How to start your life over again
Contributor(s): Lucy Yeh. Lucy Yeh is a Human Resources Director, Recruiter and Certified Personality Coach (CLC) with over 20 years of experience. Trained in personal coaching and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) at InsightLA. Works with professionals at all levels to help them improve career quality, personal/professional relationships, self-marketing and life balance.
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For each of us, a new day is a new chapter in life. Do you feel like you’ve hit a dead end? Do you want to start over and change your life? Feeling like Bill Murray’s character in Groundhog Day who had to relive the same day over and over again? Change is always scary, but everyone deserves to live their life the way they see fit. There are several ways to reevaluate your life and start with a clean slate.
- Acceptance does not necessarily imply forgiveness and understanding. It’s enough to realize that the event has happened in your life and now it’s time to move on.
- Learn to distinguish between pain and suffering. One experiences pain when life is not moving in the direction one would like, but suffering is not necessary. Suffering is a conscious choice. Nothing lasts forever, not even pain. Accept, feel your pain and move on. There is no point in dwelling on the pain and mistakes of the past. Look to the future and don’t be dramatic (e.g., don’t tell yourself, “I’ll never love again,” or, “I’ll never get a good job again.”)  X Source of Information
- The lessons to be learned are not at all obvious. A person has to decipher what life requires of him. For example, what if you were asked to leave your position because your ideas for the business are too big or don’t match the vision of your company’s management team? If you believe that you have failed, then don’t jump to conclusions. It may be evidence of significant differences of opinion between you and your supervisor, and now is a good time to go your own way for a chance to put your vision into action elsewhere.  X Source of Information
- Write down every aspect of it. Write down all your successes, even minor ones. In the evenings, you can write down all the good things that happened to you during the day. Focus on the positives to fill your life with positivity!  X Source of Information
- Then think about how you can build on each of your successes. For example, you may come to the conclusion that you know how to get along with customers, but the location of your firm was unsuitable and you need to move to an area with more foot traffic. Analyze all the successful decisions and think about how to make the most of them.  X Source of Information
- All of the following are about you and no one else. Ignore other people’s opinions. Very often the reasons for resistance from others have nothing to do with you: it’s just that people, looking at you, begin to think about their own lives. Every choice and decision you make should suit you, not outsiders.  X Source of Information
- What abilities do you have? What do you like to do? What are your passions? What makes you feel important? The answers to these questions will help you determine what makes you feel happy and fulfilled.
- For example, you like yoga, and you’ve taken a class three times a week for five years. So maybe yoga is your calling, not a hobby. Maybe it’s time for the student to become a teacher. Think about what brings you satisfaction and makes you feel like you’re doing something important, and build your new life around it.  X Source of Information
- Life is only fulfilling if you are truly living it. If you’ve always wanted to be a yoga instructor, what’s stopping you? We only get one life, so live it the way you think is right. Don’t wait for a special reason to change.  X Source of Information
- Set short-, medium-, and long-term personal goals. Write down decisions and leave them in a prominent place (on the refrigerator door or bedroom mirror).
- Organize your life. Change won’t happen if you don’t have order in your life. If you know exactly what changes and goals you want, you can make a plan of action.
- One of the best ways to end an old life you’re not happy with is to do something new and unexpected. Take a trip and visit places you’ve never seen before. Start learning a foreign language. Take up a new sport like kickboxing, gymnastics or cycling.
- Try new things, even if you doubt your abilities. Trying new things means getting new mental and physical experiences, sometimes testing yourself and rediscovering the taste for life, when every new day gives us boundless possibilities.  X Source of Information
- The unknown is always scary, but is it less scary to keep doing something familiar and be constantly frustrated or unsatisfied? It’s perfectly normal to be anxious or nervous at the beginning of a new journey, but think about it: would you rather continue to be dissatisfied with your life, seeing it stagnate and you wallowing in a routine?  X Source of Information
- Live each day one day at a time. It sounds trite, but it has no bearing on the truthfulness of the statement. Do what needs to be done TODAY – not tomorrow or next week. That’s the only way to meet the challenge of starting over. Challenges 365 days in advance can be daunting, but one day’s goals are usually doable!  X Source of Information
- If you’re really interested in a certain skill, then don’t pass up an opportunity! But if your goal is to establish yourself in the eyes of others or to show that you are as good as anyone else, then stop immediately. You are quite self-sufficient. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.  X Source of Information
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help or rely on more experienced people. Your requests, needs or referrals are not a sign of weakness. They are the decisions of a wise and resourceful person. One is not a warrior in the field, but everyone has different talents and abilities.  X Source of Information
- For example, remove from your phone book the numbers of people you try to contact in moments of depression in order to believe in yourself again (e.g., your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend). Don’t buy junk food when the urge to snack on stress arises.
