Stop being shy with guys! 10 ways that work
Content producer and tireless idea generator. Word art is my true calling.
Expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. For eight years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples regain love and understanding.
Self-confidence is not given to all from birth. Many of us need to work hard to develop self-confidence, which can greatly facilitate life. Overcoming shyness and insecurity becomes especially stressful when the opposite sex is involved, right?
These 10 ways can help you become less shy
- Challenge yourself.
If you’ve been shy all your life, you’re going to have a hard time quickly readjusting and feeling liberated when talking to people and especially guys. One way to deal with this is to challenge yourself. Start with little things, like making yourself say “Hi” to that cute neighbor. Go to a karaoke party with your girlfriends. Take small steps, but never stop challenging yourself!
- Add color.
Being lighter is another great tip on how to stop being shy. This not only means smiling more often, but also adding brighter shades to your closet. It’s amazing how your clothing choices can affect your confidence. Sure, if you don’t like bright pink, you don’t have to wear it, but there should be a bright accent outside of the brown-gray-black palette. Wear it and see how you feel.
- Embarrassment is adorable.
There’s hardly a shy girl who doesn’t get annoyed and upset when she blushes. But guys don’t always see things like we do. They tend to be flattered by the attention, and many of them find your rosy cheeks adorable. Trust us on this and don’t hide your face.
What shy people often encounter is the unfounded idea that they are not interesting enough to hold a conversation. Agree how many people there are who spark confidence but are, in fact, terribly boring. You’re not like them! You have interests, thoughts and dreams. Don’t be afraid to share them, because .
- …guys aren’t aliens!
You can be sure that the guy you have feelings for will never be interested in the same things you are. But it’s better to talk to him and find out. And even if it turns out you have nothing in common, you’ll just realize you’re not meant for each other.
- Guys don’t bite.
You may have a fear of rejection and ridicule. Guys, toward girls, do this very rarely. Of course, it’s not a universal rule, but if you doubt the adequate reaction of a guy you know in response to your interest, then why are you wasting your time thinking about him at all? He’s just not worth it! If you don’t know him, feel free to surprise him when you get up the courage to approach him.
- Don’t compromise with yourself
To sacrifice your own style for conformity is to take the path of least resistance. It’s also the path of least resistance in overcoming shyness. If you’re not an athlete, don’t pretend to be one for the approval of the guy you have your eye on. Men worthy of your attention won’t be interested in a girl who can only say yes. They like women they can respect.
- Keep in shape.
Keeping in shape and taking care of yourself is great advice on how to stop being shy with guys. How we see and feel about ourselves physically has a direct and powerful effect on how we feel. We need to work on improving our image and get rid of the thought of hopelessness. You’re probably the most beautiful person some guy has ever seen, but he’s embarrassed to say so.
Another thing that can help you become less shy and more confident is the realization that guys are often shy, too. You’d be surprised how many guys are just as shy. They also have stereotypes they have to conform to, and girls aren’t the only ones who feel pressure from the outside. With that in mind, we should feel at least a little more confident.
Getting rid of shyness is a long process; you can’t go from mouse to lioness overnight. Do not give up! You will discover a wonderful new world when you get over shyness. It won’t always be easy, someone might hurt you, but even the most confident among us sometimes get hurt. Being bruised is part of life, but it’s the little things if you’re not afraid to take advantage of the opportunities life offers us. Go have a chat with that guy you’ve been eyeing for months.
How to stop being shy
Shyness is inherent in many people, and, as a rule, the owners of such a character trait suffer because of it. Can you get rid of this quality and whether it is always a detriment?
What is shyness
So, to begin with, let’s define what the word “shyness” means. It is a character trait, which is characterized by fearfulness, awkwardness and indecision when communicating with others.
Most often, shy girls try to avoid eye contact and dialogue with strangers, and often it does not matter whether it is about guys or women of their own sex. Also, you should not expect a shy girl or woman to be spontaneous in their actions or conversations. Usually they have to carefully control what they say, so as not to say something that others may think it’s stupid.
