Saving the relationship with your loved one: 10 steps
Is it worth it to save the relationship when they are bursting at the seams? If the desire really is, you can at least try to save the union – after all, you were once happy together. But how can you do it?
When we think about saving the relationship, we are usually internally ready to both restore the lost balance and admit the failure of the union. Only ten steps separate us from making a conscious decision, says family psychologist Anna Andrianova. Are you ready to check if you can save the relationship? Then let’s take action.
STEP 1 Set a deadline.
Honestly answer the question: how much time you’re ready to set aside to resuscitate relationships? A year? Two? A month? A week? Not ready at all? Our lives have a time limit, so we are forced to think in terms of time. In addition, the time frame will help us analyze the changes that did (or didn’t) happen over a period of time.
STEP 2: Emphasize the value of the relationship
Begin to thank your partner for the simplest things: for taking out the trash, bought groceries, picked up the child from kindergarten. The reason for gratitude can be anything. And don’t forget to note how important it is to you: “I really appreciate it,” “It’s important and pleasant to me. We all vitally need recognition and encouragement. In his memoirs, Napoleon wrote about how his life changed when he learned that soldiers were willing to die for a ribbon. Achievement and recognition are important motivators for what we do.
STEP 3: Give compliments.
And don’t forget to do it several times a day. Since you continue to be around this person, it means you like something about him or her – so voice it.
STEP 4: Fulfill a dream or long-held wish of your partner
This doesn’t have to be something global. Just think of something he has long wanted to do or buy. Don’t tell your loved one that you’re preparing a gift, let it be a surprise.
STEP 5. Celebrate your partner’s sexuality
You know your chosen one well, don’t you? Think about what he would most like to hear or see. Think about how you can accentuate his attraction, his desirability to you.
STEP 6. Make it fun for you and for him
Discuss the idea of a trip and spending time together beforehand: check if your partner likes it. Maybe he doesn’t want to go to the spa at all, but would be happy to go with you on a fishing trip or visit old friends. Or prefers to stay home, play together and play your favorite board game.
STEP 7. Tell interesting stories
These can also be simple stories from books or movies. Often in the evenings we discuss household problems, difficulties at work. And we lack interesting topics of conversation, pleasant and easy communication. Life corrodes romance as acid, and over time it is worth thinking about the context for communication, flirting, attention to each other. Remember how you used to prepare for dates? Sometimes it’s important to do that now, too. Think about a time and place where your attention will belong only to each other.
STEP 8. Take care of your appearance
Over time, our feelings are transformed from loving-passionate to relational, not adding to the peppiness and stretchy sweatpants, “homemade” T-shirt. From time to time, surprise your partner with makeup, hairstyles, and nice homemade clothes. Let this little touch also become part of the plan to help save the relationship on the brink of divorce.
STEP 9. Go to places where you can communicate with the opposite sex
Concerts, quizzes, exhibitions, walks in the park – communication at any event will remind that you are not on a desert island and your chosen one is not the only one in the world. Many people like it when their partners pay attention (except when the divorce is close because of pathological jealousy).
STEP 10. And don’t forget your personal space.
Enjoy the part of your life that has nothing to do with your partner. It can be anything but yours: friends, excursions, interesting studies, yoga, books. An independent person is always interesting and attractive.
10 Ways to Save a Relationship
Sooner or later in a relationship comes a crisis. If the relationship is long, then one crisis is often not enough. It is generally accepted that the corresponding problems in a couple come after a year, three, five and ten years. Not many are ready to abruptly leave everything and leave. Save the relationship is the first step in working through the mistakes of both partners and make them stronger. How to do this, let’s figure it out together.
Talk about your feelings, thoughts and worries. Talk about what’s “inside” you. Men often don’t like this process and respond to such initiatives with hostility. However, an honest discussion about what is happening in your relationship will help sort out partners, get rid of unnecessary thoughts and establish rapport. Often, in order to calm the emotional storm in a woman’s mind, it is enough to just listen to her. Let her run through everything that’s bothering her. After that, she will already feel better. Even if the girl is fighting and tells you to go away, sometimes it’s better to go up, give her a hug and tell her how much you really love her.
