How to restrain yourself from yelling at the child?

How not to snap at a child. Learning to control yourself

Realizing that this behavior is unacceptable, many parents admit to snapping at their children. Anger at the child. What to do? Your own aggression is frightening and makes you feel guilty. After the mother yells at the baby, she often tries to placate him. She buys gifts, starts “licking”. It is clear that such a scenario leads to negative results. How not to get mad at the child. Advice from teachers and psychologists will help you.

Yelling at the child. What to do?

Yelling is always a sign of weakness and powerlessness. This kind of relationship breaks the emotional climate in the house, leads to the fact that the child becomes afraid of adults and ceases to trust them.

The article, prepared by our experts, will help to understand the mechanisms of such behavior and teach – how not to snap at the child.

Why can not yell at children?

First of all, let’s be clear:

Anger, shouting and even aggression are normal emotions common to all people. Suppressing any emotional expression is bad for the human psyche and health in general.

When a person has a reason to be angry, it must be expelled. Otherwise, consequences are inevitable, such as the appearance of depression. However, emotions should be expressed in the right way, without harming either adults or children. Yelling and aggression towards the sons and daughters are not allowed.

Why not?

  1. You will regret it and feel guilty.
  2. Outbursts of anger, screaming and aggression change the microclimate in the family not for the better.
  3. Friendship and trust will be forgotten.
  4. The child will stop trusting their parents and will not share their problems with them.
  5. Over time, there will also be other negative consequences – a change in the child’s psyche.

It is important to note the last point in particular. This is low self-esteem, the inability to build relationships with others, the emergence of manipulative traits, tyranny, etc.

Maternal aggression. Opinion of psychologists

How to stop snapping at your child? Do you know what this phrase means? It is a “key” in the search system. The phrase comes up most often in a search engine when it comes to parenting. And it makes you wonder. After all, it is typed by mothers of children of all ages, hoping to find the answer and build relationships in the family. But the fact that parents are looking for an answer is already a good thing!

How not to scold a small child

Child psychologists believe:

Aggression that comes from the mother is much more dangerous than paternal aggression.

The father’s punishment any child perceives more adequately. Of course, we are not talking about serious punishments, especially corporal punishment. This is a topic for a separate conversation. We are talking about parents’ normal reaction to their children’s misconduct. The anger of the father is more natural and expected for the child. Besides, snapping at the child in the usual sense is not typical for men. They tend to express themselves quickly and emotionally. Men’s anger is concrete and has a targeted message.

How to stop aggressing on the child?

A woman is associated with tenderness, love, understanding and care for both adult men and children of any gender. Ideally, her relationship with her children should be calm, benevolent. And, most importantly, predictable.

I often yell at the baby. What to do? First, read carefully what is written next!

If a mother snaps, yells or raises her hand at her child, it is a complete surprise, a disaster for her child. Even if it happens often. It is a surprise and shock every time! The child can not get used to the anger of the mother. Over time, he is disappointed in his mom and feels betrayed.

How not to be annoyed with the child? Read another paragraph and analyze your situation.

An important point – women very often suppress their negative experiences, family troubles, problems with the spouse, etc. As a result, the negativity just overwhelms them. Any little thing serves as the impetus for a breakdown. The child turns out to be the weakest link, unable to fight back.

Often, children understand that they don’t deserve punishment, and it hurts them even more.

Overcoming childhood trauma

This is a difficult and very long process. Not everyone manages to get through this process and forgive their parents, especially their mother. Often a child who has been traumatized as a child carries his or her pain through life.

Illnesses that may result from childhood psychological trauma:

  • Abnormalities of the stomach and intestines.
  • Eating disorders, including bulimia and anorexia.
  • Insomnia.
  • Respiratory disorders.
  • Vascular dystonia.
  • Neurological and mental health problems, including nervous tics.

The goal of Mom and Dad – to give children a sense of comfort, stability and peace. Without a sense of security, a person can not be happy. How not to get mad at the kids? You should always learn this, no matter how old your child is.

How not to get mad at her children

Personal Development

The law clearly works in the world: you shout at you and they shout at you. A grown-up child will yell at his parents the same way they yelled at him in his early childhood.

In addition to the above problems, the child will have:

  • Apathy and withdrawal.
  • Fear and anxiety.
  • Deterioration of memory and concentration.
  • Difficulties with communication, fear of public speaking, dating, etc.

All of these qualities often last a lifetime. That is why it is more difficult for a person to realize themselves in society, to build a career and family relationships.

I snapped at my 2-year-old child, what to do – my mother asks the question on the forum. And in response she hears: the same problem I have! Many young mothers write about it.

Social development

Children who often hear screaming at home always live in constant tension. They cannot trust people and are often unable to love. They shut down because they are always expecting a catch and betrayal from those around them. When creating a family, the same pattern of behavior that the person saw in his family is modeled.

