How to relieve heartache after a breakup?

I do not know how to get over a breakup, help those who have survived!

I’m trying to pull myself together, but I can’t! I am very hard to get along with men, so it was my first so serious relationship, it lasted 4 years, my first man, loved and love without memory! We broke up once for two months, but made up, and now he dumped me on nothing, before that he said he loved, missed, was proud, and one day everything changed and he no longer loves, and in general does not want to hear! I know this is the end, but how do I cope? He said he doesn’t need a family for the next few years! And at 26, I’m probably going to be alone now? I can’t imagine ever being able to love, and also open up to a man! I have no chance of starting a family, do I? And how can I get rid of the hope that he will come back?

I’m going through a breakup myself. I don’t know if the pain will ever go away.~Are you from Ukraine?

I could not forget for three years, and then I met someone else and forgot in a jiffy! Breakup is a living hell!

I’m going through a breakup myself. I don’t know if the pain will ever go away.~Are you from Ukraine?

It will (but the pain is terrible)

Personally I changed my image. Changed my job.

Lost weight (but this is from the depression) for good))

Went to a driving school, got my license. Bought a car on credit.

It was all so GREAT.

Played sports, talked to new people, and old friends.

I only came home to sleep, and not every day (I often slept over at my friends’ houses).

I did not leave time to think about myself unhappy (to feel sorry for myself).

And somehow imperceptibly, completely forgot about what happened.

New suitors, novels, dates, chocolates, bouquets, restaurants, resorts.

I suddenly began to mentally thank my ex. T.K life with him, and free life, it’s like hell and paradise.

From Russia! I can not without him, every second I think, it’s terrible, at 26 and one, although I thought that he was my destiny!

From Russia! I can not without him, every second I think, it’s terrible, at 26 and one, although I thought that he was my destiny!

Is there any chance for reconciliation? Why did you break up? Do you communicate with him now?

Personally I changed my image. Changed my job.

Lost weight (but this is from the depression) for good))

Went to a driving school, got my license. Bought a car on credit.

It was all so GREAT.

Played sports, talked to new people, and old friends.

I only came home to sleep, and not every day (I often slept over at my friends’ houses).

I did not leave time to think about myself unhappy (to feel sorry for myself).

And somehow imperceptibly, completely forgot about what happened.

New suitors, novels, dates, chocolates, bouquets, restaurants, resorts.

I suddenly began to mentally thank my ex. T.K life with him, and free life, it’s like hell and paradise.

The problem is that I do not want a free life, I want a family and children, I try to occupy myself, and a week lost six pounds, but so scared to be alone! Girls, I do not know how you survived it, I would not wish this on the enemy!

Is there any chance for reconciliation? Why did you break up? Do you communicate with him now?

No, there is no chance, he said that he no longer loves, and many other hurtful things, although I tried to stop him, asked him not to ruin it, but he does not want to hear, although the day before everything was fine! He does not want a relationship for the next 2 years! And as soon as I stopped trying to fix it, the communication ended!

The problem is that I do not want a free life, I want a family and children, I try to occupy myself, and a week lost six pounds, but so scared to be alone! Girls, I do not know how you survived it, I would not wish this on the enemy!

You will not be alone. Who wants a family, he creates it.

I also wanted a family, children.

And it all came into my life.

But I thought it over, tried it out, weighed it out, not with rose-colored glasses, with my head in a whirlpool.

Negative experience is also experience.

You can thank your ex-boyfriend, I assure you.

You can survive anything in life.

There are people who like to engage in self-abuse, drinking honey from self-torture and suffering.

I didn’t want to live like that.

So, I distracted myself with all my might. I switched to other things.

From Russia! I can not without him, every second I think, it’s terrible, at 26 and one, although I thought that he was my destiny!

This is normal, most people feel this way after a breakup, it gets better in six months to a year.

Four years of hoping to get married.

Didn’t propose within a year – that’s it, go away, Vasya.

Why the hell wait so long – I never understood.

I’m shocked. How do you get over a breakup?

How do you get over a breakup the week before the wedding?

I can’t get over a breakup.

♪ get your mind right ♪ ♪ I can’t get over the breakup ♪

I don’t know how to get over it.

Four years of hoping to get married.

Didn’t propose within a year – that’s it, go away, Vasya.

Why the hell wait so long – I never understood.

Sveta, she loved me a lot! I myself only last year of the family began to dream!

And I am in my 26 and probably will remain so now alone?

Personally I changed my image. Changed my job.

