How to save a long distance relationship and not to lose them
How to save a long-distance relationship when you are separated by hundreds and thousands of kilometers? This can be a serious test for lovers, especially if they are not yet bound. And affection alone may not be enough, you will need more will and patience.
The only thing we can say for sure: the distance will help to test your love, when the thin thread that binds you with kisses, passionate embraces, and hot nights disappear for a while. If the couple are separated by miles, true feelings come to the scene, which will help to answer the question of how to save the relationship in this case.
Pros and cons of a long-distance relationship
Long-distance relationships are not always a minus, there are also advantages, and quite significant. Let’s consider the main ones in more detail:
Being in a relationship at a distance of several tens or even hundreds of kilometers from each other is convenient. There is no need to carve out time for a meeting, gathering, hair and makeup. It is enough to allocate a couple of minutes for correspondence in instant messenger or by SMS.
When lovers live far away from each other, it is advantageous. They do not spend money on renting an apartment, paying for utilities, and most often live with relatives. You can save money on gifts by sending them to each other only for major holidays.
When lovers are separated by distance, they are not engaged in a daily routine and everyday life. There is only romance between them, and therefore the relationship becomes only stronger. The man does not have to go grocery shopping and take out the trash every day. The woman does not have to collect socks from the apartment.
Long-distance communication brings them closer, as the couple gets used to talking and sharing intimate things with each other. The boundaries of personal space are erased due to the large distance between the lovers, they get to know each other more and more every day.
Compensation for expensive gifts can be romantic melodies, beautiful stickers and pictures. It’s already proven that virtual gifts give as much pleasure and pleasant experience as real signs of attention, trips to cafes or restaurants.
Both men and women have time for personal meetings with friends or relatives. One can easily go shopping with a girlfriend or sit in a restaurant with his brother.
Communicating on the phone and through messengers brings extremely positive emotions and enjoyment of each other. There is simply no reason to quarrel. There is no need to get angry because of an open tube of toothpaste or a vial of shampoo, the toilet lid is always positioned properly, there is simply no anger and irritation in the couple.
When a couple lives apart from each other, each party has a chance to spend their time as they see fit. A married couple who lives under the same roof doesn’t have that option. They spend all their free time next to each other, allocating a free hour for hobbies is almost impossible.
We have highlighted the main advantages of such a romantic relationship.
But not at all without disadvantages. The main ones include:
Lack of physical contact. Lovers need touch, body odor, and sex. Even the most affectionate words at a distance will not replace the warm embrace of your beloved.
Lack of intimacy and regular sex are often the cause of cheating. A beloved can still dream of a partner and be with him mentally, but physical attraction is stronger than love messages.
The difficulty of a long-distance relationship is that relatives and friends begin to pressure and set lovers against each other. They put labels, talk about the impossibility of a long-distance relationship and that the partner has most likely already had a lover. This leads to suspicion and gradual cooling.
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We’ve covered the advantages and disadvantages of a long-distance relationship, but it’s up to you to make the final decision. Do you trust the opinion of skeptics or are you willing to give in to love and continue this connection? How to keep a long-distance relationship and not lose love? Read about it below.
20 psychologist’s tips on how to keep a long-distance relationship
Relationships away from each other are not easy to maintain. But this does not mean that they are doomed. In fact, such a relationship can be much stronger than the one that is not separated by miles, and geographical remoteness is not an obstacle. It is important to give such a relationship enough time, effort and attention. You need to change your habits, lifestyle, general mood to maintain intimacy with your loved one.
Keep in touch.
You do not have the opportunity to see each other in person every day, so you need to establish a strong emotional connection and maintain it daily. This does not require long conversations. Even if your conversations are short and not as detailed, you should communicate every day. This is a sign that you want to be aware of each other’s lives, you are ready to invest time, effort and attention. If your conversations are not daily, and with long pauses, each time you will have to start the conversation anew, instead of continuing the previous one, some information will become irrelevant, some things will be forgotten.
Control your schedule.
Keep your partner aware of your busyness. If your schedule is very busy, use every free minute to text or call your loved one. When you, on the other hand, are more free than your other “half,” let him know that you’re ready to talk, and while you’re waiting for his call, do something interesting.
Discuss routine and everyday life.
You don’t have to think that some new topic, interesting and exciting, is necessarily necessary for calls. Make it a rule to discuss daily chores, shopping, cooking, changing repairs. This way you can maintain a sense of common life and home, something you both look forward to.
Arrange meetings more often.
