How to stop being obsessive
Contributor(s): John Keegan. John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs a consulting company called The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his knowledge of dating, social dynamics, and the mechanisms of attraction to help people find love. He teaches people and conducts dating workshops all over the world, from Los Angeles to London and Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been written about in The New York Times, Humans of New York and Men’s Health.
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Have you ever been told that you are obsessive or clingy? Have you ever happened to be so excited about a new relationship or friendship that you pestered the person for attention and they just pulled away from you in return? Have you ever noticed that you feel like calling, texting, or writing a letter to someone much more often than they do in return? If so, you’ve probably already discovered that being intrusive pushes most people away. In this article, you’ll learn how to find the source of your obsession and become confident enough to tone it down.
- If you had a wonderful Friday night, you probably want to do it again as soon as possible. But, instead of calling a friend on Saturday morning to make new plans, wait a few days. Feel the fun time you had, and let your friend enjoy the memories, too. When it’s time to spend time together again, you’ll both look forward to seeing each other, making the time together even more enjoyable.
- Constantly remind yourself that the new person in your life – it’s just a person, that is non-ideal . He will make mistakes, and you need to be willing to deal with that and forgive, not be shocked that the person is incapable of being perfect.
- The man hasn’t gotten the message yet.
- He has been too busy to respond to you. If you trust this person, don’t blame him right away, but assume that this is the case.
- He’s not interested in communicating right now.
Don’t push and don’t stifle. No matter how close you and the person are, if you spend all your time with them, it will begin to overwhelm. Even if the person loves you, it’s unlikely they want to be with you every second both day and night. If you find it difficult to be away from the person even for a few minutes, eventually it will turn out to be a big problem for you. Yes, it can be very hard, but force yourself to step back and give the person some space. Spend a few days away from him or her, do things you enjoy specifically, and don’t require communication for a while. Your relationship will definitely improve because, as the old saying goes, “love grows stronger when you’re apart.”
- Consider whether the person is behaving erratically. Some people simply fail to maintain friendships or relationships, sometimes they are lazy or forgetful. More often than not, though, the person is not being responsible, not because they forgot to call you back, but because they chose to be.
- Maybe the person just needs some time to focus on other things for a while. This does not necessarily mean the end of your relationship.
Respect other people’s wishes. If the person ignores you or has grown cold toward you, you probably feel rejected-yes, it’s really rejection, and it really hurts. But if the person has decided it’s time to move on, there’s nothing you can do to force things. Do your best to get past this stage yourself, and don’t give in to the urge to be assertive. If you lash out at the person or try to hurt them back, it will only increase the distance between you.
Female intrusiveness in a relationship: the main signs, how to avoid it
Obsession in a relationship on the part of a woman is not a rare phenomenon. Often girls, having met a worthy guy, from the first days begin to share the biography with the chosen one and demand a lot of things. This can alienate the partner.
What is obsession
The main difficulty of this relationship – a person may not realize that he is mistaken, and his lover does not tell, so as not to offend the soulmate. Over time, patience “bursts” and the relationship comes to an end. Obsessive people prefer to follow the chosen one, asking in detail how he spent the day. If the lover wants to spend time separately – meets anger and jealousy from the loving person.
Many psychologists argue that obsession is related to the fear of loneliness. People who fear the breakup of their marriage wish to spend time with their soulmate all the time, demanding actions and sweet words.
Compulsive people prefer to solve everything exclusively with their partner. They fence off communication with people by concentrating on their spouse. If the obsession has gone over the edge – the spouse stops answering the phone, comes home late from work, and conversations are reduced to simple phrases. At this point, you need to stop being intrusive with the man you love.
Female obsession in a relationship with a man
With the help of research, it has been proven that the female sex is more prone to intrusive behavior. This is due to the development of the relationship, because initially guys try to actively show attention, winning a woman. In the “flower and candy” period, they often call, care, ask out on dates. As soon as the couple becomes closer, men calm down, as they have already won the heart of the beloved.
The girl in love becomes attached to the guy, feeling the need for constant communication. She needs unexpected calls, declarations of love and flowers. It is important to find the golden mean in the relationship with a man, so as not to become intrusive. Representatives of the stronger sex consider intrusive girls poorly mannered and available. These points for most guys are a serious reason to break up. It is not easy to stop imposing on a guy in a relationship, because it is necessary to completely change the habitual attitude towards the person.
Men are afraid of restricting their freedom, so you constantly need to convince them that no one is encroaching on their personal space. Obsessive girls are available to their partner at any time. Men, on the other hand, are producers, who must constantly win the favor and attention of their chosen one.
