How not to be manipulated by a man: top 5 tips
I do not write beautiful texts in order to get paid. I get paid for writing beautiful texts.
The expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. For eight years I save “family units” from collapse. I help couples regain love and understanding.
Not all men want to find true happiness and true love. For many, an obedient woman who is always around and meets all their needs is enough. Manipulators are cunning and often cold-blooded. Only some of them can control a woman for her own good. In order to understand how not to succumb to the manipulation of men, it is necessary, first of all, to identify the basic types of manipulation.
- 1 Manipulation is divided into:
- 2 Signs of a manipulator
- 3 Ways to avoid manipulation
Manipulation is divided into:
In order to make a woman rethink her behavior, it is not necessary to lecture her or have preventive conversations. It is enough just to disappear from her life for a short period of time. The woman will immediately begin to relive recent situations anew and struggle to find fault. As a result, women who often fall under such manipulation, become withdrawn, completely devoid of normal self-esteem and are always trying to make up for non-existent guilt.
One of the easiest and most common types of manipulation. The man simply points out all of the woman’s shortcomings, while embellishing them and elevating them to an absolute. The humiliated woman begins to truly believe that there is nothing good about her and no one but the manipulator will be able to love her. By killing his partner’s self-esteem, the man becomes superior to her and gets the exclusive opportunity to twist the ropes out of her.
Attempts to point out her place
Many men still find it abnormal that women can successfully do a man’s job and have an equal pair with them. Therefore, some members of the stronger sex try to fix the situation on their own.
Having found an insecure, battered girl, they try to show her what she should do and where to be. Your own personal example of the ideal woman, of course, raises the self-esteem of the man and improves his mood.
Sometimes it is enough for a man to start manipulating a woman by simply voicing his contrived claims. Blaming his partner for all his failures, you can stop blaming yourself. In most cases, the accusations sound extremely absurd and untrue, but morally weak woman enough any reproach to his address to engage in self-discovery.
Attempts to pity her
When a woman refuses to comply with the manipulator’s request, he may turn to the most base method: to start pressing pity. Usually, the partner immediately takes the bait and really begins to believe that she has fatally offended her lover.
The result is that the man gets what he wants, and the woman thinks she is a horrible person again.
Signs of a manipulator
In order not to encounter in life a man who likes to control his woman, you need to look closely at your partner. Usually the following signs are distinctive:
- The man is forever disappearing and appears only when he needs it.
- The relationship can be characterized as uncertain. The partner makes no plans for the future and quite enjoys the current state of affairs.
- The man’s attention is constantly switched to other women.
- The woman too often experiences guilt for no reason.
Ways to avoid manipulation
We can discuss for a long time how not to succumb to the manipulation of men, but the main rule is simple – you can never turn off your head.
- Logic is more important than anything else. You can not believe every word of a man from whom negative and negative emotions are constantly emanating. If all that gives such a man is guilt, you need to immediately end the relationship without the possibility of recovery.
- Emotions must be kept in check. Often, love that eclipses reason prevents a sober approach and assessment of the situation. Manipulators take advantage of the feelings of unhappy women and do not allow them to even think about their behavior. Thus the partner is always to blame, and the man – the eternal victim of a failed relationship.
- From time to time it is necessary to take a break. If the emotions do not allow you to think calmly, and the man pushes and only aggravates the situation – you need to take a time-out. The time allowed to analyze your position in the conflict and to determine who is really to blame.
- Need to keep self-esteem at a decent level. Before the meeting with the manipulator, the woman clearly considered herself the most beautiful and charming. Nothing should change in the relationship. If a man is only trying to prove to his woman her worthlessness and worthlessness – he does not care about her.
- You need to show the man that he does not own the situation. All of his efforts can collapse if he finds out that his victim is aware of his plans.
The most important thing in confronting a manipulator is confidence in yourself and your strength. A man will not be able to break a strong in spirit and will give up futile attempts, thereby ridding the victim of his existence.
