“I can’t take it anymore!”: how to take away the mental pain and live happily?
“I don’t even know how to describe how I felt. What could I say? “I feel like I’m in a lousy mood.” But it’s not even close to what it was in reality. It’s like a vortex inside. Huge, constantly humming, sucking into itself everything going on around it. Any joy is sucked in, leaving only pain and emptiness. Such pain that you want to scratch your chest and grab it, squeeze it, so it doesn’t hurt. All I can think about is the damn pain. And also about when will it all end? How to numb that kind of heartache even a little bit? And there’s only one wish. I wish I could make it to the evening to go to bed. Sleep is the only salvation. I guess I still can not really recover.
– Marina, 34 years old
Heartache can cause a lot of suffering. Alas, relatives and acquaintances are not always able to support us, especially if the cause, to their taste, is insignificant or not obvious. Instead of sympathy, it is possible to run into accusations in the style of “you’re just pissed off, there are children starving in Africa, you have nothing to worry about. But it hurts. And the accusations often only increase the pain. How to get out of this trap? How to stop the pain and learn to feel joy and happiness again? About this today’s article.
What harms mental pain?
Constant worry alone causes discomfort and reduces the quality of life. But there are other, not always obvious, consequences of prolonged mental pain.
1. pain can become habitual.
The way we react to circumstances can become a habitual pattern of behavior. We may habitually put our hands down when we fail, automatically engage in self-injury, by inertia to worry at the slightest occasion. In fact, the brain gets used to such reactions and builds new neuronal connections to make it easier to worry and grieve.  And the more often and for longer we worry and grieve, the easier it is for us later on.
“I recently found that I was used to reacting like this, with my hands down and worrying, to almost any situation. Any little thing has happened, and I immediately get discouraged. Although the situation itself is not worth a damn. Well, there, a certificate to the pool to take. I have to do a “flyura” and make an appointment with a therapist. That’s it. And I was like – oh, again I will not get in the pool, what the hell is it, all bad again. I’m sitting there and I’m worried. And then I was so angry. I got up, went and did everything. Took me an hour and a half in two rounds. That certificate really put my mind at ease. I started watching myself and realized how fast I was giving up, because I’m used to giving up fast. And I sit and worry that I’m not getting anywhere. Of course not, because I do not even try.
– Olga, 29 years old.
2. Feelings can lead to physical illness
Prolonged stress – and our strong mental pain is stress – negatively affects the immune system, weakens it.  As a result, the body is less able to cope with illnesses, increases susceptibility to infections, and the risk of cardiovascular disease increases.
3. Worries can lead to depression and similar illnesses
Prolonged mental pain in both girls and guys can lead to the development of depression, anxiety disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder.  These illnesses are already difficult to cope with on one’s own, and more often than not, psychological and medication support is needed.
Solve the problems of apathy and stress
Why am I in so much pain?
The ways to relieve pain depend a lot on the cause. So the first thing to do is to understand why you are in pain? What or who is causing you so much pain? Here are a few of the main reasons that lead to anxiety and stress.
Causes of mental pain
All causes can be roughly divided into 2 groups:
Group 1 – behavioral disorders and mental illness. This can include fears, phobias, anxiety or depressive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, depersonalization, panic attacks and other conditions. Behavioral therapy, medication support, and consultation with a psychiatrist may be needed to address these issues. Be aware of yourself and don’t miss a serious illness.
“I don’t know why I didn’t go for help. I knew there was something wrong with me. Well, a person can’t, shouldn’t feel bad every day for a year. But I kept thinking that I was making it up, that I was imagining things, because a person can’t be ill all the time… I was afraid that I would come and people would say to me, “Why are you here? Go home, you’re a fake, you’ve got nothing”. So I stayed home. I went home when it got really bad, when I almost stopped sleeping. And, surprise, I am not a quitter. They gave me a prescription for treatment. And it turned out that there were so many joyful and varied emotions in life. And I just didn’t remember any of it…”
– Pauline, 31 years old
Group 2 – psychological reasons, conflicts between desired and reality, grief from loss. This may include separation and divorce, the departure of loved ones, any family problems, difficulties with work and finances, low self-esteem and problems with self-perception, heartache from betrayal, and much more. The conditions in this group can be dealt with without medication alone or with the support of a psychologist.
In fact, there are no right and objectively valid reasons for worrying – any events or problems can lead to mental pain. And you shouldn’t feel guilty about worrying or that your emotions are too strong by anyone else’s standards.
“I’m having a very difficult time right now. In my case, the heartache is mixed with resentment. And then there’s the friends… Ex-friends, to be clear… they were itching all the time. “Don’t worry about it, it’s all your fault, you should have watched it better.” And I did. And there was no sign. And I didn’t have love in my eyes. And she didn’t have “cheating on my ex-boyfriends” written on her forehead. You can’t predict everything, and you can’t make a bed for everything. But it still hurts. Betrayed me twice – ex-girlfriend and former friends.