- Everyone faces moments of weakness. We are always choosing between what is best for us in the FUTURE and what is easier to do RIGHT NOW. Strive to confront that “now” and instead be guided by long-term visions of the future life.  X Source of Information
Rejoice in successes. Notice any step forward toward a goal. Some milestones are very distant in time, so sometimes it’s not unreasonable to lose sight of your destination. It’s important to remember that a long route is a collection of shorter segments. It is necessary to rejoice in every success. Every step on the road to a new life should bring positive emotions, like ending a toxic relationship, signing up for a job interview or taking your first pottery class. Small successes and moments allow you to shape and turn into reality the new life you’ve outlined.  X Source of Information
Move forward. Life doesn’t stand still, so try to keep up with it. Stopping to take a break and enjoy the beauty of the moment is one thing, but being afraid to take a step and stand still without doing anything is quite another. A full life is a river, not a standing body of water. Move toward new people, opportunities and events that lie ahead of you!  X Source of Information
How do you learn to control yourself and start living the life you dream?
There are so many self-improvement techniques, weight loss programs, ways to improve your performance and other amazing solutions to greatly improve your life. You may have already experienced some of them, but you haven’t experienced the revolutionary changes you were hoping for. In fact, everything you do matters. What matters is what you do today. What matters is what you do every day. Successful people simply perform actions that may look completely meaningless when performed, but they repeat them over and over again until they achieve the desired result through the cumulative effect of their efforts. For you, exercises to develop self-control.
Why is it so? It’s not at all difficult to make an endless list of external reasons why you might fail, but we’ll start with the basic principle of self-improvement.
That is, the reason is that you lack the self-control and willpower to follow all the recommendations. Suppose we assemble a team of the best scientists in the world to develop the perfect exercise and nutrition program, then give it to twenty different overweight people, perfectly optimized for each case. We are sure that half of these people will fail the assignment.
The reason for failure is very simple, as is the solution to the problem, although it is not so easy to accomplish. It lies in developing enough self-control and discipline so that you can move forward, following the set program precisely. Self-control allows you to withstand emotional stress and act in the moment rather than wait for the right circumstances.
Many solutions have already been invented to improve components of your life such as health, relationships and well-being, often at very affordable or no cost at all. But, again, success is not determined by the right program, but by your ability to steadfastly and consistently follow all the rules.
Jeff Olson, in his terrific book called The Thin Frontier, said something that definitely deserves your attention:
In fact, everything you do matters. What matters is what you do today. What matters is what you do every day. Successful people simply perform actions that may look completely meaningless when performed, but they repeat them over and over again until they achieve the desired result through the cumulative effect of their efforts.
The word self-discipline is not mentioned once, although it is an integral part of this quote. You won’t learn self-discipline if you don’t start eating healthy today. You will learn the skills you need by doing the same thing over and over again, and eventually you will even love it. You will succeed, you just need to see the long-term benefits you will feel because of the cumulative effect.
Exercises to develop self-control
Go to bed on schedule
Sleep has tremendous importance to your success. Simply put, if you don’t recharge your batteries in time, you can’t expect above-average performance from yourself. The author of this article mandatorily sleeps 8-9 hours a night (although this is a personal matter for everyone and depends on how much your body requires). The schedule is not meant to force you to live strictly by the hour. Rather, it is meant to be a plan that you should try to follow 80% of your time.