Lost weight (but this is from the depression) for good))

Went to a driving school, got my license. Bought a car on credit.

It was all so GREAT.

Played sports, talked to new people, and old friends.

I only came home to sleep, and not every day (I often slept over at my friends’ houses).

I did not leave time to think about myself unhappy (to feel sorry for myself).

And somehow imperceptibly, completely forgot about what happened.

New suitors, novels, dates, chocolates, bouquets, restaurants, resorts.

I suddenly began to mentally thank my ex. T.K life with him, and free life, it’s like hell and paradise.

It’s like I was writing=)) Totally supportive.

The problem is that I do not want a free life, I want a family and children, I try to occupy myself, and a week lost six pounds, but so scared to be alone! Girls, I do not know how you survived it, I would not wish this on the enemy!

Thank you for your words! It’s hard as crazy, especially when such indifference from a seemingly family member! I did not think that in one moment you can forget everything and not worry,

There are people who like to engage in self-abuse, drinking honey from self-torture and suffering.

I didn’t want to live like that.

So, I distracted myself with all my might. I switched to other things.

Thank you for your words! It is crazy hard, especially when you have such indifference from a seemingly related person! I didn’t think it was possible to forget everything in an instant and not have to worry about it like he did!

When I split up, I was 25)))

I met a new love after 6 years.

There were not a few men, offers))) But I fell in love (let him into my heart)))

At 31 years old, in short. And this time from 25 to 31 This is the GREATEST time in my life, the most fulfilling (events, acquaintances)

Family life is all the same sedate)))) Graduality, care, self-sacrifice. It’s great, of course, surrounded by your family, you have your own world, in which you are happy.

But again, that life (after breaking up with your ex) is the most fulfilling and interesting))))

I knowI personally- Changed my image. Changed my job.

Lost weight (but this is from the depression) for good))

Went to a driving school, got my license. Bought a car on credit.

It was all so GREAT.

Played sports, talked to new people, and old friends.

I only came home to sleep, and not every day (I often slept over at my friends’ houses).

I did not leave time to think about myself unhappy (to feel sorry for myself).

And somehow imperceptibly, completely forgot about what happened.

New suitors, novels, dates, chocolates, bouquets, restaurants, resorts.

I suddenly began to mentally thank my ex. T.K life with him, and free life, it’s like hell and paradise.

It’s like I was writing=)) Totally supportive.

The main thing is to survive the new year alone, and then you can change your job and image!

When I split up, I was 25)))

I met a new love after 6 years.

There were not a few men, offers))) But I fell in love (let him into my heart)))

At 31 years old, in short. And this time from 25 to 31 This is the GREATEST time in my life, the most fulfilling (events, acquaintances)

Family life is all the same sedate)))) Graduality, care, self-sacrifice. It’s great, of course, surrounded by your family, you have your own world, in which you are happy.

But again, that life (after breaking up with your ex) is the most fulfilling and interesting))))

All of my friends are long time family, long time with kids, and I don’t like loneliness at all! But – God’s will for everything! You made me feel at least a little bit that I’m not the only one going through this, I just love it! Deep down I dream of reconciliation, although I understand that he is no longer worthy of a normal relationship!

I know, I personally changed my image. Changed my job. Lost weight (but it’s from the depression) I did good)) Went to driving school, got my license. Bought a car on credit. It was all so GREAT. Played sports, talked to new people, and old friends. I only came home to sleep, and then not every day (often spent the night at her friends) I did not leave time to think about myself unhappy (for self-pity) And somehow imperceptibly, completely forgot about what happened. New suitors, novels, dates, chocolates, bouquets, restaurants, resorts. I suddenly began to mentally thank my ex. T.K life with him, and free life, it’s like hell and heaven. It’s like I was writing=)) Totally supportive.

The main thing is to survive the new year alone, and then you can change your job and image!

And by the way New Year’s Eve (the first without him) I spent in a circle of strangers)))).

Bought a ticket for New Year’s Eve, in the “Mirror Lounge” So cool. Drank like a pig.) But a cab ride home)))

Anastasia Miss Anthrope

I know, I personally changed my image. Changed my job. Lost weight (but it’s from the depression) I did good)) Went to driving school, got my license. Bought a car on credit. It was all so GREAT. Played sports, talked to new people, and old friends. I only came home to sleep, and then not every day (often spent the night at her friends) I did not leave time to think about myself unhappy (for self-pity) And somehow imperceptibly, completely forgot about what happened. New suitors, novels, dates, chocolates, bouquets, restaurants, resorts. I suddenly began to mentally thank my ex. T.K life with him, and free life, it’s like hell and heaven. It’s like I was writing=)) Totally supportive.