Use every convenient opportunity for face-to-face meetings. This is the main answer to the question of how to keep a long-distance relationship with your loved one. Visit each other as often as your schedule, work, school, or money allows. Plan for future visits as soon as the next one comes to an end. Try to combine vacations or vacations. Living together is just as important as mutual trust, commitment and satisfaction with each other.
Get to know each other from all sides.
Any relationship is impossible when partners do not know anything about the other “soulmate” or do not try to find out. Without understanding what your loved one likes and what not, without interest in his hobbies, daily activities will not appear common themes of communication and discussion.
Perceive your partner as a person like you.
Distance not only intensifies feelings, but also makes you idealize your partner. As long as you are far apart, it will strengthen feelings and bonding. But when you reunite, communication difficulties may begin if you perceive your loved one as an ideal rather than a real earthly person.
Become each other’s support.
If your partner feels bad, he needs support and encouragement, you have to be there. Show participation, show willingness at any time to help, so you show genuine interest in reciprocity, and the “half” will understand that you really love him.
If every time loved one will be left alone with trouble, very soon he will realize that no one needs. Interdependence implies complete willingness to act in spite of your selfish considerations for the good of your partner and your relationship. Support in a difficult situation makes it possible to form such interdependence, without which a strong long-distance relationship is impossible.
Build trust.
Regardless of the distance in a relationship should be trust. Avoid temptation, by all means keep faithfulness. If there are no problems with this, you will most likely never have to think about how to maintain a long-distance relationship with your boyfriend. If you have made a mistake, however, confess to your partner honestly, even though lying would help you maintain your reputation in his eyes. So, if you went to a bar but decided to withhold it, the truth will benefit you personally, but not your relationship.
Keep your loyalty and faithfulness.
Show openness, share personal information. You can only continue the relationship by being morally committed to each other based on personal preferences, not pressure from the outside. Personal preferences include considerations like “cheating is unacceptable in my relationship.” External pressure is considered disapproval from loved ones and relatives, such as “my mother will be very worried if I cheat on my girlfriend and she will leave me for it.” A long-distance relationship is possible when you know how to keep the love alive and are personally interested in it.
Don’t commit irrational acts under the influence of negative emotions.
Talk. Do not walk away from problems, try to discuss everything to build trust and connection in the couple. If after a slip-up on your part there is a sense of fear of your partner and his reaction, think about whether you need such a relationship.
Start a common cause.
Start a common social media page or blog. This can be a great way to communicate, adding a sense of ownership to the creation of a joint brainchild. It could be a cooking blog where you can share your culinary successes, or an Instagram page where you post photos of your workouts.
Do the same things at the same time.
This will give you an opportunity to get closer and strengthen the connection, reduce the invisible distance and build an invisible bridge to each other. If you can’t think of something new, use one of the ideas listed here.
Learn something new together.
You can start taking an online English course together or master knitting. As long as it’s something you both enjoy doing. It will not only be a source of rapprochement, but also a topic for conversation and a way to spend time together. Take this advice to armed forces, if you are looking for a way to maintain a long-distance relationship with a man.
Give your partner the feeling that he is special.
Show your love through nice little things. Write love messages and send them via email. Without an excuse, order delivery of flowers or small gifts. Express delivery services give you the opportunity to send your loved one anything and anywhere.
Maintain mutual interests.
Agree to do business together. Yes, you will perform it apart, but at the same time. If the only thing you have in common is talking together – the relationship risks being trapped. Agree on something romantic, like watching the sunset during a phone conversation. Set a reminder on your phone, synchronize your watch for a certain time each day, and agree to think of each other in that moment.
Keep in touch.
A person needs the feeling of having a place in their loved one’s life. Especially when it comes to a spouse who is away from the family. How to maintain a long-distance relationship with your husband? In addition to the already mentioned options, try to arrange a meeting online or in real life with his friends. This will not only simplify communication, but also help to better understand each other while being away.
Discuss the prospect of the relationship.
Determine what you have in common as a couple. What kind of relationship do you have in common? And what do you both expect from that relationship? For example, are you just dating occasionally, are you an official couple, or are you already engaged and are the bride and groom?
You need to decide on the exclusivity of the relationship. Does it mean you’re not dating anyone else? Ask your partner directly, “Would you be willing to live in the same apartment with me if our relationship moved to the next level?! – Or: – “What do you expect from our relationship?”
Discuss fears, insecurities and doubts.
Don’t be afraid to talk about what seems scary or uncomfortable to you. It’s not a bad opportunity to discuss feelings honestly. If you manage to accept the partner with its flaws and virtues in the distance, it helps to accept it fully and at a time when you can reunite.
Keep a positive attitude towards reality.