20 signs of a man manipulator in a relationship, and how to behave with him
The better you know the behavior of a male manipulator, the better you can protect yourself from unnecessary drama and heartbreak .
Keep in mind, however, that not all of these signs appear at the beginning of a relationship.
Manipulators tend to show their true face when they know you are emotionally attached to them.
That’s why it’s important to get to know the person well first, and not show your involvement too quickly.
Who is a manipulator in a relationship
A manipulator is a person who seeks to gain control or power over another person in dishonest and unhealthy ways.
Unlike a healthy relationship where there is reciprocity and cooperation, a manipulator tries to use, control, and abuse his partner.
He uses psychological pressure and deception to change a person’s behavior or attitudes or to provoke a strong emotional response, draining their energy and undermining their well-being.
Manipulators twist your thoughts, actions and desires into something that better fits their view of the world, turning you into a person who serves their own purposes.
You can learn to recognize the signs of manipulation to stop this behavior and protect yourself, your self-esteem, and your sanity.
How to recognize a manipulator in a relationship
1. Constantly lies.
Before you ask him about a situation, he will be ready to lie to you.
If you catch him lying, he will probably express regret or embarrassment.
He is just trying to lie to get rid of the original lie. His life is one big lie, just like his feelings for you.
2. Getting too close too quickly.
A manipulator can easily skip several stages in the traditional dating scheme. Such a man may start sharing his secrets and weaknesses right away.
In fact, this tactic is used to make you feel special so that you can reveal your secrets more easily. Later, the man will use your weaknesses against you.
I feel that we can communicate on a very deep level. This has never happened to me before.
3. You are dating on his territory.
When you’re on your own turf, whether it’s your own apartment or your favorite coffee shop, it gives you confidence and you feel comfortable.
If, however, a man always insists that you be in his space, he may be trying to create an imbalance of power in the relationship.
Since he is the master of the house, it puts you at a disadvantage.
Will you come by my office when you can? I’m too busy to stop by your place.
4. Letting you talk, but he doesn’t tell you much himself.
This tactic is often used in business relationships, but it can happen in personal relationships as well.
When a person wants to establish control, they may ask leading questions to get you to talk about your thoughts and concerns as early as possible.
With your hidden agenda in mind, the man can later use your answers to influence your decisions.
I’ve never heard of this man. What did you have with him?
5. Misrepresents the facts.
Manipulators are true professionals at distorting reality by lying or making up lies in order to confuse you.
They may exaggerate events in order to appear more vulnerable.
At the same time, they will downplay their role in the conflict in order to gain your sympathy.
She yelled at me and rebuked me for not helping her in any way, but you know that’s not true, right?
I was spinning all night and couldn’t sleep because we had a fight.
6. Says or does something and then denies the fact
Manipulators are usually sophisticated liars. They may insist that the incident didn’t happen when it did, or, conversely, convince you that they said or did something that didn’t, in fact, happen.
This manipulation is used to make you begin to doubt your own sanity or memory.
When you become less certain about what happened, he can shift the problem onto you and make you feel responsible for the “misunderstanding.”
I never said that. You’re making it up again.
I wouldn’t do that. You know I’m too busy.
7. His actions don’t match his words.
The manipulator says what you want to hear, but his actions are a different story.
He promises to support you, and when you really need it, he acts like your requests are completely unreasonable.
The man says he’s very happy for you to talk to him, but all of his actions show that you’re more of a burden to him.
This is another way of undermining your faith in your own sanity.
8. Makes you feel guilty
Manipulation always starts with guilt. If a man can convince you to feel guilty about your actions (even if you haven’t done anything wrong), he will know that you will more readily agree to do what he says.
This strategy allows him to control your choices and influence your decisions.
If you start to express your concerns to the man, he will try to make you feel guilty. If you remain silent, he will accuse you of not sharing and keeping things to yourself.
Whatever you do and whatever the problem is, it will be your fault.
I don’t understand why you don’t trust me.
Sure, dinner was good. It wasn’t what I wanted it to be, but since you’re happy.