Child-Parent Relationships.

It is impossible to build a normal relationship when yelling. Teenagers avoid the anger of their parents, alone “digesting” resentments and problems. They can not share with mom and dad, as they do not consider them truly close people.

Snapping at the child. What to do? Reasons for parental anger

In order to get out of the situation competently, you should analyze the reasons for your breakdowns.

The most common is copying the behavior of your own mom and dad.

In this case, you are also a victim of misconduct of parents. But the vicious circle must necessarily break up!

If you started reading this article, then the first important step has already been taken.

The desire to prove their authority

Think about what drives you? Maybe the desire by all means to prove your parental authority?

Disruption of anger

You have to learn to react appropriately to your child’s moods. Think about it, maybe the child is not to blame and he did not bring you to the breakdown? Maybe there are other reasons – fatigue, your poor sleep lately, illness, conflicts with your own parents or husband? These reasons can be many. Children just fall under the “hot” hand.

Disobedience of a child

A child is often disobedient and mischievous. This is also normal. You have tried talking to him and explaining, but he continues. Does this situation sound familiar? How to learn not to snap at your child in this case?

The reason for your yelling is your psychological and pedagogical illiteracy, not the child’s antics.

Often mom and dad want to get from the kids what they can not give by virtue of age or other reasons. Probably there are special children in your environment who can do everything, can do everything and are distinguished by impeccable behavior? Or is it just in your imagination? Think about it.

Fatigue, stress, irritability, loss of control over their emotions

Why does this happen? Another cause of anger is your stress and your perpetual rush. The pace of life makes you lose control of yourself.


Constant control and hyper-parenting inevitably leads to scandals and yelling. Get rid of the spirit of control and manipulation. How not to snap at a 6 year old child? At this time, children become schoolchildren, they begin to demand more and more. Maybe it’s worth a little “slow down”?

The child’s failure to meet the expectations of their parents

It is a bad practice to get mad at your children, because they do not meet your imaginary ideal.

A pattern of behavior from childhood

You may have a pattern of behavior imposed on you, where yelling is the main argument. Forget about it!

Ignoring the age pattern of children

You can not ask your baby to do things that are peculiar to older children. Treat these issues sensibly. Do not practice excessive pedantry!

Fast pace of life

You have a lot to do during the day. How can you avoid falling off the wagon? Try to reconsider your daily routine. Maybe it contains too many unnecessary items?

How to stop snapping at your child?

If you want to remedy the situation and regroup is quite possible. It will not be difficult. Hopeless children, everyone can be handled with clarification and mild punishment. Below are a few tips on how to stop yelling. Then you won’t have to wonder how not to get mad at your child.

First of all: think about the consequences

Do you want your beloved baby to be unhappy? Grow up with a lot of complexes because of injuries? It’s unlikely. So try not to snap and look for other ways to drain the negativity. How do you do it? About this further.

Get to the bottom of your problems.

Why do you lose your temper, become aggressive, get angry and yell? Find the reasons and work to eliminate them. How not to get mad at your child? The psychologist’s advice is aimed at you, not at the baby. You are experiencing problems, so you snap. If you feel irritated, distract yourself with something. Hold back, go into another room, and allow yourself to “cool down.

The restraint

That factor is the analysis of the situation and the realization that you’re just looking for someone to take your problems out on.

Managing Your Emotions

Managing your emotions involves recognizing the causes of your stress and accumulated negativity. After sorting this out and removing the provoking factors, you learn how to restrain yourself in relations with the children.

Relaxation techniques for a tired mom

There are plenty of ways to bring your nervous system. For example, you can:

  • Make time for yourself. Go to the hairdresser or do sports.
  • Meet with friends for intimate conversations.
  • Take walks in the fresh air.
  • Get a good night’s rest by trying to go to bed on time.
  • Talk more in person and with virtual acquaintances.
  • Listening to music, painting, embroidery, etc.

All of this helps to switch and stabilize your mood.

How to stop shouting at the child. Advice from psychologists

5 ways to contain your anger:

  1. Conflict Analysis. When does a child’s behavior lead to your aggression?
  2. The ability to tell yourself “stop” when you want to yell.
  3. Why did you yell? Did the child misbehave or did someone hurt you?
  4. Motivation to restrain yelling – the consequences that will not be long in coming. It will be possible to get rid of negativity, but the problems will not be solved.
  5. Any problems are easier to solve without aggression and yelling. What is said calmly gets through faster and better.

When is it necessary to see a psychologist?

Then, when you do not cope with the situation. You cannot control your anger and aggression.

How to behave during a breakdown

There are several techniques that work.

Isolate the child

Find an interesting activity for your child and distract him. Let him play in his room.

