How to stop communicating with a man without offending him.
Man is a social creature and can not do without communication. Friendships, relationships with colleagues or love ties are prone to constant change and a certain buoyancy. Life circumstances change, people change under these circumstances. And, no matter how great the relationship was yesterday, today it can be exhausting, toxic, unnecessary .
If communication is “exhausted”, the best option would be to wind it down, rather than continuing a relationship that does not bring joy.
Cutting off any connection is always difficult, but try in such a period not to focus only on your feelings, but also think about the feelings of the other. “Spit in the soul”, “wiped her feet” – that’s how you can characterize in the heat of the moment later a deeply offended person. And no matter how you try to smooth out the awkwardness of the necessary decision, you need all the sense of tact and exceptional politeness in your life, so that a friend or colleague does not feel humiliated.
End the communication as politely as possible.
As little conflict as possible
You have made up your mind: yes, this communication is taking up your time/financial/internal resources, and therefore you simply don’t need it. Naturally, this is exactly the way you can’t present your thoughts to the other person – it will hurt, it will offend, such straightforwardness borders on arrogance and arrogance. How to properly terminate communication without unnecessary drama?
- Build new boundaries in a relationship, do not let them break, gradually increasing the distance.
- Talking “about life” is now a thing of the past. Be careful not to give a man the occasional hope, allowing him to pour out your soul once again over a cup of coffee.
- If there is a serious reason for the breakup (a friend set you up, a boyfriend cheated, a girlfriend made an ugly gossip, etc.), it is advisable to speak openly about it. If the person really has a “fish in the sea”, he will draw conclusions and disappear from your life himself. If the situation is seen differently through the eyes of the other person, listen to his arguments. Maybe you missed something, and the relationship is not so hopeless.
- If you’re seriously going to dot the i’s, do not make direct accusations – this can cause counter-aggression and will not result in a constructive dialogue. Try to talk more about your emotions (“I got upset,” “I don’t understand,” “it really upset me”) rather than the actions of your opponent.
Any final conversation, if it is still planned, should take place on neutral territory that doesn’t cause any associations with previous communication. The dialogue should be as restrained and polite as possible, not touching on personal topics. Simply avoiding the person is often not an option at all: there are a lot of questions, innuendo, and conjectures are unlikely to be in your favor.
The end of any communication is rarely painless for both of them.
Recognize the very need
Why did you decide to break off this communication? Awareness of the reasons will prevent you from succumbing to a moment of weakness when remembering the good times in your relationship, and will give you the strength to build new boundaries. Do you feel that you are being used? That you’re not being yourself or changing for the better? That you just feel sorry for the time and emotions of this communication? Take at least a short break, allow yourself to be away from this person and find answers to your questions.
Don’t let your emotions and provocations get the best of you: It’s a good idea to think about ending a conversation “with a cool head.
In order for this difficult process to go smoothly, determination is necessary. Any hesitation, attempts to resurrect communication introduces unnecessary drama. Remember: if you do not feel well in this communication, you have the right to end it unilaterally. Healthier and quieter for both in many situations will be to explain, leaving no miscommunications, but for this you need to have a considerable sense of tact, true diplomacy and politeness.
It is a special skill to part beautifully, leaving no hard feelings.
Some nuances
What exactly the option to choose (whether to talk frankly or just leave “in English”) depends on your character and the nature of the other person, and the circumstances. But there are universal techniques for every choice:
- Reduce contacts to a minimum: do not call and do not look for a meeting yourself, to your friend’s calls, answer briefly and to the point, you can refer to the busyness, so as not to prolong the conversation. He is already a stranger to you;
- If the person is not clear or does not agree with the fact that he moved so, well – you have to be patient, because stubborn, annoying people often play on guilt or a desire to avoid disapproval;
- Work on your complexes: You do not have to be nice to everyone, especially if it goes against your interests;
- Be honest, if you are led into a conversation, give concrete examples, put the emphasis on facts. Don’t blame the ex-boyfriend or tell him he’s bad: Guide him to your feelings and the fact that this kind of communication is no longer appropriate for you;
- For the final conversation choose either a face-to-face meeting or a phone call, but not messaging on messenger or social networks.
Decide to talk is not easy, but it must be personal
When forced to meet (for example, if you work together or met at an event) be unemotional, but polite. Emphasized coldness only shows your determination and that the previous communication can not be returned. You may be haunted by sadness and regret for some time, but learn a lesson from what happened and do not repeat it.