You know I worry. I need to know where you are at all times.
9. Downplaying your problems.
Imagine you’ve had a hard day at work and you want to share your feelings with a man.
The manipulator, instead of listening to you properly, will take the opportunity to bring up his own problems.
His goal is to devalue what you are experiencing so that you are forced to switch to him and focus your energy on solving his problems.
Are you having a hard time? You don’t have to spend all day answering questions from some idiot on the phone.
Be thankful you have a brother. I’ve been single my whole life.
10. Making a victim out of himself.
A man who is used to manipulating emotions easily agrees to help you, but may later change plans or delay the process to avoid an agreement.
He may act as if it has become an impossible burden for him, and will play on your emotions to get out of the situation.
I know you need this. But it’s too much for me, I already have a lot to do.
It’s harder than I thought it would be. You probably didn’t realize it yourself when you asked me for it.
11. he was just “kidding” when he was rude or did the wrong thing
Critical statements are easy to hide behind humor or sarcasm. A man may pretend to say a phrase as a joke, when in fact, he knew very well that his remarks upset you.
For example, he may tell an unflattering story about you in front of others, putting you in an awkward situation. If you explain to him that you are uncomfortable, he will tell you to relax because he was “just kidding.
It’s not him being rude, it’s you being “too sensitive.”
God, you look tortured.
I slept so well, I suggest you do the same, because you look terrible.
12. never takes responsibility.
A manipulator will never accept responsibility for his mistakes. He will try to find a way to make you feel guilty about everything from a failed trip to a thwarted plan.
In the end, you will apologize, even if it wasn’t your fault.
I did it because I love you so much.
If you hadn’t gone out with your girlfriends, you would have done all the work by now.
13. Trying to outdo you.
When you are at your best, the manipulator finds a way to divert attention away from you.
When you have a tragedy or some kind of mishap, he turns his attention to his problems to make them seem more serious and urgent.
Your promotion at work is great, but you know who was the luckiest today?
I’m sorry your grandfather died. I lost my grandparents in a short period of time, so you’re not doing too badly.
14. Constantly criticizing you
Emotional manipulators may brush you off or demean you without a hint of joke or sarcasm. Their statements are meant to undermine your self-esteem.
The criticisms such men make are designed to ridicule and devalue you. Remember that often in this way he is projecting his own complexes onto you.
Don’t you think that dress is too revealing to meet your friends? Or are you going to pick someone up?
All you do is eat.
15. Using your weaknesses and feelings against you
When a man knows your weaknesses, he can use them to hurt or wound you.
He will comment or act in ways that make you feel vulnerable or upset.
If you are upset, the manipulator will try to shift the guilt to you by calling you unreasonable or inadequate.
You said you don’t want your children to grow up in an incomplete family. Look at what you are doing to them.
If you loved me, you would never ask such questions.
16. Gives ultimatums.
During arguments and disagreements, the manipulator will say dramatic phrases that will put you in a difficult position.
He will press your weaknesses by making provocative statements to make you apologize.
If you walk away from me, there is no point in my life.
If you can’t meet me on the weekend, it shows your feelings for me.
17. Can’t put yourself in your shoes.
The manipulator may say or do things that hurt you. When you try to explain to him how you feel, however, you are met with a blank stare or annoyance.
Such a man cannot see the situation from your side or understand why his actions affect you positively or negatively.
I’m not in charge of your feelings.
You are too uptight and trying to control me.
18. Arranges a silent treatment.
He doesn’t respond to your calls, messages or other attempts at communication. Instead of trying to resolve the conflict, he just shuts you out.
The manipulator uses silence to gain control over you and make you take responsibility for his behavior.
For example, you forgot to pick up his jacket from the dry cleaner on your way home. The man, upon learning of this, accuses you of not caring about him and “you always do this.
When you try to explain the reason or promise to pick it up tomorrow, he just walks away, making you chase after him. He may not talk to you for hours, days or weeks.
