How to refresh the relationship with your husband, and restore the former passion?
Hi all. I’m in a playful mood today, so catch this!
I hope everything is working out great: you’re not tired at work of jealous coworkers who are always sticking their noses into your personal life, you’re not tired of silly fights with your husband about not noticing the perfectly cleaned apartment and fancy dinner on the table again, and of course, you do not want to hide away from the children, who now and then cry, begging for a new toy (and, never mind – Barbie doll or a new Playstation), you do not get tired, you have to be satisfied with life 24/7, otherwise all that you have built so painstakingly will collapse! Is that what you think?
You’re a woman, not a robot, you’re entitled to your emotions and if you think things are going wrong, it’s time to start working on it! Not happy with your relationship with your husband? It’s a good time to make adjustments. He’s probably already forgotten how he ran after you at the beginning of the relationship. Forgotten, right?
Years have passed, now his spouse knows exactly – you’re not going anywhere and there is no difference – whether he notices the new underwear from Vasi Italiano or equates it to shapeless nightgown, which you wore after childbirth.
– What am I supposed to do? – You ask.
Read my article, that’s what! I was in the same situation, after all!
As you’ve guessed by now, today we’re going to talk about how to refresh your relationship with your husband.
First, let’s figure out, what was it like before? Think back. If your husband didn’t pay attention or help much at first, and you got married solely because of a baby or your first short-lived crush, then expecting things to change is a little wrong. But you can try. Who can stop us? Very different looks like a situation where a few years earlier your husband carried you in his arms and kissed your feet, and now he suddenly became cold. If this is the case, my advice will certainly help.
What advice is given to all women in a similar situation
Change yourself. Yes, of course, we all know that the main thing in a man is the soul, and love can see it even through the prism of unthinkable, and sometimes ugly, flaws. But I do not believe in it one hundred percent: still, a man loves with his eyes (we women like to listen, and men like to consider).
And even if a young man lives with a woman who is far from beauty standards, talks every day about love and ‘no, you didn’t get fat, honey’ he will still secretly, sometimes when his wife is away, dream of a fatal stripper who wants to tame him.
Wait a minute! No need to get upset! None of us look like the adorable Angelina Jolie or twirl on a pole like Charlize Theron (okay, there was a time when she twirled and not so much).
The main thing is to create the appearance of perfection (here it is, our secret, our weapon). And the first thing we must do:
- Change the image (If you used to be sexy and liberated, now it’s time to play a little naive virgin. Can you do that? I have no doubt you can!)
- Become more confident. Of course, many people have a hard time with this, it takes years to finally say, ‘yes, I’m a queen!’ But try, because a confident woman, even if she is not Miss Universe, chances to enchant a man a hundred times more than the complexed beauty
Touch your partner. Psychologists have confirmed: the more often spouses touch each other, the stronger their affection and, of course, the brighter the sex.
Sex, by the way, has an important role in a couple: spouses should understand that if one of them can not give his partner in sex what he needs, or he will get angry and pick on the household little things, or sooner or later will leave for another partner.
Of course, don’t grab a man by his “closest friend” for no good reason in order to strengthen your relationship (although he might enjoy it). Better yet, take his hand, run your hand over his cheek, give him a hug, etc. Just show with touch all the tenderness you have.
Spend more time with your man, look for common interests. Do you live together but hardly see each other because each is busy with his work? Stop! Carve out at least one day for the two of you.
You know that the closer a person is on an emotional level and the more topics of conversation you have, the faster you’ll become best friends for each other again, which is definitely important in a two-person relationship. And yes, that means sharing his interests, too. So what if it’s tanks. And killing zombies is cool.
Moving on from theory to practice.
I hope you really digested the three tips above, because now you have to memorize new ones, and then try to apply them with your husband (oh-la-la!). And even if he’s still just your boyfriend, these tips are very helpful.
- Go on a date. You’ve been living together for a long time and going on a date (much less asking him out) seems like a very stupid decision. There may be some truth to that, but who cares if the way works! Go to the movies or the theater. The impressions of what you see will be shared by the two, which will be the first step to a new friendship between the spouses. A picnic in the park is not a bad solution for a date, nor is the place where you met (As long as it’s not a nightclub bathroom! Why? Anything happens!)
- Admire. No one disputes that you admire your man all the time, but maybe he doesn’t even know it! It’s important for many men to feel empowered and important. Even if your Schwarzenegger isn’t such a jock, you still need to show him that he’s the strongest for you. Yeah, I know, right now you’re freaking out and thinking, ‘why do I have to make him look like something he’s not? Let him swing so I can call him strong! You don’t have to do that, but if you want to improve the relationship, you should at least try! Tenderly ask him to open a jar of jam (even if before you regularly opened it yourself), carry packages, help him deal with this or that task, and for every task be sure to praise.