Psychologists believe that the first call should be a man. Representatives of the stronger sex do not like to talk on the phone or to correspond, so do not impose without reason. Do not become his beloved mother, taking the initiative. He should take care of himself and you on his own.
Why a man needs his freedom.
Female compulsion in a relationship is a common problem that many people face. It is difficult to stop imposing on a man with whom you have been in a relationship for a long time, because a girl gets used to a certain style of behavior. Men need the freedom not to be at a distance, but to dream about the beloved. In moments of separation, a man has strong feelings for his spouse.
This does not mean that the husband does not love his wife, just that he needs a distraction. If you suppress a man’s desires – the needs can erupt with triple force, worsening the marriage irrevocably. The most important thing is to find a compromise that suits both parties.
Signs of an obsessive girlfriend
If you want not to impose on a man in a relationship, you need to understand what signs are indicative. Experts believe that obsession is formed because of insecurity about their own beauty and strength.
Hurry the development of the relationship
The girl’s obsession in the relationship is manifested in the rapid development of the connection. This paragraph does not discuss impetuous romances in which a man and woman started living together on the first night. Often the relationship develops gradually as people get to know each other better. The compulsive woman acts like the man she met is her husband from the first moment. The speed of rapprochement depends on the goal. A girl who wants a long, serious relationship – studies her partner, making sure he is a worthy option.
Misinterpret signs of attention
An intrusive woman rarely notices that her partner does not respond to her feelings. She tends to mistake nothing meaningful moments for signs of attention. This is due to the fact that the girl does not perceive the man as a person. A guy who prefers to be the initiator of the relationship will simply be intimidated by an assertive woman.
Obsessive behavior in a relationship on the part of a woman is manifested in the preferred places to meet and flirt with a partner. This type of girl flirts and shows her interest by making others feel uncomfortable.
For example, they may flirt with the boss at a meeting or glance at investors at an important meeting. A girl should carefully choose her communication style, adjusting to the atmosphere around her.
Filling in all the space in the relationship
Intrusiveness in a relationship with a man manifests itself in an attempt to fill the space with herself. The girl prefers to speak louder and more than her partner, not allowing him to speak out. In a marriage there should be a dialogue, not a monologue.
Controlling the man.
From the first moment of communication, the annoying woman builds an unequal relationship by controlling the man. She watches her lover’s every move so that he doesn’t run off and leave her alone. This type of women are constantly jealous and harasses the partners with various questions, trying to be with her husband 24/7. When choosing a man, do not get hung up on getting him. You need to be attentive, empathetic and sensitive.
How to avoid obsession in a relationship
A woman’s obsession in a relationship is formed out of insecurity. Often the cause of this situation is a failed relationship that worsens the opinion of oneself. The first thing to do is to start changing yourself by increasing your self-esteem. The second step is to acquire a hobby that forces a distraction. Constant busyness deprives you of the opportunity to make unnecessary calls.
Don’t limit communication to your spouse. You should divide the need for communication among several people. With a girlfriend visit a cafe, with friends have a picnic. Do not be afraid of solitude, because in this period you can analyze the behavior and make plans for the future.
Don’t carry offenses of past relationships to your loved ones. Many people may be hurt by questioning: “where were you”, “why didn’t you answer the phone? If any topic bothers you – talk openly with your spouse. And most importantly – do not forget to love yourself. Visit interesting places, learn new things, experiment and do things that make you happy.
How to learn not to be intrusive in a romantic relationship
To learn how to not impose on a man in a relationship, you need to calm down and accept the situation. The first thing you will have to do is to reduce the number of calls and messages without dissolving into a guy. Marriage will be harmonious if you:
- Take into account your partner’s desires. If your spouse has decided to go fishing on his own – let him go, and yourself do something interesting.
- Expect a reciprocal step. Marriage is the same ball game. You can make a step towards, but your partner should do something in return. Otherwise you are not interesting to him.
- Keep an eye on the state of your loved one. The person may be busy or experiencing infirmity, so before you decide that the communication has exhausted itself – find out about the condition of the chosen one.
- Recognize the feelings they have for you. If your loved one is rude or constantly ignoring – stop communicating, as this situation will only humiliate you.
If you notice the obsession – ask your lover for help. Think of a special phrase that is a signal that should stop.
Stop being intrusive in a relationship with a man you love is difficult. To do this, you need to review your behavior, sort out your thoughts, your feelings and decide to change everything.