Sleeping at a strictly defined time is not for self-discipline, but to ensure that you have enough energy to be productive and upbeat enough to accomplish the tasks in this article.
Make your bed immediately upon getting up
This is a very simple and easy-to-follow habit that nevertheless makes a big difference. It’s very simple: as soon as you get up, tidy your bed immediately. Don’t check your phone messages, don’t open your laptop, and don’t go to the kitchen. Just make your bed. The point is to get into the habit of doing this simple procedure every day.
By making your bed, you subconsciously convince yourself that the rest period is over and it’s time to start a new day. Making your bed in order is one of the little habits that, after a while, will merge into one and make you a disciplined person. More on helpful morning habits here.
Self-control is born in the mind, and the best exercise for strengthening your mind is meditation. But don’t worry, you won’t have to sit for hours in the lotus position like Tibetan monks.
One of the benefits of meditation is improved self-control and the ability to concentrate. Every day we encounter an enormous number of distractions and temptations that stealthily take us off course. Meditation improves self-awareness and awareness of the current situation, increasing resistance to the effects of external distractions. If you’ve never meditated before, check out some great meditation courses you may find helpful: the Headspace Ten-Day Free Trial Course or Calm.com.
Plan Your Life
That is, make it a habit to make a to-do list for each day. This will not make your life boring or lacking in spontaneity. But by doing so, you will actually be able to move forward and achieve what you want. Less time to think, more action, more discipline – better results. If you just set a goal for yourself to write a book, you can forget about it. You can’t write a book in one breath, it’s not even likely to occur to anyone.
On the other hand, if you break down a big goal into simple tasks, like writing every morning right after you wake up for 30 minutes, you’ll soon notice that you’re getting pretty close to accomplishing what you planned.
Again, the ability to accomplish planned tasks requires a sensible, conscious approach. If you’ve never thought seriously about your fitness, but you promised on New Year’s Eve that you would work out five times a week, it’s very unlikely that you’ll keep your word. Such a move requires tremendous self-control and discipline. You need to find the right balance between ambition and a realistic outlook on life .
If you’re still reading, I’m sure you’ve already set yourself dozens of goals that you’re trying to achieve. Let’s say you’ve decided to learn Java in order to learn how to create programs for Android and get a good job or develop a profitable application. But you don’t have the slightest idea about Java, but you have many responsibilities, such as going to work or feeding the dog.
Currently, the author of this article works 9 to 5 hours, works out at the gym and has a huge number of responsibilities, since he is alone in a foreign city 1500 km away from home. Nevertheless, he is still able to work on his personal tasks, and he enjoys it.
This requires adjusting his life to his needs. For example, an author usually devotes 30 minutes of his work break to writing articles. You will very soon become a disciplined person if, despite your busy schedule, you try to achieve one more task, instead of abandoning everything and go to the couch (or – to social networks).
Read more books
Whenever you read a good book, somewhere in the world a door opens to let in a little more light.
There are countless wonderful books that describe the concept of self-discipline and the basics of learning self-control.
But how do you read all of these books if you have a strictly scheduled day? You can read on your way to and from work, which is a fairly effective way to spend that time usefully. That gives you at least one hour of reading five times a week.
You’ll become familiar with a lot of amazing works faster than you can imagine, and you don’t even have to sit in the library for hours. If you read 20 pages a day, you’ll get through more than 30 books in a year ! And that’s another little habit that helps improve self-discipline.
Stay in shape
You should exercise regularly, whether it’s lifting weights, running, yoga or tennis. If the tremendous health benefits aren’t weighty enough for you to start exercising regularly, hopefully you’ll reconsider because of the positive effects of exercise on your self-control.
Everyone has had moments when they come up with excuses and want to relax and do something unhealthy instead of sticking to their workout schedule. This is a very important moment in which your discipline habit is tested and strengthened. You will definitely succeed if, when you get home after a busy day at work or school, you are still able to get your blood flowing a little bit and release some happiness hormones. It’s very simple, if you don’t believe me, I hope you’ll be convinced by Will Smith’s words:
The key elements of life are running and reading. When you run, there’s a little person inside you who talks to you and complains: “Oh, I’m tired. My lungs are going to burst. I’m in so much pain. I can’t keep running.” You’ll want to give it all up. If you learn to conquer that personality when you exercise. You won’t give up when you face challenges in life…
You won’t advance a millimeter in one workout, there won’t be any unicorns or rainbows in the sky. But the ability to force yourself to take one more step is what makes you stop being a wimp .