Of course, the fact that a person is shy can be determined, if not at first glance, then after the first replicas. The greatest fear of a shy girl – to seem funny, stupid or inappropriate. Of course, this feature imposes a certain barrier in communication with others, so the owners of shyness, usually trying to fight his indecision or silently suffer because of it. As a result, if time does not overcome shyness in certain situations, it may have a negative impact not only on personal life but also on professional fulfillment.
I want to stop being shy, what to do.
Find out the reasons for your shyness
The first thing to do is to determine where this character trait came from. It is important to note that shyness is very rarely a quality acquired by a person in adulthood – usually shyness begins to show in the character already in childhood. It usually happens because of the improper influence of the family, teachers. If a child is often uncomfortable in front of others because of the parents (public reprimands, punishments, etc.), he begins to close in on himself, and it gradually becomes a habit.
A child who is forced to face the exaggerated demands of his mother or father always feels that he is not “good” or right enough. Simply put, he feels that he is inferior to others, so it affects his behavior.
It is also not uncommon for children from not very well off families to be shy. As a rule, they try to avoid talking about relatives, they are afraid that someone will know that all is not well in their home, and gradually withdraw into themselves. If the family is not accepted to show tenderness and love (hugs, affectionate words, kisses), then in a certain way it forms the character of the child. Not having a positive example in front of him from an early age, he himself does not know how to show his feelings.
Accept yourself, your appearance and your body
As an adult, children’s reasons for shyness are usually forgotten, being replaced by completely different ones. A person, often immersed in himself, is used to treat himself with prejudice. Girls usually begin to look for flaws in their own appearance, and usually successfully find them. It can be about completely biased qualities that other people seem quite attractive. Having “realized” that their appearance is far from ideal, girls try to communicate less with people around them, fearing that they will notice their “defect”. From the outside it seems silly and ridiculous, but for the shy person is the real drama.
Believe in yourself – down with complexes and fears.
If you are a shy girl, you have probably already managed to identify all your weakest sides. Undoubtedly, you have recorded each of his shortcomings, and the subconscious is always aware of it. Now it’s time to overcome your complexes and take action in a completely different direction. To begin with, identify your most advantageous sides – in appearance, character, skills. Even if now it seems to you that you do not have any positive sides, it just means that you have thought badly, and something is clearly missing.
Finally discovering your strengths, try to focus on them. Realize that because of his shyness you deprive yourself of many pleasures of life. Sometimes shyness can lead to ridiculous and absurd situations. For example, a girl has some problems with her teeth, but she does not go to the dentist, ashamed of him and afraid that he will scold her for the neglected situation. This problem grows over time, like a snowball – going to the doctor is getting scarier, and communication with others is quite shy – what if they notice this flaw. If you are faced with a similar situation, begin to act immediately. Imagine how you will feel when your problem is solved? Now tune yourself to the fact that the solution to the problem sooner or later will have to take, and the sooner it happens, the faster it will stay behind. Even if you have to go through a few unpleasant minutes, but it is better to do it as soon as possible, to “shoot back” to leave the problem behind, rather than living with it every day. Believe me, that the worst expectations are very rarely met, and sometimes, shy person who finally decided on some action, then surprised that he was afraid to do it earlier.
Tips from psychologists
Many shy people who have to overcome themselves in something (to speak in public, call a stranger, make a toast at a big table, and the like) have mastered a kind of “trick”. So, if you have to do something that instills fear in you, then imagine that it’s not you doing it, but someone else. That’s right: for a few minutes, or as long as it takes, imagine that you are a completely different person.
Changing your demeanor in front of people who already know you well is often more difficult than making a first impression so that the new interlocutor will not suspect that you are shy. Try this kind of game. Does everyone know you as a shy girl? Do an experiment. When you have to come into contact with a complete stranger, try to behave differently than usual. Going to a meeting, just forget about your indecision, do not give her no chance to show – give yourself a kind of challenge.
Observe more of other people, stopping to focus only on yourself. In the end you’ll probably notice that there are no perfect people – everyone has some kind of flaws. However, many of their owners do not pay attention to this and enjoy life.