The main thing is to survive the new year alone, and then you can change your job and image!

And by the way New Year’s Eve (the first without him) I spent in a circle of strangers)))).

Bought a ticket for New Year’s Eve, in the “Mirror Lounge” So cool. Drank like a pig.) But a cab ride home)))

I probably will go to my family, now I do not fit into the company of my tears! And among my loved ones I will not allow myself to wipe my snot on my fist!

I probably will go to my family, now I do not fit into the company of my tears! And among my loved ones I will not allow myself to wipe my snot on my fist!

Well done! And make a wish for the New Year that as soon as possible you could let him go (because forget that will not work) and you don’t have to, bad experiences have to remember, so as not to repeat the same mistakes)).

The author, I was abandoned by my future husband (this is what I thought) after 5 years of relationship. He just found someone else, in his opinion better than me. And he hung out with her behind my back for about half a year, I had no idea she even existed. He just bled me dry with his nagging, his scandals. He was my first boyfriend, my first man, in my rosy dreams I was going to marry him and have children. It was really hard, I just could not imagine how it starts all over again, how it is to live without him, so dear and loved. I became very angry at him, I just hated him.

After that I set myself a goal – to become better than him, more successful in everything. I changed my place of study, went to work, bought a car, changed my cell phone number. This asshole after half a year came to make up with me – like realized that there is no better than me. But I didn’t care anymore – at that point I met the man of my dreams, which I then married. It’s been four or five years since then. He’s still not married, we live in the same neighborhood, I sometimes see him passing by in the car, he’s walking somewhere, and he hasn’t achieved anything in his life. The author of the tail of the gun! Set yourself the same goals and forge ahead, a great distraction and do not bother to think that you will stay alone, not stay, and you’ll be a hundred thousand times happier.

I’ll probably go to my family, now I don’t fit in with my tears! And I won’t let myself get snot on my fist among my loved ones!

Well done! And make a wish for the New Year that as soon as possible you could let him go (because forget that will not work) and you don’t have to, bad experiences have to remember, so as not to repeat the same mistakes)).

You must be a great friend! Thank you! So I will, although in the depths of my soul like to wish that he was back, come to his senses! But no! Enough! I understand with my head that he will not change, but my heart is still difficult to realize!

The author, I was abandoned by my future husband (this is what I thought) after 5 years of relationship. He just found someone else, in his opinion better than me. And he hung out with her behind my back for about half a year, I had no idea she even existed. He just bled me dry with his nagging, his scandals. He was my first boyfriend, my first man, in my rosy dreams I was going to marry him and have children. It was really hard, I just could not imagine how it starts all over again, how it is to live without him, so dear and loved. I became very angry at him, I just hated him.

After that I set myself a goal – to become better than him, more successful in everything. I changed my place of study, went to work, bought a car, changed my cell phone number. This asshole after half a year came to make up with me – like realized that there is no better than me. But I didn’t care anymore – at that point I met the man of my dreams, which I then married. It’s been four or five years since then. He’s still not married, we live in the same neighborhood, I sometimes see him passing by in the car, he’s walking somewhere, and he hasn’t achieved anything in his life. The author of the tail of the gun! Set yourself the same goals and forge ahead, a great distraction and do not bother to think that you will stay alone, not stay, and you’ll be a hundred thousand times happier.

Thank you! After words like that, you start to believe that maybe I will still be happy!

How to get over the breakup.

The parting with your loved one is a difficult experience for the psyche, it is always accompanied by strong feelings. The rupture of a relationship is a loss with which it is difficult to come to terms. But the advice and recommendations of a psychologist will help to survive this situation less painfully.

Contents of the article

  1. What is a breakup, why do people break up
  2. Stages of experience after a breakup
  3. How to overcome a breakup – tips from a psychologist
  4. What not to do after a breakup
  5. Frequent questions
  6. Expert Opinion:

What is a breakup, why do people break up

In psychology, a breakup is the loss of a relationship with a certain person. Breakup can be complete – former lovers stop all communication, put an end to the relationship. Incomplete breakup – exes have to communicate about the upbringing of children, work or common affairs, or there is a mutual intention to restore the relationship in the future.

At the heart of breaking up with a boyfriend, husband is always resentment, which consists of shattered expectations and hopes, anger, anger, fear of the future.

