arouse interest in others lies in low self-esteem, disguised by openness and lack of complexes.
  3. Constant conversations and sexual fantasies about intimacy with someone else.
  4. Noticeable changes in the behavior of the chosen one, supported by evidence in the form of correspondence, strange smells, constant delays at work.

Jealousy is both unfounded and arising from the peculiarities of human psychology. It is easy to recognize, because in this case a man is jealous of everything and everyone: relatives, friends, girlfriends, colleagues, hobbies and all things that excite and bring joy to a loved one. In this case, there is a mental disorder associated with low self-esteem: it seems to the person that he is not good and interesting enough, he can be replaced, abandoned, he is afraid to lose his mate and throws real scandals over any trifle.

How to cope: advice from psychologists

It is impossible to stop being jealous in one day, it takes time. Work on yourself and your relationship is being done in several directions at once:

  1. Self-esteem is improved.
  2. Communication is set up with the goal of getting as close as possible and beginning to trust.
  3. Thinking changes, the focus of the problem shifts from the person of the loved one to more global issues.

Work on self-esteem

Self-confidence and confidence in one’s strengths helps one to get rid of jealousy. High, but adequate self-esteem allows you to feel comfortable with any interlocutor and partner, to charm and enchant him. Tips from psychologists to help you start feeling confident:

To be attractive, you need to:

  • Control your weight and physical fitness by exercising regularly and eating right;
  • Care for your skin and hair;
  • Keep your teeth healthy;
  • dress neatly and stylishly.

Simple ways to develop:

  • Read a lot to expand your active vocabulary;
  • Hang out with a lot of interesting people to develop communication skills;
  • Doing something interesting, constantly changing or adding hobbies to broaden your horizons;
  • master new professions or specializations;
  • to get out of the comfort zone with the help of extreme activities, to achieve new goals to overcome fears and to become stronger

Psychologists are unanimous in the opinion that all people judge others by themselves. Therefore, more often jealous of those who themselves were thinking about having an affair on the side. If the relationship began with the betrayal of one of the partners in the past man or woman with the current favorite, the latter is also likely to be jealous of his mate, whom he stole, remembering the conditions under which their feelings began.

Communicating with a loved one

Fighting jealousy by not trusting your loved one is absolutely useless. The imagination of a person who does not know for sure the answers to the questions of interest, is able to draw terrible pictures and believe in them. The easiest way to be sure of your partner’s loyalty is to get to know him and open up to him constantly.

Trust is born where there is:

  • Constant sincere communication;
  • mutual understanding;
  • support and help in times of need;
  • common goals;
  • acceptance of the other as he or she is.

If all of these components of a healthy relationship are established, then there is no need to cope with jealousy – it will be gone forever, because lovers will not care about it – they will be busy getting to know each other and trying to make the union stronger. The secret of the psychology of relationships is that before you get something, you need to give it away and show by example what kind of attitude you want.

Useful tips to help you trust:

  • the sandwiches were very good;
  • I am very bored and looking forward to the evening;
  • looked at your sweater, look and if you like it, choose a color;
  • don’t forget to buy wine; we’re going to relax tonight;
  • it was a great night;
  • I never thought love was so great before, thank you for showing me that.

This leads to jealousy for 2 reasons:

  • The person is judging himself/herself;
  • one is concerned why one is not being opened to one’s soul and suspects that it is being opened to another
  • Is everything okay with you? What would you like to change about me or the relationship?
  • What are you worried about?
  • What are you dreaming about?
  • Why have you become coarse, cold, or nervous? Is it my fault?
  • How can I help you?
  • I want to share information with you, but I’m not sure of your reaction;
  • I don’t want to quarrel and I’ll tell you without the intent to offend or hurt you;
  • information as it is;
  • I’m sorry if you don’t like hearing this, but I don’t want to cheat because I love, appreciate and respect you and the sincerity between us
  • Try to take on household chores as much as possible to relieve your partner.
  • Make pleasant surprises: breakfast or coffee in bed, a delicious dinner, a sandwich for work.
  • Taking care of your neighbor when he or she is sick.
  • To give gifts.
  • Listen to your partner’s point of view.
  • Respect his opinion, even if it does not coincide with his own.
  • Appreciate individuality and originality of a partner
  • Hug to meet and part.
  • Hug to support the person in difficult moments – it is much more effective than criticizing and pointing out faults.
  • Give each other massages.
  • Walk by holding hands.

Accepting the individuality of your partner, it is important to remember about your own exclusivity. It is highly discouraged to compare yourself with exes or with someone from your loved one’s current environment.

Often people try to find someone on the side, if they lack something in the current partner or there is tension between them.

If you constantly try to improve the quality of the relationship, all the time taking into account the interests and characteristics of the soul mate, using the above recommendations, it will be possible to remove unhealthy jealousy and quarrels arising from it.

Change of mind and control of emotions

A person who can not not be jealous, usually fixated on the behavior of his mate and looking for evidence of adultery. To suppress jealousy, you need to start thinking more broadly and in addition to the actions of the chosen one to focus on:

  • their own achievements;
  • Joint goals: domestic, material, spiritual;
  • Interesting events that are happening in life: the development of children, travel, emerging opportunities;
  • positive qualities of a loved one and others;
  • ways to make the relationship stronger and more comfortable.

It is very important to learn and be able to spend leisure time separately: with friends, relatives, new acquaintances. All people need the freedom and give it to each other must. It is important to behave with dignity and not give cause for jealousy. Further judging by yourself to realize that if one of the partners does not do anything wrong and dangerous to the relationship, then the other is very likely to do the same.

Suppress a surge of negative emotions caused by jealousy of your husband or wife, will help the following algorithm of action:

  1. Mentally count to 10 with your eyes closed.
  2. Answer yourself the questions: “Do I have reason to doubt my soulmate’s faithfulness?”, “Is everything okay in our life together?”, “What could be my fault?”, “Is there enough love and warmth from each other?”, “Is each partner getting what they need from this relationship?”, “Are men and women happy?”
  3. Recall why and how the relationship began, what attracts and what the person you love appreciates. Make sure that he loves and mentally give examples of his behavior that prove this fact.
  4. Sincerely admit to your loved one that jealousy has arisen and explain why.
  5. Listen to his opinion or explanation of the situation.
  6. Calmly and friendly ask in the future not to provoke such emotions.
  7. Work on yourself: increase self-esteem, put into the relationship everything you can to make them stronger.

If these tips and recommendations can not help cope with jealousy, the couple can seek help from a family psychologist or psychotherapist. Specialist will help to understand the situation, raise self-esteem, learn to trust each other and control emotions.

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