How to politely reject a girl by correspondence, without offending her?
Family psychologist. For 8 years I save the “family unit” from disintegration. I help couples to regain love and understanding.
Communication on the Internet – a significant part of modern life. Sometimes dating comes out interesting and enjoyable: people continue to correspond for a long time or meet in person. But the majority of acquaintances on the Internet, as well as in life, are unsuccessful. After a while you realize that the person is “not your”, and you look for ways to stop communicating. How to reject a girl by correspondence if you are no longer interested in a relationship with her?
Method one: silent withdrawal
What is the first thing you think of when someone responds slowly and infrequently to your messages? “That person is bored with me,” “Maybe she doesn’t really want to communicate with me,” “He has more interesting things to do.
Social media users have real lives that can take up all their attention and leave no time for socializing and entertainment. And yet their interlocutors, trying to explain to themselves the pause in correspondence, are not thinking about that first of all. They look for the reason in themselves.
If you stop reading and responding to messages, she will quickly realize that you are no longer interested in communication. You won’t have to say unpleasant things (and hearing “I don’t like you” is always unpleasant) and the girl will not have to worry about your words.
Distance, pauses and silence are a simple but effective strategy in most cases. However, it doesn’t always work: some girls like honesty and directness in a relationship, and they don’t want to waste their time waiting and worrying. They may try to get you to talk to clarify for sure what’s going on between you.
This method has a nice bonus. If you change your mind about breaking the connection or something suddenly goes wrong, the “I’ve been busy” excuse, backed up by a believable cover story, will help you resume the relationship without any problems.
Method Two: Honest Conversation
Misunderstandings and uncertainty can ruin a girl’s life for a while, and having to lie and stay off social media can complicate yours. Talking will help both you and the girl not waste time and nerves on a relationship that has no future.
To make this conversation painless for both of you, think about a few things before you start it.
You may not like the girl for some reason, but that doesn’t make her bad. Those qualities of hers that you don’t like can charm another man. There is nothing wrong with you or the girl. The reason that the relationship did not work out is not because of either of you. Sometimes people just aren’t right for each other.
Try to convey that to the girl. Don’t tell her what it is about her that displeases you, and don’t use the hackneyed phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” (everyone knows that’s a lie).
It’s better to say, “I think we’re not quite right for each other. If the girl gets worried and asks you what’s wrong with her, reassure her: reiterate that there’s nothing wrong with either of you. Particularly anxious girls can be persistent, trying to find out what it is that you don’t like about them. Remember that a straight answer won’t do you or the girl any good. And attempts to “fix” the girl, if you do agree to the relationship, will only make you both unhappy.
Method three: the “attack” with questions.
Nothing discourages communication with a person like a flood of questions from him. Feeling like you’re being interrogated is unpleasant in itself, but if the questions are too personal or just plain rude, the situation feels even worse.
If you bombard a girl with a lot of innocuous questions, she may think you just want to get to know her better, but sooner or later she will start to feel annoyed. If you don’t stop asking questions, one day she will stop answering you.
Meaningless and stupid questions may make a girl angry, but they won’t make her feel really bad. This is a scenario that is safe for both you and the girl, but it is not always effective. You can ask more tactless questions so that the girl will surely lose her desire to communicate with you. But be careful with them: some questions can be painful and even traumatic for the psyche. You want to stop communicating with the girl, not ruin her life.
If ignoring doesn’t work or doesn’t suit you, and an honest conversation for some reason doesn’t work, you can try this method. It works simply: you don’t blow the girl off directly, instead making her feel uncomfortable with you, and she stops communicating on her own.
Method four: Conflict
Find out about some issue that is fundamentally important to the girl. Explore the opinion she holds. Then draw her into a conversation about it, but instead of supporting her position, challenge it.
Talking about sensitive social issues is a great way to ruin a relationship with someone you don’t agree with. Politics, drugs, family law, religion, minority issues – there are bound to be many issues where you disagree with each other.
If you’re hostile in the conversation, and you don’t respect and pay attention to the arguments the girl makes, you’re sure to discourage her from communicating with you.
The advantage of this method: after such an unpleasant conversation none of you will regret that the relationship did not work out.
How to tell a girl off by correspondence? There are many ways that you can do this. Choose the one that suits you and your relationship.