– Oleg, 25 years.
Signs of mental pain
Mental pain is often accompanied by a change of mood:
- sadness, longing;
- excitement, anxiety;
- apathy, depression;
- a feeling of loneliness;
- absence of pleasant, “positive” emotions.
Also often mental pain gives quite real physical sensations:
- pressure or pain in the head or chest;
- a burning sensation in the chest, in the throat;
- feeling of a stone in the chest, a weight on the shoulders, as if you were carrying a heavy load;
- pain or discomfort in the abdomen;
- Nausea, dizziness, palpitations.
Heartache or heartache can be very strong and cause real suffering. Your feelings are not an illusion or a wind-up. It is a reality. But you can change that reality, you can help yourself and reduce the intensity of the pain.
How do you get over your heartache?
Is there any way to permanently soothe heartache? Of course not. It is impossible to avoid heartache altogether. We will inevitably encounter situations that will cause us discomfort. We are human beings, and we experience emotions that we can’t just turn off. We don’t have to. Emotions, including negative ones, help us adapt to difficult situations and accept the inevitable , and facing difficulties can help us become better and stronger.
“A very relevant topic! I had a big change in my life not too long ago, and I cried for a couple of days, and then it was so easy, so easy like it had never been before. People try to feel sorry for me, they say, “Poor thing, how did you get rid of the heartache? It must be so hard for you?” – And I, on the contrary, feel strength and energy, gratitude for life.”
– Yana, 22 years old
How is this possible? Research shows that many people experience post-traumatic growth as a result of encountering difficult situations-loss, war, injury and illness, accidents, or dangerous situations in which they accidentally survived :
- become stronger and more resilient psychologically;
- increase self-confidence;
- begin to appreciate more what they have;
- they improve their relationships with their family members;
- they begin to notice the prospects for their development.
There is just one “but” – this growth and development does not happen if we get stuck in negative emotions, if we feel that we cannot cope with the situation. Our worries begin to accompany us all the time, consume us, take over our lives. This is why it is so important to be able to live through pain properly and not turn it into a habit.
When does heartache become a habit?
So how do you know if the experience is out of control and starts to become a habit? There are five signs that can alert you:
- You find it hard to distract yourself, to switch to something else.
- Your distress lasts too long according to your own feelings.
- You experience little or no joy in life.
- It seems to you that it will never end.
- You feel like you can’t handle this pain on your own.
If you have two or more of these signs, please don’t wait for the pain to go away on its own. Help it subside.
How do you deal with severe mental pain?
If you can change a situation that is causing you suffering, this is where you should start. For example, if you have conflicts at work, plan a job change or try to find a common language with your colleagues. If you are worried about your self-esteem – pay attention to improving it. And so on. However, there are situations that we cannot change: divorce, loss of a loved one, betrayal. In this case, it is worth paying attention to your worries. There are several ways to reduce their intensity and take away the pain.
1. You are much stronger than you think.
The belief that you must necessarily be bad and for a long time, forms the habit of evaluating events negatively and prolongs the experience. In fact, the psyche is more like an elastic band than a fragile vase-it can sag, but then return to its previous level. Believe that you can handle the situation, even if that prospect seems unrealistic now.
2. Find the positives in what has happened
An important condition for post-traumatic growth.  In any situation you can see what makes you stronger or better. That doesn’t mean you have to rejoice in your grief. What happened is painful. But the situation can help you understand yourself better. For example, by miraculously escaping death, you can learn to appreciate each day. After breaking up with a loved one – to direct the forces on their own development. Avoiding an attack – to make sure of your own strength and resilience. And so on.
3: Be active, don’t shut yourself in.
You don’t have to avoid communication and close yourself up at home. The pain of love or loneliness passes better if you actively interact and communicate with other people. Any kind of group physical activity , volunteering, and helping other people would do.
4. Take time for action, not worry.
Studies show that focusing on one’s worries makes a person feel worse and deprives him or her of vitality.  In contrast, shifting one’s focus to action helps to ease heartache. You shouldn’t forget your feelings altogether, but it’s better not to think about what it’s all about, but about what to do next and what to do.
“I had a case where instead of “how strong and resilient I am, I am good for not being confused and coping, and only thanks to myself I escaped from the rapist” I rolled into “poor me poor, how did this happen to me”. Re-evaluation has helped a lot to cope with the situation and live on without constant fear.”
– Alyona, 39 years old
5. Take advantage of special assistance programs
Pay attention to programs that help you get over the loss and cope with the mental pain. These may be help groups in your city or special programs for survivors. The choice will depend on the cause of your experience.