Praise each other
Remind yourself and each other why you once chose each other. Notice features of your partner that you like. Give your girlfriend compliments. One phrase: “What beautiful eyes you have after all!” will make her happier. When praising a man, do not use expressions such as: “You’re so good for me,” “You’re smart.” So you put yourself in the position of a parent, a mother. Say, “I really appreciate you doing this. When you say a compliment, look the person in the eye. Imagine that you say seemingly nice words, but look away. Agree, immediately feel a kind of dissonance.
Is not it nice when the sleepy you covered with a blanket, met with work, asked if you slept today. Just because. No reason. Do not look for reasons to show care. Look for the desire to do it in yourself. Notice that a girl’s favorite bracelet or earrings are broken? Try to fix it. Did he come home late from work and get really tired? Make him a nice tea, give him a hug and leave the long talk about his day for tomorrow.
Control your emotions
When you feel like fighting, arguing, or saying mean things to someone you love, ask yourself, “What really matters to me? The relationship or proving me right?” Sometimes it’s better to tone it down and give in. If the subject of the quarrel is extremely serious, then try not to shout and not to pour out on the person all the flow of thoughts. Breathe out. Speak calmly. Sometimes it helps to say the part in the beginning, when you are still overwhelmed by the emotional wave, to go away for half an hour, to organize your thoughts in your head. After that, you can get back to the dialogue and talk systematically, reasonably, without too much emotion.
Find a hobby together.
It is important not only to go grocery shopping together every Sunday, but also to find a hobby that will unite you. Find out what your partner would like to do. Sign up together for fitness, swimming – so you will not only keep yourself in good shape, but also follow each other’s progress, share tips and achieve your goals together. A shared hobby will strengthen the relationship and provide even more topics for discussion.
Your partner is your significant other. The fact that he tells you his secrets shows a high level of trust. When you know the secret sides of your loved one’s life, it unites you even more and brings you closer together.
Take an interest in psychology.
Read authoritative books on psychology and relationships. Spend half an hour a day reading and you’ll soon begin to understand the patterns in people’s behavior. You’ll begin to be more loyal to some things, and you’ll understand more about yourself and your needs. In case of serious problems, do not hesitate to consult a family therapist. He is as much a doctor as anyone else in your clinic. Like any organ, relationships and the nervous system sometimes need the help of a specialist. Going to a psychologist today is not strange. It’s strange to stay with unresolved problems and wallow in them deeper and deeper when all the problems can be solved one way or another.
When you travel, you get shared memories. If there’s room for adrenaline on the journey, even better. Adrenaline triggers the attachment hormone to the person who has been around. In this case, a loved one. The material issue is always solvable if you really want to get out of your routine for a while. Catch discounts on tickets, monitor the sites of low-cost carriers, watch videos on the Internet with tips from experienced travelers. They often share helpful ways to save money.
Touching a loved one triggers the production of the “attachment hormone” oxytocin. Love and tenderness can be conveyed through touch. Light unsophisticated stroking each other will soothe, give a sense of comfort and tranquility. This is especially pleasant in the evening after a hard day. Imagine you come home completely exhausted and in a good mood. Lie down in a soft bed, turn on the first program on TV, and your loved one beside you gently strokes.
That’s all well and good, but what if your relationship is long-distance? How to keep them in that case? Modern man is lucky, because today there are more and more services for maintaining relationships, even if you are a thousand miles away. Call each other more often by video call, record voice messages. Sometimes you can just turn on Skype and keep your normal routine. If you want to watch a movie together, there are services that allow you to create an “online room” for the two of you. If someone presses pause, the other person’s movie will also pause, allowing you to recreate the feeling of watching together as fully as possible. “Touching” your favorite boyfriend or girlfriend can be done with a smart watch. They have a feature that sends a vibration from you to your partner’s watch.
A happy relationship is the work of both partners, but someone always takes the initiative first. Circumstances in life, the environment will change over the course of life. Who will walk beside you along the way is up to you. Never forget what you chose that person for. Relationships have their ups and downs. Learn to maneuver through the sharp turns without letting go of your loved one’s hand.