Social skills still need to be trained – it will benefit you! If you’re afraid to talk to people, that’s the first thing you should start doing. To avoid traumatizing yourself, learn this skill gradually. So, take the phone – you have to talk to a stranger. Before this, you can “tune in” and “talk”, talking to a friend or other loved one. Now it’s time to call, for example, a fitness center. Ask the receptionist if they have gift certificates and what the cost of a personal training session with a trainer is. If you are shy, you will probably find this conversation quite exciting, but once you finish it you will feel better. Do similar experiments every day until there are no barriers in front of you. Gradually, these skills will carry over into real life in “live” conversation.
How to stop being shy with a guy
That you really like
Many girls are familiar with the feeling of stiffness at the moment of communication with a young man to whom they feel sympathy. Usually such behavior is caused by one factor: a girl is afraid to look silly in front of a young man. If you, too, are afraid of appearing witty enough to the guy you like, and therefore avoid communicating with him, you are making a big mistake. Just be yourself. Rarely does a guy consider the skills of a good storyteller to be his greatest asset in the opposite field. If a guy has already started to pay attention to you, and you have the opportunity to communicate with him, then you’ve managed to interest him on completely different criteria.
The guy you’re dating
Ashamed to eat and drink in front of him.
It is not uncommon for girls to be unable to overcome shyness and start eating or drinking in front of a young man. There may be several reasons for this. Perhaps you believe that the type of absorption of your food is not aesthetic, and the guy will be unpleasant to watch. It is possible that you think that you “loudly” swallow, chew your food sloppy. It may also be that you are afraid that the moment you start to devour your dessert or a more serious dish, the guy will ask you a question, and you can not immediately and clearly answer.
If such fears are familiar to you, it is advisable to put them out of your mind as soon as possible. You may not know it, but most guys like to watch her eat, and girls with a good appetite get more sympathy from them than those who are always on a diet or for some other reason avoid a meal together or a simple snack. Also, rest assured that almost all people eat the same way, and if you do not behave ugly, it’s unlikely you will surprise the young man. His refusal to eat together, you can even offend him. Realize that sooner or later the day will come when you have to chew food in his presence, and it does not take months of preparation – start at any time as soon as possible, so that the guy does not start thinking that you are strange. The more you attach importance to such a simple physiological process, the harder it will be for you to decide to do it.
Shy to get naked in front of a guy
When a couple enters a new stage of a relationship (intimacy), certain problems may arise on the part of the girl, which may have affected you as well. Girls are afraid to be completely naked in front of their partners, or they do it only when it’s pitch black, for fear that the lover will be disappointed to see their nudity. The most interesting thing is that this fear is completely unjustified. He already knows what you look like, and you will not be able to surprise him in some way. If you think that you have too wide hips, then no matter what skirts you wear to hide them, the guy has already had time to consider or “feel” them. The same can apply to your waist, legs, or breasts. Although with the last aspect may be a little more complicated. Some girls with small breasts consider it a disadvantage, and wear bras that add volume in the right places. If you act in a similar way, it is possible that the guy may really be surprised in the end. You should realize that the truth still can not hide, and it is possible that what you think the flaw will cause a completely different emotion in the partner. To avoid making an abrupt opening, wear a less and less voluminous bra at each new meeting, gradually reaching your true size. Chances are, the guy won’t notice anything, or your breast size wasn’t much of a secret to him anyway, despite all the tricks.
Is shyness always a bad thing?
It is important to understand that shyness is not a bad quality in every situation. By the way this trait very rarely repulses people around, but rather amuses, in contrast to the vulgarity, promiscuity, tactlessness and impudence. As a rule, shy people are deprived of all these unpleasant qualities. Also note that many older people and guys who are not looking for fun one night stand, consider shyness not a disadvantage, but an advantage for a girl, and sometimes even specifically looking for a life partner with exactly this feature. This trait is usually disliked only by total opposites – arrogant people who are “everywhere”. Normal people are sympathetic to this quality, understanding that it is not capable of harming them personally, unlike many other unpleasant traits that are inherent in some people.