Why people break up – the main reasons:

  • cheating;
  • Routine and boredom in the relationship;
  • frequent scandals, physical and psychological abuse, manipulation;
  • financial, domestic problems;
  • Sexual dissatisfaction, infantile partner;
  • alcohol, drug addiction, addiction to games.
  • lack of trust;
  • different goals and priorities.

Important! In psychology, incomplete is called a relationship in which one of the partners does not want to accept reality. Time passes, but the stage of acceptance does not come. A woman has never been able to get over the separation from the loved one. This is a very difficult situation, necessarily requires the help of a psychotherapist.

Stages of experience after a breakup

After a breakup, a person often hears from others the phrase that everything will pass. But how soon will pass, how much time is needed to survive the breakup of a relationship? The duration of the stage of experiences depends on the type of nervous system, the reasons and circumstances of the breakup, the person’s desire to start a new life and the efforts made to achieve this goal.

The duration of the recovery period after a breakup is an individual matter. Some people need 2-3 months to get over a breakup, while others will need a year.

To get rid of pain after a breakup, it is necessary to go through several stages:

  1. Denial. This is the refusal to accept the fact of the breakup. The person continues to make plans, to believe that everything will soon be as it was before.
  2. Anger. The person begins to be angry at himself/herself, believes that he/she is not worthy of being treated well. Edie also directs anger at his former partner, constantly wants to offend and insult him.
  3. Bargaining. This is an attempt to win back the ex. Promises to change, to do whatever the partner wants are in the air.
  4. Depression. It comes the realization that it is impossible to restore the relationship. A person experiences sadness and despair. Apathy sets in.
  5. Acceptance. This is the rebirth stage. The person leaves the past in the past, finds the strength to live on.

Pay attention! Parting is a painful, but often very necessary life experience. If desired, you can extract from this situation a lot of good, to reconsider your system of values, to better understand yourself.

How to overcome a breakup – tips from a psychologist

The breakup of a relationship is a pain. In the head constantly scrolls memories, conversations. Tormented by the desire to understand why the loved one did exactly that.

To get rid of destructive emotions, easier to endure the breakup, it is necessary to put all thoughts of the ex out of your head and deal only with yourself. But how can you do this?

Recommendations and exercises that will help you survive the breakup with your loved one:

  1. Stop digging into yourself. Do not try to figure out what is wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. You may have some work to do, but that does not mean you are a bad person. You are your greatest asset to yourself.
  2. Don’t get stuck in the past, stop wondering about your former lover’s life. Every time you start to have questions in your head – why we broke up, how is it possible, how can we get it all back, say to yourself one phrase. “It’s none of my business, I don’t care.” Repeat it three times.
  3. Master the self-help technique for surviving a breakup. When a person is sad, they don’t notice all the good things that are happening in their life. Learn to build on the good things that exist while you do the hard work of dealing with the experience and grief. Each day, write down in a journal all the things you are grateful for from the day gone by. Grateful thoughts balance out negative feelings.
  4. Get rid of intrusive thoughts. If thoughts of your ex are bothering you, you need to distract yourself. Make a shopping list or schedule of important things to do for a week, do crafts or painting, organize a relaxing evening with soft music and candles. Dancing or sports training would also help. Any new hobby helps to switch the mind from destructive thoughts to useful ones, to reset the mind, to overcome the pain of parting with a loved one.
  5. We wean ourselves from thinking about the ex. To make it easier to live after parting with your loved one, do a simple but very effective exercise. On the wrist you should wear a chemist’s rubber band. Each time the thought of your ex-boyfriend will arise in your mind, flick the rubber band on the inside of your wrist. Soon you will be tired of hitting yourself, you will remember your ex less and less often. And gradually you will get rid of thoughts about him forever.
  6. Write a letter. If you can’t get into a positive frame of mind, write a letter. It does not need to be sent anywhere. Sometimes it is enough to pour out negative thoughts and emotions on paper to finally get rid of them. Read the letter a few times, then burn it, and never go back to the issues of which it was written.
  7. Pay attention to yourself. Have a date with yourself. This is necessary to get to know yourself, to start taking care of yourself. But you need to do it all by yourself, you shouldn’t be distracted by anything. You can relax if you want, or dance if your soul asks, go for a walk, to the movies or to an exhibition. These dates should be regular, preferably once a week.

