How to save the family on the verge of divorce: practical tips from a psychologist
If the relationship is at an impasse, only two people can save it. Since the spouses together are able to save the family on the verge of divorce, they need to act together. This is not easy to do, so a couple to restore harmony will have to stock up on patience and set up for a long and fruitful work. But if there is still love in the marriage, it is worth trying to save it.
Why do people get divorced
Husband and wife need to figure out and understand why they want to separate. The investigation should begin with finding the reasons. Although each couple is unique, relationship problems always develop in similar scenarios and have similar causes:
- Cheating is the most common cause of breakups, even in loving couples. The pain of betrayal is so strong that many are unable to overcome it and move on.
- Frequent conflicts and quarrels are another factor that can lead to thoughts of separation. A favorable atmosphere in the family is the main condition for happiness and mutual understanding in the relationship.
- Alcoholism and other addictions also lead to separation. An unhealthy addiction of one of the spouses affects not only the relationship, but also the quality of life. Addiction destroys all areas of life.
- Lack of understanding of what is going on in the relationship and lack of knowledge on how to repair it. Because the spouses don’t see how they can fix what’s not satisfying them on their own, they decide to end the relationship. But this is not the answer, because without understanding what is happening, they may face the same problem in future relationships.
- Lying destroys mutual trust, the foundation of a happy marriage. Divorce can drag on for a long time, but it will happen sooner or later anyway, because deception prevents you from getting closer and being happy.
- Mismatched life goals are the reason why there is no point in working to restore feelings. For example, if one partner wants children and a house in the country, and the other wants to devote his life to travel, then a full family will not work.
- In the case of protracted financial or housing problems, relationships can also collapse. If the spouses are unable to agree and reach a compromise, breaking up is the only way to improve the situation.
- A popular reason for divorce is a cooling of feelings, a lack of mutual sympathy. For example, a dramatic change in the appearance of one of the spouses.
- Often breakup is the result of long-term dissatisfaction with sexual life. Passion leaves the relationship, so partners no longer want intimacy.
- Excessive interference in the marriage by relatives, such as the parents of the husband or wife, is a common cause of divorce, especially if the spouses live with them.
- Lack of attention to each other, too different interests and hobbies lead to a chill and loss of love. As a result, divorce becomes just factual evidence of a lack of true intimacy.
- Dissatisfaction and frustration with the relationship because of the discrepancy of household habits, views on the upbringing of children and other disagreements in which a compromise can not be reached is another factor that provokes separation.
After discovering the root causes of a lingering crisis, you can figure out how to repair a relationship on the brink of divorce. This will help you find the right direction and develop your plan to save the marriage.
If one spouse wants a divorce
Regardless of who initiates the separation, if one partner wants a divorce, the other is not able to do anything alone. It takes a joint effort and a mutual desire to restore harmony. But not everything is hopeless. The partner who wants to save the marriage, there is an opportunity to influence the situation. In this he will help the psychologist’s advice:
- It is necessary to begin a constructive communication;
- you should find out why your partner initiates a divorce;
- it is important to talk about their willingness to change, to make the relationship better.
You can connect to the work on the relationship family therapist. Even if you can not save the marriage, psychotherapy will make the separation less painful and help avoid a repetition of the situation in the future.
Tips for women
Family for women – a huge value, so they are often ready to make concessions to avoid divorce. It is possible to influence the decision of the spouse, for this you need to implement several steps:
- Take care of your external attractiveness.
- Try to rekindle the extinguished fire of feelings.
- Do not impose, to give a man the opportunity to analyze independently and make decisions.
- It is worth warming up the interest of her husband, to make him fall in love again.
- It is important to forget about the complaints and criticism.
- It is necessary to start paying more attention to the relationship and the spouse, so he felt his value and importance in the life of a woman.
It is a woman who is able to create the most favorable emotional atmosphere in the marriage, so her actions will not go without result. But if the spouse has already made a final decision, to change his mind will be extremely difficult. In such a situation there is no question of choosing – to divorce or to keep the family, because this is not what the partner wants.