For example, if you’re looking for ways to cope with post-breakup heartache, a 7Spsy course designed to help people who have gone through a divorce or breakup might be the right choice for you. There are also several other ways to help you get through the separation and reduce the heartache in the article at the link.
If you are experiencing the departure of a loved one, 7Spsy is the right course to help you gently get over the loss and learn to live again.
Solve the problems of apathy and stress
Both programs are designed to help you cope with loss, reduce heartache and avoid turning your feelings into a habit. And most importantly, you will be able to find the strength for post-traumatic growth and continue to live life to the fullest.
Remember, it is not always possible for a person to cope with mental pain on their own. Emotions can prevail over reason, sinking into misery. So if you feel that you can not cope on their own or do not know how to remove the mental pain – take care of yourself and ask for help.
We can help you cope with mental pain. Experienced and sensitive psychologists and psychiatrists. We work around the clock. Emergency care. His own 24 hour hospital. Help at home.
- Consultation psychiatrist.
“Soulache”, “mental anguish” – a painful feeling of inner tension, accompanied by longing and a sense of heaviness (or pressure) in the chest, in the heart area.
The feeling that “the soul hurts” is familiar to almost every person who has experienced the bitterness of losing something important.
The severity of suffering and the severity of “mental pain” can reach such a degree that it becomes unbearable and difficult to describe. Psychiatrists distinguish two types of behavior in severe mental pain: stupor (when a person freezes in terror, “freezes” without moving) and agitation (he rushes around, cannot find any rest, accompanied by shouting and aggression toward himself).
Unexpressed mental pain may not manifest itself externally. Only by inquiries it is possible to find out about the presence of such suffering.
The mechanism of the development of a sense of “pain in the soul” is associated with a violation of the ratio of excitation and inhibition in the brain, the activation of the hypothalamic-pituitary system of the central nervous system, a change in the balance of sympathetic and parasympathetic systems. The sensation of “pain in the soul” may be accompanied by:
- Insomnia, early awakening or increased sleepiness;
- Feelings of anxiety, apathy, sadness;
- Pain or discomfort in different parts of the body;
- Increased or decreased temperature;
- Temporary and reversible disorders of the digestive system (constipation or diarrhea, lack of appetite), cardiovascular system (palpitations, arrhythmias, blood pressure fluctuations), respiratory system (shortness of breath, feeling of incomplete inhalation).
- Weight loss;
- Hormonal and immune disorders (usually reversible).
Mental pain is a normal reaction of a healthy body to bereavement, to grief. Also, mental pain can be a symptom of a nervous system disease, mental disorder.
The most common cause of mental pain is depression. The presence of a feeling of “pain in the soul” indicates a severe depressive episode. In depression, “mental pain” is most expressed in the morning hours and in the first half of the day, and is accompanied by melancholy and a feeling of guilt. In severe cases, it is accompanied by suicidal thoughts, which is an indication for urgent consultation with a psychiatrist.
In addition to depression, mental pain can occur with reactive conditions (disorders of adaptation and violation of adaptive reactions), poisoning (for example, alcohol or drug withdrawal), other endogenous diseases and the consequences of organic brain damage.
How to help a person in emotional pain
The first is to try to talk to him, calm him down and try to assess the severity of his mental suffering. Sincere empathy can alleviate “mental anguish.”
If the conversation reveals that mental pain has arisen recently, can be explained by external reasons (there is a real loss of something or someone significant), it is necessary to distract with a conversation, to try to put him or her to sleep – rest and sleep should bring relief. In such cases, you can be guided by the rule “TIME Heals”.
If you can see that the “pain in the soul” is prolonged, accompanied by weight loss, insomnia, suicidal thoughts, then you should not wait, but go to see a psychiatrist to assess the condition. If the situation allows, arrange a consultation with a psychiatrist either at a clinic or invite a doctor to your home. In extreme cases, call an ambulance.
Help for Mental Illness at the ROSA Clinic
ROSA Clinic is a specialized center with several locations in Moscow, dealing with help for “mental pain”. We offer psychological aid (conversations, trainings, group and individual psychotherapeutic sessions) as well as medication, physical therapy and rehabilitation.
Why come to our clinic:
- An established team of psychiatrists, psychologists, neurologists and psychotherapists;
- It is licensed and certified to provide psychiatric, psychotherapeutic and psychological care, both inpatient (in the clinic) and at home;
- We work around the clock;
- We provide assistance at the first call;
- If necessary, for the duration of treatment is issued a sheet of disability.
- Psychological assistance to loved ones, counseling relatives.
Subject matter specialists
Leading specialist in the clinic for outpatient care for mental disorders. One of the founders of ROSA Clinic.