Try to see more pluses in the distance that separates you. For example, you can spend as much time as you want on your interests, hobbies, passions or even career. Recognize that distance gives you a chance to be creative when it comes to ways to communicate and meet or express feelings. Accept the separation as a test of your feelings.
Build realistic expectations.
Is it possible to maintain a long-distance relationship? Of course it is! Any relationship is based on paying attention to your loved one, whether he or she is near you or far away. If you and your partner are ready to work on building a relationship, be prepared for the fact that it’s not easy. The road can be bumpy and winding, but if you learn how to overcome obstacles, your relationship will benefit from the joint experience. Nothing strengthens a bond like the test of separation.
Distance has no power over love, remember that. A long separation is, above all, one way to strengthen the bond between a man and a woman. But you should not fold your hands and let things go on their own. The relationship needs to be worked on, especially if the lovers are at a distance from each other.
How to save a long distance relationship
Contributor(s): John Keegan. John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle consulting company, where he uses his knowledge of dating, social dynamics, and the mechanisms of attraction to help people find love. He teaches people and conducts dating workshops all over the world, from Los Angeles to London and Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been written about in The New York Times, Humans of New York and Men’s Health.
Number of sources used in this article: 10. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.
Number of views of this article: 136 898.
No one is saying that long-distance relationships are easy, but that doesn’t mean they’re doomed to fail. If enough time and attention is given to them, such relationships can be even stronger than those in which geographical distance is not a barrier. [1] X Source of information Stafford, L., & Merolla, A. J. (2007). Idealization, reunions, and stability in long-distance dating relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships,24(1), 37-54. Simple changes in habits, lifestyle, and general attitude can help you maintain intimacy with your loved one.
- Find out which way your partner prefers to communicate. Try different techniques and see which ones work for both of you. [5] X Source of information Aylor, B. A. (2003). Maintaining long-distance relationships. Maintaining relationships through communication: Relational, contextual, and cultural variations, 127-140. Texting, emailing, and Skype conversations to keep abreast of the small details of each other’s daily lives.
- Work on your schedule. If you know you will be too busy to communicate, let your partner know ahead of time and try to text or call them every chance you get. If, on the other hand, you are less busy than your partner, be ready to chat when they have time, and in the meantime find something interesting to do.
- Talking about the mundane can foster connection and interdependence between you-the foundation of your relationship. [7] X Source of information Sahlstein, E. M. (2006). Making plans: Praxis strategies for negotiating uncertainty-certainty in long-distance relationships. Western Journal of Communication, 70(2), 147-165.
- Make your own traditions related to meetings. For example, you might go to your favorite restaurant, have a quiet evening at home alone, or do a favorite activity together.
- Organize your trip so that you don’t lose precious time. Arrange to meet at the airport or train station. Learn to travel with one bag or keep everything you need with your partner so you don’t waste time at the airport getting luggage.
- Occasionally meet in other cities. Go somewhere neither of you have been before, or to your favorite place, or pick a city halfway between you.
- Knowing each other’s preferences will help you choose gifts. Exchanging gifts is another way of transmitting feelings over long distances. [11] X Source of information Aylor, B. A. (2003). Maintaining long-distance relationships. Maintaining relationships through communication: Relational, contextual, and cultural variations, 127-140.
- Communicating and sharing the mundane details of your life on a daily basis will remind you of what your partner is really like and help you notice changes if they happen to them. [13] X Source of information Aylor, B. A. (2003). Maintaining long-distance relationships. Maintaining relationships through communication: Relational, contextual, and cultural variations, 127-140.
- Interdependence manifests itself in everyday behaviors (e.g., making compromise decisions) and long-term processes (e.g., willingness to quit smoking).
- Frequent use of email and other means of communication on the Internet promotes trust in romantic relationships. [18] X Source of information Dainton, M., & Aylor, B. (2002). Patterns of communication channel use in the maintenance of long-distance relationships. Communication Research Reports,19(2), 118-129. [19] X Source of information Johnson, A. J., Haigh, M. M., Becker, J. A., Craig, E. A., & Wigley, S. (2008). College Students’ Use of Relational Management Strategies in Email in Long-Distance and Geographically Close Relationships. Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, 13(2), 381-404.
- Watch for signs that your partner is trying to manipulate you into doing things that benefit only him or her – such as lying to co-workers like something serious has happened so that you answer his or her phone during an important business meeting. If deception and manipulation are becoming part of your communication, you need to think about why your relationship lacks trust.
Don’t do anything irrational just because you’re angry or upset about something. Conversation is key; when you have problems, discuss them to build trust and connection between you. If you, having made some mistake, are afraid of reciprocation from your partner, you should think about whether you need such a relationship.