Isolate yourself from your child

Find something to do in your room yourself. Do not digest the situation, but distract yourself and do something useful.

Use psychological techniques

There are many techniques. You can apply breathing exercises, listen to music, or find your own good way to calm down.

Talk to someone.

A good distraction is talking to a girlfriend or any close or even stranger.

How to behave after a breakdown

The main thing is to get out of a conflict situation correctly. Do not dwell on it!

Calm down yourself

If you continue to be nervous, nothing will work. Find a way to calm down.

Calm the child down and apologize.

The child also needs to be reassured. Caress and apologize to him. There is nothing embarrassing or inappropriate here. Learn to admit your mistakes.

Discuss the situation

After everyone has calmed down, you must be sure to have a “debriefing”. In a friendly and even humorous way. Present the situation as a comic one. But at the same time point out the reason why it happened. Show the child his behavior, how it looks like from the adult’s point of view, and admit his shortcomings. Reconcile!!!

Continue to be a good enough mom.

This means: your anger is not a reason to be an “angry” mom. Your love is limitless. The child needs to be convinced of that. After the screaming, you must behave as before.

How to properly punish

Punishment must be adequate and fair. If it’s a prank, you can for a while just ignore the child, ignoring him. You should not grab for a belt!

Advice from psychologists

  1. Always find time for your own personal activities.
  2. The child is a priority. Household activities can be postponed if the baby needs your mother’s attention.
  3. Don’t be shy to warn other family members about your bad mood.
  4. Be able to ask for forgiveness and admit mistakes.
  5. Praise yourself. In all circumstances.
  6. When signs of depression, etc. appear, go to a specialist and don’t let the situation go on its own.
  7. Always show love for your child. No matter what happens between you.

How not to scold a small child. Conclusion

If the situation is deadlocked, and you can not control your emotions even with a strong desire, then you need to see a professional psychologist.

An experienced specialist will help you figure it out. Counseling is necessary when you have tried all the options, but you can’t fix the relationship. In other cases, the question “how to stop yelling at the child” is solved with the help of techniques described in the articles. Follow our publications, and they will help you! And remember: you – a wise and mature man, and your children – are still children. The responsibility for them, their present and future life is borne by you, the parents.

“Don’t yell at your child!”: 9 anger management techniques

Do you yell at your child? Of course you do. Unfortunately, not every parent can always react calmly to their baby’s disobedience. You snap, yell, or even yell at your favorite little person, and then blame yourself for it. But even after a loud quarrel you can remain friends and keep the love. Correspondent “” Anastasia Saltanova learned how to do it.

This article should have included honest stories of mothers who tell about how they yell at their child. But I don’t want to subject them to discussion and condemnation for those who control their emotions and react to some “outbursts” of their child with complete peace of mind. I just talked to our resident expert, the family psychologist of the clinic “Academy of Health” Oksana Titova and found out how to restrain yourself if you already want to yell at the baby, and what to do if it has already happened.

Oxana Vasilyevna, how to restrain yourself if you want to scream at the baby?

– Anger – this is a natural human emotion. There are many cases when you see that your children are not in control of the situation and you get angry at them. Under the influence of a momentary emotion, you may say things that you regret later. This can have a negative effect on your children in the long run. But even if you repress anger, it can lead to problems such as frustration and depression. The key is to understand how to control your anger and channel it in a healthy way.

How might parental anger affect a child’s development?

– First, it would interfere with the relationship you are building with your children and your partner. Second, for fear of being told off, your children may begin to hide things from you. This could become a serious problem in the future, you may not be able to help your children when they really need it. Third, every outburst you make affects your children’s personality – angry parents will force a child to grow into either a repressed personality or an extremely angry person. Physically expressed anger can also cause irreparable physical and emotional harm to your child.

Why is anger management important for parents?

– Although anger is a natural emotion, expressing it by yelling at your children or anyone else is not the answer. Yelling can cause very negative feelings in your relationship with your children and even with your partner. Anger management will help you, as a parent, to channel the anger you feel into something right. It will also help show your children that you are angry at them without scaring them. This, in turn, can help your children understand where they may have gone wrong. Consequently, channeling your anger can also give your children a more effective lesson.

Signs of Anger.

– The first important step to controlling your anger is to understand the signs of anger. Once you realize that your body is signaling one or more of the signs, you can slow down in time. Here are some signs:

  • You begin to breathe quickly.
  • Your heart begins to beat very quickly.
  • You begin to think negatively, for example, no one supports me, and so on.
  • You clench your jaws and palms.
  • Your shoulders begin to tense.
  • Your abs begin to tense.
  • You begin to feel irritated and possibly sweat.

When these signs start to surface, slow down and calm down for your sake, for the sake of yourself, your children and your spouse.

Oksana Vasilyevna, what are some anger management ideas for parents?