Important: It is normal to suffer after a breakup. Do not rush to get rid of pain in a few days. Give yourself a break, a chance to cry, to get over the separation. Rapid pace in dealing with emotional problems can lead to psychological overload.

What not to do after a breakup

After breaking up with a man, a woman is capable of many crazy things. Especially if the relationship was long, and the breakup is very painful. But you need to try to control yourself and not to make common mistakes after a breakup.

What you should not do if you have broken up with the man you love:

  1. Constantly writing, calling, waiting outside the house. Yes, the habit of sharing everything with a loved one is difficult to get rid of. But it is necessary first of all for you. Communicating with your ex seems like a cure for a hole in your heart. But this is a myth. By communicating, you only prolong the agony, and you can get a lot of unpleasant words in your address.
  2. Offer to stay friends. This does not mean that exes can never maintain a friendly and civilized relationship. It’s just not immediate. It takes time to sort yourself out, to calm down. It is advisable to learn how to put a stop to the relationship after all. The habit of being friends with all your exes is a reason to consult a psychologist.
  3. Blame yourself for everything. In any conflict, two people are to blame. Always. This rule should be remembered, do not try to take all the blame after a breakup, engage in self-discovery and self-injury. You have to try to switch your thoughts from negative attitudes to constructive thoughts about the future. Immediately it will not work, but this is something to strive for. Make conclusions about what caused the problems and move on.
  4. Consider that the ended relationship was perfect. If the breakup happened, it means that your relationship wasn’t that perfect. To get rid of nostalgia attacks, focus on yourself, your feelings and emotions. Idealizing the relationship or wanting to make an ex a demon all distracts from your own experiences and slows down the healing process.
  5. Trying to make things right. Often a woman tries to rekindle an unhealthy and toxic relationship just because building a new relationship is even scarier. You were already together and something went so “wrong” that you can no longer be together. Don’t try to get your ex back, you will look pathetic or the man will just bluntly tell you where you need to go. People don’t change, even if they really want to.
  6. Start a new relationship right away. This is a favorite “rake” of many women, the desire to drive a wedge with a wedge. It’s not the best way to get over and get revenge. If the new relationship doesn’t work out, which is very likely, it will cause you to become even more dependent on your ex.

Sign up for an online consultation if you can not cope with stress, mental emptiness after a breakup. Professionalism, clear and accessible step by step instructions on how to move on, an individual approach and understanding – all this you will get at a remote consultation with our psychologists. Contact us at any time, we work around the clock.

Frequent questions

If the child is over 5 years old, you need to explain the situation to him. The main thing is to make it clear to him that mom and dad still love him, and that he is not to blame for his parents’ separation. Don’t impede your husband’s meetings and communication with your child, don’t try to control their relationship. Always tell your husband about all significant events in the child’s life, and how he perceives this information is his own business. You can be the initiator of meetings, if the father does not show interest. This may not have the desired effect, but this way your child can’t blame you for preventing them from communicating.

Even if you initiated the breakup, you will have a hard time getting over the situation. But if you dared, go all the way. For at least a month, completely limit any contact with your ex. Clearly explain your position, if a man does not understand, just ignore calls and messages. Be firm, do not give in to provocation, manipulation, threats and blackmail. If you decided to break up, then you just couldn’t be around this man. And do not naively assume that after your breakup man will be a completely different person, even if he swears it.

There are many recommendations on how to get over a woman breaking up. But for a man and a breakup – a difficult situation. What should a man do after the breakup?

First you need to figure out what not to do. Go on a binge or a binge, constantly calling, writing ex, swamp with gifts. No need to wait for her outside the house with the desire to deal man-to-man with her new boyfriend. You can not put pressure on the pity, threaten to kill her or himself. What can you do? Be patient, at least a month does not contact your ex in any way. Perhaps after that time you will be able to talk calmly, or you will realize that there is no need for such a conversation. Work helps, but you have to be careful here, workaholism is a dangerous psychological problem. Take up sports – this is good for distraction, physical activity activates the production of the hormone of joy.

Expert Opinion:

Breaking up with a loved one is a painful situation, a very strong stress. The pain does not go away immediately, the aggravation occurs in waves. Moments when it goes away and it becomes easier, will be replaced by a terrible longing and bouts of nostalgia. You don’t have to swear off this cyclical pattern, it’s a normal process of living with pain. There are many tips and advice on how to get over a breakup, but the most important one is to take time to let things calm down at heart. If the breakup is very painful, it is better to see a psychologist to avoid depression, neurosis and other unpleasant problems.

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