Even when you feel like the world’s most tired person, you have to force yourself to go to the gym. After a workout, you’ll have increased self-esteem, you’ll feel like you’re unstoppable, and that’s exactly what self-control training is aimed at. To make you immune to your own weaknesses.
It’s worth choosing the kind of exercise you like best to increase your effectiveness. Work out as much as you can, but approach the work as wisely as possible.
Reduce the amount of sugar in your diet.
Sugar, salt and fat are used in the food industry to increase appetite. The food trade is a business just like any other, only in this case, the food moguls often neglect the detrimental health effects to maximize profits. You are responsible for what ends up on your plate.
Why should you cut back on sugar? Simply because it makes you overeat, which is a clear sign of poor self-control. At first, until your body wears off sugar, you will constantly have a very strong urge to eat something sweet. Fortunately, after a few days this will pass and you will learn to enjoy simpler, healthier foods.
Making changes to your diet is another way to improve self-control. But you’ll feel much better if you eliminate all of the potential obstacles, which the next paragraph focuses on.
Remove temptations from your life
Self-discipline is nothing more than a good habit repeated many times over. In reality, however, every person has his or her own Achilles heel–the point at which bad tendencies are activated. Suicidal habits that lead to a loss of control are triggered by triggers that you need to discover and eliminate.
It’s hard to stop eating donuts for breakfast if you pass your favorite bakery every morning on your way to work. If you know you might be distracted from learning Java by computer games, delete them and give the disks to someone else. Increasing your self-control is not about giving up the chocolate bar lying on your desk, but rather getting rid of chocolate altogether.
In today’s world, food is no longer just a source of food and energy. It has become a form of entertainment. The problem is that while having fun with food, you can easily lose control over your plate and become a slave to it. There are many diets that could help, but I would like to offer you the long-term solution that has seemed most helpful to me.
The idea of intermittent fasting goes against what most fitness industry experts say, which recommends eating every 2.5 to 3 hours.
But don’t panic, this way of eating has nothing to do with starvation! There are different approaches, but the favorite for the author of this article is the 16:8. It includes a 16-hour period of fasting, during which you consume only low-calorie drinks. You guessed right, 8 means an eight-hour window to eat.
- There is less craving for food and less hunger in general;
- the volume of fat tissue decreases (if you are much higher than your daily caloric intake, don’t expect miracles);
- a feeling of happiness arises.
Start taking cold showers
Undoubtedly, this method can be called extreme. Ice-cold water running down your body for a few minutes is the best metaphor for short-term discomfort for the sake of long-term goals.
If you can wake up in the morning and take a very cold shower, even though you would prefer to stay in a warm and cozy bed, you can eventually overcome other psychological obstacles. By taking a cold shower, you not only show physical endurance. Of course, the feeling can’t be called the most pleasant in the world, but there’s no harm done either. Your biggest enemy lurks in your head. When your body starts to panic, the mind helps you overcome two minutes of discomfort. You can’t guarantee that a month later, the ice water will seem warmer to you. It will remain ice-cold. But the process itself will be automatic, and the results will be evident, just helping you stay in shape.
Plan a vacation.
Accept the fact that we are not robots who can work endlessly with the same results. Taking regular breaks to recuperate will help you increase your productivity and get more joy out of your workflow. It won’t kill you to let yourself slack off for a moment to enjoy a slice of cake and two hours of Netflix, plus it’s a great way to recharge your batteries.
If you’ve been eating only healthy foods all week, breaking your diet on Sunday will only make your diet more enjoyable and won’t make your results any worse.
We appreciate the time you took to read this article. Now it’s time to take action and become an improved version of yourself.
P.S. We recommend another useful article on the topic of working on yourself, 30 Websites That Will Make You Much More Educated.