– It’s important to follow some of the tiphacks on how to deal with feelings of anger toward your children. You can use these simple but effective ideas to keep your anger under control:

  • Take a few deep breaths.

One of the most effective ways to control any form of anger is to take deep breaths. When you inhale and exhale, it helps you think before you act. Since reactions to anger are mostly impulsive, deep breathing helps you curb your impulses and control your anger. Breathing also helps you take time to think about how to effectively channel your anger so that your children learn the lesson they need to learn. It will also have a positive impact on your children as they learn from you how to breathe and think before they impulsively react to a difficult situation they face in the future.

  • Seek counseling from a professional

It’s not a bad idea to seek help from a specialist when you have a problem in your life. Seeking help is the first sign of getting rid of anger, which starts with admitting that you have a problem. Good therapy can help you in many ways. Problems get easier when someone hears them. A good therapist can help you do this by listening to your problems and suggesting changes from an objective point of view.

  • Don’t hit or resort to violence

This type of punishment has an extremely negative effect on children, affecting their confidence and personality. Moreover, it depletes the relationship capital that parents have with their children.

  • Imagine what your relationship with your child will look like in the future

When you are angry with your children, it is important to take a moment to draw a mental picture of what your relationship with your children will look like in 20 years. It’s important to think about whether such aggression will help strengthen or weaken your relationship with your children when they grow up. Looking at things from this perspective helps you effectively control your anger and handle the situation wisely.

  • Choose the right place and the right time

Yelling, punishing, and yelling at children in public places negatively affects their confidence and self-esteem.

  • Determine what triggers your anger

Analyzing the root cause of what’s blowing you up can help you identify these situations in advance. When you know in advance what can make you angry, you can prepare to create countermeasures. What’s more, it will help you identify your weaknesses.

  • Memorize a few catchphrases and recite them in your mind like a mantra

When you feel angry, remember a few mottos such as “stop,” “calm down,” “control yourself,” etc. This can help you with a sudden burst of anger. Mindfulness can prevail over your impulsive response to anger if you create habits of calming yourself down.

Meditation works wonders not only in controlling your anger, but also in helping with self-actualization and self-improvement in the long run.

  • Hug your child

A hug can work wonders when thousands of words can have no impact. A hug is the most powerful form of nonverbal communication. When you hug your child when they annoy you, it can help them think about their mistakes and try to correct them. All lessons can be learned without any angry words. It also strengthens your bond with your child.

– Your children’s minds are like soft sponges that absorb everything in their environment. Expressing anger toward them can be very damaging in terms of their personality, confidence level, and personal growth in general. While it is sometimes necessary to express your anger, in many cases it is more effective not to do so and to control it instead.

Oksana Vasilyevna, what should you do if you have already yelled at a child?

– Remember that the child is a human being, and your yelling is very unpleasant for him or her. Can you remember when you felt good after someone yelled at you? Probably never? Why then is it accepted that the child “will forget everything very quickly and go on living as if nothing had happened”? Even if he is easy-going or simply too young, it does not mean that he was not scared, hurt and hurt by the fact that you yelled at him. So first of all, make a rule not to pretend that nothing happened. Don’t speak from a position of strength, because it is obvious that the one who snapped was so weak that he couldn’t think of anything better to do. Observe the following rules :

You know, the universal rule of safety in parenting: provide an oxygen mask first yourself, then the child. If you are still angry, unable to adequately assess the situation, realize that you will continue to snap, move away from the child at a safe distance and take care of yourself. You can’t try to work things out by continuing to yell.

  • Think about how the child saw the situation

Empathy is a major tool in the hands of a good parent. Just go back and calmly look at how what happened looked in the child’s eyes: most likely, you will remember his frightened look and understand how bad he was at that moment.

Approach the child and offer him or her to talk quietly. Apologize to him and tell him how upset you are that it happened that way. You’re not proud of yourself, are you? Some children are not ready to discuss the conflict in detail, but opening up to their parents through play is normal. If your child’s age allows it, ask if he or she is ready to accept your apology and if there is anything you can do for him or her. Remember that your task is not to pay off and make the child pretend that nothing happened, but to restore the broken course of things without trying to deny what happened.

  • Establish a connection with your child.

At the time of your breakdown, your child may have felt not only threatened and aggressive on your part, but also afraid that your relationship has suffered. Of course, he can’t express this in any way, but his feelings are alive and real, even if he doesn’t say anything. It is important for him to know that your relationship has not changed irreversibly, you still love him and no anger can tear you apart.

If you feel that you can’t cope on your own, get help from a professional.

Do you yell at your child? Of course you do. “” hopes that you will definitely take into account all the advice of our expert, if you suddenly want to yell at your children. And if, unfortunately, it has already happened, be sure to calm down, think about how the child saw the situation, make up for the damage and connect with your child.

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