- Do not be angry if he on March 8 gave him a frying pan instead of a manicure set, which you so carefully hinted about. Still rejoice, and after a couple of days just say that would be happy if he gave you a manicure set. (Girls, it works without fail! Shh!)
- Talk. You are frankly annoyed that he does not understand why you are offended, even though it should be obvious! You continue to keep silent in spite of the fact that your beloved has already asked ten times: “what happened? The silence is interrupted, you proudly answer: “Nothing. And you wait for an apology. And he, taking the answer as truth, turn on the TV. It seems true, right? With men, the ‘guess-it-yourself’ method, alas, does not work. And it’s not because the husband is so bad that he guessed and won’t apologize. No. He really does not understand what is wrong. A frank conversation will not only solve most of the problems between you, but it will bring you closer. Just please talk calmly, otherwise the man will not listen to the claims, I’m telling you.
- Make a gift. That men are indifferent to gifts is as much a myth as the fact that women don’t like sex. Indifferent! Not at all! Even a small symbolic gift will improve his mood. Even if he does not show it, but certainly will be glad, because men are like children. Buy him something that he has dreamed about for a long time, with an obvious feature – a funny phrase or a thing that means a lot to the two of you
- Get the pictures. You’ve already forgotten how much you’ve overcome and endured together. Get nostalgic. Open up the pictures, remember the stories that happened to you
- Get a massage. Massage is a good way to relax, as well as to feel a special connection with your partner. It’s no secret that a good massage brings a lot of pleasure for the one who gets it, and even if you do not know any special techniques, a pleasant touch and stroke your partner will certainly appreciate
- Sex. Well, in sex there’s plenty of room for experimentation! Even if you’re already good at it: practicing new techniques and happy to please your partner, there is still something you have not tried. For example: sex in a public place, sex with different toys and devices, sex in the water, on the beach, in the woods, anywhere and however you want. Try different positions, do not be afraid to experiment, turn on the pleasure to the fullest. Let the orgasms erase all the hard feelings!
My husband and I overcame the coldness in our relationship with the help of things that are associated with dear memories, as well as with the help of new, unexplored facets of our relationship. Of course, I didn’t work on the relationship alone, my husband was also interested in participating in the process and changing the old for the new. He believes that without the participation of both partners, nothing will work, relationships are the work of two, exactly two, so no matter how purposeful, viable, gentle and affectionate you are, it will be of no use if the man is not interested.
My friend, Dima, 37 years old (for others, Dmitry Sergeevich), has his own male perspective on this situation. This is what Dima says: ‘Relationships should be worked on exclusively by a man! His slogan is something like this: ‘I did what I said, I did what I did! But Dima is also wrong. Without his partner’s willingness to make contact, Dima will end up with the same mess as the women who work on family relationships alone.
So now you understand what you can do to fill your life together with exciting adventures, but I’d like to give you two more little tips.
First, never forget that a woman who is a husband and wife, and lover, and friend will be much more desirable than one who ‘performs only one function’. Be interesting to yourself: then the crisis will not touch your marriage and after 7 years, and even after 10 years.
Incompatibility is primarily an unwillingness to strive for the best, not silly horoscopes that state ‘you can’t be together because Virgo and Capricorn can’t get along! Or they can. But there’s not much difference.
Horoscopes don’t make a difference. If a Virgo really can’t get along with a Capricorn, it’s only because she runs around at night sleeping with a young lion while Capricorn pretends she doesn’t know, yes, yes.
Second, sign up for articles to keep up to date, and also don’t forget to tell your girlfriends about us. How about a girls’ night out, huh?
How to get back to your old relationship with your husband – psychologist tips
When a man and a woman just start a relationship, they are plunged into a feeling of falling in love. But time passes, and the romance, the passion, the “spark” goes somewhere. Is it possible to return to the old relationship with her husband? If so, how?
Where does love go?
Falling in love – a wonderful feeling. During this time you look forward to every meeting, thinking about each other, you have goosebumps on the skin, and in the stomach “butterflies flutter. There is a desire to do only good for each other, to surprise, to create an atmosphere of happiness. The man seems perfect. When infatuation passes, love appears. This is already a deeper feeling.
It is associated with a feeling – this is the person. There is a sense of security, spiritual and emotional closeness, you believe that this man will always be with you, there is mutual understanding.