According to psychologists, ignoring is considered one of the four signs of a doomed relationship , and studies show that playing silent is considered a form of psychological abuse.
19. Attributing false emotions to you
He will reject your true feelings and ascribe to you feelings that are probably about him.
In psychology this phenomenon is known as projection, a defense mechanism where a person ascribes characteristics that he or she finds unacceptable in themselves to another person. The manipulator is projecting guilt and desire onto you because he is not ready to deal with his own feelings.
You want to sleep with him. You like him.
You want to control me.
20. Doesn’t respect you.
A healthy man understands basic concepts like honesty and kindness. A toxic man doesn’t fully understand what it means to respect the other person.
He may not respect your need to spend time alone, with friends or family.
He doesn’t respect your boundaries, your career, or your desire to go to the bathroom without an audience. You can arrange to have dinner at 8 p.m. and he shows up an hour late.
If he constantly crosses your boundaries, is not willing to discuss his behavior and blames you for it, this relationship is hard to call healthy, and it can escalate into an abusive one .
How to deal with a manipulative man
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It may take some time before you realize that a man is manipulating you. These signs may not be as obvious, and they often appear as the relationship progresses.
If you think you are being manipulated, trust your intuition.
1. Know your rights.
The first thing you need to do when dealing with a manipulator is to know your rights and acknowledge that they are being violated. Remember that you have the right to defend yourself.
You have the right to be treated with respect.
You have the right to express your feelings, opinions and desires
You have the right to prioritize
You have the right to say no without guilt
You have the right to get what you have paid for.
You have the right to have an opinion different from everyone else.
You have the right to take care of yourself and protect yourself from physical, psychological, or emotional threats.
You have the right to create your own happy and healthy life
These basic human rights represent your boundaries.
2. Don’t Blame Yourself
As the manipulator tries to exploit your weaknesses, you may feel inadequate or even blame yourself for something.
In this situation, it is important to remember that you are not the problem, you are just being manipulated to give up your power and rights.
3. Turn your attention to him.
When you hear an unreasonable suggestion, try to focus your attention on the manipulator by asking some leading questions.
Does this seem reasonable to you?
Does what you want seem fair to you?
Do I have a say?
Are you asking me or insisting on it?
And what do I get out of it?
Do you really expect me to …(unreasonable suggestion)?
With questions like these, you put the manipulator in front of an imaginary mirror so that he can see the true nature of his subterfuge. If he has even a modicum of self-awareness, he will refuse the demand and back down.
A pathological manipulator will ignore questions and insist on his own. In that case, it is best to heed the above advice.
4 Postpone an answer.
In the case of an unreasonable request, the manipulator often expects an answer right away in order to increase pressure and control the situation.
At such times, consider using the time to your advantage and distance yourself from his or her immediate influence.
You can say, “I’ll think about it.
Take time to weigh the pros and cons of the situation, consider a fairer arrangement, or simply say no.
5. Say “No” diplomatically but firmly
A diplomatic but firm refusal will help you insist on your own, maintaining a healthy relationship. Remember that you have the right to say “No” without feeling guilty.
6. Fight back, calmly.
A manipulator can also bully or hurt the other person.
It is important to be aware of the fact that manipulators choose those they consider weaker than themselves. If you remain passive and agree to everything, you become easy prey for him.
But remember, manipulators are cowardly at heart, and when you are firm and stand up for your rights, they back down.
Don’t forget that you need to protect yourself, so arm yourself with witnesses or support from loved ones, and document the inappropriate behavior.
7. Set boundaries.
When the manipulator realizes that he is losing control, his tactics will become more desperate. At this time, you will have to make some tough decisions.
If you don’t need to be around this person, consider removing him or her from your life completely.
If you live or work together, you may need professional help to deal with the situation.
You may need to reach out to a friend or family member to get support and strengthen your boundaries.
Keep a healthy distance, and try to avoid any interaction with the person unless necessary.
Remember that the reasons for this behavior are complex and deeply rooted. You don’t have to change or save this person.