Tips for men
If the wife wants a divorce, and the man wants to keep the family, he is also able to influence the decision of the spouse. Overcoming problems in a marriage is the responsibility of two, but the husband is in a position to change what he can. Here’s what a man can do to keep the family from divorcing:
- Find out what it is that displeases his spouse;
- pay more attention to her;
- make her feel loved and valued;
- Give her what she lacks.
You can do something alone, so that the family on the verge of divorce does not break up. If the spouse notices a positive change in the man, she may reconsider her decision.
If both want to save the relationship
Protracted crisis is easier to overcome if the spouses together begin to work on it. Save the marriage when both husband and wife want to do so, can be as follows:
- Start spending more time together;
- paying attention to each other;
- restore romance, give each other surprises, go on dates;
- combine efforts to solve household problems;
- agree to discuss any problems and not to be offended;
- stop criticizing each other, replacing the pretentious tone with a constructive style of communication;
- find common interests and common ground;
- eliminate routine and boredom from the relationship;
- harmonize sexual life.
When two people are working on a relationship, it is important to learn how to reach a compromise. These are solutions that do not satisfy anyone in completeness, but are an arithmetic mean. Learning to give in is the foundation on which a happy marriage can be built, even if the family is on the verge of divorce.
Lack of Attention
A busy couple causes priorities to shift. Spouses are so caught up in solving everyday problems that they cease to be interested in each other and forget about basic signs of attention. If the wife and husband want to save the family, then it is worth to reconsider their attitude towards marriage. This does not require any specific knowledge or skills.
Everything is simple – you can make a tired wife her favorite tea, help with housework. Spouse may begin to take more interest in the affairs of her husband, to offer support and care. Elementary simple signs of attention in everyday life can save a marriage on the brink of divorce and even make it happier.
Relationships in marriage should be close, but without violating personal boundaries. If a husband or wife wants a divorce, it is possible to save the family by changing the attitude toward the partner’s personal boundaries. Excessive control is a sign of lack of trust and low self-esteem. Remove this negative factor is real – you need to start working on the development of trust and increase self-esteem.
What you should not do
All efforts to avoid divorce with his wife and to keep the family together can be canceled out by mistakes made in the process. If the husband wants to keep the family together, you shouldn’t put the responsibility for the problems in the marriage solely on him. Likewise with the spouse – in an unhappy marriage, there is no one culprit, both partners are responsible. There are other mistakes that can provoke the deterioration of the relationship and accelerate divorce:
- silence of grievances, unwillingness to talk openly about them;
- unwillingness to give in, to compromise;
- mutual recriminations and claims instead of constructive search for solutions to problems;
- unwillingness to take the initiative in reconciliation.
It is not always possible to restore relations. You need to be able to understand when it is over, and to stop in time, not to waste your emotional resource on futile attempts.
Stages of rebuilding a relationship
Beginning to work on the relationship, you need to develop an effective strategy. Consistency and consideration of all the nuances will help to return love to the family and avoid divorce:
- Someone has to take the first step, so you should start the change with yourself. Seeing a positive example, the second partner will also move forward in development.
- It is important to decide on a vision of happiness in the marriage. When there will come a realization of what it should be, you can direct your efforts to create the relationship of your dreams.
- Next, you need to tackle the resolution of conflicts. They should not be suppressed, hidden or avoided. Constructive communication and clarification of the relationship will help identify marital problems and eliminate them.
- It is important to set a positive mood and create a positive atmosphere. You can change the environment, for example, disperse together on vacation, or just harmonize the emotional background.
Passing these stages in the relationship, the partners will get closer, gradually removing all the shortcomings in the marriage. This does not mean that quarrels and conflicts completely disappear from the family, on the contrary, they will be present, but can no longer have a destructive effect on the relationship.
That scary word is adultery.
Betrayal of one of the partners is an objective reason for the dissolution of the marriage. There is no point in thinking about how one can save a marriage from divorce under these conditions:
- the spouse continues the relationship on the side and does not plan to end it;
- there is no love and mutual respect in the family for a long time;
- the spouses do not want to continue the relationship.
But if the deceived party has the strength to forgive, and the cheating partner is willing to make amends, then everything can be restored. To avoid a breakup, you need to do the following:
- start with forgiveness;
- work on rebuilding trust;
- find out the reasons for the cheating;
- eliminate them.