You already know each other well and your habits – some you like, some you do not. Common life dictates the need to “adapt” to each other, somewhere to tolerate, something to turn a blind eye.
But at some point you notice that the feelings have gone somewhere, all that is left is life. Some couples desire to return to the acuteness of these feelings unconscious habit of fighting, even break up, so that reconciliation caused vivid emotional experiences.
The couple enters into a type of “volcanic relationship” to keep the feelings sharp. This is not the best strategy, because in this case there is no sense of security.
Is there any other way to regain a former relationship with your husband, full of love and romance? And is it possible, after many years, to preserve feelings, rather than turn the relationship into a stable, partnership and friendship union?
As a number of studies have shown, it is. At one time, American psychologists using functional MRI scanned the arousal zones in the cerebral cortex of young couples in love.
Other studies have chosen many couples with more than 21 years of life together, who claimed to still be in love with each other. And indeed, when they thought of their partner, the exact same arousal was recorded in the same brain structures.
This proved that love really can last forever. Even if your feelings have “faded” now, but once they really were, it is quite possible to regain a former relationship. The whole question is how to do it.
How to get back to your old relationship.
Before we move on to practical advice, it is important to understand why feelings have cooled down. Without understanding the reason for it, tips on how to get back in love won’t be as effective.
Nine ways to reanimate a relationship
It’s one thing if routine and boredom just came into your family life. But it is quite another if negative feelings, quarrels, unspoken grievances and claims have accumulated between you. Before you return romance, it is important to deal with them.
In fact, conflicts are not always a bad thing. With their help, the couple tests their feelings and takes them to the next level. As the saying goes, if a couple has survived a joint repair, they will survive the rest.
Communication principles that can bring back a good relationship:
- positive thinking – always remind yourself of the positive qualities you have in your husband and how much that relationship gives you;
- During a quarrel never hit your husband’s pain points – you know him well and understand how you can hurt and offend him. Never take advantage of this knowledge, for such a man cannot forget;
- Respect his wishes, and he will respect yours;
- During a conflict always try to put yourself in your husband’s shoes and understand his point of view and experiences. If he says that something is important to him, ask him to explain why.
To make conflicts “work” for your relationship rather than destroy it, the reasons should really be sorted out. At the beginning of a relationship, most couples try to keep quiet, not to pay attention to what someone is not happy about.
Because you are saving each other’s feelings. But it is in love that is the best time to be conflicted, because the strength of your feelings will help clarify the relationship, but stay together. And most of the problems in a married couple are grievances that have been hushed up for too long.
For example, when the wife throws a plate in her heart and says that she has been doing the dishes for five years, the husband may be puzzled. He didn’t know she wasn’t happy about it. He had the notion that this was the way it should be.
If they had agreed at the beginning of the relationship, they wouldn’t have had to sacrifice a plate five years later to convey their resentment and anger. Therefore, if you have accumulated resentment between you, it is better to discuss it. Calmly talk about your feelings and desires.
After this – establish new agreements, to come to a compromise. Change, respecting each other’s desires and needs.
Simple tips to get your feelings back
Since love can last forever, you need to invest in it every day. There are a few simple actions that, if they become a habit, can help bring back old feelings:
- Talk to each other – and not about household issues or children, but about each other. Choose at least 10 minutes a day when you will be just the two of you. Ask about work, dreams, worries, and listen to the answers;
- Do not forget about the past, how it all began. Memories “come alive” when you look at pictures together, talk about first meetings, walk around the same places. It should become a little ritual;
- set goals together – for example, to build a house, have a baby, start a business together. They don’t always have to be global, they can be little things like going on a hike, learning a new language. The main thing is that you both want this;
- Do not forget about gratitude, especially in messengers – if 10 years later you read your current correspondence, what will it be? “What time will you be back and buy bread?” Write each other warm messages, declarations of love, say “thank you”;
- watch movies and discuss them – studies have shown that couples who watch at least 5 movies together a month and then talk about them have a longer lasting relationship. You have a strong emotional exchange as you discuss;
- Leave personal time for each other – these are moments when you sort of step away from each other without losing contact. Talking to your friends, doing things that only you enjoy, and just being alone with your thoughts is okay;
- Give each other spontaneous gifts and pay attention to little things;
- Offer to help each other, but don’t see it as a duty. This is an opportunity to show your love;
- Physical contact – and it’s not just a matter of intimacy. How many times a day do you hug and touch each other? A person needs at least 8 hugs a day to be happy.
To return the former relationship with your husband is easier than it seems at first glance. By following these steps, you’ll notice love, passion, spark and understanding return over time.