Betrayal of spouses is caused by dissatisfaction with family relationships. It is necessary to look for the reasons deeper and begin to work through all the problematic areas of family life in order to avoid a repetition of the situation in the future.
General recommendations: how to avoid divorce
Marriages don’t fall apart overnight, and if you work on your relationship regularly, you can avoid a breakup. Here’s how you can restore a good relationship with your wife:
- you need to talk more often and not skirt around problematic topics;
- it is important to learn how to conflict;
- It is necessary to appreciate the personal boundaries of each other;
- It is necessary to diversify family life, to refresh emotions;
- it is necessary to take a rest from each other.
Love is not always a solid foundation for a relationship. It takes a lot of daily work, patience, respect and understanding of each other’s needs to keep the family from falling apart. This is the only way to prevent divorce and build a happy relationship.
Specialist in personal development and family relationships, practicing psychologist. Work experience of more than 15 years.
How to save the relationship with his wife?
Difficulties in the relationship
How to save your marriage
If your relationship with his wife are at a standstill, even you might say, are on the verge of collapse – it’s not over. You do not have to file for divorce and separate.
There are 7 factors to consider before you break up the relationship. And one of them is love?
If you still love your wife, you need to read the tips on how to save your marriage and get your relationship back on track.
Look at the relationship from above.
Sometimes you need to look at a situation from a neutral perspective. Give up the hatred and passion in your heart. This will give a clear understanding of the situation. And only then, can you find a solution that suits you both. No one person has the right to judge. Therefore, try to hear the voice of your conscience.
Respect each other
Respect is the key factor in the relationship, you should not lose respect for each other, even if the relationship has gone bad. No matter how much you are sick and tired of everything, do not insult each other, especially in front of your children. No matter what happened between you, your wife is still the same person you took as your wife and swore to love.
Learn to communicate
A good rapport saves any marriage. And it really does. So try to talk to your wife, even if you don’t feel like it. Share with her what you think about your relationship. You don’t have to lie to yourself. If you still love her, be open with her. And most importantly, listen to what she is trying to tell you.
If you want to save your marriage, you need to learn how to compromise. Remember, we are all different, which means your wife may have opposing thoughts, opinions and feelings. So you can’t let that ruin your marriage. A good compromise is when you go towards each other. Not when, one gets everything and the other has to sit quietly and accept what he doesn’t like.
Resolve your problems immediately
If you argue with your wife, make sure that the problem will be solved as soon as possible. If you delay, an argument can grow into a fight or even a fight. So make a habit of finding some sort of solution immediately and on the spot.
Strengthen the bond.
They say that the best marriage is the one that is built on friendship. Although it’s not the absolute truth. But it will be easier for people to make up if they are friends. And to build a friendship, you have to have common interests and have fun together.
Ask your friends for help.
If all attempts to reconcile are rejected by the wife. Perhaps she will listen to someone else. To do this, you can ask a mutual friend to have a short conversation with you. His perspective and opinion can be of significant help in preserving your relationship.
Accept your mistakes.
If each of you is tolerant of other people’s mistakes, the relationship will be quite strong. And if each of you learn to accept your mistakes, that relationship will not be easy to break. So if you want to save your relationship, you will have to accept your own mistakes and try to fix them. Forgiveness allows you to move forward and overcome misunderstandings.
As stated above, to strengthen a relationship – you have to accept your own and others’ mistakes. But how do you accept mistakes if not with an apology. Remember that women can be very stubborn and illogical. Even if they are wrong, they will not be the first to reconcile. So, be prepared to be the first to ask forgiveness even for things you didn’t do.
If you really want to save your marriage, be prepared to put in a lot of emotional effort to get the “love clock” working again. There are a number of difficult issues to tackle, but know that there will be a priceless prize waiting for you at the end. Men always have to make the decision for the whole family, and only he decides what kind of life the whole family will live.
The best way to save a marriage is a warm and passionate relationship in bed
Preserving a marriage is difficult, which is the reason why a lot of marriages are falling apart these days. But if you decide to change this situation, it will definitely change. You just have to start.
Hopefully, these tips will help you find the right approach to your marriage. And your wife will appreciate your efforts in trying to keep your family together. Don’t hesitate to ask questions, they will help you.